Heartache Falls Part 4

"Baby, this is so hard. Dad and I really aren't getting along these days, and it's very confusing to us both, I think. He hasn't done anything awful and neither have I, but it hurts more to be together than to be apart right now. So, I am going to move up into the mountains for a little while. By myself." She told her about the job and how much she liked Celeste and her other friends in Eternity Springs. "I feel peaceful there, Cait. I feel okay when I'm there."

After that, she paused and waited for Caitlin's reaction. Ali knew her daughter. Caitlin did enjoy drama, and under other circ.u.mstances Ali would expect her to launch into tears and wailing and demands. But with something so serious, so central to the fabric of her life, Caitlin's thoughts and emotions would go deeper than drama. Ali's baby girl would be afraid.

The silence of Caitlin's response proved that Ali's instincts had been spot-on. So she drew upon more than two decades of maternal experience and said, "It will be okay, Caitlin. I promise you that. We will still be a family, no matter what. We will love you and you will love us-that won't change."

"But ... you and Dad. You don't love each other anymore?"

"No, I do still love Dad." Saying it, Ali knew it was true. "I love him very much. And sweetheart, I think that's probably why I had to do this."

"That makes no sense."

As she spoke with her daughter the vague thoughts and feelings that had circled in her mind all day began to congeal. "I know what love is. I know what loving and being loved is. It's wonderful, Caitlin. It fills me up and sets me free and brings me indescribable joy. I had that with your dad. We had it together. But somewhere along the way, we lost it."

"So you're what? Just giving up? Throwing it all away?"

"I hope not. I hope we will discover a way to find it again. I hope we will want to find it again. But that's something your dad and I need to figure out on our own. For some time now, Dad and I have been settling for less. I don't want to settle."

"But how can you possibly fix something if you're living apart?"

"I'm not saying I have all the answers, Caitlin, because I don't. But this is what my heart is telling me to do. I don't know what I'll find in Eternity Springs. I just know I need to go there."

Seated across from her at the kitchen table, Celeste reached across and squeezed Ali's arm in support. Ali smiled tremulously and continued, "I recognize that this is difficult for you and your brothers, and I feel terrible about that. But sweetie, like you are always quick to tell me, you're an adult now. Your dad and I have raised three wonderful children who are smart and strong and make me so very, very proud. I know you want your parents to be together. I know you want nothing to change. But honey, things do change. Life happens. Children grow up and leave home. And sometimes families change."

"This really stinks, Mom."

"Yes, I know, baby. I'm sorry."

After a long moment, Caitlin asked, "I wish I'd gone with you on one of your visits to Eternity Springs when you asked. Now it feels to me like you have a whole other life I don't know anything about."

That was how Ali felt about Caitlin's life at college. "You can come visit me over Easter break."

"Maybe. I just have a long weekend."

"Whatever works for you is fine with me. I just want you to know that you're welcome."

"Unlike Daddy?"

Ali let that little dig pa.s.s without comment. "What is meant to happen will happen, and it will be okay, Cait. Have faith in that. I do. We may have a few b.u.mps in the road, but in the end we'll be okay."

"In Eternity Springs, Colorado?"

"Absolutely. People all over the country are coming to Angel's Rest to heal. Maybe the magic will work for me."

Mac downs.h.i.+fted and gunned the engine, and the sweet little Porsche 911 took the mountain curve like a dream. One side of his mouth lifted in a crooked grin. As spontaneous gestures went, this one rocked.

When he'd left the house this morning in his sedate Lexus LX10, he'd had no particular destination in mind other than to head east. He often took a similar drive when problems weighed upon him. Ordinarily he'd head away from Denver and the crowds, working through the issues that plagued him on long stretches of straight, flat roads. He would drive in silence for an hour or two or however long he needed to clear his mind, then he'd tune his radio to a cla.s.sical music station, turn around, and head back to town.

Today he'd taken an unexpected path. Something had happened as he'd stopped for a traffic light in front of the Porsche dealers.h.i.+p. His wife's challenge had echoed in his memory one too many times, and his prudence and judiciousness flew right out the window. When the light changed, instead of going straight he'd turned into the lot, and half an hour later he'd purchased the car right off the showroom floor.

"Just effin' watch me," he murmured as he navigated a switchback at nine thousand feet. Rather than head east, he'd gone west into the mountains and tested his new ride on two-lane roads. Instead of riding in silence in order to think, he'd played Rod Stewart on the stereo. Loud.

He'd tried not to think at all.

When he finally turned back toward Denver, he'd made no decisions, discovered no answers, but while driving in the mountains he had found a sense of calm. He could almost see why Ali chose to escape to Eternity Springs. Almost.

