The New Pun Book - LightNovelsOnl.com
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BIGGS--That butcher is an awkward fellow.
BOGGS--Yes, I notice his hands are always in his weigh.
"Is the proprietor in?" asked the visitor to the planing mill. "I want to order some doors."
"He's in," replied the smart office boy, "but I think he's out o'
doors."
"Did the minister say anything comforting?" asked the neighbor of the widow recently bereaved.
"Indeed, he didn't," was the quick reply. "He said my husband was better off."
"What kind of hen lays the longest?"
"What kind?"
"A dead hen."
CITYMAN--Do they keep a servant girl?
SUBBUBS--O! certainly not. But as soon as one leaves they engage another.--_Philadelphia Press._
If a woman would change her s.e.x, what would her religion be? She would be a he-then, of course.
"What in the world shall I do with the baby, John? She's crying for the moon."
"That's nothing. Wait till she's eighteen and she'll want the earth."
"The man who was run over by the cars the other day, is now out of danger."
"That's good."
"He died this morning."
"The death of her husband must have been a dreadful blow to Mrs.
Musicale."
"It was, indeed."
"I suppose she has given up her piano playing entirely."
"No; she still plays; but only on the black keys."
Poor Lot's wife turned to salt, alas!
Her fate was most unkind.
No doubt she only wished to see How hung her skirt behind.
SMITH--There is something that will never be boycotted by the fair s.e.x as long as time lasts.
JONES--What's that?
SMITH--The Easter bonnet.
"In one way the clock makers are independent of labor troubles."
"That's very fortunate, isn't it," said his wife innocently, "but how?"
"Simply because in clock works the hands never strike."
