Book of Etiquette Volume Ii Part 9

TEA AT A BACHELOR APARTMENT

The bachelor who feels that he must be hospitable to his friends and entertain them at his home, may safely choose the afternoon tea without apprehension as it is the simplest of entertainments. Of course a chaperon is necessary, as she is at all his entertainments; but there is less restraint and less formality at a tea than at almost any other social function.

Invitations should be issued a week or ten days before the day set for the tea. Guests may include both s.e.xes; but if there are only gentlemen, they may be invited verbally. The tea is served in the dining-room, or if he wishes, the host may have small tea tables laid out in the drawing-room. A silver tea service is always attractive and pleasing, and the host may pour the beverage if the guests are all gentlemen. If ladies are present, either the chaperon may pour, or a servant.

Refreshments should consist of delicate sandwiches, a.s.sorted cakes and wafers, salted almonds, confections and tea. If there are some among the guests who do not drink tea, chocolate may be served.

As they depart the bachelor host accompanies each one of his guests to the door bidding him or her a cordial good-by. The chaperon must be especially thanked for her service and shown particular deference.

Indeed, her host should accompany her after the reception, to her own door if she is without car or escort.

THE BACHELOR DANCE

Wealthy bachelors find pleasure and diversion in giving huge b.a.l.l.s and dances. Dinner or a midnight supper may be a delightful adjunct to the dance. A fas.h.i.+onable ball of this kind is sometimes given for the important purpose of introducing a young sister or another relative to society.

The ball is rarely, if ever, held in the bachelor's own apartments. He hires a hall for the occasion, and arranges with several of his married friends to act as chaperons. They also receive with him and help him introduce the guests. As these arrive, they divest themselves of their wraps, in the dressing-rooms provided for the purpose, and then are received in the ballroom by the host and the chaperons. Introductions are made, and the music and dancing begins.

There are not very many bachelors who can entertain in this lavish fas.h.i.+on; but the simpler entertainments, if they have the correct spirit of cordial hospitality, go a long way in establis.h.i.+ng the desired relations.h.i.+p between the host and his friends. After all, it is the little things that count; and little courtesies may fittingly repay elaborate ceremonials and fas.h.i.+onable functions, if they are offered in sincere friendliness and warmth.

THEATER PARTIES

Always a favorite with the bachelor, the theater party has recently become his main forte. First in importance, of course, is the selection of a play, a matter which is largely determined by the kinds of visitors the host intends to invite. There is nothing more disturbing than to invite one's friends to a play, and then to feel that they have not enjoyed it. In selecting something light and amusing, or else the performance of some celebrated star, the host is comparatively sure of pleasing most of his guests.

Another important point is to bring together only congenial people for the theater party. One person out of harmony with the rest will spoil the whole evening as certainly as a sudden summer shower spoils the most elaborately planned garden party. It is important to select only those people whose tastes and temperaments blend.

Invitations are informal. A brief, cordial note hand-written on personal stationery is preferred, although some men like to use their club stationery. The name of the play may be mentioned in the invitation. An immediate response is expected, as the host must be given sufficient time to choose another guest, if for some reason, the one invited cannot attend. Men and women may be invited to the theater party, and if there are married couples in the party, a chaperon is not particularly necessary.

YACHTING PARTIES

When a bachelor invites several men and women friends to dine on his yacht, or to take a short cruise, it is absolutely bad form to omit the chaperon. She must be a married woman, and she may join the party with or without her husband. Another important point regarding yachting parties; the host must supply a gig or rowboat to carry his guests to and from the sh.o.r.e, and he must stand on the gangway to greet each one as he arrives, and a.s.sist him to the deck of the yacht.

In giving entertainments, the bachelor must remember that no special social obligations are expected of him. He need not be lavish in his dinners and parties, unless he wishes to and can afford it. Simple entertainments, given in the spirit of good fellows.h.i.+p and hospitality, are always appreciated and tend to substantially strengthen friends.h.i.+ps.

CHAPTER VI

MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS

PREPARATIONS FOR THE MUSICALE

The only time that music is not subordinated to other purposes of the evening's gathering, is at the musicale. Here it is the sole entertainment of the evening, and it reigns supreme.

In preparing for a musicale, invitations should be engraved and issued at least ten days in advance of the time chosen for the occasion. In inviting her guests, the hostess must be sure that she includes only those among her friends and acquaintances who understand and appreciate good music, and who enjoy it for itself alone. It is not wise to include people who are not fond of music (if there really are any such people!) for they are likely to be bored, and instead of listening quietly to the selections, talk and fidget and so disturb the other guests who are anxious to give their undivided attention to the musicians.

