Ore no Nounai Sentakushi ga, Gakuen Rabukome o Zenryoku de Jama Shite Iru Vol 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Yukihira Furano's Real Heart Part 1

"Supi-"

The girl was hugging the blanket like a hug pillow and sleeping pleasantly.

I knocked several times but there was no reaction so I reluctantly entered the room. Even with me nearby there was no sign of her waking up.

"Mufufu......*mumbles*"

I got up an hour before, washed, and even finished preparing breakfast so why is this freeloader sleeping like a log?

"......How did this happen."

While complaining about this strange creature Chocolat and how she came to live here I remembered last night.

"G.o.d......?"

"Yes, that's it."

G.o.d? This person suddenly said that. Though it was normally something to laugh off, Chocolat's eyes were intent and there was no sign of a joke.

"Ah, Kanade-san, your eyes say you don't believe."

"No no, but even if you suddenly say G.o.d......hmm?"

At that time, to fit the words, an email arrived. I took my cell out of my pocket to look at it and in the addresser's column 『G.o.d』 is listed.

G.o.d? I don't remember adding that to my contact list. And, this timing......It felt strangely eerie as I tried to open the subject 『Curse Removal Mission』.

What's this? Yukihira? Why is her name there? The contents are too incomprehensible to even be a joke, what on earth is this thing?

While doubts chased around in my head, my cell phone's incoming call tune rang out.

"Ah, it is probably G.o.d."

I jumped as I heard Chocolat's voice. When I looked down at the display it showed 『G.o.d』 just like a little while ago.

Really, the cell phone number of the other person wasn't registered. How is it possible to display the name?

Surely......on the other side of the phone was something that transcended human understanding?

"......h.e.l.lo."

I pushed the receive call b.u.t.ton and held it to my ear hesitantly.

They replied in an unexpectedly flippant voice.

"......You, who is this?"

This is......G.o.d? I felt like a fool for even starting to believe it. I felt the tension drain away and answered sloppily.

What......a flashy guy.

"What business does G.o.d have with a guy like me?"

Already I didn't think he was G.o.d but in order to figure things out I played along for the time being.

"Eh? You went to the point fast? You are seriously impatient."

Flashy, as a G.o.d or a man this fellow is flashy.

"You are really G.o.d?"

Yes, I don't understand what that means.

"Please show me evidence."

"G.o.d on a cloud or thunder from a cane would do it."

Of course I don't seriously believe its possible but how can I react? The goal was to make sure.

.......Frustrating. This flashy guy is frustrating. He's incredibly frustrating.

"Therefore, the evidence?"

Eh?

The moment the flash guy's words ended a strong sense of incongruity attacked.

What......is this?

I felt uncomfortable like I wasn't myself.

But, I didn't know why.

My heart guessed what the flashy guy was saying.

"My chest? Why......again?"

What's this? I have never experienced, even once, such a soft feeling in my life so far.

I touched it again......*Fuyon*.

Once again.....................flabby.

Another time...............*boing*.

Ha? What's is he saying. Girl? What a foolish thing.

But, the feeling a moment ago is certainly......

My hand, went to my crotch in reflex.

"..............................It's gone."

Thereisnothingthereisnothingthereisnothing! That which should be there isn't there! The symbol of a man isn't there!

My face turned pale as the blood drained from it. I threw away the cell phone and ran to in front of the mirror in the washroom.

It was unmistakeably me reflected there. Eyes, nose, and mouth were the same as they have been for many years. They were all right.

However, the face watching helplessly from the mirror was a girl's. I'm a girl. The girl is me.

The hairstyle is still the same but it is now glossy and semi-long. Ba, its foolish......my eyes trace fearfully downwards.

The chest. No, the swelling is b.r.e.a.s.t.s not a man's chest. Perhaps, I'm not sure, but is this a D cup size?

This phenomenon that happened to me is impossible to neatly understand. Without realising it I start to unb.u.t.ton my s.h.i.+rt.

*Blush*. The two of them, very clearly hanging from my upper body......are undoubtedly b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

"Fu......fufu......"

I took a deep breath after weakly laughing.

"Gyaaaaaaa!"

Immediately after screaming I ran to the living room.

"Ah, woman, woman, I'm, a woman!"

Still confused I shouted at Chocolat.

"Please settle down, Kanade-chan."

"Who's Kanade-chan[1].....eh?"

I gave her the straightman's[2] reply. I noticed my voice had changed, it changed to something sweet like a character in an anime.

I grabbed the mobile lying on the floor.

"Wh-why is my torso like this!?"

"It's not there, that which should be at my crotch isn't there!"

"So, you, my pen[3]--!"

The moment I tried to say the word my face went intensely red and felt hot...what's this?

"The chin between my legs...where they meet."

It's useless, it's too shameful to continue anymore. Surely... not being able to say it is because my thinking has changed to a girl's?

"Kanade-chan, why are you in agony?"

"Don't call me Kanade-chan!"

"Shut up! And return me to a man immediately!"

"That's right. Such an experience takes 100 reincarnations to get."

"Don't say that! Why is being a man like being on a dangerous drug!?"

My frustration went into my words.

"It's best to return quickly to being a man."

[Choose ① Spend your lifetime as a girl ② Do a three point handstand and call out the name of your favorite person from history]

"John Manjiro!"

"Kanade-chan, what are you doing?"

"I want to hear that!"

As I did the handstand I exclaimed that to Chocolat.

After confirming the disappearance of the choices, I instantly stopped the handstand, and picked up the thrown cellphone again.

"It feels good to return to a man so quickly."

"Be quiet, reverse it!"

After the disatisfied voice replied, the sense of incompatibility disappeared rapidly. Each spot was rapidly groped. There were no b.r.e.a.s.t.s and there was that.

