Yesterday c23

昨天 by 風弄 Chapter 23

Yesterday by Feng Nong.

Time is counting down. I treat YuJiang's patient tenderness with a sorrowful expression in my eyes, and weep silenty, waiting for ShuTing's rescue. Every several days I would receive a slip of paper in my palm, day by day a burning pain in my heart. ------------

"My older sister is making the preparations" -----------

"Please get ready" -------------

"Plan to immediately go to the airport after leaving Rong mansion" ...............

Looking at YuJiang leisurely tying his necktie at my bedside, I ask:

"YuJiang, if I were to disappear one day, what would you do?" What a stupid question, simply unconsciously alerting the enemy. Maybe at the bottom of my heart, I hope that he would find out, wake up with a start, and once again examine closely, before cutting off my way out. YuJiang looks at me reflected in the mirror.

"It depends on how you disappear."

"O?" He turns around and smiles saying:

"If it is because someone abducts you, I would definitely save you, even to the ends of the earth."

"What if it is not?"

"ShengSheng ........" He walks towards me, his face suddenly threatening. Frightened, I shrink back but it's already too late, I'm in his arms. He murmurs in my ear: "Don't tell me you're actually willing to part with me? How can you be willing? A deep laughter reverberates in my ear. I hate him. I hate his self-a.s.suredness, I hate his self-conceit. But what I hate the most is that I have feelings, so much so that today I'm completely shattered, simply asking for humiliation.

ShuTing comes again after a few days, he is already a frequent visitor of the Rong mansion. After chatting for a moment, he gets ready to leave with a smile. He smiles brilliantly, even seeming to carry a bright glimmering hope, winking at me. The slip of paper in my palm carries these words -------------

"Peninsula tomorrow" Again in the bathtub, I take the slip of paper in my palm and tilt my head back and swallow it down. I never knew that, as it turns out, even a piece of paper can be so bitter. So bitter that I almost start to cry.

I couldn't sleep that night. I stare wide-eyed at YuJiang. I carefully observe his lips, his brows, the profile of his nose, and also that scar on his forehead. YuJiang has his eyes closed, his even breaths one by one lightly blowing on my face. I strain my ears and hear the rhythm of his heartbeat. The night is very quiet, I can clearly hear the sound of the night breeze stroking the treetops. I want to caress his face but it looks like I'm too much of a coward, afraid that once I reach out my hand, I would lose the strength to stop myself from crying.

I silently say: YuJiang, if you wake up right now, and beg me not to leave you, I will forget ShuTing's plan, and stay as your little bird. I wait wide-eyed the whole night. He doesn't wake.

That morning, I close my eyes and listen to YuJiang get up from the bed. I receive a kiss on the forehead, and another warm moist kiss on my face. He raises my hand and places several gentle kisses on my fingers. It's an early morning routine but this time I can't take it. I turn my body, pulling firmly at YuJiang who was on his way to change his clothes.

"What about the lips?" I ask mischievously. He smiles and lowers his head. Startled, I turn my head away abruptly, refusing his approach. YuJiang stops for a moment, before leaving a kiss on my ear, and laughs on his way out. My heart is confused and alarmed. I hate it. I glance at the mirror and receive a huge shock. In the mirror is a dispirited and downcast person, looking just like an abandoned wife, is that really me? I sit by the window and look at YuJiang's car get further away, downing three cups of coffee in a row. I ring the bell, thinking of asking the maid bring up a fourth cup. ZhouHeng knocks on the door and enters:

"Mr. Huang, drinking too much coffee is not good for your health." I nod my head, and put down the cup, calmly and composedly:

"OK, I won't drink anymore. ZhouHeng, I want to go out for lunch."

"Alright, I'll go prepare the car." Just before leaving, I turn around to take one last look at the room. I say:

"ZhouHeng, change the phone tomorrow. I don't like this one."

"Yes, what type of phone does Mr. Huang like?" I sneer:

"One that is not bugged, and also not connected to a special young lady." ZhouHeng smartly keeps his mouth shut and follows me downstairs.

I know nothing of ShuTing's plan. I should be anxious and uneasy but I actually feel nothing. Things have already come to this, success or failure is already destined, there is no use in panicking. Maybe it wouldn't matter if it succeeds or not, I still won't be able to struggle free from this spider web, shouldering all this suffering walking all the way to the end of the world.

The usual seat, the usual red wine and steak. I have already said a hundred times that the steak here cannot compare to that of Rong mansion, but I would still order it. What a terrifying feeling. Don't even mention other people, even my own heart doesn't listen to my orders, how can this not be terrifying?

