Tehanu. Part 8

They got up and washed, and Tenar decided that what she felt most of all just now was hunger. "I am hollow," she said to Therru, and set them out a substantial meal of bread and cheese, cold beans in oil and herbs, a sliced onion, and dry sausage. Therru ate a good deal, and Tenar ate a great deal.

As they cleared up, she said, "For the present, Therru, I won't leave you at all, and you won't leave me. Right? And we should both go now to Aunty Moss's house. She was making a spell to find you, and she needn't bother to go on with it, but she might not know that."

Therm stopped moving. She glanced once at the open doorway, and shrank away from it.

"We need to bring in the laundry, too. On our way back. And when we're back, I'll show you the cloth I got today. For a dress. For a new dress, for you. A red dress."

The child stood, drawing in to herself.

"If we hide, Therru, we feed him. We will eat. And we will starve him. Come with me.

The difficulty, the barrier of that doorway to the outside was tremendous to Therru. She shrank from it, she hid her face, she trembled, stumbled, it was cruel to force her to cross it, cruel to drive her out of hiding, but Tenar was without pity. "Come!" she said, and the child came.

They walked hand~in~hand acrosS the fields to Moss's house. Once or twice Therru managed to look up.

Moss was not surprised to see them, but she had a queer, wary look about her. She told Therru to run inside her house to see the ringneck hen's new chicks and choose which two might be hers; and Therru disappeared at once into that refuge.

"She was in the house all along," Tenar said. "Hiding." "Well she might," said Moss.

"Why?" Tenar asked harshly. She was not in the hid~ ing vein. "

"There's-there's beings about, the witch said, not por~ tentously but uneasily.

"There's scoundrels about!" said Tenar, and Moss looked at her and drew back a little.

"Eh, now, she said. "Eh, dearie. You have a fire around you, a s.h.i.+ning of fire all about your head. I cast the spell to find the child, but it didn't go right. It went its own way somehow, and I don't know yet if it's ended. I'm bewildered. I saw great beings. I sought the little girl but I saw them, flying in the mountains, flying in the clouds, And now you have that about you, like your hair was afire. What's amiss, what's wrong?"

"A man in a leather cap," Tenar said. "A youngish man. Well enough looking. The shoulder seam of his vest's torn. Have you seen him round?"

Moss nodded. "They took him on for the haying at the mansion house."

"I told you that she"-Tenar glanced at the house-"was with a woman and two men? He's one of them."

"You mean, one of them that-"

"Yes."

Moss stood like a wood carving of an old woman, rigid, a block. "I don't know," she said at last. "I thought I knew enough. But I don't. What- What would- Would he come to-to see see her?" her?"

"If he's the father, maybe he's come to claim her."

"Claim her?"

"She's his property."

Tenar spoke evenly. She looked up at the heights of Gont Mountain as she spoke.

"But I think it's not the father. I think this is the other one. The one that came and told my friend in the village that the child had 'hurt herself.' "

Moss was still bewildered, still frightened by her own conjurations and visions, by Tenar's fierceness, by the presence of abominable evil. She shook her head, desolate. "I don't know," she said. "I thought I knew enough. How could he come back?"

"To eat," Tenar said. "To eat. I won't be leaving her alone again. But tomorrow, Moss, I might ask you to keep her here an hour or so, early in the day. Would you do that, while I go up to the manor house?"

"Aye, dearie. Of course. I could put a hiding spell on her, if you like. But . . . But they're up there, the great men from the King's City.. . .

"Why, then, they can see how life is among the common folk," said Tenar, and Moss drew back again as if from a rush of sparks blown her way from a fire in the wind.

Finding Words

They were making hay in the lord's long meadow, strung out across the slope in the bright shadows of morning. Three of the mowers were women, and of the two men one was a boy, as Tenar could make out from some distance, and the other was stooped and grizzled. She came up along the mown rows and asked one of the women about the man with the leather cap.

"Him from down by Valmouth, ah," said the mower. "Don't know where he's got to." The others came along the row, glad of a break. None of them knew where the man from Middle Valley was or why he wasn't mowing with them. "That kind don't stay," the grizzled man said. "s.h.i.+ftless. You know him, miss's?"

"Not by choice," said Tenar. "He came lurking about my place-frightened the child. I don't know what he's called, even.

"Calls himself Handy," the boy volunteered. The others looked at her or looked away and said nothing. They were beginning to piece out who she must be, the Kargish woman in the old mage's house. They were tenants of the Lord of Re Albi, suspicious of the villagers, leery of anything to do with Ogion. They whetted their scythes, turned away, strung out again, fell to work. Tenar walked down from the hillside field, field, past a row of walnut trees, to the road. past a row of walnut trees, to the road.

