1968. Part 11

Self-inflicted scratches on the chest and abdomen have become infected; three st.i.tches were necessary to close a tear to r. nipple, which has developed a local fungus infection ("jungle rot"). There is a similar fungus infection, well developed, on back of l. hand.

The patient is not yet communicating well. He was acutely agitated initially, and is alternately combative and reticent now. His medication, which on admission was 400 ing. Thorazine I. M. q4-6h., now stands at 500 mg. a day, administered orally.

JDS's file had an FBI flag. The Bureau's Military' Liaison Office sent over some information that might be useful. His family and friends live in the Was.h.i.+ngton D.C. area; the flag is there because his girlfriend is involved in questionable activities related to draft resistance and Martin Luther King.

When asked whether he wanted his family to visit, JDS responded firmly in the negative. Asked about his girlfriend, he said he did want to see her "when he was better," but he called her "Lee." His girlfriend's name is Beverly, but the man she lives with is Lee Madden, an anti-war activist who was granted a draft exemption because of well-doc.u.mented h.o.m.os.e.xuality. So there may be a complex relations.h.i.+p involved.

The second version We were on a small patrol headed out a few miles from fire base to set up two ambush points in case Charlie violated the truce. We might just be doing recon, though. If the force was too big for us to engage, we'd let them go by and then radio their position in for artillery and air strikes. Then the idea was we were supposed to attack them on their way back, but Sarge thought it might be more sensible to first let them go on by a ways, and call in the first artillery betweenus and them, so as to have them running away from us instead.

We never got to try out that strategy, though. They were waiting for us. It was a good ambush. We walked into this clearing and they must have had us completely covered.

I was walking point when the ambush started, and one of the first rounds. .h.i.t me. It must have gonethrough my helmet, which slowed it down enough so it knocked me out but didn't kill me. Anyhow I don't remember seeing any of the battle until it was over.

Then a gook was walking around with an AK-47, that's when I woke up, he was shooting everybody left alive, or anybody who looked like he might be alive. So I closed my eyes and played dead, and he walked right up to me and then went on by. I mean I couldfeel the muzzle of the AK-47 on my forehead, hot, but I guess he figured I was dead, so why waste a bullet?

After that, I don't know. I guess I went a little crazy.

Three Contributions to the Theory of s.e.x Through a predictable bureaucratic screwup, Spider's parents thought he was still in Vietnam, when in fact he was only twelve miles away, in the "Looney Tunes ward" at Walter Reed.

When he'd gotten to Vietnam, Spider, like most soldiers, had signed a doc.u.ment asking that the army not notify his parents in the event of his being "lightly wounded." So if they got a telegram, it meant they would see him soon, in a bed or in a box.

Someplace in the 121st Evacuation Hospital there were two file trays for the records of incoming patients-"Telegram" and "No Telegram." Spider's physical wounds were superficial, so his records were tossed on the "No Telegram" pile. Under normal circ.u.mstances, somebody would certainly have checked before he left the hospital for Cam Ranh Bay and home. But with Tet going on, things were far from normal.

Tet worried Ray and Carrie Speidel. They hadn't heard from John in weeks. They called Beverly's dorm and left a message; she called back saying she hadn't had a letter in twelve days. But she thought that the Tet confusion probably had slowed the mail to a standstill.

So when Captain Folsom called from Walter Reed, they were relieved as much as worried. Folsom said that John had been through a terrible experience, and although his physical wounds were superficial, the psychological wounds were profound. No, it would not be a good idea to come see him, not yet, but Captain Folsom would appreciate it very much if they would come in for a talk with people involved with John's case.

That turned out to be an interview with Captain Folsom alone, who admitted he wasn't a doctor. He had a master's degree in psychology, specializing in abnormal psychology. Faced with being drafted, he had joined up, and his useful specialty kept him off the battlefield.

This is not to say his job was easy. He'd belatedly found out that he really hated crazy people, and now he had to spend almost all day with them.

CPT. FOLSOM: Thank you for coming to see me so quickly. Sometimes people are reluctant.

MRS. SPEIDEL: When their sons are involved?

CAPTAIN FOLSOM: People are afraid of mental illness. And ashamed. It's not a clean heroic thing like a bullet wound. but it can be just as serious; more serious.

MR. SPEIDEL: John had a bullet wound, too.CAPTAIN FOLSOM: Yes, shrapnel, anyhow, and other. light injuries a.s.sociated with the ambush that put him here. But if it were only those injuries, he could go straight home. Or would've been sent back into combat; never left Vietnam.

But the psychiatric wounds are so severe he may be under treatment for a long time, though I hope he can be an outpatient soon.

MRS. SPEIDEL: Live at home?

CPT. FOLSOM: Or by himself, if that's what he wants. I would feel more comfortable if he went back to a family environment.

MR. SPEIDEL: What actually happened?

CPT. FOLSOM: Well, it's hard to say, exactly. There was only one other survivor to the ambush, and he ran away, didn't see anything. And John seems confused about it, understandably. He was unconscious for most of it.

