Good Stories Reprinted from the Ladies' Home Journal of Philadelphia Part 28

At this, however, there was a protest from one hitherto silent. A soft soprano voice spoke.

"Gentlemen," it said, "would you fight in the presence of ladies?"

Whereupon the rest of the magazines took off their hats, and one by one lapsed into respectful silence, as THE LADIES' HOME JOURNAL, arranging its skirts anew with gentle precision, pa.s.sed out on its way to church.

_Cheer Up, Everybody_

The visiting missionary at an almshouse stopped for a moment to speak to a very old lady and inquire, after her health and welfare. "Thank you, sir," replied the old lady. "Yes, indeed, I've a great deal to be thankful for. I've two teeth left and they're opposite each other."

_A New Kind of Bait_

After weeks of waiting and longing for the sport, rods, reels, gaff, creel--everything was in readiness for a week's trout-fis.h.i.+ng.

The young wife, smiling joyously, hurried into the room, extending toward her husband some sticky, speckled papers.

"For goodness' sake," he exclaimed, "what on earth are you doing with those old fly-papers?"

"I saved them for you from last summer, dear," she answered. "You know you said you always had to buy flies when you went fis.h.i.+ng."

_He Could Supply Specimens_

"And what did my little darling do in school today?" a mother asked of her young son--a "second-grader."

"We had Nature study, and it was my turn to bring a specimen," said the boy.

"That was nice. What did you do?"

"I brought a c.o.c.kroach in a bottle, and I told teacher we had lots more, and if she wanted I would bring one every day."

_Was It His Ghost_?

A well-known publisher has the entrance to his private office guarded by one of his editors, a small man, who, as the day wears on, sinks down in a little heap in his high-backed chair under the weight of the ma.n.u.scripts he has to read. The publisher was exceedingly proud of his friends.h.i.+p with a prominent Congressman, who usually called when he was in New York.

One day the huge form of the Speaker of the House of Representatives loomed up before the little editor, with the evident intent of bearing down upon the private office.

"Back!" shouted the little editor, waving a slender arm with much vigor. "Back! Go back to the offith and thend in your card."

The Congressman paused, inclined his head to view the obstacle that opposed his progress, and smiled. Then he turned on his heel and did as he was directed.

Of course the publisher bustled out personally to conduct the great man into the private office. When his visitor had departed the publisher came forth in a rage. The little editor shriveled before him as he began:

"What do you mean by holding up one of my oldest friends in this fas.h.i.+on? Don't you know he's at perfect liberty to walk into my office at any time without so much as knocking?"

"Yeth," admitted the little editor feebly.

"Then what do you mean by holding him up and subjecting him to such discourtesy ?"

"I thought he wath Dr. John Hall."

"Dr. John Hall!" exclaimed the exasperated publisher "Don't you know that Dr. John Hall is dead?"

"Yeth," returned the little editor with earnest sincerity. "That'th what bothered me."

_Willie's April Fool on Mamma_!

Little Willie had a very pretty governess, and on April first he rather startled his mother by rus.h.i.+ng in to her and saying:

"Mamma, there's a strange man upstairs who has just put his arm around Miss Wilson's waist, and kissed her several times----"

"What?" said the mother, as she jumped up to pull the bell for the butler.

"April fool, Mamma!" said Willie, in great glee. "It wasn't a strange man at all. It was Papa!"

_Full Particulars Given_

A small boy who had recently pa.s.sed his fifth birthday was riding in a suburban car with his mother, when they were asked the customary question, "How old is the boy?" After being told the correct age, which did not require a fare, the conductor pa.s.sed on to the next person.

The boy sat quite still as if pondering over some question, and then, concluding that full information had not been given, called loudly to the conductor, then at the other end of the car: "And mother's thirty-one!"

_News for the Bishop_

A newly-rich woman, who was anxious to make a favorable impression in her neighborhood, decided to show her collection of antiques to the Bishop when he called. The time came, and one by one she displayed the whole collection, giving him the history of each piece. Finally she pointed to the most prized article in the lot. "There," she said, pointing impressively to an old yellow teapot. "That teapot was used in the Boston Tea-party."

_A Case of Mutual Application_

MR. WOOD, a man very fond of playing jokes, met his friend, Mr.

Stone, and at once inquired jocosely:

"h.e.l.lo, Stone, how are Mrs. Stone and all the little pebbles?"

"Fine," said Mr. Stone, "all well, thank you," and then, with a twinkle in his eye: "How are Mrs. Wood and all the little splinters?"