On it a man stood waiting. Her heart leapt. She strode on to meet him.

It was Aspen, the wizard of the mansion house. He stood gracefully leaning on his tall pine staff in the shade of a roadside tree. As she came out onto the road he said, "Are you looking for work?"

"No."

"My lord needs field hands. This hot weather's on the turn, the hay must be got in."

To Goha, Flint's widow, what he said was appropriate, and Goha answered him politely, "No doubt your skill can turn the rain from the fields till the hay's in." But he knew she was the woman to whom Ogion dying had spoken his true name, and, given that knowledge, what he said was so insulting and deliberately false as to serve as a clear warning. She had been about to ask him if he knew where the man Handy was. Instead, she said, "I came to say to the overseer here that a man he took on for the haymaking left my village as a thief and worse, not one he'd choose to have about the place. But it seems the man's moved on."

She gazed calmly at Aspen until he answered, with an effort, "I know nothing about these people."

She had thought him, on the morning of Ogion's death, to be a young man, a tall, handsome youth with a grey cloak and a silvery staff. He did not look as young as she had thought him, or he was young but somehow dried and withered. His stare and his voice were now openly contemptuous, and she answered him in Goha's voice: "To be sure. I beg your pardon." She wanted no trouble with him. She made to go on her way back to the village, but Aspen said, "Wait!"

She waited.

"'A thief and worse,' you say, but slander's cheap, and a woman's tongue worse than any thief. You come up here to make had blood among the field hands, casting calumny and lies, the dragonseed every witch sows behind her. Did you think I did not know you for a witch? When I saw that foul imp that clings to you, do you think I did not know how it was begotten, and for what purposes? The man did well who tried to destroy that creature, but the job should be completed. You defied me once, across the body of the old wizard, and I forbore to punish you then, for his sake and in the presence of others. But now you've come too far, and I warn you, woman! I will not have you set foot on this domain. And if you cross my will or dare so much as speak to me again, I will have you driven from Re Albi, and off the Overfell, with the dogs at your heels. Have you understood me?"

"No," Tenar said. "I have never understood men like you.

She turned and set off down the road.

Something like a stroking touch went up her spine, and her hair lifted up on her head. She turned sharp round to see the wizard reach out his staff towards her, and the dark lightnings gather round it, and his lips part to speak. She thought in that moment, Because Ged has lost his magery, I thought all men had, but I was wrong/-And Because Ged has lost his magery, I thought all men had, but I was wrong/-And a civil voice said, "Well, well. What have we here?" a civil voice said, "Well, well. What have we here?"

Two of the men from Havnor had come out onto the road from the cherry orchards on the other side of it. They looked from Aspen to Tenar with bland and courtly expressions, as if regretting the necessity of preventing a wizard from laying a curse on a middle-aged widow, but really, really, it would not do.

"Mistress Goha," said the man with the gold-embroidered s.h.i.+rt, and bowed to her.

The other, the bright-eyed one, saluted her also, smiling. "Mistress Goha," he said, "is one who, like the King, bears her true name openly, I think, and unafraid. Living in Gont, she may prefer that we use her Gontish name. But knowing her deeds, I ask to do her honor; for she wore the Ring that no woman wore since Elfarran." He dropped to one knee as if it were the most natural thing in the world, took Tenar's right hand very lightly and quickly, and touched his forehead to her wrist. He released her and stood up, smiling that kind, collusive smile.

"Ah," said Tenar, fl.u.s.tered and warmed right through- "there's all kinds of power in the world!-Thank you."

The wizard stood motionless, staring. He had closed his mouth on the curse and drawn back his staff, but there was still a visible darkness about it and about his eyes.

She did not know whether he had known or had just now learned that she was Tenar of the Ring. It did not matter. He could not hate her more. To be a woman was her fault. Nothing could worsen or amend it, in his eyes; no punishment was enough. He had looked at what had been done to Therru, and approved.

"Sir," she said now to the older man, "anything less than honesty and openness seems dishonor to the king, for whom you speak-and act, as now. I'd like to honor the king, and his messengers. But my own honor lies in silence, until my friend releases me. I-I'm sure, my lords, that he'll send some word to you, in time. Only give him time, I pray you.

"Surely," said the one, and the other, "As much time as he wants. And your trust, my lady, honors us above all."

She went on down the road to Re Albi at last, shaken by the shock and change of things, the wizard's flaying hatred, her own angry contempt, her terror at the sudden knowledge of his will and power to do her harm, the sudden end of that terror in the refuge offered by the envoys of the king-the men who had come in the white-sailed s.h.i.+p from the haven itself, the Tower of the Sword and the Throne, the center of right and order. Her heart lifted up in grat.i.tude. There was indeed a king upon that throne, and in his crown the chiefest jewel would be the Rune of Peace.

