Sir Jasper Carew Part 59

Although I had drunk freely, and talked excitingly, my head became suddenly calm and collected, just as if some great emergency had sufficed to dispel all illusions, and enabled my faculties to a.s.sume their full exercise. Of O'Kelly I saw nothing more; he was occupied in an adjoining room; and even this element of anxiety was spared me.

I will not ask my reader to follow me through the vicissitudes of play, nor expect from him any share of interest in a pa.s.sion which of all others is the most bereft of good, and allied with the very lowest of all motives, and the meanest of all ambitions. Enough that I tell the result. After a long course of defeats and disasters, I rose, not only clear of all my debts, but a winner of two hundred pounds.

The Prince heartily congratulated me on my good fortune, saying that none could better deserve it. He complimented me much on my play, but still more on my admirable temper as a loser,--a quality which, he added, he never could lay claim to.

"I'm a bad beaten man, but you are the very reverse," said he. "Dine with me on Sat.u.r.day, and I hope to see how you'll comport yourself as a winner."

I had but time to bow my humble acknowledgment of this gracious speech, when O'Kelly came up, saying,--

"So Canthorpe tells me you beat him, after all; but I always knew how it would end,--play must and will tell in the long run."

"Non numen habes si sit Prudentia,--eh, O'Kelly?" said Conway.

"Prudentia means the ace of trumps, then," said Sheridan.

"Where shall I send you my debt?" said Canthorpe to me, in a whisper.

"What's your club?"

"He's only just arrived in town," interrupted O'Kelly; "but I intend to put him up for Brooke's on Wednesday, and will ask you to second him.

You 're on the committee, I think?"

"Yes; and I 'll do it with great pleasure," said Canthorpe.

"I'll settle your score for you," said O'Kelly to Canthorpe; and now, with much handshaking and cordiality, the party broke up.

"Don't go for a moment," said O'Kelly to me, as he pa.s.sed to accompany the Prince downstairs. I sat down before the fire in the now deserted room, and, burying my head between my hands, I endeavored to bring my thoughts to something like order and discipline. It was to no use; the whirlwind of emotions I had endured still raged within me, and I could not satisfy myself which of all my characters was the real one. Was I the outcast, dest.i.tute and miserable? or was I the friend of the high-born, and the a.s.sociate of a Prince? Where was this to end? Should I awake to misery on the morrow, or was madness itself to be the issue to this strange dream? Heaven forgive me if I almost wished it might be so, and if in my abject terror I would have chosen the half-unconscious existence of insanity to the sense of shame and self-upbraiding my future seemed to menace!

While I sat thus, O'Kelly entered, and, having locked the door after him, took his place beside me. I was not aware of his presence till he said,--

"Well, Jack, I intended to mystify others; but, by Jove! it has ended in mystifying myself. Who the devil are you? What are you?"

"If I don't mistake me, you are the man to answer that question yourself. You presented me not alone to your friends, but to your Prince; and it is but fair to infer that you knew what you were about."

He stared at me steadily without speaking. I saw the state of confusion and embarra.s.sment from which he suffered, and I actually revelled in the difficulty in which I had placed him. I perceived all the advantage of my position, and resolved to profit by it.

"One thing is quite evident," said I, calmly and collectedly, like a man who weighed all his words, and spoke with deep deliberation,--"one thing is quite evident, you could scarcely have presumed to take such a liberty with your Prince as to present to him, and place at the same table with him, a man whom you picked up from the streets,--one whose very station marked him for an outcast, whose exterior showed his dest.i.tution. This, I conclude, you could not have dared to do; and yet it is in the direct conviction that such was my position yesterday, I sit here now, trying to reconcile such inconsistency, and asking myself which of us two is in the wrong."

"My good friend," said O'Kelly, with a deliberation fully the equal of my own, and in a way that, I must confess, somewhat abashed me,--"my good friend, do not embarra.s.s yourself by any anxieties for me. I am quite able and ready to account for my actions to any who deem themselves eligible to question them."

"From which number," said I, interrupting, "you would, of course, infer that I am to be excluded?"

"By no means," said he, "if you can satisfy me to the contrary. I shall hold myself as responsible to you as to any one of those gentlemen who have just left us, if you will merely show me sufficient cause."

"As how, for instance?" asked I.

"Simply by declaring yourself the rightful possessor of a station and rank in life for which your habits and manners plainly show you to be fitted. Let me be convinced that you have not derogated from this by any act unworthy of a man of honor--"

"Stop, sir," said I. "By what right do you dare to put me on my trial?

Of your own free will you presumed to ask for my companions.h.i.+p. You extended to me an equality which, if not sincere, was an insult."

"Egad! if you be really a gentleman, your reasons are all good ones,"

said O'Kelly. "I own, too, frankly, I intended my freak as the subject of a wager. If I be caught in my own toils, I must only pay the penalty."

"And give me satisfaction?"

"That is what I mean," replied he, bowing.

"Then you have done it already," said I, rising. "I ask for no more than the frank and manly readiness with which you acknowledge that poverty is no disqualification to the a.s.sertion of an honorable pride, and that the feeling of a gentleman may still throb in the heart of a ragged man."

"You are surely not going to leave me this way," said he, catching my hand in both his own. "You'll tell me who you are,--you 'll let me know at least something of you."

"Not now, at all events," said I. "I'm not in a mood to encounter more at present. Good night. Before I leave you, however, I owe it, as some return for your hospitality, to say that I shall not hazard your credit with your Prince,--I do not mean to accept his invitation. You must find the fitting apology, for I shall leave England to-morrow, in all likelihood for years,--at all events, for a period long enough to make this incident forgotten. Good-bye."

