The Mysterious Wanderer Volume Ii Part 4

Wildly my eye glanced to every object, in search of some instrument wherewith to perpetrate my design; but none presented itself. A well, however, met my view, and, starting from my seat, I ran with an intention of precipitating myself into it. Already had I reached the brink, when my arm was arrested, with a violence, which not only prevented my design, but forced me some paces back from the place of destruction.

"The shock in some degree recalled my recollection, and, raising my eyes, I beheld an old _religieux_, to whose timely interposition I was indebted for preservation. The tear started to his eye, and his right hand trembled as he grasped my arm; he gently raised his other toward heaven, and regarded me with such a look, as struck me to the the heart; and reproved me more forcibly, than language could have done, for my temerity in daring to rush unsummoned into the presence of my Maker!

"The tempest of my mind ceased; but was succeeded by a horror and remorse, I cannot attempt to describe. I pa.s.sively permitted the worthy Monk to conduct me to the seat I had quitted; where, placing himself beside me, he hesitatingly asked, what had induced me to attempt self-destruction?

"I would have offered an extenuation of my madness; but my words were incoherent. He stopped me--'Suicide, my son, can admit of no excuse!--Misfortune and sorrow attend us all, from the monarch to the lowest mendicant; but, were the burden ten times heavier than that inflicted, it is our duty to bear it! I saw you in the street; your appearance bespoke distress, and I followed, for the purpose of affording that relief, I thought you merited. The action I have witnessed here, young man,' he continued with severity, 'I need not comment on; your own conscience, I trust, will sufficiently speak its enormity.'

"I could not look up--I dared not meet his penetrating eye: and shame added an additional pang to sorrow.--He saw the struggle in my bosom, and pity regained her influence: his voice softened--'Forgive my harshness, youth; I ought perhaps rather to apply the balm of consolation to a mind diseased, than by reproaches add to its malady: but you appear faint, my child;--perhaps for want of sustenance?'--He anxiously arose, and beckoning the host, desired him to carry some wine and provisions into a private room; then again addressing me, proffered his a.s.sistance to conduct me into the house.

"A false pride at first made me recoil: but the benevolence which beamed in his eyes, as he gently drew my hand on his arm, checked the ungrateful sentiment.

"I attended him to a room, where the humble Jean officiously spread a table with the little dainties of the larder; but a significant glance from my entertainer telling him his presence could be dispensed with, he respectfully bowed and retired. The worthy Monk then pressed me to eat; filled a gla.s.s with wine, and placed it near my plate: but all was ineffectual; my mind, more exhausted than my body, required that support he vainly offered to my enfeebled frame. I would in grat.i.tude have eaten, but nature refused her office. He looked grieved--'Your sorrows, my son, I believe, are deeper than I at first imagined. Your looks--your deportment, bespeak you acquainted with fairer scenes in life, as well as with misfortune. Tell me--am I mistaken?'

"'You are not, Father,' I replied, 'and the action you lately witnessed, may tell you those misfortunes are neither trivial nor common. I am indeed the child of misery!'

"'Alas! my son,' he returned with a sigh, 'we view the events of life through the gla.s.s of prejudice. When misfortunes oppress us, we look through the magnifying end, and think our own afflictions by far the most superior: and, by the same rule, we reverse the gla.s.s to the distresses of others, and see them in a lessened point of view: still judging the happiness or misery of the world by our own feelings. Yet, true it is, that which afflicts you, might by another be disregarded; and that which would bow another to the grave, you, perhaps, could support with fort.i.tude! It is the hand of a Power, which cannot err, that dispenses our portion of good and evil to each according to his abilities of bearing. Take religion for your staff, my son, and integrity for your guide, and the misfortunes of the world combined, can never crush you!'

"'Ah! Father,' I cried, 'resignation is easy in theory, to those who have only to preach it. Sheltered yourself from misfortune, how can you judge of that, which drove me a fugitive from hope and happiness?'

