Father Knows Best Part 15

I nodded. Hard to explain, but it made sense.

"So?" she prodded. "The work gig. What's it like?"

I sat back and relaxed as best I could. "I love it. I get to dream about all the places I want to visit one day. Plus, it's fun, and the atmosphere at the agency is upbeat. High energy. You know?"

She nodded. "That's why I love Inner Power. Well, for the opposite reason. It's so serene there, so laid back and just...accepting. So unlike my heinous home life."

We fell silent, concentrating on our drinks.

Awk-k-k-k-ward.

Finally, I cleared my throat. "So, uh, have you decided what you're going to do? About the baby?"

"I'm not keeping her, if that's what you're wondering." She hiked one shoulder and looked sad. "One part of me thinks that sounds so incredibly cruel, like I'm throwing her away-"

"No, it doesn't. You're just a kid yourself."

She bit her lip, looking grateful. "I know. I'd be a terrible mom at this point in my life. Think about it: would you want to be raised with me as your mother?"

I accidentally snorted latte foam out of one nostril at the horrible notion, then coughed. "Uh, no way in h.e.l.l." I paused, wiping my nose. "But I wouldn't want to be raised by any of us. We're too young."

"That's it exactly. I know lots of women have babies at eighteen and raise them successfully. But not me. I still have a lot of growing up to do."

I didn't comment, because trust me, it would've been one h.e.l.luva snark, and my inner Meryl would not have been pleased.

She smoothed her fingertips around her cocoa mug, seeming to chew on her next words. Finally, she peered up from beneath her lashes. "If I tell you something, do you swear not to tell anyone?"

Ugh! I cringed. "I don't know if I can keep that promise. Sorry. Just being honest."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, do you swear not to tell anyone who might tell my parents at least?"

Yeah, like I know anyone who'd tell her parents. "Sure."

Her face took on this excited yet apprehensive glow. Happy and terrified all at once, if you can imagine. "I'm thinking of asking Reese and Kelly to adopt her. Oh! It's a girl. I had an ultrasound."

My brain was in stutter mode from the first part of her confession, so I focused on the end part. "Cool. I grew up with four annoying, stinky brothers, so a girl rocks."

"Boys stink?"

I rolled my eyes. "Way. I can't even go into Luke's room without gagging."

"Huh," she said, as though this were a revelation. "Miffany always bragged about how hot he was."

Miffany, if you'll recall, is Luke the Puke's reprehensible ghoulfriend and Jennifer's former BFF. "She doesn't live with him. Besides, her name is Miffany, for G.o.d's sake. That alone indicates a lack of brain cells."

Jennifer snickered. "Anyway, I agree that a girl rocks. I was hoping for one." She laid her hand absentmindedly on her slightly protruding belly again. "I'm sort of down on the whole male gender right about now."

I arched an eyebrow. "Can't say I blame you."

"Guys suck a.s.s."

A true statement if I'd ever heard one. Except Dylan, of course, not that I was going to voice that. Ismet was cool, too. I sipped and a hideous thought entered my brain. I had to ask. "Is that why you're thinking of Reese and Kelly as adoptive parents? The no guy aspect?"

"G.o.d, no. That would be lame." She grimaced. "Not to mention stereotypical and patronizing."

"Right-o," I said, relieved, but trying to hide my astonishment that those words had come from Jennifer Hamilton's mouth. People, can you even grasp the hugeness? If High School h.o.m.ophobia held a pageant, the former Jennifer would have a curio cabinet full of tacky tiaras.

Her face morphed into a pensive expression. "It's just"-she flipped her hand-"they've been trying to conceive through artificial insemination, and it isn't working. And they're having trouble adopting because they're lesbians and we're not exactly a progressive state."

"Oh." Startled. "I didn't know that. I mean, about them wanting kids."

She eyed me sideways. "Well, the subject came up just because of my own pregnancy. That's all. I feel so bad for them, because they deserve to be parents. h.o.m.ophobia sucks."

I must've looked stunned, because she blew out a dejected sigh. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I was a total a.s.shole about the gay thing before I started hanging out with them." Distress seemed to age her features. "I just...didn't know any lesbians."