As he returned to their home, he wondered if he'd find her car parked in the garage, her suitcase back in her closet, her homemade red sauce simmering on the stove. It would be her peace offering to him. His wife habitually tried to solve problems with food. It was a wonder that his family members didn't have serious weight issues.

She had no way of knowing that each time she plied him with a delicious meal after one of their fights, she reinforced his doubts about their marriage. His unhappiness continued to grow with every meal until finally her spaghetti made him nauseous. Never mind the fact that the taste of it was right out of the Italian neighborhoods of heaven.

He idled at the intersection for a moment, bracing himself before he turned onto his street. Glancing toward his house, he spied a vehicle in his driveway, though it wasn't Ali's car. His son Chase's truck was parked in the circular drive where Ali's BMW had sat earlier that day. Mac muttered a curse beneath his breath.

The young man sat on the front porch steps bouncing a tennis ball on the strings of a racket. It was typical Chase. He spent every free minute in a compet.i.tion of one sort or another, made with whatever objects were at hand. How many times could he bounce the tennis ball without missing? How many pebbles could he toss into that target drawn in the dirt? The boy had been born to compete, and he liked nothing more than to win.

Unfortunately, his compet.i.tive drive came with a quick temper. At twenty-one he still allowed it to rule him too often. Mac sighed, sensing that he was about to see an example of that temper.

He pulled the Porsche into his drive and parked behind Chase's truck. The young man slowly rose, his eyes rounding as he saw his father climb out of the sports car.

"Dad, why are you driving a Porsche?"

"h.e.l.lo, son."

"Is it yours?" Chase stepped away from the porch and walked toward Mac, his gaze s.h.i.+fting from Mac to the car, then back to Mac again. "Did you buy it?"

Calmly Mac answered, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I did."

Temper flashed in Chase's eyes, and at his side his fists clenched. "Mom covered for you, didn't she? You are cheating on her! You've betrayed my mother. So who is she, Dad? Some hot young defense lawyer looking for a bit of judicial action?"

Mac walked toward the front door. "Let's spare the neighbors and go inside to do this, Chase."

"Fine by me. I tried to go inside already, but my key didn't work. I've been waiting on the porch for two hours. You must have called a locksmith the minute Mom left. Guess it'd be embarra.s.sing to have your wife and children walk in on you and the new honey."

"Stop it!" Mac shoved the key into the lock and gave his wrist a hard twist. After the morning he'd had, he wasn't in the mood for his son's lip. Opening the door, he stepped inside and waited for Chase to follow.

Then he slammed the door after the boy. Hard. As Chase's eyes widened in surprise at his father's show of temper, Mac snapped, "I know you're upset, but you need to watch your tone. Your mother lost her keys last week at the mall. We had the locks changed then. There's a key for you in the kitchen."

He led the way to his office. If Ali were having this conversation, she'd do it in the kitchen, in her territory. She'd pour her son something to drink, put a plate of cookies in the middle of the table. Then she would sit and stare down into her coffee cup as she told Chase how horrible her life was, lifting a teary, martyred gaze from time to time.

Mac went straight to the liquor cabinet, poured himself a scotch, and waved a hand toward the bar fridge, kept stocked with bottled water and juice.

Chase obviously hadn't come to Denver to share a drink with dear old Dad, and he apparently hadn't listened to his father's warning a minute ago, either, because he braced his hands on his hips and demanded, "What's the deal, Dad? Why did you step out on Mom?"

The temper vanquished by Mac's long drive came roaring back. He banged his tumbler down on his desk, glared at his son, and demanded, "Did she tell you I cheated on her?"

"No. Actually, she denied it. I guess covering up for you is a habit."

"Covering up for me? When has your mother ever covered up anything for me?"

"Well, she left you, didn't she? Out of the blue? She had to have been covering up something."

Mac just shook his head. "If you have any desire to know the real truth, sit down and be quiet and I'll tell it to you. But if you already think you know everything, then get your new house key from the kitchen and lock the door on your way out. It's been a long day. I'd like to see it end relatively soon."

Turmoil rolled across Chase's expression, and Mac had a flash of memory of when the family dog, Draper, had slipped the leash and run out in front of a car. Chase had worn the same expression as he waited for the vet to tell them if his pet could be saved. Despite Chase's outward stoicism, Mac knew his son well enough to be aware that inside, the boy-now the man-was filled with dread. He wanted his daddy to rea.s.sure him that all would be well.

That Mac simply couldn't do.

He took a bracing sip of his drink, then said, "I don't quite know what to say to you. I haven't cheated on your mother. I haven't been violent toward her or done any other villainous thing you might consider. Has your mother told you otherwise?"

"She didn't tell me anything other than the fact that she'd moved out," Chase responded, his voice subdued. "What is going on here, Dad? I don't understand."

"To be perfectly honest, I don't understand, either. All I know is that your mother hasn't been happy for a long time now."