"Haaa..."

My strength drained away and I sank down.

Ku...If these types of things are shown I can't help but admit the person is at least not a human.

Such a playful guy is seriously a G.o.d?

The fellow on the phone read my silence as agreement.

Friends.h.i.+p? If you say that seriously I'll think your brain is rotten.

"My...curse?"

A little while ago Chocolat also said that phrase.

"Ah, it's Absolute Choices."

"U......"

Because there was little opportunity to say it out loud it I didn't consider that and felt some shame from naming it that.

The talk got to the important part. I held my breath as I waited for the flashy G.o.d's words.

"The mission......Was it possibly sent as a strange sentence to my phone a while ago?"

Possibly the incomprehensible message talking about Yukihira laughing.

I felt caught up by the flashy G.o.d's manner of speaking.

"Wait a second. I've had this vague feeling for a bit, by chance, do you not understand it all?"

Without hesistation the flashy G.o.d declared that.

"I almost trusted......aren't you a G.o.d?~"

"Predecessor......what does that mean, are there a lot of G.o.ds?"

"There's far more than a lot, they sweep and throw them away. Hey, there's a myriad of G.o.ds."

Sweep and throw away......when you say such words their importance is decreased.

This flashy G.o.d is probably even on the lower side of the range of infinite G.o.ds, can it understand? If this was the one and only G.o.d it would be unpleasant.

If this story is true then the flashy G.o.d has become quite useless for this matter.

"About the curse, is there some way to ask the predecessor somehow?"

"Retirement? What on earth reason would a person who is a G.o.d have to move down from the topline?"

"Huh~"

"A baby? G.o.d's?"

The last......is a bit more than needed to be said.

"But, even if you said retirement it is maternity leave? Without a serious injury isn't there a way to contact them for a report?"

"Shocked? Even though it is auspicious to be pregnant?"

"That's like a common daytime drama?"

What are you doing G.o.d?

"By the way......how long is a G.o.d's pregancy?"

"I'll be dead a hundred times!"

I didn't think the common sense of a human worked but that's far away from the normal nine months.

G.o.ds......are they even fit for it?

Supporting role? Judging from the situation it is probably, maybe Chocolat......would waiting to hear be a mistake?

I thought I heard him say most excellent?

"Oh, Oi......"

Though it was the flashy G.o.d who tried to end the talk he soon stopped.

"Ha? It said that......"

"No, wait a moment."

*click*

The call was ended, cut off onesidedly.

From the call history I found G.o.d's number and redialed it but got the artificial voice that's often heard.

What is that!

I unintentionally dropped it to the floor.

"Oh, is the call over?"

Chocolat who was watching the television from the sofa called over with a carefree voice.

That's it. You are in such a relaxing mood. In my parent's house?

"Chocolat-kun, just a moment."

"Yes, what will it be?"

Chocolat swiftly swallowed the cookies and happily came over.

"I want to check a few things, first of all, did your memories return?"

"Ah, yes. I almost can recall things."

I gave a sigh of relief at her ear to ear grin. Even if she is a fool she is the only source of information left to me. I'm still anxious for the most part......

"Why can't I remember my own name."

Name? It's good that it is indeed a trivial thing she can't recall. Whether it is Chocolat, Parfait, or even Konjac, that has nothing to do with my absolute choice.

"Then, please teach me all you know."

"Unfortunately, that's impossible."

"......Huh?"

"There's no information for me to teach Kanade-san."

"No, even if you don't remember your name......"

"Yes, I've remembered I don't know anything."

"Huh?"

"Umm, well, even though there was originally the memory loss the things, I recalled it then forgot again."

In a word, double memory loss, it has returned to a memory loss and......what is that.

"Fufufu. Thus, even I am surprised I don't understand anything."

"Yes......I'm also surprised at your self-satisfied face."

That's the end of that......already I'm in a pinch.

No, is it too early to give up? Chocolate is a resident(?) of that world and if I ask her questions what might come out.

"Because I need to know, please explain step-by-step. First of all how did you come to my place?"

"Oh, yes. Without memories I found myself addicted to daily sweets and found a connoisseur. Amakusa Kanade-san, I'm to help you remove your curse."

"Indeed?"

"That's it."

"Huh?"

"You see, I have to stay by the target, a human being, that is affected by a curse, without doing anything."

What?......Something about this feels fatally wrong.

"No, I know nothing."

"I don't know it either."

Above Chocolat and my head a mark was appearing.

"Kanade-san, can I ask a question?"

After a silent moment Chocolat raised her hand vigorously.

"Although I checked, but Amakusa Kanade isn't hiding from loans and is really 『A・magusa・Ganadouru』 right?"

"Who is that?"

"This world repeats (External time) and (Internal time) every day. When it is in internal time, (Magical beasts) who are malicious towards humanity, start attacking all at once, that's how it is right?"[5]

"What's with that 2nd year of junior high setting!"

"Kanade-san, listen to the fall, the consciousness of the ancient warrior that dwells in the body is awake, when I think the strongest robot of today 『Eldoraon』 is summoned."

"No, that's enough......that's already enough."

"Really? Ah, by the way Kanade-san, isn't it time to go to bed soon?"

"Ah? What are you talking about. It is still too early."

"Eh? Because in this world, the causal body transformation of Kanade-san, the internal time sleeps right?"

"Is that the case! Tomorrow just come!"

"This......what does two bodies mean?"

The telephone call with the flashy G.o.d a little while ago, Chocolat's discrepancy of recognition, after considering the various situations, did G.o.d send to the wrong world?

Supposing a parallel world exists, where A・magusa (usually called Amakusa Kanade) exists instead of me, and was to receive a most troublesome curse, Chocolat was supposed to go.