"So? You knew Mark Bartlett and never cut him any slack. They're regular people like us. Love is love."

"I get that now. I do. And, for the record, I've apologized to Mark."

"Seriously?"

She nodded. "But Reese and Kelly, man, they're more than just 'people.' They're special." She widened her baby blues at me. "Wouldn't you have loved having them as your moms?"

An unexpected wave of sadness rocked me, and I gripped my coffee cup. "I would've loved having my mom," I said softly.

Jennifer inhaled sharply and covered her mouth with one hand. "Oh, s.h.i.+t," she said, m.u.f.fled. "I forgot that your mom...you know-"

"Died," I said, in a flat tone. "It's okay to say the word. It's not as if she did anything wrong. She just...got sick and died. Cancer's impartial that way."

Anguish pulled lines between her brows. "I shouldn't even be talking to you about this. I wasn't thinking."

"That's ridiculous," I said. "My mom died a long time ago, practically when I was a baby. I want to know."

Her turn to look thrown. "Really?"

Surprisingly, the answer was yes. Why the answer was yes, I hadn't figured out, and I didn't want to examine it too closely. "So. Reese and Kelly. Do they know?"

She tilted her head from one side to the other. "We've talked about it a little, in an abstract what-if kind of way. But I get the feeling they're excited by the prospect. Not getting their hopes up, you know."

"I think that would be really great. But"-I pressed my lips together, choosing my words carefully-"wouldn't it be hard for you? I mean, to see her around town like that?"

"No. Maybe." She threw her arms wide. "Okay, truth? How the h.e.l.l do I know? I've never had a kid before. I've never put one up for adoption. I'm clueless."

I snorted. Very unladylike, but who the heck cares? There's something so satisfying about hearing someone admit to a blatant character flaw you've recognized from day one.

"The only thing I'm sure of is that I can't raise this little girl the way she deserves. I don't even want to and, ashamed as this makes me feel, I'm not totally sure who the father is."

What the h.e.l.l do you say to a comment like that?! "Oh. That...um...sucks."

"Sorta," she said, nonplussed. "But, now that I'm on this adoption track, knowing would just cause more problems."

"How?"

"The father could try to take her, and trust me"-she shook her head-"I wouldn't want her raised by any of the possible suspects."

I wondered why she hadn't thought about that before she'd had unprotected s.e.x with these disreputable yokels, but then I remembered, oh yeah, she'd been on a one-way trip down the drunk-and-irresponsible road when the whole thing occurred.

"Every time I think about keeping the baby, my chest tightens up and I panic," Jennifer said. "But I can't imagine two better adoptive parents than Reese and Kelly. If they want her. I'm not saying they're perfect, but they're pretty darn close, as far as adults go."

I glugged my joe, taking all this info in. "What will your own parents think, though? I mean, aren't they card-carrying members of the anti-gay movement, or something?"

"Screw them." She flicked her hand, her expression hardening. "I'll be eighteen on August third. After that, I can make my own decisions."

True again. Side note: my birthday is in early September. Weird that she and I were born right around the same time yet share utterly no defining personality characteristics whatsoever (please, G.o.d, make that true). "Will they fight it, though? As the biological grandparents?"

"Truthfully? They're so worried about their image, I think they just want the baby to be gone."

I nailed her with a stare. "This isn't the decision you would've made a year ago," I pointed out. "I mean, I'm just saying."

She huffed. "A year ago, I wouldn't have had to make it, because I wasn't a totally irresponsible dumba.s.s who slept around with sc.u.mbags."

My glance slid away and I flipped my coffee stir stick between my fingers, index to pinky and back. "Well, no offense again, but you were kind of a dumba.s.s."

A pregnant-no pun intended-pause ensued.

"I'm really sorry, Lila," she said, sounding sincere. "I know I ridiculed you and Meryl and Caressa, even when you didn't deserve it."

Cue astonishment background music again.

I eyed her as unsuspiciously as possible, which was difficult. "Apology accepted. As long as you acknowledge the fact."