"By Jove! I 'll never forgive myself if we part in this fas.h.i.+on,"

said O'Kelly. "Do--as a proof of some regard, or at least of some consideration for me--do tell me your real name."

"Carew," said I, calmly.

"No, no; that was but a jest. I ask in all earnestness and sincerity; tell me your name."

"Jasper Carew," said I, again; and before he could collect himself to reply, I had reached the door, and, with a last "good-night," I pa.s.sed out, and left him.

I could not bring myself to return to my miserable lodging again. I felt as if a new phase of life had opened on me, and that it would be an act of meanness to revert to the scenes of my former obscurity. I entered a hotel, and ordered a room. My appearance and dress at once exacted every respect and attention. A handsome chamber was immediately prepared for me; and just as day was breaking, I fell off into a deep sleep which lasted till late in the afternoon.

CHAPTER XL. AT SEA

I cannot attempt to describe my feelings on awaking, nor the lamentable failure of all my efforts at recalling the events of the night before.

That many real occurrences seemed to me the mere effects of wine and a heated imagination, and that some of the very wildest freaks of my fancy were a.s.sumed by me as facts, I can now readily believe. In truth, my head was in a state of the wildest credulity and the very narrowest distrust, and my only astonishment now is, how I resisted impulses plainly suggested by coming insanity.

At one time I thought of calling O'Kelly out; then my indignation was directed against some other of the company, for either a real or a fancied grievance. Perhaps they had all been in the league against me, and that I had been invited merely to make a sport of my absurd pretensions, and to afford laughter by my vanity. Then it occurred to me that it was the Prince himself who was insulted by my companions.h.i.+p, and that they who had dared to make me the means of such an outrage should be held accountable.

Lastly came the thought, Is the whole a dream? Have I been drugged to play some absurd and ridiculous part, and shall I be exposed to ridicule when I appear abroad again? This impression was strengthened by the appearance of my dress, so unlike anything I had ever worn before. Of the incidents of the card-table I could remember next to nothing. A few trivial facts of the game, an accidental event in the play itself, remained in my memory, but that was all. I fancied I had been a heavy loser; but how, when, or to whom, I knew not. I opened my pocket-book, and found four notes for fifty pounds each; but how they came there I could not conceive! And yet, said I, all this took place yesterday! and what was I before that?--where did I live, and with whom a.s.sociate? My head began to turn, the strangest thoughts chased each other through my brain. Incidents of the street, collisions and accidents of all kinds, were mingled with events of the previous evening; want and squalor stood side by side with splendor, and the bland accents of royalty blended themselves with the brutal exclamations of my former fellows. Then there flashed across me the thought that the drama in which I had been made to perform was not yet played out. They mean me to figure further on the boards, said I to myself; the money has been supplied to me to tempt me into extravagance which shall make me even more ridiculous still. My every action watched, my words listened to, my gestures noted down, I am to be the b.u.t.t of their sarcastic pleasure, and all my pretensions to the' habits, the feelings, and the manners of a gentleman be held up as a subject for mockery and derision.

I half dreaded to ring the bell and summon the waiter, lest I should be exposing myself to a spy on my actions. When I approached the window to look out, I fancied that every accidental glance of a pa.s.ser-by was the prying gaze of insolent curiosity. It was in a state of fever that I dressed myself; and even then my costume of full dinner dress made me feel ashamed to venture abroad. At last I took courage to order breakfast. The respectful demeanor of the waiter gave me further confidence, and I ventured to ask him a few questions on pa.s.sing events.

I learned that the hotel was one usually frequented by foreigners, for whose accommodation two or three Continental newspapers were taken. At my request he fetched me one of these,--"La Gazette de Paris;" and with this for my companion, I sat myself down at my fire, resolved to remain a close prisoner for at least a day or two.

Towards evening I sent for a tailor and ordered two suits of clothes, with linen, and, in fact, all that I stood in need of; and when night set in, I issued forth to make several small purchases of articles I wanted. It was late when I entered the hotel, and, not having eaten any dinner, I felt hungry. The waiter showed me into the coffee-room, which was arrayed in foreign fas.h.i.+on, and where they supped _a la carte_.

The general appearance of the company at once proclaimed their origin; and a less practised eye than mine even, might have seen that they were all natives of some Continental country. They talked loudly and gesticulated wildly, careless to all seeming of being overheard by strangers, and little regarding in whose presence they might be standing. Their bearing was, in fact, such as speedily set me at ease amongst them, and made me feel myself unnoticed and unremarked.

Seated at a small table by myself, I ordered my supper, and half carelessly watched the others while it was being prepared. Whatever they might have been by birth or station, they seemed now all in the very narrowest circ.u.mstances. Threadbare coats and broken boots, worn hats and gloveless hands, bespoke their condition; nor could all the swagger of manner, or pretentious display of a ribbon or a cross, cover over the evidences of real poverty that oppressed them.

Had I noticed these signs earlier, I should certainly have restricted myself to a meal more befitting the place and its occupants. The humble suppers I saw around me of bread and cheese now shocked me at what might well appear display on my part; and had there been time to correct my error, I should gladly have done so. It was, however, too late. Already had the landlord carried in a silver tureen of soup, and set it before me; and the tall neck of a champagne bottle rose amidst the mimic icebergs at my side.

The others took no pains to hide their astonishment at all this; they stood in knots and groups about, with eyes directed full upon me, and as evidently made me the subject of their remarks. I could perceive that the landlord was far from being at his ease, and that all his endeavors were employed either to conceal from me these demonstrations, or to give them some harmless interpretation.