Doublecrossed Part 5

Callie turned her head enough to be able to make eye contact. "Lying and cheating isn't enough?"

"It would be for me, but it surprises me that it is for you."

"I do have a little self-respect left." Callie's cheeks colored and her eyes showed a rare fire.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. I meant that it makes sense to me that Marina lied. She was just covering her a.s.s and trying to make it sound like less of a big deal than it was. In a way, she was trying to make it easier for you."

Callie sat up and looked at her friend suspiciously. "I've never heard you defend anything that Marina has done."

"I'm not sure I'm defending her now. I'm just surprised that this is what makes you want to throw in the towel. This all seems like it's part and parcel of the same crime; and if you forgive her for the crime this seems like it goes along with it."

"But she lied, Terri."

"She lied by cheating too. To me, that's a much bigger issue. But that's how I look at the world. Monogamy is the only thing that works for me."

Callie smiled at her fondly. "I know two of your former girlfriends who'd agree that's your rule."

"Women are dogs," Terri said, shaking her head. "I don't know why you ever got mixed up with one."

"Men are dogs too. Maybe I should just get a dog." She tossed her head back and ran her fingers through her hair a few times. "I don't think a dog would have me given how I must look."

Terri reached over and pinched her cheek. "You look adorable as always. Now let's get out of here and get some sleep. We can cut Marina up tomorrow."

The next morning, Callie woke and had to spend a few moments figuring out where she was. She turned and saw Terri also just starting to wake up. "Thanks for letting me sleep with you," she said, yawning.

"I didn't want to make you sleep on the couch, and I sure as h.e.l.l wasn't going to."

"You're a good friend. And as much as I dislike Phoenix, I'm moving back here if Marina and I break up. I like you more than I dislike my hometown."

Terri put her hands behind her head and lay there contemplatively for a few moments. "How do you decide who's on the approved list?"

"You really want to know? You've always expressed a real disinterest in how we set things up."

Turning on her side, Terri gazed at Callie in sober reflection. "I'm interested. I always have been. But you didn't ask me for advice when you were first getting together and I didn't want to pry."

Callie reached across the s.p.a.ce that separated them and ruffled Terri's dark hair. "Why do you want to pry now?"

"I don't want to, and if I am, tell me to b.u.t.t out."

"You're not. I'm just curious why you want to know."

"I think I could understand better if I knew why that s.k.a.n.ky s.l.u.t wouldn't have been on the list."

"I don't think Angela's a s.k.a.n.ky s.l.u.t. If I'm really being honest, it was probably Marina's fault."

Terri turned and lay on her back again. "That's kind of an amazing thing to hear you say." She paused a few seconds then added, "I wish you felt you deserved better."

"Knock it off! I know you care about me, but I'm not with Marina because I'm desperate."

"I didn't..."

"Yes, you did." Callie sat up and poked a finger into Terri's side. "I deserve a great relations.h.i.+p, and it's been great up until now."

"It has? Great?"

Terri looked so unconvinced that she scrambled for examples of how great things had been. When she couldn't think of any immediately, she s.h.i.+fted to what seemed more important. "I'm really into her. I'm not sure why, but I am. She turns me on more than anybody I've ever been with, and having good s.e.x is very important to me." That sounded weak. Terri would never buy it.

But Terri held her hands up in surrender. "Sorry. Sorry. I don't mean to judge you.

Callie softened her hand and absently patted Terri. "It's okay. I can see why you might think I'm settling. But I don't think I am."

Terri smirked. "So tell me how a person who goes ballistic over some pretty minor unfaithfulness with a guy winds up with a woman who refuses to be faithful-while not settling."

Callie flopped onto her back. "It was different when Rob cheated on me. It was much worse, even though what he did wasn't as bad."

"I was there. You were truly brokenhearted."

"Yeah, I was. For a long time."

"It was a very long time. Maybe you should think about why it was so hurtful to have Rob step out of line."

"I have thought about it. All that makes sense is that I trusted him more. I was so much more invested."

"Really?" She peered at Callie curiously. "I thought you were invested in Marina."

"I am. In some ways. But with her it's more..." She knew there was a way to explain this without sounding like a user, but she wasn't sure she had the knack. Where was Marina when she needed her-she could pull it off. "It's more about the possibility of having something deeper. We don't have it yet. Our relations.h.i.+p is really a work in progress."

"But it's been worth it, right?"

"Yeah. Of course. Being with Marina helped me get over Rob. She helped...put things in perspective."

"Like how?"

"I know you don't understand this, but it took some of the pressure off not to have monogamy be the major focus."

"You were very successful." Terri had an angelic look on her face that remained even when Callie pinched her.

"Wise guy."

"Tell me about your perspective. All you've said so far is that you decided not to care when Marina slept around."

"It wasn't like that." Letting out a sigh, Callie said, "We worked everything out ahead of time. After we met she went back to Dallas, but we talked on the phone twice a day. She came to visit a week later and we had a great time in bed. When she showed how much she wanted me, I could forget about Rob looking at those s.l.u.ts on the internet."

