Playful Poems Part 16

The G.o.ddess with a discontented air Seems to reject him, though she grants his prayer.

A wondrous bag with both her hands she binds, Like that where once Ulysses held the winds; There she collects the force of female lungs, Sighs, sobs, and pa.s.sions, and the war of tongues.

A vial next she fills with fainting fears, Soft sorrows, melting griefs, and flowing tears.

The gnome rejoicing bears her gifts away, Spreads his black wings, and slowly mounts to day.

Sunk in Thalestris' arms the nymph he found, Her eyes dejected and her hair unbound.

Full o'er their heads the swelling bag he rent, And all the Furies issued at the vent.

Belinda burns with more than mortal ire, And fierce Thalestris fans the rising fire.

"O wretched maid!" she spread her hands, and cried, (While Hampton's echoes, "Wretched maid!" replied) "Was it for this you took such constant care The bodkin, comb, and essence to prepare?

For this your locks in paper durance bound, For this with torturing irons wreathed around?

For this with fillets strained your tender head, And bravely bore the double loads of lead?

G.o.ds! shall the ravisher display your hair, While the fops envy, and the ladies stare!

Honour forbid! at whose unrivalled shrine Ease, pleasure, virtue, all our s.e.x resign.

Methinks already I your tears survey, Already hear the horrid things they say, Already see you a degraded toast, And all your honour in a whisper lost!

How shall I, then, your helpless fame defend?

'Twill then be infamy to seem your friend!

And shall this prize, the inestimable prize, Exposed through crystal to the gazing eyes, And heightened by the diamond's circling rays, On that rapacious hand for ever blaze?

Sooner shall gra.s.s in Hyde Park Circus grow, And wits take lodgings in the sound of Bow; Sooner let earth, air, sea, to chaos fall, Men, monkeys, lap-dogs, parrots, perish all!"

She said; then raging to Sir Plume repairs, And bids her beau demand the precious hairs: (Sir Plume of amber snuff-box justly vain, And the nice conduct of a clouded cane) With earnest eyes, and round unthinking face, He first the snuff-box opened, then the case, And thus broke out--"My Lord, why what the devil?

Zounds! d.a.m.n the lock! 'fore Gad, you must be civil!

Plague on't! 'tis past a jest--nay prithee, pox!

Give her the hair"--he spoke, and rapped his box.

"It grieves me much" (replied the Peer again) "Who speaks so well should ever speak in vain.

But by this lock, this sacred lock, I swear, (Which never more shall join its parted hair; Which never more its honours shall renew, Clipped from the lovely head where late it grew) That while my nostrils draw the vital air, This hand, which won it, shall for ever wear."

He spoke, and speaking, in proud triumph spread The long-contended honours of her head.

But Umbriel, hateful gnome! forbears not so; He breaks the vial whence the sorrows flow.

Then see! the nymph in beauteous grief appears, Her eyes half-languis.h.i.+ng, half-drowned in tears; On her heaved bosom hung her drooping head, Which, with a sigh, she raised; and thus she said:

"For ever cursed be this detested day, Which s.n.a.t.c.hed my best, my favourite curl away!

Happy! ah, ten times happy had I been, If Hampton Court these eyes had never seen!

Yet am not I the first mistaken maid, By love of courts to numerous ills betrayed.

Oh had I rather unadmired remained In some lone isle, or distant Northern land, Where the gilt chariot never marks the way, Where none learn ombre, none e'er taste Bohea; There kept my charms concealed from mortal eye, Like roses that in deserts bloom and die!

What moved my mind with youthful lords to roam?

Oh had I stayed, and said my prayers at home!

'Twas this, the morning omens seemed to tell, Thrice from my trembling hand the patch-box fell; The tottering china shook without a wind, Nay, Poll sat mute, and Shock was most unkind!

A sylph, too, warned me of the threats of fate, In mystic visions, now believed too late!

See the poor remnants of these slighted hairs!

My hands shall rend what even thy rapine spares: These in two sable ringlets taught to break, Once gave new beauties to the snowy neck; The sister-lock now sits uncouth, alone, And in its fellow's fate foresees its own; Uncurled it hangs, the fatal shears demands, And tempts once more thy sacrilegious hands.

Oh hadst thou, cruel! been content to seize Hairs less in sight, or any hairs but these!"

CANTO V.

She said: the pitying audience melt in tears.

But Fate and Jove had stopped the Baron's ears.

In vain Thalestris with reproach a.s.sails, For who can move when fair Belinda fails?

Not half so fixed the Trojan could remain, While Anna begged and Dido raged in vain.

Then grave Clarissa graceful waved her fan; Silence ensued, and thus the nymph began:

"Say why are beauties praised and honoured most, The wise man's pa.s.sion, and the vain man's toast?

