The Bad Boy At Home Part 8

Devil.

CHAPTER XXIX.

HE CALLS ON MARIA AND p.r.o.nOUNSES HER FRAGRANT.--AT A CHURCH SUPPER.--BENERVOLENSE REWARDED.----A EPPYDEMMICK.

Last nite I went over to call on Maria. I thot I'd be prepared, so I washed myself in ma's lavender water, and sprinkeled oh de coloney all over my does. Wen I nocked at Marias dore, I stepped down off the steps and wated for her appairanse. At last she c.u.m, and blushed up orful wen I ast her if it was all rite. She sed she didnt kno, cos she'd got so used to it she culdnt tell, but she thot it was all rite, cos she'd ben standin 'tween two open winders for the weak, and if it warnt gone by this time, she guest it'd stick to her for life. I walked up a littel closer to her, and sed: "Maria, c.u.m here." She c.u.m, and caushusly and carefully I put my knoes neer her, and sure enuf I culdnt smell nothin but a slite oder of cloride of lime and a lingerin of carbollick acid.

Then I kissed her and maid her get fixed up, cos we was goin to report a oyster supper wot c.u.m off at the U. P. Church. Wen Maria and me got there most everybodie had ete there plate of hot water, wot the church wardin'd had settin down on one of the oyster stalls at Fulton Market for bout a weak, so as it'd inhail a sa very flaver. Soon as Maria and me had got thru our plate, the 'xcitement begun, and the ladies all brot round there books for to hav us giv em 10 cents, and put down our names for a chanse in the one lonesum oyster wot the stew had ben maid of. Wen the wimmin had fleeced all the fellers outer every cent they had, and maid em turn there pockets inside out, so as to be sure they warnt tryin to keep back eny five dollar bills, the preecher got up on a platform and draw'd a number out of a hat full, wot a littel gal held over her hed. 'Fore he red out the number, he called on one of the deecons to offer up a prayer, that the Lord mite open up the hart of the lucky drawer, to donate the oyster to the church, so as they culd hold a nuther supper, without incurrin eny more such 'xtravergant 'xpenses.

Then the minnysteer sed 46 was the number, wot he'd drawed out, and that it stood oppsite Mr. Wylie's name. Now, Mr. Wylie is a orful rich banker, and is always donatin things to the church, so he got rite up and sed, he'd giv it to the good cause.

Then there was some cheerin' and every body crowded round the gasoline stove to wach the cook deposit the oyster in a can, so it culd be stovvd away in the Wardins Buggler proof safe. After delvin round the bottom of the pot for sum time the ladel c.u.m up, with its a.s.sthetick freight, the black and green speckled tode, wot I'd slipped inter the stue, wile the prayer was goin up.

Sumthin muster ben Eppydemic in that church, cos everybodie, xceptin me and Maria, got to coffin and spuein up, and prayin Good Lord deliver us.

CHAPTER x.x.x.

THE DEVIL'S OCCUPASHUN GONE.--POLLYTISHUN OR JURNERLIST.-- PLANS FOR THE FUTURE.--ADDYOU.

I aint no devil no more, cos this mornin Mr. Gilley informed me that I was gettin too big for my persishun, and he'd hired a nuther boy to act as the _Busters_ Devil. He sez I can fuie round and act in the cuppaserty of missellaneus reporter, and rite up eny thing I think wurth wile, till it was time for us to go to Albanie and get inaugerated. Then he'd warnt me to act as his Privat Seckertery, cos he knowed I had his interest at hart, and was discrete enuf not to give him away.

I don't kno yet wether I'd better axcept his offer to become a pollytishun, cos I've got my mind set on the jurnerlistick perfesshun, and its bout the eesiest way to mak a fortune and a name wot I culd get.

I'll think over the matter, Mr. Diry, and if I can't get a situashun as a Was.h.i.+nton gossipper or a job on the _Herald_, to rite up the abberiginies of Cannadey, I may go on to Albanie, and rite up all the triks of the pollytishuns, jest to keep myself in pracktiss til we go outer offis.

I must close, Mr. Diry, cos I'm goin down to the hotel to intervue Curnel Bob, Ingysoll, and see if a feller like me wuldn't stand sum sho to make munny and a big name, if he was to start out as a "genuine devil" brok loose from Haydies.

And you, mister, remember if I ain't no longer a typergraffickal devil, I still am,

Yours trooly,

Georgie.