"'I can judge,' said he solemnly; 'for I have experienced sorrow; and I preach--from my practice! Listen to my tale, young man, with attention, and from my misfortunes learn to bear your own without repining.--

"'Monsieur La Roche, my father, was in his youth clerk to a merchant at Nantes, and early in life married a woman in circ.u.mstances humble as his own. I was the only fruit of that marriage, my mother dying of a decline, a few months after my birth. My father, however, did not long remain in a state of widowhood; for the only daughter of his master, who had long entertained a partiality for him, inadvertently so far discovered her sentiments, that he was emboldened to offer secret addresses; and a private marriage soon after made him the presumptive heir to his master. The old gentleman, who certainly had expected a more suitable match for his daughter, was yet too doatingly fond of her, to refuse the forgiveness she entreated: and the respectful behaviour of my father to him, and his strict application to business, in a little time, not only reconciled him to her imprudent choice, but raised my father so high in his esteem, that he voluntarily took him into partners.h.i.+p.

"'By my mother-in-law, who had not any children, and this worthy man, I was ever treated with the greatest tenderness, but in less than five years, a malignant fever broke out at Nantes, and, amongst its numerous victims, carried the gentle Madeleine and her sire to the grave; leaving my father, for the second time, what the world called, an inconsolable widower. He found himself, however, master of a princely fortune; and, in less than twelve months, surprised the world, by a third marriage--and that with the femme-de-chambre of his late wife!

"'From that period I date the commencement of the sorrows and misfortunes which attended me, till my head was silvered by the hand of time!

"'Madame La Roche, my new mother-in-law, who far exceeded her predecessors in personal attractions, soon gained a complete ascendancy over my father: and as, in the course of three years, she presented him with as many children, she began to regard me with an eye of jealous hatred. This showed itself on a variety of occasions, and one day, on my father honouring me with his notice, a thing rather unusual, she peremptorily insisted on my being sent to a public academy. My father yielded, and I was thus banished from home--never to be recalled!

"'At first I rejoiced at being freed from the tyranny of Madame La Roche; but after pa.s.sing three years, without once visiting the habitation of my father, I began to think my lot peculiarly hard; till the master informed me I was not to return till my education was completed. This reason satisfied me, and three years more elapsed, when I was surprised by a visit from Monsieur and Madame La Roche. My father beheld me without emotion, and, on his wife declaring that my uncouth appearance would disgrace the family, readily agreed to her proposal of binding me apprentice to some reputable tradesman. I timidly expressed my wish of being placed in his counting-house, but was refused by Madame with a frown; and after telling me I must remain at the academy till they had fixed on a trade suitable to my genius, they departed.

"'About three weeks after, a chaise was sent for me, in which I was conveyed to the house of a printer, in the suburbs of Nantes, where I was immediately settled as an apprentice for seven years.

"'There I endured every mortification, ill nature and arrogance could inflict; heightened by the comparison of my lot to those of my brothers, whom I frequently saw, with their mother, in all the pomp of dress and equipage!

"'Slowly pa.s.sed the time in my imagination, till I had completed the term of my servitude: still had I indulged hopes that my father would receive me into his house, if not as a son, at least as an a.s.sistant; when I determined, by the most circ.u.mspect behaviour, to obliterate, if possible, the unfavourable sentiments he entertained of me. But vain were my hopes; my mother-in-law's influence overbalanced the weak claim I had to his regard. When I went to his house, he was not at home, the servant said, and I was refused admittance. I again went, and was rudely reprimanded by the menial for being troublesome. I then wrote to my father, urged my claim of nature, to his notice and protection, and appealed to his heart, if any part of my conduct had given just cause for the neglect with which I had been treated? I coveted not his wealth, I said, but to his affection I felt I had an equal claim with his other children.

"'This letter was answered by Madame La Roche. She coolly denied the justness of my claim, by reminding me I had never been regarded as one of the family: however, as she acknowledged I had some small demand on their notice, she remitted me a draft for two thousand livres; a sum sufficient, she said, to establish me respectably: and to my own diligence I must look for future supplies. My father added a postscript, to confirm the decree of his wife, and advised my proceeding to Paris, as a place where industry was most likely to be rewarded.