All we know for sure is that John's platoon was attacked by an overwhelmingly large force. The battle was probably over in a few minutes; there wasn't even time for them to call for help.

MRS. SPEIDEL (dabbing at her eyes): How terrible.

CPT. FOLSOM: Yes. Evidently the enemy forces then went through and shot all the wounded. They pa.s.sed over John because he was unconscious, and they took him for dead.

MR. SPEIDEL: b.a.s.t.a.r.ds.

CPT. FOLSOM: The Viet Cong are a cruel, implacable enemy. Your son is very brave. (He s.h.i.+fts and clears his throat.) He saw things that no one should have to see.

MR. SPEIDEL: I suppose that could drive anyone crazy.

CPT. FOLSOM: Well, of course we don't like to call people crazy. But yes, an extremely terrifying or gruesome experience can cause a person who previously was acting normally to. exhibit symptoms of mental illness.

Is there any history of mental illness in the family?

MRS. SPEIDEL: Terry.

MR. SPEIDEL: Uh huh, yeah. My brother Tern', his uncle, shot himself last month. He locked himself in the garage and sat in the car with the motor running. Then he drank a whole bottle of gin and shot himself.

In the head with a shotgun.

He hadn't been right since Korea. He was really gung ho, joined the Marines and all, but he was in a car accident, a jeep, before he could see much action. Came back with two gimpy legs but no medals or anything.

See, he'd missed out on the war, World War II, on account of flat feet. He got them fixed up, though, and was just barely young enough to get into the Marines when Korea rolled around. And then he didn'tget to be a hero anyhow.

After a while, a couple of years, he began telling people he'd stepped on a land mine, up in Inchon. He could tell you anything about that battle, and a couple of others. He even had a bunch of medals, bronze cross or something- CPT. FOLSOM: Bronze Star.

MR. SPEIDEL: Yeah. He must have picked them up in a p.a.w.n shop somewhere. He had a rifle and a Marine uniform that he kept in a case in the living room with the medals. Drove his wife crazy; she left him. Couldn't hold onto a job. He got by on his disability payment and handyman stuff, carpentry.

I didn't talk to him much after a couple of years. I guess he could tell I was disgusted with him. He'd come by after school, before I got home from work, and play ball with Spider. They got along all right.

CPT. FOLSOM: That's John?

MR. SPEIDEL: Yeah, that's what he liked to be called.

MRS. SPEIDEL: The kids in grade school teased him about his long arms and legs, and called him Spider because of our name. He got back at them by taking it as a nickname.

MR. SPEIDEL: He even had a pet spider, a tarantula. It died while he was in Basic Training.

CPT. FOLSOM: Mrs. Speidel, has there been any mental illness on your side of the family?

MRS. SPEIDEL: (Thinks for a minute) No. what about your father, Ray?

CPT. FOLSOM: Your father?

MR. SPEIDEL: Oh, yeah. I never met him. Mother had Terry when she was eighteen. I guess they had to get married. Then she got pregnant with me and the guy just walked out. n.o.body ever heard from him again. I don't know. Is that mental illness or is it being a jerk?

CPT. FOLSOM: Impossible to say, of course. Did she ever tell you anything about him that would make you think he was strange?

MR. SPEIDEL: She won't talk about him at all. I don't even know his name.

CPT. FOLSOM: Hmm. That's extreme. The pet tarantula is fairly odd. Did Spider have any other unusual hobbies?

MR. SPEIDEL: Science and science fiction. He made a telescope, ground his own lens, I mean mirror.

Has a big rock collection in the garage, even some pretty expensive fossils and meteorites he bought with paper-route money. I got him a microscope when he got out of junior high school.

CPT. FOLSOM: He wasn't successful at it in college, though?

MR. SPEIDEL: Well, he's smart, but he never learned how to study. He kind of drifted through high school and then college hit him like a ton of bricks. He'll do better when he goes back, like I did. If he goes back.CPT. FOLSOM: Oh, he will. It's just a matter of time. What about the science fiction?

MRS. SPEIDEL: He's such a nut about it. (She pauses and looks at her husband.) I don't mean anut nut, I mean he's really serious about his collection. He goes down to the used-book stores around Ninth Street at least once a month, buying and trading.

He has hundreds of books, all alphabetized and cross-referenced. I mean he has a 5x7 card made up for each one, where he typed out a summary of each book and what he thought about it, and there are holes punched along the side of the card that cla.s.sify the book as to what it's about, whether he gives it an A, B, or whatever. What year it came out.

CPT. FOLSOM: Punched holes? Like an IBM card?

MR. SPEIDEL: No, the holes are just along the margin. It's a system he made up himself. He can stick a long knitting needle through the hole, say, for time travel, and give the stack a shake, and all the time travel books fall out of the stack. Pretty ingenious.

CPT. FOLSOM: Does he collect other books?