This hypothesis, I said to Chocolat with a clap of my hands.

"To me, who was dispatched with the general knowledge and language of the world automatically installed in my head, it all felt too different."

......In simple, a dead end. The strange creature in front of me in order to remove the Absolute Choice, in conclusion isn't of any use.

I, while smiling ear-to-ear put my hand on Chocolat's shoulder.

"Please return."

"What do you mean?"

"Ah?"

"Until the subject of the curse that the a.s.sistant is a.s.signed to is released from their curse the a.s.sistant can't return."

"......Why?"

"I don't know why."

"You don't know why?"

"I don't understand it."

"So, when will you understand it?"

"Kanade-san these cookies you made are delicious."

"You aren't joking?"

"Now, Kanade-san lets settle down and eat the delicious dinner."

Certainly I'm hungry, but this issue isn't settled, as usual I can't understand this person.

"Salmon meuniere is it? In the refrigerator is a prepared salad with vegetable relish and meat."

I don't like entrusting the kitchen to a stranger but with my confused mental state I couldn't bring myself to cook.

"Understood, then I'll order that."

"Hmm?"

Chocolat tilted her head in puzzlement.

"I don't know how to do that?"

"Ah? Not even salad of salmon meuniere?"

"? I'd like to eat that."

"I am making that!"

Decide, decide! This person can return to its world, the how doesn't matter. There is not the slightest reason for keeping such an unhelpful person.

"Hey, Chocolat, leave this house."

[Choose ① I already give up and let Chocolat freeload, ② I give up and I leave.]

Why!

......There was a scene that was hard to describe afterwards. Now it is the morning and I barely slept due to various ideas running through my brain.

"Supi-"

......This.

This sleeping face, it is too peaceful, it is at the level you hesitate to interupt it, but breakfast has to begin soon or there won't be enough margin to attend school on time.

"Hey, wake up."

I tried a light shake, with absolutely no sign that it was working. The moment I added a bit of strength.

"Ah......Kanade-san."

Chocolat, with a start trembled, and randomly called out in an erotic voice.

"Kanade-san.......Kanade-san, harder there......"

Hmm? What on earth?

"Ah, Kanade-san's hole then the hole is where the tentacle?"[6]

......Hole? Tentacle? Never.....

"Kanade-san's back virtue......ohh!"

This person......is corrupt.

"Oh......Kanade-san, that's a very agonized face, oh dear so good."

......It was not necessary to stay away from this person. I realised the solution was to close the nose and mouth and then breathing wasn't possible.

"......hmm?......fu?......miyufu"

After giving out a strange sound, Chocolate finally awoke. She glanced around half asleep, and the moment her eyes saw me she said "Ah, Kanade-san, good morning!"

She instantly flashed a big smile that lit up her face.

"A-Ah, morning."

Seeing the carefree smile I turned away by reflex. Even without makeup her features were well formed.

Additionally, the borrowed pajama's were dishevelled and a splendid amount of bare skin was exposed. Furthermore she didn't seem to mind that she was in a completely defenseless state.

"Kanade-san, what is it?"

"I-It's nothing."

Even though I understood Chocolat wasn't a human with my head, having a girl of approximately my age around still affected my emotions. While I was confused by myself I unconsciously looked down.

"Oh, you mean."

Chocolat seeing my appearance replied with a slightly guilty tone of voice.

"I'm half asleep, and my covering the carpet in drool is exposed?"

"What kind of sleeping posture is that!"

I felt stupid for feeling like she was of the opposite s.e.x.

"Oohh, it is amazing."

Chocolat cried out exaggeratedly when she saw the breakfast displayed on the table.

I could hardly bring myself to cook yesterday and just ate cup noodles. When you eat those ready made things the nutrition is only partial and it adds up to nothing good.

A result of the practice of cooking for myself is the way it made Chocolat's eyes sparkle.

"Oohh."

*Bang*

"Haaa."

Each movement of the chopsticks is followed by an exaggerated reaction. Even though the menu isn't very varied, if she eats it with such relish and bouncy movements, I, as the person who made it can't feel bad about it.

However, the problem of Chocolat staying here is seperate.

"However......if you are a freeloader don't eat it all."

"Ehehe."

Oh? Why is she pleased? Taking sarcasm as praise, what kind on earth type of brain does she have? Looking down with my eyes that drip scorn, Chocolat seems to sense something as I raised one finger and swung it like a metronome.

"Kanade-san, Kanade-san, I don't want to calmly be in your debt, I am not one of those audacious people."

Oh, that's good. That's the feeling I wanted. I don't want to say give me money.

What I wanted was the feeling of being sorry and being grateful.

"Please leave the guarding of the house to me."

"What is your mind full of?"

She's useless......Still, there's not many choices. It's not like I can drive her out.

"Hahaha. Today I am not ashamed Kanade-san!"

Why does Chocolat seem to be full of confidence as she put her hand to her chest? She took something from that uselessly rich cleavage.

"Money......roll?"

10,000 yen bills. [7]

It's a bundle of 10,000 yen bills. Perhaps a hundred of them. [8]

"It was given for necessary expenses. If that isn't enough I can get sent addional amounts. I'll entrust it to Kanade-san for the time being."

Seriously?......I didn't think cold cash was a serious posibility. Now that she's given it to me, even if I have issues with this situation it can't be helped.

This amount is a lot no matter how you consider it, I'll only take as much as needed and return the rest later.

The source of all this, Chocolat, still seems somewhat suspicious but she might not be a fake afterall.

"Though I don't understand things like that, is that the end of the discussion?"

"This is dangerous money!"

Reflexively I threw it to the floor.

"......For the time being you hold it."

"Is that so? Please let me know if you need it at any time."

