The American Credo Part 15

--257

That a sepia photograph of the Coliseum, framed, is a work of art.

--258

That every time one crosses the English Channel one encounters rough weather and is very sea-sick.

--259

That the Navajo blankets sold to trans-continental tourists by the Indians on the station platform at Albuquerque, New Mexico, are made by the Elite Novelty M'f'g. Co. of Pa.s.saic, N.J., and are bought by the Indians in lots of 1,000.

--260

That appendicitis is an ailment invented by surgeons twelve years ago for money-making purposes and that, in the century before that time, no one was ever troubled with it.

--261

That a theatrical matinee performance is always inferior to an evening performance, the star being always eager to hurry up the show in order to get a longer period for rest before the night performance.

--262

That John D. Rockefeller would give his whole fortune for a digestion good enough to digest a cruller.

--263

That a clergyman leads an easy and lazy life, and spends most of his time visiting women paris.h.i.+oners while their husbands are at work.

--264

That it is almost sure death to eat cuc.u.mbers and drink milk at the same meal.

--265

That all bank cas.h.i.+ers, soon or late, tap the till.

--266

That the members of fas.h.i.+onable church choirs, during the sermon, engage in kissing and hugging behind the pipe-organ.

--267

That women who are in society never pay any attention to their children, and wish that they would die.

--268

That if one gets one's feet wet, one is sure to catch cold.

--269

That all French women are very pa.s.sionate, and will sacrifice everything to love.

--270

That when a drunken man falls he never hurts himself.

--271

That all Chinese laundrymen sprinkle their laundry by taking a mouthful of water and squirting it out at their wash in a fine spray; and that, whatever the cost of living to a white man, the Chinese laundryman always lives on eight cents a day.

--272

That if one fixes a savage beast with one's eye, the beast will remain rooted to the spot and presently slink away.

--273

That if one eats cuc.u.mbers and then goes in swimming, one will be seized with a cramp.

--274

That hiccoughs may be stopped by counting slowly up to one hundred.

--275

That newspaper reporters hear, every day, a great many thumping scandals that they fail to print, and that they refrain through considerations of honour.

--276

That the young East Side fellow who plays violin solos at the moving-picture theatre around the corner is so talented that, if he had the money to go to Europe to study, he would be a rival to Kreisler within three years.