Roadside Bodhisattva Part 17

Back at the trailer, I came down from my emotional high and stumbled inside, totally wiped. No Sid. Must be with Ann. I kicked off my shoes, got out of the dead kids suit, and was asleep in about half a second.

Next morning the whole world still looked different. I was totally convinced I had the world by the b.a.l.l.s. Everything was going to go my way.

Outside the diner, I spotted Sonnys new bike chained to a railing. I was glad he was feeling good enough to ride again. I saw Angie over by the pumps and waved. He smiled and waved back. I noticed the gra.s.s needed cutting again, and looked forward to helping Sid handle that ch.o.r.e. Maybe hed let me rake. I could almost smell the fresh cuttings.

Inside, a good-sized crowd was being served by Ann and Sue. Even the stupid jazz from the juke sounded sweet. Yasmine had said yesterday shed work two more weeks to give Ann a chance to find a replacement for her, before she left for California. Ann had agreed, but told Yasmine to take at least another day off. I was kinda glad I didnt have to see Yasmine and pretend nothing had happened between us. At the grill, Sonny was the usual efficient short-order machine, sliding b.u.t.tery eggs off his flipper while simultaneously popping up toast that was the perfect shade of brown.

Sitting down, I said to Sonny, "Wheres Sid?"

"He ate already. Hes in the back room."

Those were the first completely stutter-free sentences I had ever heard Sonny utter. They were pretty simple, but still. I was so surprised I didnt register what they meant for a minute.

"At the sinks?"

"Yeah."

I went into the back room. There was Sid, doing my job.

"Whats up, old man?"

"Just figured Id take my turn in the barrel, punk. Start to earn my own million dishes. Maybe show you how this job should really be done."

"You dont have to do that, Sid."

"Have no fear, Kid. I dont do anything I dont wanna do."

"Well, thats-I mean, thanks."

"Not necessary, Kid. Go grab some chow. Then theres a lawn that needs mowing."

Sometimes I swore Sid could read minds.

I caught Sue when she was resting inbetween delivering orders. She had half her a.s.s on a stool and was chewing on a drinking straw. The way her b.u.t.t hung partly off the stool made me think of nothing except seeing her naked, Sue and me together like Yasmine and I had just been.

"Hey, Kid. Whats up? Wanna take over my tables for a minute so I can grab a smoke?"

"Hey, Sue. Cant do it. Gotta mow the lawn right away, before it gets too hot out."

Sue shrugged. "Oh well, Ill live. How was your walk last night?"

"Excellent. I got some good thinking done. Today I feel like my life is starting all over again."

She looked at me slantways. "The funeral got to you that much? Life is short, that kinda c.r.a.p?"

"Not the funeral, at least not one hundred percent. Some other stuff too. Hey, listen, Sue. Instead of you cooking tonight for me, what about us going out for some fast food? You drive, Ill treat."

"Okay. But after I gotta draw some flash for Bruno."

"Ill keep you company."

"No way, Kid. I cant concentrate with anyone hanging over my shoulder. This is serious work."

I didnt argue then. Arguing was the old me. I figured Id convince her after supper.

The day went fast. At lunch Ann said shed be giving out more raises if the business kept going so good. Sid said, "Hows that sound to you, Kid? Good enough reason to hang around?"

"Absolutely."

"Guess ol Sid knew what he was doing when I signed us...o...b..ard this fine corporation some weeks ago."

"No argument there," I said.

Sue and I went to a KFC for supper, down toward Angies apartment. We split a family meal. It was the first time I had seen Sue really eat bigtime. Generally she just pushed her food around the plate. I couldnt figure why she stayed heavy. Maybe she had one of those girl problems, eating when no one was looking. Anyhow, I was glad to see her enjoying herself.

She mopped up the last blob of gravy with her last biscuit and said, "Man, that was a nice change from canned and frozen s.h.i.+t. KFC was my favorite meal when I lived with my folks. Neither of em could cook worth a d.a.m.n, and the only pizza place that would deliver in our neighborhood really sucked. Thanks, Kid."

"Glad you liked it. We can do this a lot if you want."

"Cant indulge like this too often, Kid, unless I wanna graduate from farmer jeans to tents."

Back at Deer Park we sat in the car for a minute, outside the Lodge. Crickets made a racket in the dark, and the moon was up. It seemed pretty romantic to me.

"Okay, Kid, Ill see you tomorrow-"

I leaned over and kissed Sue on the mouth. Her lips were salty. At first she didnt respond, but then she kissed back for real and gave me a quick jab of tongue before pulling away.

"Thats all you get on a first date."

"What about that night we went to Jayzees together? Wasnt that our first date?"

"Only if youve got the weirdest rules for dating I ever heard of. Ill see you tomorrow, Kid."