Dirty 10,000's that Chocolat stored in her cleavage. I'll consider it all later.

"In the meantime I'm going to school."

I stood up while letting out a light sigh.

"Okay, have a safe trip."

Looking at her usual ear to ear smile I suddenly had a question.

"Hey, Chocolat, why are you so happy?"

"What do you mean?"

"No, if it it was me and I was suddenly sent to another world alone, to help someone I didn't know, there is no way I could act so carefree."

Her character, even she's ordered to be like that, if I think normally about it, it is hard to say that att.i.tude is natural.

"Well, we are servants of G.o.d and this is the work given to us. Therefore, we are built to feel joy from it. Dealing with cursed humans and breaking the curses cause problems in the mission but my feelings are adjusted."

Although it was a bit worrysome hearing her talk as though she was a thing, I don't know what is common sense in that world.

"Hmm, it's like that?"

"Yes, so therefore I love Kanade-san."

"I......"

It was too straightforward a statement of goodwill.

"What is it?"

No, I understand it. This person's goodwill if I compare it to something is like a dog has to it's owner. I'm fully aware there's zero love in it. It's impossible to hear 『Love』 from a creature as cute as this girl. But if she throws it out so much the reasoning of any man disappears.

"N-no, it is nothing."

It was extremely hard to say that while hiding my reddening face. I just learned that lesson a little while ago in the bedroom, but I don't seem to be teachable.

"Really? Then while you are gone leave everything to me."

Her words pulled my thoughts back to reality.

Yeah, I said I was going to school a little while ago, I have to leave things to her. It was a mistaken to send an excellent person is too much for me.

"It's really okay......do you understand was.h.i.+ng and things like that?"

"Yes, it will be alright if I experience it and practice it until it's perfect."

"No, have some experience from the start......what's with that studylike way of speaking?"

As I thought, leaving it to this person makes me anxious. I should simulate my leaving.

"Chocolat, let's have a test of me leaving things to you."

"Okay, coming and going."

First a simple leaving.

"If it suddenly rains?"

"I won't want to go outside."

"I don't want to hear your thoughts! Take the laundry in!"

Right from the start it is exceedingly bad.

"When newspaper solicitors come?"

"Take it if it comes with detergent."

"Hide before that!"

Next, next.

"If you have a "it's me" type phone swindler call?"

"I'll send the bills, that G.o.d forged for me, by bank transfer."

"A scandal will erupt!"

......Next.

"If Nakajima comes for an invitation?"

"Cook a meal."

"No resistance! In the first place that person only invites Isono!"

"Now, Kanade-san I think you are joking."

"You are guessing......you are right."

I unintentionally let myself get carried away.

"You should understand it all."

s.h.i.+t, I'm showing my irritation on my face. I intended to retort but time is running out.

*d.a.m.n* "Well I'll be back."

"Have a safe trip!"

While holding a helpless feeling of insecurity, I received an energetic sendoff and left the house.

Part 2

"Buhiiiii."

It is second year, cla.s.s 1's lunchtime and a voice is doing 『Pig in the middle of being lynched』sounds.

"Buhiiiii."

My anguished voice sounds like a 『Pig in the middle of being lynched』.

"Buhiiiii."

My face is indecribable as all kinds of negative feelings fill it. If you dared to add the t.i.tle 『Pig in the middle of being lynched』 I wonder where it would go.

"Buhiiiii."

I finished the 10th cry of 『Pig in the middle of being lynched』 as required. With a blank expression I jumped down off the teacher's desk.

[Choose: ① Lie on your back on the teacher's desk and mimic the sound of a 『Pig in the middle of being lynched』 ten times ② Daigo-san nude, and tied in straw rope, will appear and do it instead.]

The moment this choice appeared, seriously......no. I felt like jumping off the roof in comparison. Trying to think of a pig who can't live no matter how it struggles I somehow managed to do 『mimicing a pig's denying death cry』.

"Why......why did I see this......"

So, all of it is to blame on the Absolute Choice. If this can be eliminated I can regain my peaceful life.

The conditions have been specified. It seems I have to do the missions specified by G.o.d.

However, what is with the it being 『make Yukihira Furano laugh from the bottom of her heart』.

It's so crazy my mind can't wrestle with where to start.

"......Eh~"

Feeling something behind me I glanced back over my shoulder. It was Yukihira herself. She was expressionless, as always, as she put her hand on my shoulder.

"Amakusa-kun, now I understand a little of your yearning feelings."

"Yearning? What on earth are you talking about?"

"No, even though is a lot to accept, it isn't very nice."

"You......What are you trying to say? I don't get it at all."

"Unfortunately, a while ago you suffered through the pig joke."

"That expression in your eyes!"

That? Yesterday she said talked about people being a pig or an insect.

"Btw, because you are fair-skinned it's not a blackpiggish joke, it's cla.s.sified as a whitepiggish joke. In other words a white pig."

"I don't want to be told that by you!"

"By the way, when I express it with two names it becomes 『White Pig's Stylish Laugh Time>."』[9]

"You say such shameful things with a straight face!"

"Though you deny it to me, if it's not a piggish joke, and not rainy season eccentricities, I wonder what on earth it is?"

"Uh......"

I found myself at a loss for words. How do I explain it......I mean, to begin with there is no reason, and there's no way I can give an explanation.

......Wait, conversely is this the chance? With no reason for the 『Pig in the middle of being lynched』 mimicing, rather, the piggish joke challenge might let me off with a light wound.

"To be honest, because your joke yesterday was interesting I tried to imitate it a bit."

After denying it instantly, is this lame? I did a searching glance at Yukihira but somehow got back an expression of contempt.

"Afterall it was true."

"Yes?"

"I thought and asked leading questions......every night I thought and worked to reach the piggish joke."