"'A tear of wounded sensibility forced its way down my cheek, at this final act and renunciation of my father: I, however, determined to show my obedience to his will, cruel as it was, and, accordingly, a few days after receiving my small fortune, set out for Paris, having been previously refused the liberty of writing to him.

"'On my arrival at Paris, I determined to engage as a journeyman to some master, till I should meet with a situation to my satisfaction; and not, by plunging into business without friends or connexions, with so small a princ.i.p.al, hazard what might terminate in my ruin.

"'With a printer in the Fauxbourg St. Germain, I engaged, and pa.s.sed three years in that humble station, when I married an amiable woman, who declared herself willing to share the frowns or smiles of fortune with me; and for two years experienced a happiness interrupted only by the remembrance of my father.

"'A smiling infant crowned our love. Fortune, too, a.s.sumed a fairer aspect. My master retired from business; and, though it required a larger capital than I possessed, I ventured to take it, relying on my own application to clear the debt I incurred.

"'But, alas! weak man!--I read not the volume of my fate: I dreaded not the wretchedness which in that hour of fancied prosperity awaited me!

"'Cheerfully I paid my little fortune into the hands of my master, and gave him my bond for the residue of the debt. But scarcely had we been settled in our new habitation a week, when, in the night, I was roused from a peaceful slumber by the alarm of fire! I instantly awoke my wife, and, starting from the bed, ran to the staircase,--but, alas! it was in flames! I then hastened to the window, and called for a.s.sistance, but its situation was too obscure to gain me notice; and my voice was unheard amidst the noise and confusion which reigned in the street, where all were a.s.siduous to a.s.sist and save an opulent family, whose house adjoined mine, and where the fire, I believe, originally began. In this distressing situation, we remained, nearly suffocated with smoke, till the flames began to appear through the floor of the room:--not another moment, I found, was to be lost:--I clasped my infant daughter to my bosom, and, springing on the frame of the window, bade my wife trust herself to my arms, and, by throwing ourselves into the street, either be saved or perish together! She approached--the height appalled her--she drew back--hesitated--the floor gave way, and she sunk to a grave--horrid as inevitable!

"'The flames raged around me with the maddest fury, and, unable to withstand their force, I gave a groan of anguish to the fate of my wretched wife, and threw myself from the window. I fell unnoticed: two of my ribs and my arm were broken, and my hapless infant killed on the spot: but oblivion drew her veil over my senses, and for some hours kindly saved me from the knowledge of my misery. I was at last discovered; and, as I was afterwards informed, carried to several houses in the neighbourhood, but no one had charity sufficient to receive me.

I was therefore conveyed to an hospital, where proper means were used for my restoration; but the last shriek of my wife still vibrated in my ears: her last look, with all its horrors, still pierced my heart: the innocent pressure of my infant to my bosom--all combined to tear reason from her seat. My fractures were healed, and I was removed from the hospital to a madhouse.'

"The worthy Monk," said Sir Henry, "here paused, whilst a tear unbidden forced its way from his eye. I attempted not to speak: my faculties, indeed, were suspended by his tale; and I still regarded him with a look of silent attention, sufficiently expressive, I believe, of the commiseration and curiosity I felt, and which had, for the time, wholly banished my own afflictions from my mind.

"His voice soon regained its wonted tone, when he thus continued the relation of his misfortunes.

"'It was three years before my senses regained their usual tenour; when I was permitted to enter on the world to seek subsistence. The accidents I had met with, I thought might authorise an application to my father. I accordingly wrote; but he was dead, and his fortune wholly settled on my brothers and Madame La Roche! She condescended to inform me of these particulars, and testified her surprise at my application, after the liberal provision formerly bestowed on me, which, she said, if I had either squandered or lost, I must answer to myself, as she should by no means injure her fortune to re-establish mine.

