The Hesperides & Noble Numbers Part 146

514. KISSING AND BUSSING.

Kissing and bussing differ both in this; We buss our wantons, but our wives we kiss.

520. UPON MAGGOT, A FREQUENTER OF ORDINARIES.

Maggot frequents those houses of good-cheer, Talks most, eats most, of all the feeders there.

He raves through lean, he rages through the fat, (What gets the master of the meal by that?) He who with talking can devour so much, How would he eat, were not his hindrance such?

533. ON JOAN.

Joan would go tell her hairs; and well she might, Having but seven in all: three black, four white.

534. UPON LETCHER. EPIG.

Letcher was carted first about the streets, For false position in his neighbour's sheets: Next, hanged for thieving: now the people say, His carting was the prologue to this play.

535. UPON DUNDRIGE.

Dundrige his issue hath; but is not styl'd, For all his issue, father of one child.

553. WAY IN A CROWD.

Once on a Lord Mayor's Day, in Cheapside, when Skulls could not well pa.s.s through that sc.u.m of men, For quick despatch Skulls made no longer stay Than but to breathe, and everyone gave way; For, as he breathed, the people swore from thence A fart flew out, or a sir-reverence.

_Sir-reverence_, "save-reverence," the word of apology used for the indecency itself.

557. UPON ONE-EY'D BROOMSTED. EPIG.

Broomsted a lameness got by cold and beer: And to the bath went, to be cured there: His feet were helped, and left his crutch behind; But home returned, as he went forth, half blind.

563. UPON SIBILLA.

With paste of almonds, Syb her hands doth scour; Then gives it to the children to devour.

In cream she bathes her thighs, more soft than silk; Then to the poor she freely gives the milk.

570. UPON TOOLY.

The eggs of pheasants wry-nosed Tooly sells, But ne'er so much as licks the speckled sh.e.l.ls: Only, if one prove addled, that he eats With superst.i.tion, as the cream of meats.

The c.o.c.k and hen he feeds; but not a bone He ever picked, as yet, of anyone.

_Superst.i.tion_, reverence.

573. UPON BLANCH. EPIG.

I have seen many maidens to have hair, Both for their comely need and some to spare; But Blanch has not so much upon her head As to bind up her chaps when she is dead.

574. UPON UMBER.

Umber was painting of a lion fierce, And, working it, by chance from Umber's erse Flew out a crack, so mighty, that the fart, As Umber states, did make his lion start.

579. UPON URLES.

Urles had the gout so, that he could not stand; Then from his feet it s.h.i.+fted to his hand: When 'twas in's feet, his charity was small; Now 'tis in's hand, he gives no alms at all.

580. UPON FRANCK.

Franck ne'er wore silk she swears; but I reply, She now wears silk to hide her blood-shot eye.

590. UPON A FREE MAID, WITH A FOUL BREATH.

You say you'll kiss me, and I thank you for it; But stinking breath, I do as h.e.l.l abhor it.

591. UPON c.o.o.nE. EPIG.

What is the reason c.o.o.ne so dully smells?

His nose is over-cool'd with icicles.

596. UPON SPALT.

Of pushes Spalt has such a knotty race, He needs a tucker for to burl his face.

_Pushes_, pimples.

_Tucker_, a fuller.

_Burl_, to remove knots from cloth.

597. OF HORNE, A COMBMAKER.

Horne sells to others teeth; but has not one To grace his own gums, or of box, or bone.

600. UPON A SOUR-BREATH LADY. EPIG.