Mr. Punch at the Seaside Part 2

[_Tableau!_

[Ill.u.s.tration: DEA EX MACHINa! (_A Reminiscence_)]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A LARGE b.u.mP OF CAUTION

_Flora._ "Oh, let us sit here, aunt, the breeze is so delightful."

_Aunt._ "Yes--it's very nice, I dare say; but I won't come any nearer to the cliff, for I am always afraid of _slipping through those railings_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A BOAT FOR AN HOUR

_Stout Gentleman._ "What! is that the only boat you have in?"]

A SEASIDE REVERIE

[Ill.u.s.tration]

I think, as I sit at my ease on the s.h.i.+ngle, And list to the musical voice of the Sea, How gaily my Landlady always will mingle From my little caddy her matutine tea.

And vainly the bitter remembrance I banish Of mutton just eaten, my heart is full sore, To think after one cut it's certain to vanish, And never be seen on my board any more.

Some small store of spirit to moisten my throttle I keep, and indulge in it once in a way; But, bless you, it seems to fly out of the bottle And swiftly decrease, though untouched all the day.

My sugar and sardines, my bread and my b.u.t.ter, Are eaten, and vainly I fret and I frown; My Landlady, just like an aesthete's too utter A fraud, and I vow that I'll go back to Town.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE MORNING PAPERS

Sketch from our window, 10 A.M., at Sludgeborough Ness.]

[Ill.u.s.tration]

THE NURSEMAID'S FRIEND

Science has given us the baby-jumper, by which we are enabled to carry out the common exclamation of "Hang those noisy children" without an act of infanticide, by suspending our youngsters in the air; and perhaps allowing them to have their full swing, without getting into mischief; but the apparatus for the nursery will not be complete until we have something in the shape of coops for our pretty little chickens, when they are "out with nurse", and she happens to have something better--or worse--to do than to look after them.

How often, in a most interesting part of a novel, or in the midst of a love pa.s.sage of real life, in which the nurse is herself the heroine, how often, alas! is she not liable to be disturbed by the howl of a brat, with a cow's horn in his eye, a dog's teeth in his heels, or in some other awkward dilemma, which could not have arisen had the domestic Child-coop been an article of common use in the Metropolitan parks, or on the sands at the seaside?

[Ill.u.s.tration: YARMOUTH]

There is something very beautiful in the comparison of helpless infancy to a brood of young chickens, with its attendant imagery of "mother's wing", and all that sort of thing, but the allegory would be rendered much more complete by the application of the hencoop to domestic purposes. We intend buying one for our own stud of _piccoli_--which means little pickles--and we hope to see all heads of families taking it into their heads to follow our example.

MIDSUMMER MADNESS.--Going to the seaside in search of quiet.

[Ill.u.s.tration: LOCAL INTELLIGENCE

"D'year as 'ow old Bob Osborne 'ave give up shrimpin' an took ter winklin'?"

"Well, I'm blest!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE INGRAt.i.tUDE OF SOME SERVANTS

You give them a change by taking them to the seaside--all they have to do is to look after the children--and yet they don't seem to appreciate it.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A NATIVE HOISTER]

[Ill.u.s.tration: GOING DOWN TO A WATERING PLACE]

ON THE SPOT

Shall we like Pierpoint, to which favourite and healthy seaside resort we finally resolved to come, after a period of much indecision and uncertainty, and where we arrived, in heavy rain, in two cabs, with thirteen packages, on Sat.u.r.day?

Shall we be comfortable at 62, Convolution Street, dining-room floor, two guineas and a half a week, and all and perhaps rather more than the usual extras?

Shall we like Mrs. Kittlespark?

Shall we find Kate all that a Kate ought to be?

Shall we lock everything up, or repose a n.o.ble confidence in Mrs.

Kittlespark and Kate?

Shall we get to know the people in the drawing-room?

Shall we subscribe to the Pier, or pay each time we go on it?

Shall we subscribe to that most accommodating Circulating Library, Pigram's, where we can exchange our books at pleasure, _but not oftener than once a day_?