She liked the younger man's face, clever and kindly, and the way he had knelt to her as as to a queen, and his smile that had a wink hidden in it. She turned to look back. The two envoys were walking up the road to the mansion house with the wizard Aspen. They seemed to be conversing with him amicably, as if nothing had happened. to a queen, and his smile that had a wink hidden in it. She turned to look back. The two envoys were walking up the road to the mansion house with the wizard Aspen. They seemed to be conversing with him amicably, as if nothing had happened.

That sank her surge of hopeful trust a bit. To be sure, they were courtiers. It wasn't their business to quarrel, or to judge and disapprove. And he was a wizard, and their host's wizard. Still, she thought, they needn't have walked and talked with him quite so comfortably.

The men from Havnor stayed several days with the Lord of Re Albi, perhaps hoping that the archmage would change his mind and come to them, but they did not seek him, nor press Tenar about where he might be. When they left at last, Tenar told herself that she must make up her mind what to do. There was no real reason for her to stay here, and two strong reasons for leaving: Aspen and Handy, neither of whom could she trust to let her and Therru alone.

Yet she found it hard to make up her mind, because it was hard to think of going. In leaving Re Albi now she left Ogion, lost him, as she had not lost him while she kept his house and weeded his onions. And she thought, "I will never dream of the sky, down there." Here, where Kalessin had come, she was Tenar, she thought. Down in Middle Valley she would only be Goha again. She delayed. She said to herself, "Am I to fear those scoundrels, to run from them? That's what they want me to do. Are they to make me come and go at their will?" She said to herself, "I'll just finish the cheese-making." She kept Therru always with her. And the days went by.

Moss came with a tale to tell. Tenar had asked her about the wizard Aspen, not telling her the whole story but saying that he had threatened her-which, in fact, might well be all he had meant to do. Moss usually kept clear of the old lord's domain, but she was curious about what went on there, and not unwilling to find the chance to chat with some acquaintances there, a woman from whom she had learned midwifery and others whom she had attended as healer or finder. She got them talking about the doings at the mansion house. They all hated Aspen and so were quite ready to talk about him, but their tales must be heard as half spite and fear. Still, there would be facts among the fancies. Moss herself attested that until Aspen came three years ago, the younger lord, the grandson, had been fit and well, though a shy, sullen man, "scared-like," she said. Then about the time the young lord's mother died, the old lord had sent to Roke for a wizard- "What for? With Lord Ogion not a mile away? And they're all witchfolk themselves in the mansion."

But Aspen had come. He had paid his respects and no more to Ogion, and always, Moss said, stayed up at the mansion. Since then, less and less had been seen of the grandson, and it was said now that he lay day and night in bed, "like a sick baby, all shriveled up," said one of the women who had been into the house on some errand. But the old lord, "a hundred years old, or near, or more," Moss insisted-she had no fear of numbers and no respect for them-the old lord was flouris.h.i.+ng, "full of juice," they said. And one of the men, for they would have only men wait on them in the mansion, had told one of the women that the old lord had hired the wizard to make him live forever, and that the wizard was doing that, feeding him, the man said, off the grandson's life, And the man saw no harm in it, saying, "Who wouldn't want to live forever?"

"Well," Tenar said, taken aback. "That's an ugly story. Don't they talk about all this in the village?"

Moss shrugged. It was a matter of "Let be" again. The doings of the powerful were not to be judged by the powerless, And there was the dim, blind loyalty, the rootedness in place: the old man was their their lord, Lord of Re Albi, n.o.body else's business what he did... . Moss evidently felt this herself. "Risky," she said, "bound to go wrong, such a trick," but she did not say it was wicked. lord, Lord of Re Albi, n.o.body else's business what he did... . Moss evidently felt this herself. "Risky," she said, "bound to go wrong, such a trick," but she did not say it was wicked.

No sign of the man Handy had been seen up at the mansion. Longing to be sure that he had left the Overfell, Tenar asked an acquaintance or two in the village if they had seen such a man, but she got unwilling and equivocal replies. They wanted no part of her affairs. "Let be. . . . Only old Fan treated her as a friend and fellow-villager. And that might be because his eyes were so dim he could not clearly see Therru.

She took the child with her now when she went into the village, or any distance at all from the house.

Therru did not find this bondage wearisome. She stayed close by Tenar as a much younger child would do, working with her or playing. Her play was with cat's cradle, basket making, and with a couple of bone figures that Tenar had found in a little gra.s.s bag on one of Ogion's shelves. There was an animal that might be a dog or a sheep, a figure that might be a woman or a man. To Tenar they had no sense of power or danger about them, and Moss said, "Just toys." To Therru they were a great magic. She moved them about in the patterns of some silent story for hours at a time; she did not speak as she played. Sometimes she built houses for the person and the animal, stone cairns, huts of mud and straw. They were always in her pocket in their gra.s.s bag. She was learning to spin; she could hold the distaff in the burned hand and twist the drop-spindle with the other. They had combed the goats regularly since they had been there, and by now had a good sackful of silky goathair to be spun.