"I do. Believe me." She blew out a breath. "I've done a lot of soul searching in the past few months. I've had to. Plus, Meryl's amazing."

"Which you would've realized long ago if you weren't so into image."

"I know. I get that."

I nodded once, deciding maybe she truly did.

"Anyway, you're right, I wouldn't have had to make these difficult plans last year." She squared her shoulders. "But now I do. So be it. It happened for a reason, and I'm going to learn from it. If I have a choice-and why shouldn't I?-I want Reese and Kelly to be the little goober's moms."

I blurted a short laugh at the use of the word goober. I swear, I don't care what Jennifer or Reese or Kelly or who-the-heck-ever named her, she'd always be Goob to me.

Dude! I was pet-naming Jennifer's baby!

What the h.e.l.l?!

Clueless to my inner turmoil, she continued with, "I just don't know how private adoptions are set up, or I'd get the ball rolling right away. And I don't know if Reese and Kelly being gay is going to be a roadblock."

"I don't know either." Frankly, none of this had ever crossed my mind. Why would it? I was barely into year one of my first boyfriend ever and the extent of my s.e.xual experience included some excellent making out and a little groping here and there. Weird how Jennifer's pregnancy was forcing all of us to grow up more quickly.

"Do you think your dad would know?" she asked, chewing the corner of her lip and watching me with hopeful eyes.

I jolted. "You seriously want me to discuss this with my dad?"

Her face paled. "You think he'd go to my parents?"

"No. It's not that. But...he's my dad." I crinkled my nose. "You know?" I was still trying to recover from the heinous shopping-for-my-first-bra-with-Dad debacle that had happened years earlier, not that I planned on explaining that whole traumatic incident to her, thankyouverymuch. I didn't want to launch into the s.e.x-and-pregnancy realm with the dude.

"Just think about it." She glanced at her watch. "Your twenty minutes are up, Cinderella."

I blinked at my own watch, surprised by how quickly the time had pa.s.sed. Unreal. We'd actually had stuff to talk about. h.e.l.lsp-I mean, Jennifer and moi. Who'da thunk? "c.r.a.p, you're right. Gotta blaze." I stood and downed the rest of my coffee, then clunked the mug on the table.

"Thanks for coming," she said. "Truly."

"Sure. See ya." I turned to leave, but something cosmic affected both my brain waves and my ability to just keep walking. Swiveling back, I met her curious gaze. I can't explain what came over me, even now. Planetary whiz-bang. Tectonic plate s.h.i.+fting. Early onset stroke. Something. But I actually opened my trap and asked "the artist formerly known as h.e.l.lsp.a.w.n," "Um, would you ever be interested in having a girls' night at my house? Just me, you, and Meryl? Maybe we could do it for your birthday if you don't have plans?"

Her eyes goggled. "You're not pimping me, are you?"

Was I? Uh...

I gulped. Backpedal, backpedal, backpedal. "No. We can't watch movies or anything, because of Meryl's family thing-"

"I know all about that. It's cool how she's never watched television or movies, even though I can't imagine it."

"I know. Well?"

She smiled. Like, a really bright smile. She positively beamed, truth be told, as if she were auditioning for one of those whitening toothpaste commercials. "We could just talk or do each other's toenails or something. I can't really reach my own toenails very well anymore, thanks to the gigantic gut, and I'm sure they look horrible."

"Yeah, okay. Something like that."

"We could even learn to knit," she offered, all glowy and excited-like.

Baffled by her conversational one-eighty, I said, "Huh?"

"Oh." A chuckle. "Kelly knits to relieve stress, and she's been teaching me how to do it. It's actually kind of cool and relaxing, and it would be fun to make stuff for the baby."

Jennifer Hamilton.

Knitting.

Does. Not. Compute.

I blinked. Maybe twice. "That would be...sort of...interesting." I was having one of those out-of-body experiences, right? Right?! Inviting Jennifer to my house, for one thing, but agreeing to knit baby stuff?

I do not knit!

I took a deep, cleansing breath. "Anyway, okay. So. I'll figure out a time and let Meryl know. She can pa.s.s it on to you. It might not be exactly on your birthday."