A Fool's Paradise Part 9

KATE. Are you? Perhaps that's the reason. Do you like plants? (_turns suddenly, can in hand, so that the water is supposed to splash NORMANTOWER_)

NOR. Blow plants! (_drawing back_)

KATE. (_stopping_) _What_ plants? (_in opening R.C._)

NOR. (_goes to fire, L., wiping his coat_) Any plants--all plants--I hate 'em.

KATE. (_crosses in conservatory to L.C._) I love them. I have been watering my pets for the last time.

NOR. (L.) I see. You've been standing them a parting drink.

KATE. My lord! (_in opening L.C._)

NOR. By the way, isn't tobacco very good for plants? (_crossing up to C._)

KATE. Excellent. Why do you ask?

NOR. I was just thinking, while you are watering the plants in the conservatory, it might be doing them a service if I were to smoke a cigarette in the conservatory. (_producing case_)

KATE. (_puts can down, L.C., behind flat, and comes down to NORMANTOWER, C._) Not for the world! Lord Normantower, let me tell you a shocking fact. The very odour of tobacco has such an effect upon me, that if you were to light a cigarette----

NOR. (_putting case back_) It would make you uncomfortable?

KATE. No! I should want to join you.

NOR. No!

KATE. There! you're shocked. (_goes down to sofa_)

NOR. Not a bit of it. I like you, Miss Derwent, because you say what you mean.

KATE. Sometimes I say a great deal more than I mean. (_sits on sofa_)

NOR. And sometimes I mean a great deal more than I can say. Miss Derwent---- (_behind sofa, R. of KATE_)

KATE. (_sitting_) Lord Normantower?

NOR. What a strange thing it is that you have grown this old---- (_KATE looks at him_) I mean, this young, without being married.

KATE. I shall never marry.

NOR. That's exactly my case. I've had one disappointment, and I don't mean to have another. Once bit, twice shy, they say.

KATE. _You_ have been bitten?

NOR. (_goes to R.C._) Badly. But it's all for the best. It's made me distrustful of women and a confirmed bachelor. (_returns to back of sofa_) Why do people want to get married?

KATE. I've often wondered.

NOR. (_about to take her hand_) Miss Derwent, I've been so awfully glad I'm a confirmed bachelor, ever since I met _you._

KATE. (_removing her hand, which his hand follows_) What difference can that make?

NOR. Well, you see, if I wasn't a confirmed bachelor, I might have been married.

KATE. Well?

NOR. (_hand business repeated_) And if I was married, I couldn't marry again.

KATE. Of course not.

NOR. And if I couldn't marry again, I couldn't marry----

KATE. Go on. Finish your sentence.

NOR. (_seizing her hand_) You!

_Enter SIR PETER, through conservatory, suddenly, R.U.E. They take opposite sides of the stage; KATE, L.C., NORMANTOWER, R._

SIR P. Ah! I saw you! (_comes down C._)

KATE. Sir Peter, I believe you have eyes in the small of your back.

SIR P. Yes--and ears too. I heard you.

NOR. Then, why did you interrupt us?

SIR P. I thought it was time. You forget, that I am in the next room--that the rooms communicate through the terrace--and that you had not taken the precaution of shutting the outer door of the conservatory. (_KATE and NORMANTOWER look at one another_)

_Re-enter BEATRICE L.D., she goes down L. to KATE._

BEA. Ah, doctor! Philip was asking for you. He has just got up. What time's your train, Miss Derwent?

KATE. Half-past two. I must be getting ready. (_NORMANTOWER turns up and opens R.U.D., standing above it_)

SIR P. Then, it's decided, you are going?

KATE. Quite. But I shall see you again. (_crosses in front of SIR PETER up to R.U.D._)

BEA. (_comes to front of sofa_) The brougham is quite at your service.

(_KATE bows and exit R.U.D. NORMANTOWER speaks through open door to her for a few moments_)

SIR P. (C.) So Miss Derwent is leaving you?

BEA. She wished to go. She has always been allowed to do as she pleased here, and she has availed herself of the privilege.

SIR P. (_looking at BEATRICE_) I see. (_enter PHILIP L.D._)