"'I gave a tear to the memory of my father, which, however neglectful he had been of my welfare, I still held sacred. To my lot of poverty I submitted with feelings of mingled regret and resignation; and once more sought employment as a journeyman. But sorrow had robbed me of my vivacity; my mind had been deranged; some believed it so still; few cared to trust me; and fewer to employ, or pay me for my labour. At last, unable to bear the penury which threatened me, I left Paris: and, after unsuccessful applications for employ, in various places, I was received on moderate wages by a printer at St. Malo's. I there by degrees recovered my health and spirits, and served my master with such attention and diligence, that, at the end of five years, he agreed to admit me as a partner in his business, allowing me a small share of the profits, independently of my salary. Here then fortune once more began to smile, and for four years rewarded my a.s.siduity with success.

"'At that time my master consented to take me into equal partners.h.i.+p; and I was on the point of marriage with a young lady of small fortune; when one evening, as I was returning home, I was accosted by a countrywoman with an infant, who earnestly entreated I would direct her the road to Rennes. I gave her the information she wanted, but observed it was too late for her to think of prosecuting her journey; and as she declared herself a stranger, offered to conduct her to a house of honest repute, where she might pa.s.s the night. She thanked me, and as she appeared much fatigued, I took the child in my arms and carried it. Some idle chat with the hostess and herself, when I had seen her accommodated to her satisfaction, detained me nearly an hour, when I returned home, little suspecting an action so trivial and innocent, would be the means of involving me again in trouble.

"'The next day, on visiting my intended bride, I was received with a reserve I could not account for; thinking, however, some occurrence, unconnected with me, might have occasioned a dissatisfaction as apparent as unusual, I concealed my observation of it; but, in the evening, on repeating my visit, her coldness had so far increased, that I could no longer refrain from asking an explanation: and was answered, by an accusation of an illicit connexion with the woman I had the preceding evening conducted to the auberge. My surprise at this unexpected charge, she construed into a confirmation of my guilt, and declared her resolution of instantly breaking off an acquaintance with a man, who had so wantonly deceived her. In vain I affirmed my innocence; related my accidental meeting with the woman, and appealed to her evidence for the truth of my a.s.sertion; but, with a look of reproachful triumph, as detecting my falsehood, she told me, the servant had seen me enter the auberge with my infant charge and its worthless mother; and on informing her, she herself went and questioned the woman concerning the nature of our acquaintance: and her answers, ambiguous as they were, were yet sufficient to condemn me. That she had at first declared herself a native of the place; then again, that she was a stranger, and unknown.

That the child was hers--then, that she was only hired to take it from its mother.--Of its father, she would not give any account, but its likeness to me sufficiently proved that father to be myself! In vain I strove to reason--to rally her from an opinion so absurdly founded; she resented my justification, as an additional insult. Finding the foolish dispute likely to terminate too seriously, I at last insisted on the woman being sent for, and made to acknowledge to whom it was, the child belonged. Antoinette scornfully smiled at what she termed my artful subterfuge, as the woman, she said, had no doubt received her lesson. I could not conceal my vexation at this additional charge; but, however, sent for the peasant. She had left the town: I dispatched a person after her, on the road to Rennes: but her steps were not to be traced; and I remained stigmatised as an unprincipled debauchee, by the unjust suspicions of my mistress, and the tattling hostess.

"'Antoinette truly kept her word, in ceasing to admit of my addresses, and my master, to whom she was related, incensed at the breaking-off of the marriage, not only refused to fulfil his intentions in my favour, but dissolved our partners.h.i.+p, and dismissed me from his service!

"'At that time I entertained not the idea, but subsequent occurrences induce me to believe, that Antoinette was actuated by other motives than jealousy, for her conduct; as she soon after accepted the hand of a man, by far my junior, and in more affluent circ.u.mstances.