ShuTing arrives quickly, pretending that it is a chance encounter, waving his hand from afar with a gleam in his eyes. He turns his head and whispers a few words to his friends and walks towards me.

"ShengSheng, what a coincidence. We just met yesterday, how come I'm running into you again today?" These happy and excited words were said for the benefit of ZhouHeng who was sitting by my side: "The last time you treated me to lunch, how about I return the favor this time?" I say:

"Treat me? I've been mistreated by someone, don't even talk about good wine or good dishes, I wasn't even allowed to drink one more cup of coffee. Today, this meal, you'd better be careful that I don't eat you penniless." ZhouHeng's expression reveals a little awkwardness. ShuTing smiles frankly and sits down. When the dishes are served, I randomly pick up some, and put it in my mouth. Just when I was wondering how ShuTing will deal with ZhouHeng, my stomach suddenly experiences a sharp pain. The pain came so suddenly that I immediately lost my ability to think coherently. "Wu .......... " I gasp softly, covering my stomach and collapsing on the table. Drops of sweat as big as soybeans form on my forehead. ZhouHeng is extremely alert, he immediately jumps up and squats by my side to examine my condition. ShuTing is stunned:

"ShengSheng, what's wrong?" He comes over. "Stomach pain? Stick out your tongue and let me have a look." He is a doctor, ZhouHeng who only knows how to inject sedatives is forced to stand aside. ShuTing gives me a quick examination, and his expression immediately darkens. He turns to ZhouHeng and yells: "Milk! Quickly get milk, call the ambulance." My condition must be extremely unsightly because ZhouHeng's face was most frightening. The bodyguards that have long ago gathered around are running helter-skelter in search of milk. After being forced to drink a gla.s.s of milk, I cough repeatedly, throwing up in the process. I fall weakly into ShuTing's arms, the pain not decreasing in the slightest. I curl up into a ball and start to convulse uncontrollably. "He's seizing." ShuTing anxiously asks: "Where is the ambulance?" He cranes his neck to take a look. Looking at his behavior, even though I'm in intense pain, I still feel like laughing a little.

The ambulance finally arrives. ShuTing shows urgency in helping the paramedics by carrying me sideways into the ambulance. ZhouHeng follows behind wanting to come up but is blocked by ShuTing grabbing the door. ShuTing rapidly says:

"Mr. Zhou, ShengSheng's symptoms is consistent with poisoning, please inform his relatives. Also, we need to immediately collect the things that he just ate, it may be of use later." ZhouHeng was startled. ShuTing reacted quickly and immediately closed the door. The ambulance whizzes away.

Inside the deafening ambulance, ShuTing reveals a successful smile, and drips a few drops into my mouth. It's very effective, the pain immediately disappears.

"I'm really sorry that I used such a trick." ShuTing looks at me regretfully: "Such a lame method." He soon starts grinning. It really hurt so much that I thought I was going to die. But I have nothing to say. Maybe I really needed an excruciating pain to knock away this knot in my heart. It's too bad that I can't show the same excited look as ShuTing.

The ambulance siren is suddenly silent. I feel the vehicle braking. Don't tell me YuJiang has chased us down. I suddenly feel terrified, my expression abruptly changes. ShuTing opens the door and pulls me out of the ambulance. A car is parked at the side of the road. It's really exciting, a maneuver from a spy film is actually happening to me. Once in the car, ShuTing hands me a traveling bag.

"Your new pa.s.sport and plane ticket, and also luggage." ShuTing smiles gently at me from the rearview mirror. "It's all prepared by my big sister. She takes care of the He family business, much more capable than me." I take out the pa.s.sport and see the name on it ----------- He ShuXian. I can't help but smile faintly. How did I become a member of the He family? I steal a glance at ShuTing, he is concentrating on driving, his eyes bright and piercing.

The car reaches the airport. Just when we were about to step out of the car, ShuTing turns around and looks at me seriously. He looks at me with a persistent and firm expression, his healthy bronzed skin appears a little red with excitement.

"ShengSheng, I know I shouldn't do this, but ........... " He asks me extremely earnestly: "May I first give you a hug?" I'm stunned. He says: "It's because I'm not a 100% sure that you are really willing to follow me, and are really here by my side." Ever since we met, we have only politely shaken hands under ZhouHeng's constant watch, not having embraced. I look at him and puzzlingly nod. He rushes over like constrained lava spraying out of a volcano, hugging me tightly with his scorching hot feelings. "I'm so happy, I'm really so happy. Do you know, I've liked you so much for a long time. You have too many friends, too many people surrounding you. You were always cold and indifferent, and yet right now you're willing to let me embrace you." ShuTing tells me excitedly: "ShengSheng, you don't know how lucky I am." I'm not used to such a fierce hug. It's not right if I struggle but I'm unwilling to return his hug, leaving me at a loss.

