The Letters of the Duke of Wellington to Miss J. 1834-1851 Part 22

"Anyone would perhaps conclude by the Duke's remark that he had seen my house but as such was never the case I presume my description thereof had made this impression, alluding to it accordingly, for however much I may and did wish it to be honored with his presence, I found such was not apparently His will Who declares the Way of man is not in himself.

"In the Duke's next letter, dated March 18th, he refers to my dear Sister being with me as follows--'I am very sensible of this last circ.u.mstance and of the kindness and necessity of her attention to you during your illness.'

"A parcel from me having been left at the Duke's house he writes referring to the same."

STRATHFIELDSAYE, April 3, 1850.

MY DEAR MISS J.,--I received a letter from you yesterday evening; another this morning dated the 2^nd Ins^t, both about a Parcel left at my House by your Sister!

I am very much concerned that the regulations which I have been under the necessity of making and enforcing in respect to the Reception of Parcels at my House should have been inconvenient to you or your sister.

But I have been under the necessity of ordering my Servants not to receive parcels; without previous orders from me! in order to prevent my private dwelling being made the Deposit of all the Trash that is written, invented, or in any manner made up! You find that I am frequently out of town. You wrote me that you would send a parcel but I received the notification only last night, and this morning one later; complaining that the Porter refused to take the Parcel. I am very sorry for any thing that can annoy you!

But I cannot prevent this now that my Duties and avocations call me to a distance from London! But I have not yet acquired the practice of being in two places at the same time: that is to say in London to receive your letters and Parcels or those of your sister; and in the Country, about my Duties and avocations.

If you will only reflect upon this! You will relieve yourself from great anxiety, and me from the vexation of annoying you.

Ever Yours most faithfully

WELLINGTON.

I will review the contents of the Parcel as soon as I shall return to London in some days hence.

LONDON, April 5, 1850.

MY DEAR MISS J.,--I returned to London this day and immediately enquired for the Parcel. I will peruse the Books which you have sent as soon as I shall have leisure.

Ever yours most faithfully

WELLINGTON.

"This largest book was a book of my brother-in-law's on Prison discipline. What other books accompanied it I have forgotten.

"In the Duke's next letter, dated April 26th, he writes--'I anxiously hope that you will soon be quite well.' Again, in his next letter, dated April 29th, he writes--'I hope that this fine weather which may be expected at this season of the year will altogether reestablish your health.'

"By the Duke's next letter, dated May 21st, I must have referred to some thoughts of leaving England--as he writes--'I can understand your desire to avoid separating from your sister. I hope that you will let me know of your safe arrival in the United States and State your correct address in legible Hand writing if you should wish that I should write to you.'"

LONDON, June 5, 1850.

MY DEAR MISS J.,--I have this morning received your Note directed to me, in which you ask to know whether I had before received a letter to inform me that your Voyage to the United States had been set aside.

I had answered every letter I had received. I do not recollect to have received a letter containing this information!

I am very glad to learn that you had set aside this Intention.

Ever Yours most faithfully.

WELLINGTON.

"In the Duke's next letter, dated June 15th, he writes 'I have just now received your letter of the 15th. As I receive thousands of letters in a week it is impossible for me to say whether I received one from you put into the Post Office Friday Week.'

"'I answer invariably, as I do this night at midnight, as soon as I receive your letter if due. I am much concerned but hope that you may recover entirely.'

"It is very evident that from this period Satan was permitted to work in the Duke's mind, weakening consequently the power I had been permitted to exercise, by rendering my communications tedious, for in his next letter, dated May 14th 1850 he writes, 'Knowing your extreme sensitiveness about letters, their contents, the manner in which signed, sealed and folded up, I have always been most cautious about any letters sent you! Indeed, such Caution is quite laborious!'"

LONDON, July 4, 1850.

MY DEAR MISS J.,--I am very sensible of your kindness in recollecting that I should feel exceedingly the loss of Sir Robert Peel!

I a.s.sure you that I write to you whenever there is occasion and that I can have a moment's leisure! But a person who does not see it can have no notion of the Numbers of letters which I receive at all times of the day and night. Every body who hears of this applies to me; the least that I can do is to read and take care of and return the required acknowledgment. I am not surprised that you should be disappointed and complain! But I really write when I can!

Your most faithful Servant,

WELLINGTON.

"In the Duke's next letter, dated July 9th, he writes--'I am much concerned to learn by the perusal of your Note of the 8th that you are still suffering. I am very sorry to hear that you are likely to lose the society of your Sister.'

"In the Duke's next letter, dated July 12th, he writes--'I entreat you to write legibly and to avoid fatiguing yourself by writing too much.'

"Part of the Copy of a letter written to the Duke, July 8th, 1850, in reference to my dear Sister's leaving me.'