"'This, however, was but the commencement of my difficulties; for, whilst I was endeavouring to clear myself to my irritated master, a person inquired for me. On being admitted, he informed me, that Monsieur Orfevre, my former master in Paris, was dead; and that on examining his papers, a bond was found for two thousand livres, due from me, for the stock unfortunately consumed by fire. That his nephew, who succeeded to his property, understanding that I was in circ.u.mstances sufficiently affluent to discharge the obligation, had deputed him to receive the money.

"'The justness of the debt I attempted not to deny; yet, reflecting on the promise of the deceased, (which I declared), of expunging it, on account of my misfortune, I hesitated to pay the demand. The officer, for such he proved to be, coolly answered, if such had been the intentions of Monsieur Orfevre, he would undoubtedly have mentioned it in his will, or have destroyed the bond; and on my master saying I was capable of paying the debt, he immediately arrested me!

"'Thus compelled, I paid the money; which, by dint of the strictest frugality, I had acc.u.mulated, and found myself once more in the world, poor and friendless! I endeavoured to submit with patience to my lot; but injudiciously entered into business, without the means of pursuing it. This was regarded as an avowed opposition to my master, who highly resented the action; and as his interest and connexions were great, my exertions were rendered abortive. For two years I struggled for support--for bread; when my creditors finding me unable to satisfy their demands, completed my ruin by throwing me into prison.

"'At first the gloomy horrors of the place, the misery of its inmates, deeply affected my mind, and each hour the sigh of sorrow swelled my bosom; till religion opened to my soul that source of comfort which can never fail; my prison lost its horrors, peace shed her gentlest influence on my slumbers, and marked my days with serenity: my brow lost its contraction, and my heart expanded, and bowed before the wisdom of my G.o.d! Contentedly I pa.s.sed the day, in such work as the charity of a few individuals afforded me; by which means, I not only acquired sufficient to procure me what comforts my situation would admit of, but likewise to a.s.sist those more helpless than myself.

"'Thus pa.s.sed fourteen years of my existence, when an English gentleman, actuated by curiosity, came to the prison. He saw--conversed with me; and at last inquired on what account I was confined? I told him, and the years I had been immured. He regarded me, as I spoke, with a look of the gentlest pity: the half-formed answer hung on his lips, but turning from me, he hastily left the prison.--In less than an hour, an order came for my enlargement! Scarcely could I credit the gaoler's a.s.sertion, that I was at liberty; yet, though weaned from the world, the thoughts of once more becoming an active member in it, made the tide of life, which had been wont to flow calmly through its channels, rush with reanimated force, and each pulse to beat with redoubled vigour. I raised my heart in thankfulness to G.o.d--I blessed the generous Corbet, and on the doors of the prison being opened to me, hastened to the hotel where he was. I was instantly shown to the room where he was sitting, with his lady; but such were my emotions, I could not return the thanks my heart dictated: I attempted to speak--and burst into tears! My benefactor instantly arose, and conducted me to a seat, and after pressing me to partake of refreshments, requested to be informed by what circ.u.mstances I had incurred the debt, for which I had so long suffered confinement. I instantly complied, and gave him a concise relation of my life: when I recounted my meeting with the peasant woman, the emotions of my auditors were too apparent to escape observation, and the words, 'Poor Louise!'

faintly murmured by Sir Henry, (for so was my benefactor called), induce me to believe they were the parents of that infant.

"'Fearful of intruding, when I had concluded, I arose to depart; and Sir Henry, presenting me a small packet, said--'Oblige me, Monsieur La Roche, by accepting this trifle; little should I evince myself a friend, by leaving you exposed to indigence, or the fate from which I so lately rescued you. From the misfortunes you have experienced in your native land, you perhaps would feel little repugnance in quitting it; and I should advise you to seek a situation in the Eastern or Western settlements, where fortune yet may make you amends for your former losses.

