The Straw Part 18

EILEEN (_wearily_). No.

MURRAY. You haven't been feeling badly lately, have you? Your letters suddenly stopped--not a line for the past three weeks--and I----

EILEEN (_bitterly_). I got tired of writing and never getting any answer, Stephen.

MURRAY (_shame-faced_). Come, Eileen, it wasn't as bad as that. You'd think I never--and I did write, didn't I?

EILEEN. Right after you left here, you did, Stephen. Lately----

MURRAY. I'm sorry, Eileen. It wasn't that I didn't mean to--but--in New York it's so hard. You start to do one thing and something else interrupts you. You never seem to get any one thing done when it ought to be. You can understand that, can't you, Eileen?

EILEEN (_sadly_). Yes. I understand everything now.

MURRAY (_offended_). What do you mean by everything? You said that so strangely. You mean you don't believe---- (_But she remains silent with her eyes shut. He frowns and takes to pacing up and down beside the bed._) Why have they got you stuck out here on this isolation porch, Eileen?

EILEEN (_dully_). There was no room on the main porch, I suppose.

MURRAY. You never mentioned in any of your letters----

EILEEN. It's not very cheerful to get letters full of sickness. I wouldn't like to, I know.

MURRAY (_hurt_). That isn't fair, Eileen. You know I---- How long have you been back in the Infirmary?

EILEEN. About a month.

MURRAY (_shocked_). A month! But you were up and about--on exercise, weren't you--before that?

EILEEN. No. I had to stay in bed while I was at the cottage.

MURRAY. You mean--ever since that time they sent you back--the day before I left?

EILEEN. Yes.

MURRAY. But I thought from the cheery tone of your letters that you were----

EILEEN (_uneasily_). Getting better? I am, Stephen. I'm strong enough to be up now, but Doctor Stanton wants me to take a good long rest this time so that when I do get up again I'll be sure---- (_She breaks off impatiently._) But don't let's talk about it. I'm all right. (Murray _glances down at her face worriedly. She changes the subject._) You've been over to see Doctor Stanton, haven't you?

MURRAY. Yes.

EILEEN. Did he examine you?

MURRAY. Yes. (_Carelessly._) Oh, he found me O.K. I'm fine and dandy, as I said before.

EILEEN. I'm glad, Stephen. (_After a pause._) Tell about yourself--what you've been doing. You've written a lot lately, haven't you?

MURRAY (_frowning_). No. I haven't been able to get down to it--somehow. There's so little time to yourself once you get to know people in New York. The sale of the stories you typed put me on easy street as far as money goes, so I've felt no need---- (_He laughs weakly._) I guess I'm one of those who have to get down to hard pan before they get the kick to drive them to hard work.

EILEEN (_surprised_). Was it hard work writing them up here? You used to seem so happy just in doing them.

MURRAY. I was--happier than I've been before or afterwards.

(_Cynically._) But--I don't know--it was a new game to me then and I was chuck full of illusions about the glory of it. (_He laughs half-heartedly._) Now I'm hardly a bit more enthusiastic over it than I used to be over newspaper work. It's like everything else, I guess.

When you've got it, you find you don't want it.

EILEEN (_looking at him wonderingly--disturbed_). But isn't just the writing itself worth while?

MURRAY (_as if suddenly ashamed of himself--quickly_). Yes. Of course it is. I'm talking like a fool. I'm sore at everything because I'm dissatisfied with my own cussedness and laziness--and I want to pa.s.s the buck. (_With a smile of cheerful confidence._) It's only a fit.

I'll come out of it all right and get down to bra.s.s tacks again.

EILEEN (_with an encouraging smile_). That's the way you ought to feel.

It'd be wrong--I've read the two stories that have come out so far over and over. They're fine, I think. Every line in them sounds like you, and at the same time sounds natural and like people and things you see every day. Everybody thinks they're fine, Stephen.

MURRAY (_pleased, but pretending cynicism_). Then they must be rotten.

(_Then with self-a.s.surance._) Well, I've plenty more of those stories in my head. Every time I think of my home town there seems to be a new story in someone I've known there. (_Spiritedly._) Oh, I'll pound them out some time when the spirit moves; and I'll make them so much better than what I've done so far, you won't recognise them. I feel it's in me to do it. (_Smiling._) Darn it, do you know just talking about it makes me feel as if I could sit right down now and start in on one.

Is it the fact I've worked here before--or is it seeing you, Eileen.

(_Gratefully._) I really believe it's you. I haven't forgotten how you helped me before.

EILEEN (_in a tone of pain_). Don't, Stephen. I didn't do anything.

MURRAY (_eagerly_). Yes, you did. You made it possible. I can't tell you what a help you were. And since I've left the San, I've looked forward to your letters to boost up my spirits. When I felt down in the mouth over my own idiocy, I used to re-read them, and they always were good medicine. I can't tell you how grateful I've felt, honestly!

EILEEN (_faintly_). You're kind to say so, Stephen--but it was nothing, really.

MURRAY. And I can't tell you how I've missed those letters for the past three weeks. They left a big hole in things. I was worried about you--not having heard a word. (_With a smile._) So I came to look you up.

EILEEN (_faintly. Forcing an answering smile_). Well, you see now I'm all right.

MURRAY (_concealing his doubt_). Yes, of course you are. Only I'd a darn sight rather see you up and about. We could take a walk, then--through the woods. (_A wince of pain shadows_ Eileen's _face. She closes her eyes_. Murray _continues softly, after a pause._) You haven't forgotten that last night--out there--Eileen?

EILEEN (_her lips trembling--trying to force a laugh_). Please don't remind me of that, Stephen. I was so silly and so sick, too. My temp was so high it must have made me--completely crazy--or I'd never dreamed of doing such a stupid thing. My head must have been full of wheels because I don't remember anything I did or said, hardly.

MURRAY (_his pride taken down a peg by this--in a hurt tone_). Oh!

Well--I haven't forgotten and I never will, Eileen. (_Then his face clears up as if a weight had been taken off his conscience._) Well--I rather thought you wouldn't take it seriously--afterwards. You were all up in the air that night. And you never mentioned it in your letters----

EILEEN (_pleadingly_). Don't talk about it! Forget it ever happened. It makes me feel--(_with a half-hysterical laugh_)--like a fool!

MURRAY (_worried_). All right, Eileen. I won't. Don't get worked up over nothing. That isn't resting, you know. (_Looking down at her closed eyes--solicitously._) Perhaps all my talking has tired you out?

Do you feel done up? Why don't you try and take a nap now?

EILEEN (_dully_). Yes, I'd like to sleep.

MURRAY (_clasps her hands gently_). I'll leave you then, I'll drop back to say good-bye and stay awhile before I go. I won't leave until the last train. (_As she doesn't answer._) Do you hear, Eileen?

EILEEN (_weakly_). Yes. You'll come back--to say good-bye.

MURRAY. Yes. I'll be back sure.

(_He presses her hand and after a kindly glance of sympathy down at her face, tiptoes to the door and goes into the room, shutting the door behind him. When she hears the door shut Eileen struggles up in bed and stretches her arms after him with an agonised sob "Stephen!" She hides her face in her hands and sobs brokenly._ Murray _walks across to the hall door and is about to go out when the door is opened and_ Miss Gilpin _enters._)

MISS GILPIN (_hurriedly_). How do you do, Mr. Murray. Doctor Stanton just told me you were here.