Why decked with all that land and sea afford, Why angels called, and angel-like adored?

Why round our coaches crowd the white-gloved beaux, Why bows the side-box from its inmost rows; How vain are all these glories, all our pains, Unless good sense preserve what beauty gains: That men may say, when we the front-box grace: 'Behold the first in virtue as in face!'

Oh! if to dance all night, and dress all day, Charmed the smallpox, or chased old age away, Who would not scorn what housewife's cares produce, Or who would learn one earthly thing of use?

To patch, nay ogle, might become a saint, Nor could it sure be such a sin to paint.

But since, alas! frail beauty must decay; Curled or uncurled, since locks will turn to grey; Since painted, or not painted, all shall fade, And she who scorns a man, must die a maid; What then remains but well our power to use, And keep good-humour still whate'er we lose?

And trust me, dear! good-humour can prevail, When airs, and flights, and screams, and scolding fail.

Beauties in vain their pretty eyes may roll; Charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul."

So spoke the dame, but no applause ensued; Belinda frowned, Thalestris called her Prude.

"To arms, to arms!" the fierce virago cries, And swift as lightning to the combat flies.

All side in parties, and begin the attack; Fans clap, silks rustle, and tough whalebones crack; Heroes' and heroines' shouts confusedly rise, And ba.s.s and treble voices strike the skies.

No common weapons in their hands are found, Like G.o.ds they fight, nor dread a mortal wound.

So when bold Homer makes the G.o.ds engage, And heavenly b.r.e.a.s.t.s with human pa.s.sions rage; 'Gainst Pallas, Mars; Latona, Hermes arms; And all Olympus rings with loud alarms: Jove's thunder roars, heaven trembles all around, Blue Neptune storms, the bellowing deeps resound, Earth shakes her nodding towers, the ground gives way, And the pale ghosts start at the flash of day!

Triumphant Umbriel on a sconce's height Clapped his glad wings, and sate to view the fight; Propped on their bodkin spears, the sprites survey The growing combat, or a.s.sist the fray.

While through the press enraged Thalestris flies, And scatters death around from both her eyes, A beau and witling perished in the throng, One died in metaphor, and one in song.

"O cruel nymph! a living death I bear,"

Cried Dapperwit, and sunk beside his chair.

A mournful glance Sir Fopling upwards cast, "Those eyes are made so killing"--was his last.

Thus on Maeander's flowery margin lies The expiring swan, and as he sings he dies.

When bold Sir Plume had drawn Clarissa down, Chloe stepped in, and killed him with a frown; She smiled to see the doughty hero slain, But, at her smile, the beau revived again.

Now Jove suspends his golden scales in air, Weighs the men's wits against the ladies' hair; The doubtful beam long nods from side to side; At length the wits mount up, the hairs subside.

See, fierce Belinda on the Baron flies, With more than usual lightning in her eyes: Nor feared the chief the unequal fight to try, Who sought no more than on his foe to die.

But this bold lord with manly strength endued, She with one finger and a thumb subdued: Just where the breath of life his nostrils drew, A charge of snuff the wily virgin threw; The gnomes direct, to every atom just, The pungent grains of t.i.tillating dust.

Sudden, with starting tears each eye o'erflows, And the high dome re-echoes to his nose.

"Now meet thy fate," incensed Belinda cried, And drew a deadly bodkin from her side.

(The same, his ancient personage to deck, Her great-great-grandsire wore about his neck, In three seal-rings; which after, melted down, Formed a vast buckle for his widow's gown; Her infant grandame's whistle next it grew, The bells she jingled, and the whistle blew; Then in a bodkin graced her mother's hairs, Which long she wore, and now Belinda wears).

"Boast not my fall," he cried, "insulting foe!

Thou by some other shalt be laid as low, Nor think to die dejects my lofty mind: All that I dread is leaving you behind!

Rather than so, ah! let me still survive, And burn in Cupid's flames--but burn alive."

"Restore the lock!" she cries; and all around "Restore the lock!" the vaulted roofs rebound.

Not fierce Oth.e.l.lo in so loud a strain Roared for the handkerchief that caused his pain.

But see how oft ambitious aims are crossed, And chiefs contend till all the prize is lost!

The lock, obtained with guilt, and kept with pain, In every place is sought, but sought in vain: With such a prize no mortal must be blest, So Heaven decrees: with Heaven who can contest?

Some thought it mounted to the lunar sphere, Since all things lost on earth are treasured there, There heroes' wits are kept in ponderous vases, And beaux' in snuff-boxes and tweezer-cases.

There broken vows and death-bed alms are found, And lovers' hearts with ends of riband bound, The courtiers promises, and sick man's prayers, The smiles of harlots, and the tears of heirs, Cages for gnats, and chains to yoke a flea, Dried b.u.t.terflies and tomes of casuistry.