"'Oppressed as I was by his late beneficence, I for a moment hesitated to receive this additional proof of his friends.h.i.+p, but the glance of his eye, beaming with benevolence, more than his words, urged my acceptance. I readily promised to follow his advice, and in language scarcely coherent, was endeavouring to express my grat.i.tude, when the master of the packet came to inform them all was prepared for their departure for England. Sir Henry instantly arose, and presenting his hand to his fair companion, bade me a cordial and a last adieu. I followed at a humble distance, willing to retain a last view of a man I thought an honour to human nature. I saw them embark, and watched the vessel till they retired from the deck, when I slowly retraced my way into town. On examining the contents of my packet, I found in it, to the amount of a thousand crowns; a sum so far exceeding my expectation, I at first nearly doubted its reality: the sight of Antoinette and her husband, however, convinced me my senses retained their perfect powers; and as their appearance recalled ideas far from pleasing, I determined to quit St. Malo's that very evening. The few necessaries I wanted, were soon procured, and I set out towards L'Orient, intending to embark in some vessel for Madagascar or Pondicherry.

"'As I drew near L'Orient, however, I experienced a wish to take a last farewell of the place where I first drew breath; and therefore directed my steps to Nantes. I there visited every place I remembered as pleasing to my childhood; and having pa.s.sed some hours greatly to my satisfaction, went to an hotel, where I inquired after my brothers, and my father's widow. Madame La Roche, the host informed me, had been dead some years, and her eldest son, to whom she left the princ.i.p.al part of her property, lived long enough to squander it, with that left him by my father, and died in consequence of his debaucheries. Her second son, a man of the fairest character and honour, and who had been brought up to the mercantile business, was lost about two years preceding my inquiry, in returning from America. The youngest, who had succeeded to his property, was the only one left of her descendants; and he had been thrown from his horse a few days before, and was so severely hurt, that the most serious apprehensions were entertained for his life.

"'I could not, unmoved, hear this account of my only relation; in that hour of affliction, I longed to claim the privilege of a brother; to minister to his wants, to speak the words of comfort, and soothe the anguish of a sick bed.--I at last determined to write: my advances might, perhaps, be rejected with disdain; but I should nevertheless, I thought, feel a satisfaction from the consciousness of having performed a duty. I accordingly wrote: but, contrary to my expectation, in less than an hour, my brother's chariot drove to the hotel, and the servants with the utmost obsequiousness, requested my presence immediately, at the house of their master. I went--and found my brother, as I expected, confined to his bed; a smile of satisfaction enlivened his manly features at my approach; for my resemblance to my father convinced him I was not an impostor. He immediately ordered his servants to pay the same deference to me, as to himself; and at his request I related my past misfortunes, the reason which brought me to Nantes, and my future prospects.

"'He heard me with attention, but strenuously opposed my leaving the kingdom--'If I live, Hilaire,' he said, 'you shall share my fortune: if I die--none but yourself shall inherit it.'

"'As I saw he wished it, I readily promised to remain with him; and from that day my time and attention were employed to effect his restoration: but my efforts, and those of the faculty, were equally ineffectual; he died in my arms, resigned and serene, leaving me, as he had promised, the undivided heir of his possessions.

"'I felt the loss of my brother more severely than might have been expected from the little time he had been known to me; but the tie of nature, never before indulged, joined to the lively regard he evinced for me, made me regret him as the dearest of friends: and as he had left me wealth beyond my wishes, I relinquished my intention of quitting France, and determined to dedicate the residue of my days to the service of my G.o.d, and the a.s.sistance of my fellow-creatures. In the course of settling my affairs, I came to Rennes, and here meeting with a companion of my boyish days, who had become a Benedictine, I determined to enter into the same brotherhood; and as soon as I had fully withdrawn my money from business, after vainly endeavouring to discover the generous Corbet, to repay my debt of grat.i.tude, here took the cowl. Half my property I settled on the Convent, reserving the other at my own disposal, to relieve those I thought deserving my a.s.sistance.

"'And here, young man, I have experienced a foretaste of that happiness I hope to enjoy hereafter. I look forward with hope, I can look back without regret: I have experienced misfortunes, but never was guilty of an action, that can justly raise the blush of shame on my cheek!'"