Once we enter the airport, the crowd bustling with activity frightens me. It's not because I'm not used to the airport, it's just that this place, lets me feel that I'm really, really, really .............. leaving YuJiang. I'm finally going to give up. YuJiang, where are you right now? Towards the world under Rong enterprise, which new place are you preparing to invade and occupy? My whole body suddenly feels cold, at a loss, I stretch out my hand, wanting to support myself on something. Someone stretches out their hand, and firmly supports me. ShuTing, by my side.

"ShengSheng, are you still not feeling well?" He asks me worriedly, knitting his brows, as if wanting to use his medical knowledge to allay my sorrow. I shake my head and force myself to smile. No, I should be extremely happy, as happy as a little bird that has escaped its cage, able to spread its wings and soar like an eagle. ShuTing's face calms my nerves. Among the stream of people, I stare fixedly at ShuTing. He, could he be another YuJiang, waiting to personally deliver me to h.e.l.l in some moment of happiness. I can't tell. What would he do tomorrow?

I grab the bag and walk into the boarding area. We're finally about to leave. It's not leaving this place, but it's leaving this type of despair.

I can't help but turn my head around, in that split second I'm stunned. It's like I've been hit by a bullet, losing even the ability to tremble. Ten steps outside, a familiar pair of eyes are fixed on me. Staring at me unblinkingly. YuJiang, standing outside the boarding area. The fitting suit on him is one I picked out. This morning, I did something I rarely did, I picked out a suit for him to wear. The smart necktie is also one that I personally tied on him. That time he looked at me blissfully, the tenderness in his eyes making my heart twist. Now with his one glance, my heart starts to gurgle with flowing blood. What do you want, YuJiang? Have you come to stop me, to bring me back to Rong mansion, and build a new, even more exquisite, even more secure prison cage?

How naive can I be? This type of simple trick, how could it fool someone as shrewd as you? Coldly looking at me making a fool of myself in a futile effort. But YuJiang, why do you have to force me into a dead end with your own hands? I'm already completely destroyed, beyond redemption.

I see him calmly come nearer, and stop by the boarding area.

"ShengSheng, you won't regret?" Such a question, shocks my heart, surprising me. I hear my own calm reply:

"I won't regret." In the silent s.p.a.ce between us, ShuTing squeezes in like a towering existence.

"Quickly! The plane is about to leave." ShuTing pulls my hand, and nervously glances at YuJiang. I'm forcibly turned around to follow him. It would only take one shout from YuJiang for me to lose my chance of escape. I have an uncertain hope that he would leave me a way out. YuJiang doesn't shout, he doesn't make a sound behind me. I turn my head, he is standing by the boarding area, looking calmly at me. I suddenly shake off ShuTing's hand, and rush over to the edge of the boarding area, gripping the railing with both hands. I tilt my face up and ask:

"YuJiang, are you really letting me go or are you again making a fool of me? Tell me, tell me!" I practically shout at him. YuJiang smiles faintly. He doesn't answer, only giving me a flying kiss, using his fingers to transmit it to my ice-cold lips.

"ShengSheng!" ShuTing catches up to me and pulls me away running. It's as if YuJiang is a tiger, better for us to run away as far as possible. I keep looking back, seeing him standing like a rock, looking at me. YuJiang, how good would it be if I could read your heart. It's a pity that I can't even guess what's it my own heart.

Once onboard the plane, I weep bitterly in silence. Leaning into ShuTing's embrace, the safety belt is too tight, I can't snuggle up to him like I did with YuJiang. I can't place myself firmly in his hands for him to comfort me. ShuTing waves away the concerned air stewardess, and pats me gently on the back, seemingly wanting to coax me to sleep. But I don't want to sleep, I'm unable to sleep. Escaping from YuJiang is only making me anguished, so anguished that I can only think of crying bitterly. In the plane, I bite my lip, making ShuTing's clothes all wet.

Finally reaching Canada, we disembark. Carrying the luggage, ShuTing says:

"We have to change planes halfway, ShengSheng, Malaysia is my hometown, you don't have to fear anyone finding you or harming you over there." I have no objection. How can I object? Such an indecisive person as me, such a useless person as me. We don't leave the airport, we just change planes to head to Malaysia.

The tiring journey weakens me. I'm unwilling to admit the cause of my grief. YuJiang, why were you willing to let me go? Maybe he never did let me go. I remember his fingertips on my lips. The heat from that time actually still remains until now. I actually think to myself: If he appears like an evil spirit at the gate of the Malaysian airport, would I throw myself into his arms? I don't dare to think further. We disembark.

