Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 80

Tra-la-la, tra-la-la, Over us, under us.

Tra-la-la, tra-la-la, Under us, over us.

Now we are jolly, jolly are we.

[_The_ COMEDIAN _sings the refrain alone at first and the others repeat it together with him_.

COMEDIAN.

To be or not to be, that is the question, That is the question, that is the question.

In life to win success, Elbow your way through, Jostle the next one, Else _you_ will be jostled.

REFRAIN

[_Same as before._]

[_On the last word of the refrain they flop as if dumbfounded, and stand transfixed, with eyes directed on one spot inside of the ring. The_ VILLAIN _leans over the arms of the_ COMEDIAN _and the_ HEROINE; _gradually the circle draws closer till their heads almost touch. They attempt to free their handy but each holds on to the other and all seven whisper in great astonishment._

ALL. A dollar!

[_The circle opens up again, they look each at the other and shout in wonder._

ALL. A dollar!

[_Once more they close in and the struggle to free their hands grows wilder; the_ VILLAIN _tries to climb over and then under the hands into the circle and stretches out his hand toward the dollar, but instinctively he is stopped by the couple he tries to pa.s.s between, even when he is not seen but only felt. Again all lean their heads over the dollar, quite lost in the contemplation of it, and whispering, enraptured._

ALL. A dollar!

[_Separating once again they look at each other with exultation and at the same time try to free their hands, once more exclaiming in ecstasy._

ALL. A dollar!

[_Then the struggle to get free grows wilder and wilder. The hand that is perchance freed is quickly grasped again by the one who held it._

INGENUE. [_In pain._] Oh, my hands, my hands! You'll break them. Let go of my hands!

"OLD WOMAN." If you don't let go of my hands I'll bite.

[_Attempting to bite the hands of the_ TRAGEDIAN _and the_ "OLD MAN," _while they try to prevent it_.

"OLD MAN." [_Trying to free his hands from the hold of the_ HEROINE _and the_ "OLD WOMAN."] Let go of me. [_Pulling at both his hands._] These women's hands that--seem so frail, just look at them now.

HEROINE. [_To_ COMEDIAN.] But you let go my hands.

COMEDIAN. I think it's you who are holding fast to mine.

HEROINE. Why should I be holding you? If you pick up the dollar, what is yours is mine, you know.

COMEDIAN. Then let go of my hand and I'll pick it up.

HEROINE. No, I'd rather pick it up myself.

COMEDIAN. I expected something like that from you.

HEROINE. [_Angrily._] Let go of my hands, that's all.

COMEDIAN. Ha-ha-ha--It's a huge joke. [_In a tone of command._] Be quiet. [_They become still._] We must contemplate the dollar with religious reverence. [_Commotion._] Keep quiet, I say! A dollar is spread out before us. A real dollar in the midst of our circle, and everything within us draws us toward it, draws us on irresistibly. Be quiet! Remember you are before the Ruler, before the Almighty. On your knees before him and pray. On your knees.

[_Sinks down on his knees and drags with him the_ HEROINE _and_ INGENUE. "OLD MAN" _dropping on his knees and dragging the_ "OLD WOMAN" _with him_.

"OLD MAN." He-he-he!

TRAGEDIAN. Ho-ho-ho, clown!

COMEDIAN. [_To_ TRAGEDIAN.] You are not worthy of the serious mask you wear. You don't appreciate true Divine Majesty. On your knees, or you'll get no whiskey. [TRAGEDIAN _sinks heavily on his knees_.] O holy dollar, O almighty ruler of the universe, before thee we kneel in the dust and send toward thee our most tearful and heartfelt prayers. Our hands are bound, but our hearts strive toward thee and our souls yearn for thee. O great king of kings, thou who bringest together those who are separated, and separatest those who are near, thou who----

[_The_ VILLAIN, _who is standing aside, takes a full jump, clears the_ INGENUE _and grasps the dollar. All let go of one another and fall upon him, shouting, screaming, pus.h.i.+ng, and fighting. Finally the_ VILLAIN _manages to free himself, holding the dollar in his right fist. The others follow him with clenched fists, glaring eyes, and foaming mouths, wildly shouting._

ALL. The dollar! The dollar! The dollar! Return the dollar!

VILLAIN. [_Retreating._] You can't take it away from me; it's mine. It was lying under my bundle.

ALL. Give up the dollar! Give up the dollar!

VILLAIN. [_In great rage._] No, no. [_A moment during which the opposing sides look at each other in hatred. Quietly but with malice._] Moreover, whom should I give it to? To you--you--you--you?

COMEDIAN. Ha-ha-ha-ha! He is right, the dollar is his. He has it, therefore it is his. Ha-ha-ha-ha, and I wanted to crawl on my knees toward the dollar and pick it up with my teeth. Ha-ha-ha-ha, but he got ahead of me. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

HEROINE. [_Whispering in rage._] That's because you would not let go of me.

COMEDIAN. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

TRAGEDIAN. [_Shaking his fist in the face of the_ VILLAIN.] Heaven and h.e.l.l, I feel like crus.h.i.+ng you!

[_He steps aside toward the trunk and sits down in his former pose._ INGENUE, _lying down on the gra.s.s, starts to cry_.

COMEDIAN. Ha-ha-ha! Now we will drink, and the first drink is the Villain's.

[_His proposition is accepted in gloom; the_ INGENUE, _however, stops crying; the_ "OLD MAN" _and the_ "OLD WOMAN" _have been standing by the_ VILLAIN _looking at the dollar in his hand as if waiting for the proper moment to s.n.a.t.c.h it from, him. Finally the_ "OLD WOMAN" _makes a contemptuous gesture and both turn aside from the_ VILLAIN. _The latter, left in peace, smooths out the dollar, with a serious expression on his face. The_ COMEDIAN _hands him a small gla.s.s of whiskey_.

COMEDIAN. Drink, lucky one.

[_The_ VILLAIN, _shutting the dollar in his fist, takes the whiskey gla.s.s gravely and quickly drinks the contents, returning the gla.s.s.

He then starts to smooth and caress the dollar again. The_ COMEDIAN, _still laughing, pa.s.ses the whiskey gla.s.s from one to the other of the company, who drink sullenly. The whiskey fails to cheer them. After drinking, the_ INGENUE _begins to sob again. The_ HEROINE, _who is served last, throws the empty whiskey gla.s.s toward the_ COMEDIAN.

COMEDIAN. Good shot. Now I'll drink up all that's left in the bottle.

[_He puts the flask to his lips and drinks. The_ HEROINE _tries to knock it away from him, but he skilfully evades her. The_ VILLAIN _continues to smooth and caress the dollar_.

VILLAIN. Ha-ha-ha!... [_Singing and dancing._