"Is she having an affair?"

Mac started to respond no, then hesitated. Was that what this was all about? Another man?

He'd never considered that particular possibility, but maybe that was naive of him. She certainly had the opportunity to cheat. He had never worried that she would do it. Still, he couldn't believe it. Ali was lots of things, but sneaky wasn't one of them. "No, I don't believe so."

"Then why did she leave us?"

"She didn't leave you, Chase," he replied, his lips twisting in a sad smile. "She left me."

"She left our family. Why? What did you do?"

The question stirred his simmering anger. What had he done other than love her and support her and take care of her since the day they got married? "Honestly, I don't know. That's something you'll have to ask your mother."

"This is crazy." Chase marched around the room, raking his fingers through his hair. "I know she really likes Eternity Springs. I do, too. But why would she want to leave Denver? This is where her home is. It's where her life is. And Stephen told me that she's going to run the Bristlecone. Why in the world would she want a job? She doesn't need money, does she? She hasn't developed a gambling habit or something weird like that, has she?"

Again Mac hesitated before denying it. Ali could be involved in something that might surprise him. He didn't know much about her life these days. "I have no evidence that your mother has taken up any unhealthy habits. Look, Chase, you're asking the same questions I'm asking, and I haven't found any answers. Not yet. It would be easier to fix the problem if I knew what caused it, but I don't. I don't think even your mother knows for sure."

Chase walked to the window and gazed out into the yard. Quietly he asked, "Do you want to fix it, Dad?"

"Of course I do." Don't I?

Mac's mouth settled in a grim line. Was that yet another question for which he had no answer? In all honesty, he hadn't been any happier than Ali of late. He loved his wife, but he was tired of being lonely. He was tired of being with her but being apart. "That said, I'm not sure that her idea of fixing it will coincide with mine. Or that ours will coincide with yours or your siblings'."

Chase twisted his head and scowled at him. "What are you saying, Dad? You want to fix it by getting divorced?"

Leave it to Mr. Impatient to use that particular word first, Mac thought with a wince. He wanted to lie and deny the possibility, but he always tried to be honest with his children. "I don't know, son. That's certainly one possibility."

After a long moment, the young man declared, "This sucks. Totally."

Mac moved to stand beside his son at the window. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Chase."

They stood for a time in awkward silence. Finally Chase shrugged and said, "That car is awesome. Is it a Cabriolet?"

Mac grabbed at the change of subject like a lifeline. "Yes. A 4S."

"Sweet. How many horses?"

"Three hundred eighty-five."

"Whoa. What's the zero-to-sixty?"

"Four-point-seven seconds."

"Dude. That's totally sweet. Say, I've got a date tonight. You gonna let me borrow it?"

"Absolutely not."

"Didn't think so, but it was worth a try."

"Always worth a try." Mac sipped his drink, then casually asked, "You want to drive it?"

Chase's head whipped around, and for the first time during the visit, a smile touched his face. "You mean it?"

"I'll let you take it around the block."

"Score."

"Too bad you have a date or we could go for a spin, stop and get some dinner before you head back to Boulder."

"I don't have a date. That was just a ploy to get my hands on your Porsche."

"I figured as much," Mac replied, his lips sliding into a half smile. He tossed the keys to his son and said, "Give me ten minutes here. I have a call I need to make. You can check out the engine-just don't drive off."

"Excellent!"

Moments later, after deciding to let Chase do the driving this evening, he poured himself another drink, sat in his desk chair, and dialed his wife's cell phone. She answered on the third ring, a cautious "h.e.l.lo?"

He pictured her sad blue eyes. "Are you in a place where you can talk a minute?"

"I'm in the car. Let me pull off. Hold on a sec." He could tell from the sounds that she'd dropped the phone into the console. It reminded him that he'd been planning to buy her a new car, one that came equipped with hands-free calling. She spent too much time on the phone while she was driving for it to be safe. While he brooded about that, she came back on the line. "All right."

Mac's hand tightened around the receiver, but he kept his voice modulated as he said, "Chase came home from school."

"He did?"

"He's ... concerned. We're going out to dinner, and I thought you might like to join us."

Following a long pause, she spoke in a tight voice. "Mac, I'm almost to Eternity Springs."

He exhaled a breath he'd been unaware of holding. She's really going through with this.

"I see. Okay, then." He shoved his fingers through his hair. "I'm at a bit of a loss here, Ali. What do you want from me during this separation? Are there rules? Do you want me to call? Are we to see each other?" Then, because he was feeling raw, he added, "Are we to see others?"

She responded with a laugh that had tears in it. "Are you asking my permission to date other women, Mackenzie?"

Frustration rolled through him. "I'm confused, Alison. Your children are confused. How are we supposed to fix our marriage if you're living half a state away?"