She was out of the car and inside the door of the rental office before I could think of anything else to say or do. Since the migrants had come to live at Deer Park, the no vacancy sign had been lit up every night and the rental office had become just the clubhouse where Ann and Sid seemed to hang out every evening, watching tv and doing who knows what, behind closed blinds. I a.s.sumed that despite Sids denials, he and Ann were getting it on regularly, probably on the old busted couch in the office. I hoped Sue didnt catch the old folks doing the nasty as she made her unexpected entrance.

I got out of the car and headed for the trailer, kicking the gravel, feeling b.u.mmed and frustrated but maybe a little positive too. At least I had gotten a kiss off Sue, the first one since that trip to Jayzees. I had my hand on the trailer latch when it dawned on me. I was acting like the old me, not the guy who had f.u.c.ked Yasmine two and a half times. Sue just needed a little more convincing, some signs that I really wanted to get next to her. This was no time to be pulling back, slinking off to my hermits cave like some wounded hyena. Time to be a lion.

The back door into the apartment was unlocked. It was generally that way, so that Sid and I could shower when we wanted. We knew enough not to go in if the lights were off, but that wasnt the case now. I tiptoed in silent, figuring to sneak up on Sue bent over her pad at the kitchen table.

But she was nowhere in the apartment.

I went to the door connecting to the rental office. Should I bust in on Sid and Ann to ask where Sue was? Well, why not? There was no do not enter sign hanging up, and the office was the public front of the business. We were all grownups here. They shouldnt be ashamed, and I wasnt going to see anything I couldnt handle.

The k.n.o.b twisted easily.

I was looking at Sue from behind. She was stripped down to her underwear and bra, and her new tattoo showed black above her waistband. She was kneeling on the floor in front of the couch, her wide a.s.s that I had dreamed of was spread atop her heels. On the couch Sid was sitting with his pants off, hairy legs splayed, his head lolling, his arms flung across the back of the couch. Sues head was going up and down in his lap, just like Yasmines had bobbed in mine.

Time froze for me then, turned into one forever undying instant that was like a million, million hot knives piercing every part of my body, but especially my eyes and my gut.

Sid saw me first. He yelled, "Jesus Christ, Kid!" then bounced up, all wiry muscles except for his stiff d.i.c.k, and lunged for his pants. Sue didnt react as violently. She just turned calmly around, still kneeling, and swiped her forearm across her wet mouth before saying, "Dont look so surprised, Kid. I warned you I liked older guys."

Somehow I found myself outside, collapsed to the ground. The smell of the cut gra.s.s that I had loved that morning stung my nose like garbage. I dug my hands into the dirt, catching a fingernail on a stone so that it really hurt. I ripped up two handfuls of dirt and gra.s.s and flung them into the night.

"Ouch! Quit throwing stuff, Kid. We gotta talk."

I glared at the shadowy figure of Sid. "Get away from me, you f.u.c.ker! Ill kill you!"

"Okay, thats cool, let it all out. I deserve any name you want to call me.

"You creepy geezer b.a.s.t.a.r.d! Ann was supposed to be your girlfriend and Sue was gonna be mine!"

Sid sighed. "Kid, where the h.e.l.l was that ever written down? s.h.i.+t happens as it happens, not the way we think it should happen. Besides, I think Angie might be a little p.i.s.sed off if I put the moves on his woman."

I thought I was going crazy. "What? What the f.u.c.k are you talking about?"

"Angie and Ann have had a thing going for weeks now, ever since you and I busted him out of his sh.e.l.l."

"But I thought-"

"Thats the problem with thinking instead of observing, Kid. It always leads you astray. No, the two of them are pretty serious. When Angie talked to his brother recently, he even got Vitos blessings on the arrangement. Angie always loved Ann, even when she was married to Vito. Thats why he took Tonys death so hard. Thats why he hung around afterward."

"But you and Ann were in the office every night-"

"Not for weeks. Angie picks her up and they go to his place. I was running the office alone until we got the cabins filled up. After that-"

"After that, you were f.u.c.king Sue every night!"

Sids voice was calm and not even a little apologetic. "Thats right, Kid. How we fell into it, I cant even remember. Neither of us planned it. A look, a word, a kiss. It dont take much more than that. But what weve got between us now is mutual, and its good, and its one of the reasons Im not leaving here."

"Does Ann know?"

"We havent talked about it outright, but she has to know somethings up at this point. And a few little things shes said make me think that what Sue and I are doing are okay by her."

I stood up. My legs were shaking. "Well, its not f.u.c.king okay by me! You promised me stuff, Sid. Whether you said it out loud or not, you promised me stuff. You promised to be my pal and to treat me t.i.t for tat. Remember that? Your famous rule for living. Well, did I ever s.h.i.+t on you by stealing your woman? Did I?"

