Entangled: A Novel Part 14

"First of all, let me say I'm sorry for hurting you. But I did this for us."

"For us? Are you kidding me?" Abbey stared at her in disbelief.

"Yes, Abbey, for us. I thought that if I could get Jackson to help me get tenure, it would mean a more stable future for us."

"That's a load of c.r.a.p."

"It's not. It was the only way. Everything else I tried failed. You know that."

"Where does f.u.c.king Jackson come in to helping our relations.h.i.+p?"

"You don't know that for sure."

"I walked in on you two during Christmas break. Your s.h.i.+rt was off, your skirt was hiked up to your waist, and you were straddling him. It looked like f.u.c.king to me."

"Well, the s.e.x was interesting... Not the best I've had but not the worst, either."

"Gee, Ann, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe the fact that you've been a lesbian your entire adult life had something to do with it."

"Abbey, look, I love you and what I did was wrong."

"Isn't it a little late for that?"

"It's never too late. I want to start over. I want to put our life back together."

Abbey stood in the middle of the hotel room fists clenched at her sides. "Why are you telling me this now?"

Ann looked down and sighed. "After I saw you at the theater with someone else, I realized what I had lost," Ann lied. "So last night after the play, I told Jackson how I felt, about our relations.h.i.+p, and how much you mean to me. I also told him I couldn't see him anymore because I was still in love with you."

"Ah, Ann." Abbey sat on the edge of the bed and held her head in her hands. "You practically destroy our lives, then you walk in here, tell me you made a mistake, and you expect me to believe you and to forgive you, and go on as if nothing ever happened? I don't know if that's possible. Too much has happened."

"Maybe if you stop being so righteous, we can work this out. You know you're no saint, either."

"What's that supposed to mean?" It sounded like a throw-away accusation, but it definitely hit home.

"It sure didn't take you long to get back into the dating scene."

"Hayden is a former student. She's up here working until cla.s.ses start in the fall."

"So you're dating former students now, too?"

"Ann! Stop it. She's a kid and I know better." A tidal wave of guilt swept over Abbey as she remembered what had happened in this room the previous night. "Maybe I should've thought of that before I got involved with you."

Ann looked as if someone had slapped her in the face. "I'm sorry," Abbey said. "That was a low blow."

"I probably deserve it. I'm just scared I'm going to lose you forever. I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Abbey's temper was cooling. She looked over at Ann and felt sorry for her. "Shouldn't you have thought about that before you got involved with Jackson?"

"Abbey, please. I know what I did was wrong. Things got out of hand, and I got involved with Jack for all the wrong reasons. Please think about it. Think about us and everything we had. I know if we work together, we can put things back the way they were. I love you. I miss you."

Although Ann was saying the words Abbey wanted to hear, warning bells went off in Abbey's head-again. Abbey stood and looked out the picture window.

"I need time. Time to think. Time to sort all this out."

Ann smiled. "I understand. Take all the time you need." Ann walked up behind Abbey and put her arms around her waist. Abbey closed her eyes and melted into the warm familiar safeness of Ann's arms. She turned to face Ann and was shocked to see as unemotional as Ann was, there were tears streaming down her cheeks. Abbey brushed the tears away with her hand and smiled.

Ann kissed the top of Abbey's head. "I better go now. There's some last-minute paperwork at school I need to finish up, then I'm done until fall semester."

Abbey nodded and Ann stepped out of their embrace.

"I'll see you soon," Ann said.

Abbey was still standing at the window when Ann turned and let herself out of the room. Abbey watched through the window as Ann walked to her car. Ann looked up and waved at Abbey before driving away.

Once Ann's car was out of sight, Abbey collapsed onto the bed. What the h.e.l.l am I supposed to do now? She stared at the crack in the ceiling that resembled the state of Texas.

Abbey lay on her bed in the depressing hotel room. She missed her bed, she missed her home, and even though she hated to admit it, she did miss Ann. Her mind reeled, but her heart couldn't keep up with all the emotion. She was halfway between consciousness and sleep when she heard the knock at the door. The soft voice barely penetrated the door.

"Abbey, it's Hayden."

Chapter Nineteen.

"Just a minute!" Abbey shouted through the closed door. She rushed into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She dried her face with the scratchy hotel towel and looked into the mirror. Her skin was blotchy and her eyes were bloodshot. These last few days had taken a toll on her. She took a big swig of Scope and ran a brush through her hair, then pulled it into a loose ponytail. She checked her appearance again in the mirror and spit the mouthwash out.

Abbey stood in front of the door and took a deep breath before opening it.

Hayden stood in the doorway with the biggest bouquet of roses Abbey had ever seen. Abbey couldn't help but smile.

"h.e.l.lo."

"These are for you." Hayden thrust the roses toward Abbey.

"Thank you, they're beautiful." Abbey buried her nose in the bouquet and inhaled. Abbey looked up at Hayden, whose face was beaming with delight. She felt a thud in her heart.

"C'mon in." Abbey stepped back into the room and Hayden followed. Abbey grabbed the ice bucket from the bedside table and filled it with water. She arranged the flowers in the makes.h.i.+ft vase. "These really brighten the place up, don't you think?"