This is Malaysia, ShuTing's birthplace? I glance at ShuTing. Upon reaching his territory, his high spirited and vigorous appearance becomes even more noticeable, radiating with pride. ShuTing smilingly says:

"ShengSheng, is it beautiful? You will discover that Malaysia is a slice of paradise. My family driver is waiting outside the airport, come, follow me." He leads me along holding my hand. I go along smiling blankly. Happiness does not come easily, if it did, it won't be a worthy treasure.

I don't have big expectations towards Malaysia. It's only a place for me to wander about with no home to return to, stranded in my escape, that's all. I look indifferently at the customs officer at the security gate, I hear the officer ask me in English:

"Mr. He ShuXian, is this your luggage?" I'm not used to my new name, so he asks me again. It was not only after I was prompted by ShuTing that I nod my head in a daze. The inspector dressed in uniform raises his eyebrows in suspicion, and begins to search my luggage carefully. I wait calmly. Until he smoothly takes out a pocket knife and cuts open a part.i.tion in my traveling bag. I see him take out a packet of white powder. Heroin. A sudden stroke of thunder that leaves me no time to cover my ears .................. The feeling is too fierce, too powerful, one flash and it's over. From the look of outsiders, I'm as calm as ever, fearless and without dread, standing with cold eyes watching the events unfold.

ShuTing is shocked and seemingly unable to speak. He looks at the white powder, and turns his head to look at me, standing blankly unable to to accept what is happening. Little by little, I'm surrounded on all sides by a few men dressed in uniform.

"Mr. He, please follow us." I know he is speaking to me. I'm not shaking, I'm not breaking out in cold sweat, I'm not frightened out of my wits, I look at everything before me, as if it is something that ought to happen. Isn't that so? It's simply as it should be. At this moment, my heart is like cold ashes, devoid of any movement. Once again I understand, what it means to reach great heights, a heaven above heavens. But this time, I no longer have the fear and confusion I felt when I first understood this.

I am numb. Ice-cold handcuffs fall on my wrists. You only have to not struggle to not feel any pain at all. I remember YuJiang saying that he wanted to lock me up in handcuffs. Looks like it's come to this. I smile faintly. ShuTing's panic-stricken voice reaches my ear:

"You all are definitely mistaken! This is not possible!" His words no longer affect me. "I am He ShuTing, I want to see your supervisor ............. ShengSheng! ShengSheng! .............. " I obediently follow them away, leaving ShuTing behind.

After giving my statement, I am led to a small solitary cell. It's quiet all around. I'm not afraid, what is there to be afraid of, I have been imprisoned all along. Here, would it possible to hear the birds chirping outside the window of Rong mansion? Most probably. Malaysia's ecosystem has not yet been utterly destroyed like HongKong's right? It's only that it's not the same ones outside the window of Rong mansion, that's all. I sit silently by the simple and crude bed. I thank YuJiang, he has finally cut off all my hope, I thank him. Although my skin and flesh is torn, it has only helped me to break free from the spider web.

It's a pity that even though my heart is already dead, I can actually still feel pain. Pain reaching my heart, my lungs, leaving me unable to talk. I escape, he doesn't give chase. He asked:

"You won't regret?" I answered:

"I won't regret." A solid plan that had been pre-arranged, should not have met with any problems but like a supernatural ghost, appearing without warning at a place that can destroy me completely. So it's like this, we have both lost, so simple. I was ruthless, he was even more ruthless. I cut him off, he cut me off even more thoroughly. I remember YuJiang's kiss right before we parted. Why was it so cursory, like a dragonfly lightly touching the water, YuJiang? After finally giving up on me, why didn't you leave me a burning pa.s.sionate kiss before parting?

The truth is I have always loved you, unable to resist you, unable to leave you, the fear of leaving you, the fear of losing you, is enough for me to choose to exchange my life to escape from you. I thank you, for today, today after having been thoroughly abandoned by you, I finally dare to admit it to myself. In my heart, there is actually a love that I can no longer deny. I kneel by the bedside and grasp my ten fingers, but I don't open my mouth. I'm not praying, with things at this stage, I no longer need prayers. It's only that the pain that is boring into my heart is making me take my hands blindly and gripping them together, as if giving myself a hug. It's only because I understand that from now on, YuJiang, he, will never again carefully, while whispering to me, take me into his arms. I have already been abandoned. But only when I've been abandoned, do I then learn something. I finally realize how much I love him. From head to toe, from the beginning to the end, every single moment.