"'I dare not on this occasion indulge the hope of my dear Sister's continuation in England, she having this morning received a letter which renders it necessary that she should return home and I must pray to G.o.d to give me grace and strength to bear such a separation, Who alone can prevent my sinking under these various surrounding perplexities, for when she is gone I shall not have anyone but Himself to look to, with the exception of yourself to whom I have much to say if I could but consider it His Will that I should repose in you accordingly. O that HE may direct me and influence you to receive all I have to communicate in whatever way to His unerring Will prays yours devotedly.'"

The final quarrel was now approaching. The account of it is best given in Miss J.'s own words, omitting, as heretofore, a large proportion of the Biblical quotations.

"May The Lord enable me to proceed as HE would have me do for His great holy name sake! for when, or how, to commence a description of the circ.u.mstances in which I was placed with regard to pecuniary matters, I know not. However, having besought the Lord to aid me I will at once state that my own Income, limited at best, had become still more so through a fire which took place on the property mortgaged, rendering it so small that it was impossible to live upon it without further help added! Meanwhile, the landed property we had expected to possess appeared, through a Will drawn out at a later date to belong to the younger branches of our family, which was a dreadful disappointment to my beloved Sister. She had buoyed up her hopes that _her_ portion thereof, united to mine would compensate for hopes which could now no longer be antic.i.p.ated. This rendered her grief on my account additionally distressing, causing her to reason with and beseech me to spread the whole affair before the Duke. From the very thought of this I recoiled unutterably, thus inducing her to reproach me with a want of due affection and consideration for herself, as my death would be insupportable and must necessarily take place if she left me in England so situated.

At length, considering as she had justly remarked that the Duke's abundant riches were bestowed upon him by G.o.d to do good with when in his power and that any aid afforded me could never be sufficiently great to admit of his feeling the loss thereof; also considering the gold and silver are _The Lord's_ Who could consequently dispose of it accordingly, ... therefore it appeared a _duty_ due to G.o.d and man to appeal to the Duke Who in _G.o.d's_ sight may _justifiably_ have been expected to become a father unto me under _such_ circ.u.mstances. That, too, as above observed, without feeling the consequences thereof any more than the Ocean would miss a bubble that had appeared on its surface and then vanished forever.

"O that I could pa.s.s over this part of my life in silence! But such does not appear to me consistent with the will of G.o.d. Therefore I must proceed and prepare to introduce the letter first addressed to His Grace on this subject.

"July 11, 1850.

"After waiting all day yesterday, desirous to resume my pen, yet unable to do so through conflicting feelings, I deferred it until to day, hoping to make a commencement to the details and complete it by degrees as my strength may admit. First of all, I thank you for your prompt reply to my last, which becomes my encouragement for thus intruding upon you particulars to which nothing but the most absolute necessity could ever have reconciled me....

"I resume my pen after a brief interval to tell you that a remark made in one of your letters after my dear Mrs. L.'s death,--namely, 'I do not know your circ.u.mstances,' combined with the remembrance of your never to be forgotten kindness in once affectionately exclaiming 'My Child!'--unite in encouraging me to think that you have but to know them (the circ.u.mstances,) in order to take such into due consideration and act thereon accordingly. O that G.o.d may enable me to relate and you, My dearest Duke, to receive the relation in whatever way is most agreeable to His unerring will!

And may any and every valued attention extended to me be regarded by Him in the light which is calculated to call down upon your precious head eventually the consequences springing from those blessed words. 'Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these My children, ye have done it unto ME.' '_Enter thou into the joy of thy Lord!_'

"When I had arrived thus far I was too much affected to proceed and was relieved by a burst of tears,--for who among all your earthly friends will feel half so rejoiced at your being so distinguished by the Great 'Lord of Lords' as one who has loved you so disinterestedly and devotedly? But since my own feelings as well as your wishes require brevity I must proceed.

"At my beloved Mother's death, a Deed of Gift ent.i.tled me to a small Income which afterwards for my advantage was placed on a Mortgage by my Trustees, but which through a dreadful fire proved the reverse eventually, as I have found since my poor Guardian's death that the expenses or losses deriving therefrom were deducted from the princ.i.p.al of the Property. This leaves me, consequently, when again sold into the Funds, ent.i.tled to an Income quite inadequate to my support, although hoping that some landed Property would sell advantageously and become compensation for the same. My Sister felt most anxious that at such a time as this I should have every advantage, my _life_ depending upon nourishment and support.

She therefore wrote to make enquiries concerning the sale of the Property, when to our disappointment a letter arrived showing that neither my sister or self were ent.i.tled to any portion thereof, it having been at a later period made over to the younger branches of the family. Consequently all her fondest wishes to render me through such means all that aid which her affectionate heart could desire have been hereby frustrated, leaving her in the greatest distress of mind at the thought of being obliged to quit me thus situated, namely, with two wounds arising from the blow and another about to break. These occasion a drain on my const.i.tution which threatens to take away all my strength, reducing my frame accordingly.