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As she moved on at his side or before him, he saw too well the easy grace of her strong young virgin form, the great blue eyes, the expressive tenderness of features which told of dumb sympathy with what she had no knowledge to understand. He longed to say, "I love you and am condemned by my conscience to ask no return." It would only add to his unhappiness and disturb a relation which even in its incompleteness was dear to him. The human yearning to confess, to win even the sad luxury of pity beset the man. In his constant habit of introspection, he had become un.o.bservant and had no least idea that the two young people he loved so well were nearing what was to him forever impossible.
"Let me sit down," he said unwilling to leave her; "I am tired." He was terribly afraid of himself and shaken by a storm of pa.s.sion, which left his sensitive body feeble.
She sat down with him on a great trunk wrecked a century ago. "Are you not well?" she asked, observing the paleness of his face.
"No, it is nothing. I am not very well, but it is nothing of moment. Don't let it trouble you-I am much as usual. I want, Leila, what I cannot get-what I ought not to get." Even this approach to fuller confession relieved him.
"What is there, my dear Mr. Rivers, you cannot get? Oh! you are a man to envy with your hold on men, your power to charm, your eloquence. I have heard Dr. McGregor talk of what you were among the wounded and the dying on the firing-line. Don't you know that you are one of G.o.d's helpful messengers, an interpreter into terms of human thought and words of what men need to-day, when-"
"No, no," he broke in, lifting a hand of dissenting protest. The flushed young face as she spoke, his sense of being n.o.bly considered by this earnest young woman had again made him feel how just the little more would have set free in ardent words what he was honestly striving to control.
"Thank you, my dear Leila, I could wish I were all you think I am; but were it all true, there would remain things that sweeten life and which must always be forbidden to me."
He rose to his feet once again master of his troubled soul. "I leave you," he said, "and your tireless youth to your walk. We cannot have everything, I must be contented in some moment of self-delusion to half believe the half of what you credit me with."
"Then," cried Leila, laughing, "you would have only a fourth."
"Ah! I taught you arithmetic too well." He too laughed as he turned away. Laughter was rare with him and to smile frequent. He walked slowly away to the rectory and for two days was not seen at Grey Pine.
Leila, more at ease and relieved by the final gay banter, strolled into the solemn quiet of the pines the Squire had so successfully freed from underbrush and left in royal solitude. At the door of the old log-cabin she lay down on the dry floor of pine-needles. The quick interchange of talk had given her no chance to consider, as now she reviewed in thoughtful illumination, what had seemed to her strange. She tried to recall exactly what he had said. Of a sudden she knew, and was startled to know. She had come into possession of the power of a woman innocent of intention to inflict pain on a strong and high-minded man. A lower nature might have felt some sense of triumph. It left her with no feeling but the utmost distress and pitiful thinking of what had gone wrong in this man's life. Once before she had been thus puzzled. The relief of her walk was gone. She gathered some imperfect comfort in the thought that she might not have been justified in her conclusions regarding a man who was in so many ways an unexplained personality.
During the next few days the village was in a state of antic.i.p.ative pleasure and of effort to find for the rummage-sale articles which were damaged or useless. At Grey Pine John and Leila Grey were the only unexcited persons. She was too troubled in divers ways to enjoy the amus.e.m.e.nt to be had out of what delighted every one else except John Penhallow. To please his aunt he made some small and peculiar offerings, and daily went away to the mills to meet and consult with the Colonel's former partners. He was out of humour with his world, saw trouble ahead if he did as he meant to do, and as there was an east wind howling through the pines, his wounded arm was recording the storm in dull aches or sharp twinges. He smoked, I fear, too much during these days of preparation for the rummage-sale, and rode hard; while Leila within the dismantled house was all day long like the quiet steadying flywheel in some noisy machinery. What with Billy as the over-excited Colonel's aide and her aunt aggrieved by a word of critical comment on her husband's actions, Leila had need of all the qualities required in a household where, as it seemed to her, it was hard to keep tongue or temper quiet.
Mr. Rivers towards the end of the week came in often, and would, of course, see that the Sunday school hall was made ready for the sale. He would make some contributions and help to arrange the articles for the sale. The Colonel's continuity of childlike interest deceived him into sharing the belief of Ann Penhallow, who was, Leila thought, unreasonably elated. Meanwhile Leila felt as a kind of desertion John's successive days of absence. Where was he? What was he doing? Once she would have asked frankly why he left to her the burden of cares he ought to have been eager to share, while Mark Rivers was so steadily helpful. When Ann Penhallow asked him to act as salesman, he said that he was at her disposal. The Colonel declared that was just the thing, and John must uncover and announce the articles to be sold. He said, "How long ago was the last sale? Wasn't it last year?"
"No, dear, not so lately."
"I must have forgotten. Perhaps, Rivers, we might sell a few useless people. What would Leila fetch in the marriage market?" Ann somewhat annoyed said nothing; nor did Rivers like it. The Colonel continued, "Might sell John-badly damaged."
"I must go," said Rivers. "I have my sermon to think over. I mean to use the text you gave me, Leila, some two weeks ago."
Sunday went by, and Tuesday, the day of the sale, came with a return of the east wind and a cold downpour of rain. The Colonel and Billy were busy late in the day; Mrs. Ann was tired; while John in some pain was silent at dinner. The carriage took the Colonel and his wife to the hall. He was now quiet and answered curtly the too frequent questions about how he felt.