The invitations to a musicale require prompt answers. The third person should be used in both invitations and answers, as the occasion is strictly a formal one.

The drawing-room, in which the musicale is ordinarily held, should be bare of all unnecessary furniture save the piano, chairs for the performers, and seats for the guests. Programs may be printed sufficiently in advance to distribute at the musicale; they always serve as appropriate mementos.

THE AFTERNOON MUSICALE

The usual time for the afternoon musicale is from four to six. It is considerably less formal than a similar affair in the evening, although still requiring strictly formal third-person etiquette in invitations and replies.

It is usual, in issuing invitations for musicales, whether held in afternoon or evening, to have the word "Music" engraved in the lower left-hand corner. If a famous musician is to play his name may appear on the invitation.

The musical selections include various numbers to suit the tastes of the hostess, and those of her guests if she happens to know what they are.

Sometimes there are vocal selections in addition to the instrumental selections. All professional singers and players are paid for their services, unless they themselves offer them free. It is very bad form indeed, to invite a singer or player as a guest, and then expect him to give his services. And yet it is done so often, by hostesses who think that they are following the dictates of etiquette to the highest letter of its law! If the performers are friends of the hostess she should present each one with a gift of some sort as an expression of her grat.i.tude for their services.

The lighter music should always be played first, retaining the important numbers for the end. Many hostesses, when they have a famous professional for the afternoon's entertainment, start the musicale with singing or playing by unimportant persons, and end it with the performance of the celebrated professional. It is always pleasing to the guests--and also the professional himself.

The hostess, in receiving her guests, stands in the drawing-room and greets each one as he or she arrives. When the music begins, she seats herself near the door, and whenever a tardy guest arrives, sees that he is comfortably seated. Incidentally, it is bad form to come late to a musicale; it is disturbing to the performers and guests alike.

Guests do not remain long after the afternoon musicale. The chairs are removed from the drawing-room and ices, punch, little cakes and bonbons are served. As the guests leave, it is customary for them to thank the hostess for her entertainment.

THE EVENING MUSICALE

Similar in general aspect is the evening musicale and yet there are several details that are strikingly different.

It may be held any time in the evening. Again the hostess receives in the drawing-room, and again the selections may be either vocal or instrumental. But the general appearance of the entire affair is more ceremonious, more formal. And after the musicale, instead of simple refreshments, an elaborate supper is usually given.

This supper may consist of jellied bouillon, roast meats, salads, ices, confections, punches and coffee. If an important singer or player contributes to the share of the evening's entertainment he is invited to join the guests. After supper the guests converse for a half hour or so, and depart.

CARD PARTIES AT THE MUSICALE

Very often, instead of giving a dinner, a hostess will arrange several small tables at which four guests can be comfortably seated. She will serve light refreshments, such as dainty sandwiches, salads, m.u.f.fins, bouillon and perhaps ices or coffee. After the light repast, the tables will be cleared and cards brought out.

If the hostess decides to have cards, after the musicale, she must mention it in the invitation. The guests may attend only the musicale, if they wish, and leave when the other guests begin the card game. But if the musicale is held in the evening, and supper is served, the guest who remains must also remain for the card games as a matter of courtesy and politeness. If he does not wish to play he may watch the others and join in the conversation during the intervals between games.

DUTIES OF GUESTS AT MUSICALES

The one important rule of conduct at the musicale is to maintain absolute silence during the selections. It is an unforgivable breach of etiquette to speak, fidget or otherwise disturb the guests while the numbers are being performed. Encores are permissible, but loud applause is undeniably vulgar. Silence, interest and attention characterize the ideal guest at the private concert.

Another duty of the guest is to be prompt. It is very disagreeable to the performers, and to the hostess, to have guests arrive late and disturb everyone. However, if one is unavoidably late, to offer profuse apologies, while the musicians are performing, is to make matters worse by prolonging the disturbance. Instead the guest should nod, take his or her seat, and after the musicale, seek out the hostess and offer apologies for not having been on time.

In taking leave of the hostess, cordial thanks for her entertainment are in order. Remarks about the playing of the guests are not very good form, especially if they are in adverse criticism. A word of sincere praise, however, is never amiss.

DRESS AT THE MUSICALE

Dress at the musicale is essentially what it would be if the occasion were an elaborate reception, and if it is given in the evening formal evening dress is worn. In the summer this convention may be set aside in favor of comfort.