The Book of Humorous Verse - LightNovelsOnl.com
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A RHYMESTER
Jem writes his verses with more speed Than the printer's boy can set 'em; Quite as fast as we can read, And only not so fast as we forget 'em.
_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._
GILES'S HOPE
What? rise again with _all_ one's bones, Quoth Giles, I hope you fib: I trusted, when I went to Heaven, To go without my rib.
_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._
COLOGNE
In Koln, a town of monks and bones, And pavements fanged with murderous stones, And rags, and hags, and hideous wenches, I counted two-and-seventy stenches, All well defined, and separate stinks!
Ye nymphs that reign o'er sewers and sinks, The river Rhine, it is well known, Doth wash your city of Cologne; But tell me, nymphs, what power divine Shall henceforth wash the river Rhine?
_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._
AN ETERNAL POEM
Your poem must _eternal_ be, Dear sir, it can not fail, For 'tis incomprehensible, And wants both _head_ and _tail_.
_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._
ON A BAD SINGER
Swans sing before they die:--'twere no bad thing, Should certain persons die before they sing.
_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._
JOB
Sly Beelzebub took all occasions To try Job's constancy and patience.
He took his honor, took his health; He took his children, took his wealth, His servants, horses, oxen, cows,-- But cunning Satan did _not_ take his spouse.
But Heaven, that brings out good from evil, And loves to disappoint the devil, Had predetermined to restore _Twofold_ all he had before; His servants, horses, oxen, cows-- Short-sighted devil, _not_ to take his spouse!
_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._
REASONS FOR DRINKING
If all be true that I do think, There are five reasons we should drink; Good wine--a friend--or being dry-- Or lest we should be by and by-- Or any other reason why.
_Dr. Henry Aldrich._
SMATTERERS
All smatterers are more brisk and pert Than those that understand an art; As little sparkles s.h.i.+ne more bright Than glowing coals, that give them light.
_Samuel Butler._
HYPOCRISY
Hypocrisy will serve as well To propagate a church, as zeal; As persecution and promotion Do equally advance devotion: So round white stones will serve, they say, As well as eggs to make hens lay.
_Samuel Butler._
TO DOCTOR EMPIRIC
When men a dangerous disease did 'scape, Of old, they gave a c.o.c.k to aesculape; Let me give two, that doubly am got free; From my disease's danger, and from thee.
_Ben Jonson._
