The Hesperides & Noble Numbers Part 148

734. UPON SIBB. EPIG.

Sibb, when she saw her face how hard it was, For anger spat on thee, her looking-gla.s.s: But weep not, crystal; for the same was meant Not unto thee, but that thou didst present.

755. UPON SLOUCH.

Slouch he packs up, and goes to several fairs, And weekly markets for to sell his wares: Meantime that he from place to place does roam, His wife her own ware sells as fast at home.

797. UPON BICE.

Bice laughs, when no man speaks; and doth protest.

It is his own breech there that breaks the jest.

798. UPON TRENCHERMAN.

Tom s.h.i.+fts the trenchers; yet he never can Endure that lukewarm name of serving-man: Serve or not serve, let Tom do what he can, He is a serving, who's a trencher-man.

801. UPON COMELY, A GOOD SPEAKER BUT AN ILL SINGER. EPIG.

Comely acts well; and when he speaks his part, He doth it with the sweetest tones of art: But when he sings a psalm, there's none can be More curs'd for singing out of tune than he.

802. ANY WAY FOR WEALTH.

E'en all religious courses to be rich Hath been rehers'd by Joel Michelditch: But now perceiving that it still does please The sterner fates, to cross his purposes; He tacks about, and now he doth profess Rich he will be by all unrighteousness; Thus if our s.h.i.+p fails of her anchor hold We'll love the divel, so he lands the gold.

803. UPON AN OLD WOMAN.

Old Widow Prouse, to do her neighbours evil, Would give, some say, her soul unto the devil.

Well, when she's kill'd that pig, goose, c.o.c.k, or hen, What would she give to get that soul again?

804. UPON PEARCH. EPIG.

Thou writes in prose how sweet all virgins be; But there's not one, doth praise the smell of thee.

818. UPON LOACH.

Seal'd up with night-gum, Loach each morning lies, Till his wife licking, so unglues his eyes.

No question then, but such a lick is sweet, When a warm tongue does with such ambers meet.

824. UPON NODES.

Wherever Nodes does in the summer come, He prays his harvest may be well brought home.

What store of corn has careful Nodes, think you, Whose field his foot is, and whose barn his shoe?

831. UPON TAP.

Tap, better known than trusted, as we hear, Sold his old mother's spectacles for beer: And not unlikely; rather too than fail, He'll sell her eyes, and nose, for beer and ale.

834. UPON PUNCHIN. EPIG.

Give me a reason why men call Punchin a dry plant-animal.

Because as plants by water grow, Punchin by beer and ale spreads so.

836. UPON BLINKS. EPIG.

Tom Blinks his nose is full of weals, and these Tom calls not pimples, but pimpleides; Sometimes, in mirth, he says each whelk's a spark, When drunk with beer, to light him home i' th' dark.

837. UPON ADAM PEAPES. EPIG.

Peapes he does strut, and pick his teeth, as if His jaws had tir'd on some large chine of beef.

But nothing so: the dinner Adam had, Was cheese full ripe with tears, with bread as sad.

_Sad_, heavy: "watery cheese and ill-baked bread".

844. HANCH, A SCHOOLMASTER. EPIG.

Hanch, since he lately did inter his wife, He weeps and sighs, as weary of his life.

Say, is't for real grief he mourns? not so; Tears have their springs from joy, as well as woe.

845. UPON PEASON. EPIG.

Long locks of late our zealot Peason wears, Not for to hide his high and mighty ears; No, but because he would not have it seen That stubble stands where once large ears have been.

880. KISSES LOATHSOME.

I abhor the slimy kiss, Which to me most loathsome is.

Those lips please me which are placed Close, but not too strictly laced: Yielding I would have them; yet Not a wimbling tongue admit: What should poking-sticks make there, When the ruffe is set elswhere?

881. UPON REAPE.

Reape's eyes so raw are that, it seems, the flies Mistake the flesh, and fly-blow both his eyes; So that an angler, for a day's expense, May bait his hook with maggots taken thence.