Beethoven, the Man and the Artist Part 15

208. "I seldom go anywhere since it was always impossible for me to a.s.sociate with people where there was not a certain exchange of ideas."

(February 15, 1817, to Brentano of Frankfurt.)

209. "Not a word about rest! I know of none except in sleep, and sorry enough am I that I am obliged to yield up more to it than formerly."

(November 16, 1801, or 1802, to Wegeler. In Homer's "Odyssey" Beethoven thickly underscored the words: "Too much sleep is injurious." XV, 393.)

210. "Rest a.s.sured that you are dealing with a true artist who likes to be paid decently, it is true, but who loves his own reputation and also the fame of his art; who is never satisfied with himself and who strives continually to make even greater progress in his art."

(November 23, 1809, to George Thomson, of Edinburgh, for whom Beethoven arranged the Scotch songs.)

211. "My motto is always: nulla die sine linea; and if I permit the muse to go to sleep it is only that she may awake strengthened."

(October 7, 1826, to Wegeler.)

212. "There is no treatise likely to be too learned for me. Without laying claim to real learning it is yet true that since my childhood I have striven to learn the minds of the best and wisest of every period of time. It is a disgrace for every artist who does not try to do as much."

(November 2, 1809, to Breitkopf and Hartel, of Leipzig.)

213. "Without wis.h.i.+ng in the least to set myself up as an exemplar I a.s.sure you that I lived in a small and insignificant place, and made out of myself nearly all that I was there and am here;--this to your comfort in case you feel the need of making progress in art."

(Baden, July 6, 1804, to Herr Wiedebein, of Brunswick, who had asked if it was advisable for a music teacher and student to make his home in Vienna.)

214. "There is much on earth to be done,--do it soon! I must not continue my present everyday life,--art asks this sacrifice also. Take rest in diversion in order to work more energetically."

(Diary, 1814.)

215. "The daily grind exhausts me."

(Baden, August 23, 1823, to his nephew Karl.)

THE SUFFERER

216. "Compelled to be a philosopher as early as my 28th year;--it is not an easy matter,--more difficult for the artist than any other man."

(October 6, 1802; the Heiligenstadt Will.)

217. "Compelled to contemplate a lasting malady, born with an ardent and lively temperament, susceptible to the diversions of society, I was obliged at an early date to isolate myself and live a life of solitude."

(From the same.)

218. "It was impossible for me to say to others: speak louder; shout!

for I am deaf. Ah! was it possible for me to proclaim a deficiency in that one sense which in my case ought to have been more perfect than in all others, which I had once possessed in greatest perfection, to a degree of perfection, indeed, which few of my profession have ever enjoyed?"

(From the same.)

219. "For me there can be no recreation in human society, refined conversation, mutual exchange of thoughts and feelings; only so far as necessity compels may I give myself to society,--I must live like an exile."

(From the same.)

220. "How great was the humiliation when one who stood beside me heard the distant sound of a shepherd's pipe, and I heard nothing; or heard the shepherd singing, and I heard nothing. Such experiences brought me to the verge of despair;--but little more and I should have put an end to my life. Art, art alone deterred me."

(From the same.)

221. "I may say that I live a wretched existence. For almost two years I have avoided all social gatherings because it is impossible for me to tell the people I am deaf. If my vocation were anything else it might be more endurable, but under the circ.u.mstances the condition is terrible; besides what would my enemies say,--they are not few in number! To give you an idea of this singular deafness let me tell you that in the theatre I must lean over close to the orchestra in order to understand the actor; if I am a little remote from them I do not hear the high tones of instruments and voices; it is remarkable that there are persons who have not observed it, but because I am generally absent-minded my conduct is ascribed to that."

(Vienna, June 29, 1800, to Wegeler. "To you only do I confide this as a secret." Concerning his deafness see Appendix.)

222. "My defective hearing appeared everywhere before me like a ghost; I fled from the presence of men, was obliged to appear to be a misanthrope although I am so little such."

(November 16, 1801, or 1800, to Wegeler, in writing to him about his happy love. "Unfortunately, she is not of my station in life.")

223. "Truly, a hard lot has befallen me! Yet I accept the decree of Fate, and continually pray to G.o.d to grant that as long as I must endure this death in life, I may be preserved from want."