"We will send back for you, Leila," said her aunt.
"No, I want to walk there with John."
The Captain looked up surprised, "Why, yes, with pleasure."
She came down in her rain-cloak. "Take a large umbrella, John. How it blows!"
As they set off in the face of a rain-whipped wind, he said, "Take my arm, Leila-the other side-the sound arm."
"You were in pain at dinner, John."
"It is my familiar devil, the east wind, but don't talk of it."
She understood him, and returned, "I will not if you don't wish me to talk of it. Where have you been all these uneasy days?"
"Oh, at the mills. Uncle refuses to speak of business and I am trying to understand the situation-some one must."
"I see-you must explain it all to me later."
"I will. One of the mill men of my Corps needed help. I have asked Tom to see him. How depressed Mr. Rivers seems. Gracious, how it rains!"
"Yes, he is at his worst. I am sorry you missed his sermon on Sunday-it was great. He talked about Lincoln, and used a text I gave him some time ago."
"What was it?"
"It is in Exodus: 'Ye have seen what I did unto the Egyptians and how I bare you on eagles' wings, and brought you unto myself.'"
John's ready imagination began for a silent moment to play with the words. "How did he use it, Leila?"
"Oh, he told the preceding story briefly, and then his great seeking eyes wandered a little and he said, 'Think how the uplift of G.o.d's eagles' wings enlarged their horizon!' Then he seemed to me to have the idea that they might not comprehend, so he made one of those eloquent pauses and went on to say, 'You can all, like Lincoln, rise as he rose from the lesser things of a hard life to see more widely and more surely the duties of life. The eagle-wings of G.o.d's uplifting power are for you, for me, for all of us.' He made them understand."
"I am sorry I missed it. I spent the Sunday morning with my engineer."
"Aren't you getting wet, John?"
"No. How did he end?"
"What I did not like was the dwelling on Lincoln's melancholy, and the effort it must have cost him-at times. It seemed to me, John, as if he was preaching to himself. I wonder if clergymen often preach to themselves. Some of us have to. The sketch of Lincoln's life was to me a wonder of terse biography. At the close he did not dwell on the murder, but just said-'Then-and then, my friends, G.o.d took him to himself.'"
"Thank you, Leila. What a lot of wagons-we must have half the county-and in this rain too."
"Now, John, you hate this affair, and so do I; but the Westways people think it great fun, and in the last few years they have had very little."
"Ni moi non plus, Mademoiselle Grey."
"Yes, yes," she said, "I know, John, but make it go-make it gay, John.
It will soon be over."
"I will try." They left their wet garments in an empty outer room and entering by a side door stood beside the raised platform at the end of the crowded hall.
Quite a hundred villagers or farming people, young and old, filled the room, and the air was oppressively heavy. At one end on a raised platform the Colonel was seated, and near by his wife well pleased to see him smiling as he recognized here and there some of the farmers who had been the playmates of his youth. John stood by the long table on which, covered by sheets, lay the articles for sale. Rivers came forward to the front of the platform, leaving Leila, who declined to sit down, at one side with Mr. Grace and the two McGregors.
The murmur of voices ceased; there was an appearance of expectant attention. Rivers raised a hand, and said, "You are all, I am sure, most glad to welcome the friend who like others among you has paid so dearly for keeping unbroken the union of the States." Loud applause followed, as he paused. "An occasion like this brings together young and old for good-humoured fun, and may remind you of a similar meeting years ago. This is to be a rummage-auction of useful things out of use, and of useless things. If you will explain why anybody wants useless things I shall know why some of you come to hear me preach or"-with a slight pause-"my friend, Grace." Every one laughed, and John and Leila alike felt that Rivers had struck the right note.
"Captain John Penhallow"-loud plaudits-"Captain John Penhallow will mention the articles for sale. Now, as you see, they are all hidden-some of them I have never seen. Whoever makes the highest bid of the sale for the most useless article will collect the whole product-the whole proceeds of the sale, and"-he laughed-"will pay it over to the girl about to be married."
This was really great fun, and even John felt some relief as the hall rang with merry laughter. Only Tom McGregor was grave while he watched the Colonel. As Rivers spoke, Colonel Penhallow stood up, swayed a little, straightened his tall figure, and waving Rivers aside said, "I shall now conduct this sale." This was only a pleasant surprise to the audience, and was welcomed with noisy hands.
The two McGregors exchanged looks of anxious alarm as the Colonel said, "Now, John!" Mrs. Penhallow smiled approval.
John uncovered a corner of the nearest sheet and brought out a clock without hands. "First article! Who'll bid? I think the hands have all struck like the mill-hands down East. Five cents-do I hear ten? Going-gone," cried the Colonel.
A rag doll came next and brought a penny. There was high bidding over a heavy band-box. When it went for half a dollar to Mrs. Crocker and was found to contain a shrivelled pumpkin of last year's crop, the audience wildly congratulated the post-mistress.
John, who was now thoroughly in the spirit of their fun, produced two large apples. "Now what daughter of Eve will bid," said the elated Colonel. Leila laughing bid fifty cents. "Going-gone."
"Look out for the serpent, Miss Grey," said Grace.