"I was never your woman, Kid." Sues voice was angry. Barefoot, still in her bra and panties, she came to stand next to Sid. "I never led you on that way. But I did once think we were good friends. But now youre being such a whining baby about who I choose to f.u.c.k, I dont even think youre my friend any more."

Ganged up on me, Sid and Sue were too much to take. I turned around and walked away. I couldnt think, my brain was spinning apart.

Sid called out, "Kid, where are you going? Dont do anything stupid-"

"Let him go," Sue said. "h.e.l.l calm down."

I just ignored them both.

Where was I gonna go? What was I gonna do?

I thought about heading to Yasmines house. But I realized she was a dead end. She had already written me off, not in a mean way, but pretty definite. We had no future together. I thought about going to Angies place and telling Ann everything. She was Sues guardian, she could make Sue stop s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g Sid. But I had a hunch that Sid was right, that Ann would just fall in behind him and Sue, approving their hookup. I thought about cras.h.i.+ng with Sonny and Evelyn just to get out of the night, but that wouldnt lead anywhere, wouldnt change anything.

Sid had everybody hypnotized, that was the problem. His line of bulls.h.i.+t had everyone convinced he was perfect, could do no wrong. I was the only one who knew what a crock of s.h.i.+t he was. Him and his t.i.t for tat.

t.i.t for tat. Yeah, okay, why not?

I went back to the trailer and got all my stuff packed away in my knapsack. Sids pack sat on his bunk, mocking me. Looking around the place, I tried to remember how it had first appeared to me, that day Sid and I scrubbed it clean. Full of promises and light and excitement. Now it just looked like a busted-down old s.h.i.+tbox. But it didnt matter to me anymore. I was gonna be back on the road soon.

But not until I settled the score with Sid.

I flopped down on my bunk, but I never slept all that night. Sid didnt come back to the trailer. I pictured him and Sue curled up in bed until the image was burned into the undersides of my eyelids. When it got light, I walked up Route 1 until I came to a payphone outside a donut shop. I dialed the number that was painted on the side of the police car parked there.

Al Vakharia pulled up about half an hour later in his own cruiser. We went inside the donut place.

When I was done talking, he looked at me without saying anything for a long while. Then he lifted up his mirrorshades and stared hard at me. His eyes were blue, like my Dads.

"Why you doing this, Kid?"

"Because hes committed a crime. Im just reporting a crime like any good citizen."

Vakharia lowered his shades. "If you say so, Kid. I just hope for your sake you can make yourself believe it."

I stayed with Vakharia for the rest of the day. Cops have a pretty interesting job, but its not for me.

Vakharia brought a whole squad of cops with him to Deer Park that evening. I guess he figured this way thered be no possibility Sid and Sue could argue about a frameup.

I stayed outside when the cops busted into the rental office from front and back. There werent any sounds of a scuffle. I guessed Sid and Sue knew they had been caught dead to rights. I heard a few words, words I recognized from my talk with Vakharia earlier that day. "-statuatory rape-minor-right to be silent-" Then they marched Sid out, half-dressed with his hands zipstripped behind him. Wrapped in a blanket, Sue followed, escorted by a policewoman. I guessed theyd be taking her to a hospital to get evidence that her and Sid were having s.e.x.

I didnt hide. I wanted them to see me.

When Sue spotted me, she started to swear and shriek and spit at me, until the policewoman got her into the cruiser.

But Sid didnt freak. Sid only looked sad and tired, calm and kind, ready for whatever came next, more or less the same as the night I had met him under the tree. He even smiled weakly at me, and that lousy smile hurt more than any curses he couldve made.

Then he spoke.

"When you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. Cla.s.sic move, Kid."

Those words got inside me like bees, like thorns, like the smell of flowers, and everything twisted inside-out in my head, during one forever moment beyond what any clock could measure. I seemed to wake up to a different world.

I saw everything I had done, knew it was inevitable, knew I could never undo it, knew that the me who had done it was no longer around. Knew that the person who stood here watching was just born, but carried the old dead me forever inside.

As they loaded Sid into the cruiser, s.h.i.+elding his head so he didnt whack it on the roof, I thought of how the Prophet climbed onboard the mystery s.h.i.+p and sailed away at the end of that book. And so I whispered, "A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind, and another woman shall bear me." I wasnt sure Sid heard me.

Officer Vakharia was handing me my pack from his cruiser. "Youre not gonna be too popular around here, Kid. Ill give you a ride outa town."

I took my knapsack. "No thanks. Ill walk."

I waited until all the cop cars had pulled off into the night, their tail lights shrinking away, taking Sid to wherever he had to go next. Then I did what Jack did when his time on the mountain was over. I kneeled down and gave thanks through my tears, thanks for all the good and all the bad. Then I stood up and walked away, hoping everyone and everything would understand, walked down the trail and back into the world I had made for the very first time.

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