"d.a.m.n, Cal, I didn't know it was that bad." She reached over and snuck an arm around Callie and hugged her close. "You should have told me."

Callie shook her head. "I was embarra.s.sed. I felt so unattractive, Terri, and Marina helped a lot. She might have a lot of faults, but having someone want you like she wants me makes me feel s.e.xy. Hot, as a matter of fact."

"You are hot. d.a.m.n, you never had trouble finding guys and my lesbian friends were always checking you out." She b.u.mped her with her shoulder. "You know that."

"That's just talk. Marina showed me. She's still all over me when we're together. Somehow that matters to me. A lot."

"Okay. Whatever works. So how did she convince you to have an open relations.h.i.+p?"

"When we were apart she romanced me." An attractive blush slowly climbed up her cheeks. "She's very, very good at getting what she wants, and she wanted me."

"She must be good at it. I've never been more surprised than I was when you told me you weren't going to be monogamous with her."

"Yeah, it must have sounded weird. But I stood up for myself and insisted that we have limits."

"She wanted what? To be able to do anything anytime?"

"Basically. But that was a nonstarter. So we worked out the details over time and we were both pretty happy with it. Well, I was happier with it than she was, but I think she was happy enough."

"So? Do I have to lie here all day to hear the details?"

"Number one was that our relations.h.i.+p had to come first. No exceptions."

"That sounds like a good starting point, but how do you do that?"

"We decided that we'd never sleep with anyone who lived anywhere near Dallas. We were monogamous in the Metroplex."

"Huh. Great for Marina, but not you. You don't go anywhere."

Callie brushed off the comment. "We also agreed that we'd only sleep with people who were either single or in a similar relations.h.i.+p."

"Isn't that hard to find?"

"That's an odd question. There are tons of single women in the world."

"No, no. Women in similar relations.h.i.+ps. Are there a lot?"

"I have no idea. I don't know any."

"Huh."

Terri was quiet after making that sole utterance. When it was clear she had no follow-up, Callie continued. "The biggest issue for us, and one that Marina hated the most was that we'd tell each other about someone we were interested in before we slept with her."

"Why didn't Marina like that one?"

Callie laughed. "For the obvious reason. In her previous relations.h.i.+p she could sleep with anybody."

"Anybody?"

"Yeah. She and her ex agreed they'd do what they wanted and never talk about it."

"Wow. I can't see why you'd bother being in a relations.h.i.+p if you could just screw anyone you met."

Her patience fraying, Callie said, "There's a difference between s.e.x and love. Marina and I are trying to build a relations.h.i.+p. She just has casual s.e.x once in a while when she's on the road. It doesn't have to affect me at all if I don't let it. I'm in control of my reaction."

It was so hard to put all of it together to make sense of what she did. The familiar pangs of sadness still hurt when she thought of her dad and Rob. "That's something Rob kept telling me, but I was too hurt to listen. My dad said the same thing. I should have listened to both of them. My mom should have given my dad one pa.s.s and I should have forgiven Rob. I was stupid. He was a very good guy, and I cut him loose too fast."

"He hurt you, Cal. You said you couldn't trust him anymore."

"I know, but I was harsh. That was the dumb part."

"Rob was a good guy, but it was his fault too. He could have fought for you."

"Yeah. I guess he let me go easily too." She shrugged. "Marina's really trying to convince me to stay, and that matters a lot."

"Sounds like she made sacrifices to get you in the first place."

"She did. She really had to scale back to get me to buy in."

"And up until now you really believed she was being honest?"

"I'd like to believe she's honest about most things."

"Isn't that kinda...hard?"

Laughing at herself, Callie said, "At this point? You have no idea."

"Let's say she usually is honest. Why do you think she screwed up?"

"Arghh! I think she did it-purposefully-to improve her chances for a promotion."

"Wow."

"I know...it sounds horrible, but she doesn't pretend to be anyone she's not. She's very honest in that way."

"Then why not tell you the whole truth? Like before she slept with her."

"I a.s.sume she lied because I wouldn't have agreed. Sleeping with a coworker is dangerous, and Angela was in a committed relations.h.i.+p. That's two strikes."

"But..."

"Marina's not used to hearing ano.' If she really wants something she's pretty likely to go ahead and take it if she can."

"Even if it hurts you."

Callie had to think about that one for a while. "In my heart, I believe that she was confident I wouldn't get hurt. I believe she does care for me; she's just very, very willful."

"She sounds like a handful."

"Oh, she is, but I knew what I was getting into when I signed on. I have no one to blame but myself."

Terri got up to take a shower and make coffee, while Callie lay in bed and tried to stop the persistent thoughts that rumbled through her brain-the ones that kept asking why she'd put up with Marina for as long as she had. It was bad enough when tendrils of doubt crept in, but to have to enunciate all of her lover's faults to Terri...that had been like a slap in the face.

Marina was manipulative and willful...and deceitful if she had to be. Her needs were primary. Always. Over time Callie had trained herself to be some sort of empath-always testing to see if she could touch her or kiss her or even speak. So why had she stayed? That was the imperative question, and she had to be able to answer it before she went home.