This person......what on earth is she saying?

"This already is at a level where there's nothing to do but launch a lawsuit."

"No no, this is a tapir, not the same as a pig."

"I appeal!"

Yukihira shouted out in the style of a certain comedy group.

"No, therefore it is nothing like a ripoff."

"I appeal!"

This person......just wants to say that phrase.

"I understand, I was bad, stop it already."

"I appeal!"

I got it!

"Presiding judge, please call the presiding judge to me."

"No, they aren't here. Why are you 『Calling a Chef』[10]?"

"Noo, we already ate."

Ouji clearly aimed to appear with that timing.

It seems lunch finished in the school cafeteria, and she entered the cla.s.sroom while contentedly rubbing her belly.

"Oh, the presiding judge is back to just the right spot."

"No, that is plainly Ouji."

"Hmm~ for some reason I sense something interesting."

c.r.a.p, I have a premonition things are going to be more troublesome somehow.

"Presiding judge, this person is the outrageous one who tried to steal another person's intellectual property. Give an impartial judgement."

Your intellectual property......the pig joke is intellectual property.

"I don't understand but, the death sentence."

"The summary trial level is done!"

"It's decided. It's good to barbecue quickly."

"I am not a pig!"

Yukihira's tsukkomi was disregarded and unconcernedly continued speaking.

"Presiding judge, there is two issues. Needless to say the first is is the defendent 『Are they guilty or innocent?』. And the second thing is the defendent 『A man or a pig?』."

"I don't get the nuance!"

"When you bring it together it becomes, is the defendent 『Guilty or a pig?』."

"I don't get that even more!"

"Amakusa-kun, being a man and guilty in a sense can be said to be equal. Man is a living thing that's work consists of sacrificing all other lives......So to say, it's existance itself is a crime."

"Why does that sound a bit cool?"

"Presiding judge, it's the time of decision."

"No, it's too early. Because nothing has been discussed yet."

To begin with, being guilty or a pig, hasn't been discussed.

"Hmm, a pig then."

"A pig, no way!"

"Hmm, then guilty."

"Guilty, no way also!"

"The judgement was reversed, the presiding judge's sympathy was given but you still give this att.i.tude......can't you accept it and stop joking?"

"No, that's you! The one joking is you no matter how you think about it!"

"But, Kanade-cchi's pig cry mimicry echoed out of the cla.s.sroom and that's a typical crime."

"Umm......"

There's nothing I can say in reply. I feel like it's at a misdemeanor level.

"That's so. Amakusa-kun is vaguely like a pig and is indirectly guilty."

"Like......isn't that completely subjective?"

"Amakusa-kun. If you think a single individual can completely objectively judge someone, that's egoism."

"So why are you saying those cool sounding words!"

"Now choose Amakusa Kanade. Living in a pigsty as a pig, or thrown in jail like a man?"

"Both are refused!"

No, you two, I want you to have already pardoned it.

"Heyy!"

At that moment the door was flung open and Utage-sensei invaded the cla.s.sroom.

"Ack......"

The teacher came towards me in a rush and caught me by the nape of the neck with no discussion.

"You Amakusa......are a pig brought to the cla.s.sroom to be intently played with?"

"No no, that's impossible. Sensei, I'm one of your students?"

"You're a pig."

"What fatlike impression are you saying you are getting!"

"That's just a joke. I heard an unpleasant voice like a pig from the cla.s.s, the snitches brought it to the staff room."

"That......was me."

"You? Amakusa-kun, though it's the usual, your problem causing and acquittal is not a good example to the other students."

No, I understand the principle and it's not good in appearance. Pretending to be bullied as I am taken to the student guidance room, but the rapid movement and strong pressure!

"Oh......this feeling of digging into my flesh, I didn't miss it."

As I was dragged horizontally I whispered a dangerous thing.

"Oops......we've reached it. This is a bit quiet but I'm still unsatisfied."

That's strange, that's strange. This person is weird!

"Amakusa, so, this thing."

"No, what kind of thing? Gaahhh!"

Before I know it, my conciousness has faded.

"So?"

"So? That's not it! I wonder if others will talk!"

The student guidance room. When my homeroom teacher talked as if nothing had happened, I, who came with her, exploded with dissatisfaction.

"It's safe. A person doesn't die from just that."

"That's not the problem!"

"I'm a professional at strangling so I'm very knowledgeable about where to safely draw the line. I used to be called 『Strangle to Death-Utage』."

"That's like the t.i.tle of a heroic movie, not!"[11]

No matter what happened, those two names shouldn't be attached to a j.a.panese language teacher......what two worlds did this person live in.

"However, if it wasn't for that, that place wouldn't be settled?"

"No it was settled! Rather, the bigger problem is you!"

Because she got excited selfishly remembering the old days, and then strangling me, I nearly suffered a trauma.

When Utage-sensei was telling it she showed a unique expression.

"Well certainly it could have been a bit of an overkill......Alright, then I'll do you a favor and teach a good move."

"Good move?"

"Ah, it's 『The Vital Point That Destroys The Last Five Minutes』."

That smells fishy!

"It's still around five minutes. Do you want to try and forget the last little while?"

"No, I decline......By the way the vital point is where?"

"Oh, its at the back of the head. It's a small spot you fling against a wall or a floor."

"That's not a vital point at all!"

Seriously, what kind of person is this person......However, this person who's arrogance is depicted was also cursed for a time.

I can't imagine Utage-sensei being toyed with by the Absolute Choices.

"Sensei, were you really cursed?"

Though I asked the question casually, Utage-sensei's body seemed to tremble briefly.

"Well......To tell the truth my character is a bit rough because of the curse. When I was you? It came into my head all the time and twisted me. I was originally more docile, pure hearted and sweet......Yeah, in a phrase 'a graceful j.a.panese woman'."