Hayden nodded but stood stiffly in the center of the room.

"Would you like to sit down?" Abbey asked.

Hayden walked toward the bed and sat.

Abbey could see the girl was trembling. "Are you okay?"

Hayden nodded, then looked down, her hands knotted in her lap.

Abbey sat on the bed next to her. Hayden looked up and their eyes met. Abbey couldn't remember the last time someone looked at her with such adoration. Abbey took Hayden's hands into hers. Hayden smiled and leaned in to kiss Abbey. Abbey leaned back, out of the way.

"No, Hayden, wait."

Hayden looked up at Abbey, puzzled.

"I don't understand."

Abbey looked into Hayden's eyes and felt horrible. She cleared her throat.

"Hayden, you know I think a lot of you."

Hayden nodded.

"You're such a special person, so mature for your age." Remember, she's only seventeen echoed in Abbey's head. "I'm so glad we got to know each other better." Abbey stopped. That doesn't sound right, she thought. Let me try again. She cleared her throat. "It seems that in such a short time we have gotten to know each other in a very special way." Oh, G.o.d.

Hayden looked confused. Abbey paused again, trying to find the right words to tell Hayden that she was sorry for what had happened between them. Abbey swallowed hard and squared her shoulders. "I need to apologize to you for something I did."

"Oh?"

"Last night, I acted irresponsibly, and I promise you that will never happen again."

Hayden's expression was pained, like she had been punched in the stomach. "You mean...what happened here last night between you and me?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"But...last night was wonderful."

Yes, it was wonderful, Abbey thought, and if circ.u.mstances were different, they wouldn't be having this conversation, but she couldn't admit that to Hayden. "You've got to believe me that what happened last night shouldn't have and that in no way is any of this your fault. It's mine. And I should have known better."

Hayden looked down. "I don't understand. You keep telling me how mature I am. Don't you think I'm mature enough to know what I want and to make my own decisions?"

"You are mature. You are more responsible than most adults I know. But there are certain boundaries between a teacher and her student. I'm afraid I crossed that boundary. But I promise you it will never happen again."

Tears formed in Hayden's eyes. "But I want it to happen again. Being with you last night was a dream come true for me. It helped me figure out who I really am, and if someone like you feels the same way I do, then it must be okay to feel this way."

Abbey didn't know what to say. The sincerity she saw in Hayden's eyes nearly broke her heart. Before she knew what happened, Hayden leaned forward and kissed her. Abbey was lost in the sensation of Hayden's soft lips pressed gently on hers. A small sound of wonder came from her throat as she felt the kiss radiate deep inside of her. When what was happening finally registered in Abbey's brain, she pushed Hayden away.

"Hayden...stop...I mean...we can't do this...I'm sorry." Abbey stood and rubbed her forehead as she paced back and forth, trying to work off her excess anxiety.

Hayden looked down at her lap. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, honey, you didn't do anything wrong." Abbey continued to pace. She couldn't make eye contact with Hayden because if she did, she knew one of two things would happen: her resolve would break or her heart would.

Hayden picked at a loose string in the hem of her cargo shorts. "Is it because I'm not pretty enough?" Hayden's voice trembled.

"Oh, of course not! You're a beautiful and wonderful girl. It's not anything you did or didn't do. It's what I did."

"But I thought you liked me."

"I do like you, very much. It's just that it was wrong of me to take advantage of you."

"I don't feel like you took advantage of me. I wanted to do what we did."

"That may be true, but it doesn't make it right. Teachers aren't allowed to do those kinds of things with their students. I should have known better and stopped things before they got too far."

"But you're not my teacher anymore." Hayden started to cry. "I love you, Abbey."

Abbey felt terrible. She wished there was another way to make this right without hurting Hayden.

Abbey sat on the bed next to Hayden and put her arms around her while she cried. Abbey rocked her back and forth until she calmed down. A few minutes later, Hayden looked up at her. "I've never felt this way before. I love you, and I thought you loved me, too."

Abbey reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Hayden's ear and smiled. "Honey, you deserve better than me. You deserve to fall in love with someone who is free to give you love back. I'm afraid I can't do that for you."

Hayden lowered her eyes. "Are you in love with someone else?"

Abbey paused for a moment, hesitant about telling Hayden the truth. Hayden would never be able to understand that even after the horrible things Ann had done to her, she did still love her.

The knock on the door startled them both. Abbey bolted up from the bed and walked over to the door. "Who is it?" Abbey yelled through the closed door.

"Room service" came from the other side.

When Abbey opened the door, her heart stopped. Ann stood in the doorway with a bottle of champagne in one hand and two gla.s.ses in the other.

Chapter Twenty.

"Oh, well, I guess I'm too late," Ann said, seeing Hayden sitting on Abbey's bed. Her gaze raked over her.

She looked at Abbey. "What's going on here?"

"Ann, what are you doing here?"

"I came back to celebrate our new beginning."

"What? What new beginning?"

"You are coming back home to me, aren't you?" Ann looked at Hayden. "Or have you found someone more interesting to spend your time with?"