Beethoven, the Man and the Artist Part 16

(March 14, 1827, to Moscheles, after Beethoven had undergone the fourth operation for dropsy and was confronting the fifth. He died on March 26, 1827.)

224. "Live alone in your art! Restricted though you be by your defective sense, this is still the only existence for you."

(Diary, 1816.)

225. "Dissatisfied with many things, more susceptible than any other person and tormented by my deafness, I often find only suffering in the a.s.sociation with others."

(In 1815, to Brauchle, tutor in the house of Countess Erdody.)

226. "I have emptied a cup of bitter suffering and already won martyrdom in art through the kindness of art's disciples and my art a.s.sociates."

(In the summer of 1814, to Advocate Kauka. "Socrates and Jesus were my exemplars," he remarks in a conversation-book of 1819.)

227. "Perfect the ear trumpets as far as possible, and then travel; this you owe to yourself, to mankind and to the Almighty! Only thus can you develop all that is still locked within you;--and a little court,--a little chapel,--writing the music and having it performed to the glory of the Almighty, the Eternal, the Infinite---"

(Diary, 1815. Beethoven was hoping to receive an appointment as chapelmaster from his former pupil, Archduke Rudolph, Archbishop of Olmutz.)

228. "G.o.d help me. Thou seest me deserted by all mankind. I do not want to do wrong,--hear my prayer to be with my Karl in the future for which there seems to be no possibility now. O, harsh Fate, cruel destiny. No, my unhappy condition will never end. 'This I feel and recognize clearly: Life is not the greatest of blessings; but the greatest of evils is guilt.' (From Schiller's "Braut von Messina"). There is no salvation for you except to hasten away from here; only by this means can you lift yourself again to the heights of your art whereas you are here sinking to the commonplace,--and a symphony--and then away,--away,--meanwhile fund the salaries which can be done for years. Work during the summer preparatory to travel; only thus can you do the great work for your poor nephew; later travel through Italy, Sicily, with a few other artists."

(Diary, spring of 1817. The salaries were the annuities paid him for several years by Archduke Rudolph, Prince Rinsky and Prince Lobkowitz.

Seume's "Spaziergang nach Syrakus" was a favorite book of Beethoven's and inspired him in a desire to make a similar tour, but nothing came of it.)

229. "You must not be a man like other men: not for yourself, only for others; for you there is no more happiness except in yourself, in your art.--O G.o.d, give me strength to overcome myself, nothing must hold me to this life."

(Beginning of the Diary, 1812-18.)

230. "Leave operas and all else alone, write only for your orphan, and then a cowl to close this unhappy life."

(Diary, 1816.)

231. "I have often cursed my existence; Plutarch taught me resignation.

I shall, if possible, defy Fate, though there will be hours in my life when I shall be the most miserable of G.o.d's creatures. Resignation! What a wretched resort; yet it is the only one left me!"

(Vienna, June 29, 1800, to Wegeler.)

232. "Patience, they tell me, I must now choose for a guide. I have done so. It shall be my resolve, lastingly, I hope, to endure until it pleases the implacable Parca: to break the thread. There may be improvement,--perhaps not,--I am prepared."

(From the Heiligenstadt Will.)

233. "Let all that is called life be offered to the sublime and become a sanctuary of art. Let me live, even through artificial means, so they can be found."

(Diary, 1814, when Beethoven was being celebrated extraordinarily by the royalties and dignitaries gathered at the Congress of Vienna.)

234. "Ah! it seemed impossible for me to leave the world until I had produced all that I felt called upon to produce; and so I prolonged this wretched existence."

(From the Heiligenstadt Will.)

235. "With joy shall I hasten forward to meet death; if he comes before I shall have had an opportunity to develop all my artistic capabilities, he will come too early in spite of my harsh fate, and I shall probably wish him to come at a later date. But even then I shall be content, for will he not release me from endless suffering? Come when you please, I shall meet you bravely."

(From the Heiligenstadt Will.)

236. "Apollo and the muses will not yet permit me to be delivered over to the grim skeleton, for I owe them so much, and I must, on any departure for the Elysian Fields, leave behind me all that the spirit has inspired and commanded to be finished."

(September 17, 1824, to Schott, music publisher in Mayence.)

237. "Had I not read somewhere that it is not pending man to part voluntarily from his life so long as there is a good deed which he can perform, I should long since have been no more, and by my own hand. O, how beautiful life is, but in my case it is poisoned."

(May 2, 1810, to his friend Wegeler, to whom he is lamenting over "the demon that has set up his habitat in my ears.")

238. "I must abandon wholly the fond hope, which I brought hither, to be cured at least in a degree. As the fallen autumn leaves have withered, so are now my hopes blighted. I depart in almost the same condition in which I came; even the lofty courage which often animated me in the beautiful days of summer has disappeared."

(From the Will. Beethoven had tried the cure at Heiligenstadt.)

239. "All week long I had to suffer and endure like a saint. Away with this rabble! What a reproach to our civilization that we need what we despise and must always know it near!"