"Sounds like a lie!"

I said that out of reflex.

"Hey! It's true."

No......Showing such a threatening att.i.tude, it's impossible to believe her. I'm usually scared of her.

"Good grief......Well, that aside what became of the matter of the person falling from the sky yesterday?" Sensei asked that while leaning back with her legs outstretched from the chair. Ah, did she worry about it?

I reported all the minute details of the flashy a.s.sistant Chocolat settling down in the house.

"In the end did the d.a.m.n mission come too?......"

After sensei heard the explanation her expression clouded up.

"So often the mission make you go what on earth? Because the contents are like that it's hard to know how to do them."

To make Yukihira laugh, Absolute Choices doesn't seem related to that.

"That girl is always serious."

"Huh?"

Utage-sensei's mood changed.

"The G.o.d and I seem to fit, the contents of the mission are a joke and the curse can't be removed if you make even one mistake......That's serious."

To the hard tone, I held my breath instictively.

"Why? It's meaningless to think about it. You can only manage to do it. Listen Amakusa, fight with the will to die![12]"

That it was not a threat or a joke was clear from sensei's expression.

"So, you've been following along until now, now it depends on your working hard."

Where on earth have I been following, is what my heart retorts, but if I say that it will become complicated again so I'm cautious.

"Well, the important part of the mission is what? Look at the cell phone."

Sensei checked the contents, and then eyes full of pity glanced at me.

"......That's pathetic."

"Eh, wait, what's with that, it seriously ends with that feeling."

"From the reaction of Utagi-sensei, the feeling of an impending crisis rapidly built."

However, I have to make Yukihira laugh by the end of tomorrow......that's very unreasonable.

"Well, it is what it is."

In the afternoon cla.s.s, my eyes looked around the middle of the cla.s.sroom to where Yukihira's seat.

Yukihira was sitting with her chin lightly cupped with one hand and listening to the teacher talk. Her face was expressionless as usual, the features still were fairly beautiful.

No no, it wasn't the time to leisurely think about things like that, if I don't have her laugh heartily at me by tomorrow it will be terrible.

Just because there's the example of Utage-sensei cancelling the curse on my side, simply because there's hope to remove the curse some day, this year, I absolutely have to endure the unreasonable demands of Absolute Choice.

However, by failing a mission, I won't be able to break the curse for the rest of my life......it's notification of the end of my life.

*Snore*

From behind I can hear the sleeping snores of Yuuouji bring me back to here and now. She was happily sleeping while s...o...b..ring in a notebook.

"Fufu......Yes! Hamburger......Curry and rice too."

Who on earth dreams like that. Is she a child?

If Yuuouji was the target of this mission her wild instincts would have made it very easy. Oh well, may as well ask for the moon (is that really different?) it's unavoidable and I have to carry it out.

First of all, I've never seen Yukihira laugh.

When I did bad jokes her voice would rise and she would have an exaggerated expression but as soon as it ends she would be back to being expressionless.

At that moment, Yukihira who seemingly felt my look turned around and looked directly at me dammit!

"Umm......"

I didn't have anything to be ashamed of doing but the person in question guessed I was watching and I did feel ashamed.

Yukihira observed my lost expression and after narrowing her eyes a moment glanced back to the blackboard.

After the cla.s.s ended Yukihira faced my desk straight on.

"Amakusa-kun, no matter how you regret it, our relations.h.i.+p won't change."

This.......Possibly, did Yukihira misunderstand after being looked at for so long?

"N-no, that's wrong Yukihira that wasn't the reason!"

"I can't become your little sister."

"......Huh? What on earth did you say?"

"Actually, on the anime broadcast yesterday, 『Magical Young Man[13] Gurigyua 5』 episode 330, the new magical tool 『Become An Older Brother Gla.s.ses』[14] appeared. The effect is said to be 『When worn and staring at other people's backs, whoever it is, changes into a younger sister』.

It was a bonk worthy setting. Could such an anime continue for over 300 episodes......

"Incidentally the 100-year old grandfather was changed into his younger sister and began to flirt in public."

"Where's the demand for something like that!?"

"I was certain that Amakusa-kun had obtained 『Become An Older Brother Gla.s.ses』 and was trying to make a younger sister of me."

"Don't believe in magic tools existing in reality because of something like that!"

"Because don't they say that if a man is over 30 they become wizards[15]."

"Could you stop a.s.suming people's futures!"

Contrary to keeping the joke going Yukihira's face is expresionless.

To make her heartily laugh is.......greatly unreasonable.

Part 3

"I'm back.......I said?"

When I returned home there was no sign of Chocolat. She was left to watch the house, did she go out without permission?......

"Oh well, its good."

Now Chocolat is away. I need to think of a way to make Yukihira laugh immediately.

......"It's useless."

In the middle of cooking supper, even though I was only thinking of the problem nothing has come to mind.

To begin with, I am not a comedian and making people laugh from the bottom of their heart is an impossible task.

Probably as Utagi-sensei says, even if there's no way to do it but you put your soul into it it can work out somehow.

I stopped heating the pan while I sighed and Chocolat came back as though she had timed it.

"I'm back!"

"Oh, where did you go?......What is that bag?"

On the back of Chocolat, who vigoursly jumped into the room, was a swollen rucksack.

"Goods to make Furano-san laugh. For Kanade-san's sake I've run around all day collecting them."

She looked happy as she laid the rucksack on the floor.

Even though she prepared all this my expecations are low, but with no ideas of my own I'm in the frame of mind to clutch at straws. I reached out a hand to the rucksack to figure out it's contents.

"Um......What is this smell."

Chocolat had turned her attention to the kitchen and was sniffing the air.