MRS. SPEIDEL: Science. He used to collect comics, but he sold and traded those away when he got so involved with science fiction. Oh, I brought him some. (She rummages through her bag and brings out three s.h.i.+ny, garish paperbacks. Captain Folsom takes them and studies them for a moment.) CPT. FOLSOM: I'll keep them for him. Right now I don't think it would be a good idea to encourage, ah, fantasy.

Is there anything you can tell me about. Spider's childhood that might have disturbed you at the time?

Ways he was different from other boys?

MR. SPEIDEL: Maybe he was more moody than other boys, more quiet. He didn't go out for sports a lot, except Little League. He was a pretty good outfielder, but he lost interest in baseball when he was around twelve.

CPT. FOLSOM: Hm, p.u.b.erty. Tell me. did he ever show any interest in boys?

MRS. SPEIDEL: Boys?

CPT. FOLSOM: I mean a h.o.m.os.e.xual interest.

MR. SPEIDEL: What,queer? (He looks at Mrs. Speidel and they both laugh.) Spider's absolutely girlcrazy. He couldn't keep his eyes or his hands off them. If he's queer he hides it pretty well.

CPT. FOLSOM: I see. (He writes a lengthy note.) Other than quietness, what would you say made him different from other boys? Special?

MRS. SPEIDEL: Well, we didn't have any other boys to compare him to. Everything he did was pretty special.

CPT. FOLSOM: Does he have any sisters?MR. SPEIDEL: No. We had a daughter who died at the age of two.

CPT. FOLSOM: Ah. Was he extremely upset?

MR. SPEIDEL: We all were.

CPT. FOLSOM: How old was he then?

MR. SPEIDEL: Nine.

CPT. FOLSOM: Did he do anything unusual afterwards? Like claiming to have seen her ghost. Hearing her talking to him?

MRS. SPEIDEL: She couldn't talk much. She was just two.

CPT. FOLSOM: I know, I know. (Takes off gla.s.ses and rubs eyes) Mrs. Speidel, I'm trying to find out whether John had some mental problem as a child. In the movies, somebody sees or does something traumatic and goes insane, but it's not that simple in real life. Usually it's a pre-existing condition. A person starts to exhibit schizophrenic symptoms and the people around him will say, 'Oh, he just broke up with his fiancee,' or 'It must have been his war experiences'-but he was actually ill all along. A lot of schizophrenics start to present symptoms at John's age.

MR. SPEIDEL: Schizophrenic? John doesn't have a split personality or anything like that.

CPT. FOLSOM: Oh, that's not schizophrenia. It's a totally unrelated neurosis. Common mistake.

MRS. SPEIDEL: I want to see him. Why can't we see him? (She is destroying her only tissue, twisting and tearing it; the captain slides a box across the desk.) CIT. FOLSOM: I do sympathize, Mrs. Speidel. But John is very confused. He doesn't really know where he is- MRS. SPEIDEL: So why don't youtell him!

CPT. FOLSOM: We have.

MR. SPEIDEL: Honey, he's right. We'd just make things more complicated.

CPT. FOLSOM: I'm afraid so. Besides, the ward he's in is closed to visitors. There are other patients who would be upset if unfamiliar people came in. (Hastily) It's not a "loony bin." It's just a controlled environment.

MR. SPEIDEL: I don't think he did anything really crazy as a kid.

CPT. FOLSOM: Was he ever in trouble with the law?

MR. SPEIDEL: Broke a window with a rock. (Laughs) It was two in the morning. He snuck out and went over to a girl's house. Tried to wake her up by throwing pebbles at her window, on the second floor. Got caught by the girl's father, who called the police. No big deal, really.

MRS. SPEIDEL: You thought it was at the time.MR. SPEIDEL: I was pretty d.a.m.n annoyed. We were on vacation. He met this fast girl and tried to get a little premature s.e.x education.

CPT. FOLSOM: Did he?

MR. SPEIDEL: I don't think so. That was back when he was fifteen, sixteen. I think he's still a virgin.

MRS. SPEIDEL: Beverly's such a nice girl.

CPT. FOLSOM: (Pauses) I'm sure. Of course the army changes people. Your son may be more sophisticated now. More experienced.

MR. SPEIDEL: Well, there sure weren't any girls out in the boonies where he was.

CPT. FOLSOM: No. No girls.

The captain gave Ray Speidel a knowing look, and held it. For a moment he was puzzled. Then his jaw dropped.

Dangling conversation For a long time Lee couldn't get Beverly to talk. When he came into the bedroom she was sitting up in bed, rocking, sobbing, the covers pulled up to her shoulders.

He stopped asking questions and sat quietly with his arm around her. She was fully clothed and s.h.i.+vering, stiff. Finally she leaned into him.

"Could you get me a drink? I don't want to go downstairs, I might meet somebody."

"Coffee, tea, or me?" That was the t.i.tle of a silly book they'd read about stewardesses. She gave him a weak smile.