"Ah, that's the Pot-au-feu for dinner."

"Po-pot-au-feu......this house has something so trendy?"

This is the first time I've seen someone say something like trendy. To begin with Pot-au-feu is actually a simple home cooked meal, there's nothing trendy about it.

"After looking in the rucksack......no, did you eat already?"

"Lets do it, lets do it!"

She looked like a dog being told to wait, it's hard to check it calmly.

Chew*

"......Woaa......this......what is it called......immensely......Pot-au-feu is it."

The inner dog was showing in the frighteningly poor vocabulary. Well, I could tell she was satisfied with the taste just from watching her face relax.

"Now I want you to show what is in the rucksack."

"Ah, that's so. Fufufu, well then I'll swiftly pull out a bit."

She reached into an outer pocket of the rucksack and handed me a book from it.

『10 Ways to Make Girls Smile ~ You are now The Popularity King!』

......It already looks very fishy. And then there's the 'good taste' in the subt.i.tle.

"Let me see."

In all probability this type of book is useless. But with Chocolat spending so much effort to bring it I can't just reject it so I began paging through it.

There were a lot of ill.u.s.trations making it fairly thick, and reading to the end seemed a bit troublesome.

Just after the table of contents I found a page that showed the main points so I decided to look at that.

<① you="" are="" pretty.="" and="" i="" admire="" you.="">

Suddenly suprisingly blunt contents, if it's said that way surely even the worst natured woman would like it I think.

That's at the limit of rudeness!

<② use="" a="" metaphor="" to="" compliment="" them.="">

Putting number ① to use? Smiling like a sunflower, is it doable? Cleverly saying it should please a girl.

Enfuriating.

<③ give="" the="" complement="" your="" companion="" wants="" from="" you.="">

How is that slightly helpful? Since it varies case by case.

Then don't write it!

<④ first="" of="" all="" be="" seen="" laughing.="">

Ah, this part could be quite deep. I'm certainly not happy, so there's no reason for those around me to smile.

That's just like an ordinary pervert isn't it?!

Police officer there's a suspicious person there!

<⑤ give="" money.="">

That's useless! Don't do that! Then they are just likely to smile temporarily.

The goal of this guy's book is grasped it seems!

<⑥ spank="" on="" the="" b.u.t.t.="">

No no no, what are you suggesting without warning!

That's at the M level!

Thrash each other freely!

"What's with this book……"

Already I'm disgusted. After all that I don't have any expectations left but since I'm already this far I'll finish it to the end.

<⑦ say="" 『i="" think="" you="" should="" laugh』="" to="" them.="">

That's a trick isn't it!

That situation absolutely never happens!

<⑧ talk="" about="" the="" next="" year.="">[16]

There's limits it to being a demon! Limit it to a reasonable scope!

What's with that! Though I sort of see your point a bit.[17]

<⑨ laugh......="">

What's that? That's the least understandable so far.

You're really motivated!

<⑩ tickle!="">

Take them on?!

"Make this out of print immediately!"

I got so angry I threw the book at the floor.

"That didn't help?"

"Ah, it didn't even help a millimeter."

The fact that merchandise like that gets sold is a miracle. Publisher, do your work properly!

"Really??"

Chocolat picked up the book from the floor and looks at it interestedly.

"It's worthless?"

How can you expand contents like that to 300 pages. That's the interesting part.

"Well, it's interesting with the Secret Technique 『48 Tickle techniques for winning in Sumo』, all ill.u.s.trations included."

What the h.e.l.l is that......It's a waste.

"It's okay, I'm going to take a shower."

I spoke to Chocolat who's eyes brightened for some reason afterward in the living room.

"Oh......still reading it?"

After the shower I returned to the living room toweling my head dry and found Chocolat was still crazy.

There doesn't seem to be any value in reading that book, but alternatively there's no reason to stop her. I sat on the sofa and turned on the TV.

I should check the contents of the unopened rucksack but likely the book was the best of it and the rest is a waste of time.

What kind of reference book is that I thought, as I found a comedy show.

......*pfft*

Although the show was an ordinary talk show that brought on entertainers it was still amusing. However, even if I steal this and use it on Yukihira it wouldn't be funny.

How to say it, laughter is from not only the material, but the creating the right atmosphere, and bringing all the complex parts together. I don't seem to have that sense.

Then how am I to make Yukihira laugh? I can't think of a conclusive way, as that thought went around and around in my brain, suddenly someone put a hand on my shoulder.

"Huh, Chocolat?"

"Kanade-san, I'm finished learning the 48 tickle techniques in sumo's. I really want to try it but there was no way."

With a fearless smile Chocolat leapt onto the sofa.

"And, this is a good opportunity for skins.h.i.+p."

"Skins.h.i.+p?"

"Yes, I want to help you so much with this, but Kanade-san is aloof, and I see it's because we don't have a close bond. And wanting a little more I think skin should touch."

What kind of reasoning leads to that conclusion. Me being aloof is just because anyone who's your partner will get worn out?

Suddenly I was grabbed and turned around, and two hands were shoved into my armpits.

"Wait a minute, what are you doing, get off me......too strong!"

Daigo-san and Utage-sensei were both superhumanly strong, but this belongs to a different category. My body itself was shook like it was in a vise and clamped down on.

I mean, in truth, it's like, my chest......my chest has reached my backbone!

"Haha, resistance is futile!"

And, what is this scent......this fragrance is amazing. In the exquisite fragrance, I had an illusion that my brain was melting......reasoning......dangerous......

"Oh, that's a good relaxed look on your face Kanade-san."

Wait wait wait! Calm down me! Even though she appears to be a girl, it's a creature from a strange world, it's not human, it has a tail that shakes like a dog when, it's a dog, a dog! She's only a dog.

The excited petting is over. I, as the owner, need to train it properly.

"Hey Chocolat, let go, this is an order!"

As I turned my body, Chocolat's hand which was in my armpit touched my nipple and a strange sound came out.

"Fu fu, well then I'm starting. 『B.O Destruction』"

"No, wait a moment----Buhaha."

My armpits were single-mindedly groped.

"That's good, lets continue with 『Dishelved Side b.u.t.ton』, starting."

"Cho-Chocolat, I said stop......Gyahahaha!"

I was writhing in anguish on the sofa.

"This is a bit amazing, 『Crysanthemum Straight Line』 [18]."

"Yo-wai-it's useless Hyahahahaha."

"Fu fu, real skins.h.i.+p starts from here."

"Ihi[19]......ihi.......really Ihyahyahyahyahyahyahya."

"Ahaha......aha......ahahahaha."

Tens of minutes later. I was lying on the floor wrapped in an extraordinary feeling of euphoria.

I laughed. When was the last time I laughed like this.

"Aha.....Chocolat......Laughter is a wonderful thing right."

"? Kanade-san that seemed a touch more dangerous than usual."

It's useless. I'm completely worn out, I don't even have the willpower to retort.

Or perhaps I should say, I'm sleepy. But falling asleep......can I sleep like this......no, this is useless for making Yukihira laugh......nothing came to mind......I should do this to Yukihira......I can clear the mission, Yukihira can be happy, doesn't that kill two birds with one stone......but will it be s.e.xual hara.s.sment when I do it......if instead Chocolat does it I don't clear it afterall......ah, I'm sleepy......sleepy.

Part 4

"Ta......ouch!"

I woke up and felt pain immediately.

"Hey......I'm alive?"

Why was I sleeping here? Last night......Ah, that's it. Chocolat for some reason I don't understand tested 『48 Tickle techniques for winning in Sumo』 on me. It became pleasant and I fell asleep......No, I remember up to there but why is my body in so much pain?

"Ku......"

Getting up, which made my whole body creak and ache, I stepped to the table, and stretched out a hand to the 『10 Ways to Make Girls Smile ~ You are now The Popularity King!』 book sitting on it.

As for the cause of the pain, 『48 Tickle techniques for winning in Sumo』, I turned through some of the pages. At the last page was a red note.

※ Attention! When you study these 48 basic techniques in Sumo thoroughly an indescribable pleasure is attained at first then the side effects attack.

What is that......it's confusing. Beside that is a small cute character has a speech bubble and is winking.

『In the world there's not often good stories!』

"That's not so!"[20]

Irritating, that's extremely irritating! I'm going to call and complain later. What on earth is with this publis.h.i.+ng company.

On the spine is a 『Published by UOG』 mark.

"You?!"

On reflex I threw the book at the wall.

"What time is it now?......Ge."

Looking at the clock on the wall, it's past the time I normally leave at. Ku, I'm not normally a late riser......There's no help for it, I'll skip breakfast today.

I don't have time to wake Chocolat. Only because she is likely sleeping like a log carefree so there's no question in leaving her be.

My body screaming as though whipped, I changed my clothes.

Chocolat used that technique on me 10 to 20 times (as best as I can remember) yesterday.[21]

And because of that I'm eating this full course of pain......my imagination made my body tremble shaking, I reached the hallway.

Isn't this durability? The pain seems to have softened which is fortunate.

"……That reminds me, there was that."

The rucksack was stored in the entranceway. A memo in very rounded writing was stuck to it.

『Furano-san also、baang, Baang!! Chocolat』

What's with that way of writing, seems like very dumb sentences.

I thought of checking the contents, but I feel like it's going to burst any moment, and will explode with any momentary openings.

Well, it's better than nothing. I opened the door while feeling the heavy weight on my shoulder from the bag.

"After all......it's useless."

On the way to school I thought whether there was any interesting ideas but I didn't think of anything by the time I reached the cla.s.sroom. I opened the door and looked inside, I could see Yukihira standing by the windows.

Well, as I approached her thinking about things, she suddenly turned around without warning.

"Ah, Amakusa-kun, Goodyogurt."[22] ......A terrible response with a troubling greeting.

What should I do for this? A comedic greeting, do I ignore it like it didn't happen?

No, usually I would do either, but today I have to make Yukihira burst out in laughter no matter what. If I don't do the boke response with enthusiasim it will be bad.

"Wait a minute! That might be moo-old......moo." [23]

With yogurt being a dairy product I put in a cow call.

Yukihira, who briefly showed surprise, put on a serious look and stared into my eyes.

"I don't think it's a little."

......Chopped down with a single stroke.

"Amakusa-kun, yogurt is a dairy product, so you added a cow's moo."

"Could you stop calmly explaining it?"

"Moreover, don't you think it was a bit confusing, and then saying it once again at the end, that's a quite pathetic effort."

"You Hidee!"

"Furthermore, did you become a bit ashamed, there was a momentary hesitation before you said it the second time. A high school boy's embarra.s.sment is not in demand anywhere in the world."

"Umm......could you forgive it already?"

"So, well, should I do that? However, stylishness of the cow and moo, how should I put it......*Smile* That's not an urban way of speaking."

"You're also not very normal!"

"Oh, that's rude. According to my YurokuO Comic, because it's authorized as official greetings it's properly listed in the dictionary."

"I stopped believing that after childhood!" [24] Yukihira was in peak condition this early in the morning.

"Yukihira."

After the end of first period, I went straight to the desk Yukihira sat at. The deadline is one day, as of today. Even if the start was foiled, there's no time for hesitation.

"Oh, what's the matter Amakusa-kun?"

"You know, there's something I'd like you to see."

Yukihira started to be fidget and blush suddenly.

&q