"But I should be teaching her," Tenar thought, distressed. "Teach her all, all, Ogion said, and what am I teaching her? Cooking and spinning?" Then another part of her mind said in Goha's voice, "And are those not true arts, needful and n.o.ble? Is wisdom all words?" Ogion said, and what am I teaching her? Cooking and spinning?" Then another part of her mind said in Goha's voice, "And are those not true arts, needful and n.o.ble? Is wisdom all words?"

Still she worried over the matter, and one afternoon while Therru was pulling the goathair to clean and loosen it and she was carding it, in the shade of the peach tree, she said, "Therru, maybe it's time you began to learn the true names of things. There is a language in which all things bear their true names, and deed and word are one. By speaking that tongue Segoy raised the islands from the deeps. It is the language dragons speak."

The child listened, silent.

Tenar laid down her carding combs and picked up a small stone from the ground. "In that tongue," she said, "this is tolk. tolk. " "

Therru watched what she did and repeated the word, tolk, tolk, but without voice, only forming it with her lips, which were drawn back a little on the right side by the scarring. but without voice, only forming it with her lips, which were drawn back a little on the right side by the scarring.

The stone lay on Tenar's palm, a stone.

They were both silent.

"Not yet," Tenar said. "That's not what I have to teach you now." She let the stone fall to the ground, and picked up her combs and a handful of cloudy grey wool Therru had prepared for carding. "Maybe when you have your true name, maybe that will be the time. Not now. Now, listen. Now is the time for stories, for you to begin to learn the stories. I can tell you stories of the Archipelago and of the Kargad Lands. I told you a story I learned from my friend Aihal the Silent. Now I'll tell you one I learned from my friend Lark when she told it to her children and mine. This is the story of Andaur and Avad . As long ago as forever, as far away as Selidor, there lived a man called Andaur, a woodcutter, who went up in the hills alone. One day, deep in the forest, he cut a great oak tree down. As it fell it cried out to him in a human voice. . . .

It was a pleasant afternoon for them both.

But that night as she lay by the sleeping child, Tenar could not sleep. She was restless, concerned with one petty anxiety after another-did I fasten the pasture gate, does my hand ache from carding or is it arthritis beginning, and so on. Then she became very uneasy, thinking she heard noises outside the house. Why haven't I got me a dog? she thought. Stupid, not to have a dog. A woman and child living alone ought to have a dog these days. But this is Ogion's house! n.o.body would come here to do evil. But Ogion is dead, dead, buried at the roots of the tree at the forest's edge. And no one will come. Sparrowhawk's gone, run away. Not even Sparrowhawk anymore, a shadow man, no good to anyone, a dead man forced to be alive, And I have no strength, there's no good in me. I say the word of the Making and it dies in my mouth, it is meaningless. A stone. I am a woman, an old woman, weak, stupid. All I do is wrong. All I touch turns to ashes, shadow, stone. I am the creature of darkness, swollen with darkness. Only fire can cleanse me. Only fire can eat me, eat me away like-She sat up and cried out aloud in her own language, "The curse be turned, and turn!"-and brought her right arm out and down, pointing straight to the closed door. Then leaping out of bed, she went to the door, flung it open, and said into the cloudy night, "You come too late, Aspen. I was eaten long ago. Go clean your own house!"

There was no answer, no sound, but a faint, sour, vile smell of burning-singed cloth or hair.

She shut the door, set Ogion's staff against it, and looked to see that Therru still slept. She did not sleep herself, that night.

In the morning she took Therru into the village to ask Fan if he would want the yarn they had been spinning, It was an excuse to get away from the house and to be for a little while among people. The old man said he would be glad to weave the yarn, and they talked for a few minutes, under the great painted fan, while the apprentice scowled and clacked away grimly at the loom. As Tenar and Therru left Fan's house, somebody dodged around the corner of the little cottage where she had lived. Something, wasps or bees, were stinging Tenar's neck and head, and there was a patter of rain all round, a thundershower, but there were no clouds- Stones. She saw the pebbles strike the ground. Therru had stopped, startled and puzzled, looking around. A couple of boys ran from behind the cottage, half hiding, half showing themselves, calling out to each other, laughing.

"Come along," Tenar said steadily, and they walked to Ogion's house.

Tenar was shaking, and the shaking got worse as they walked. She tried to conceal it from Therru, who looked troubled but not frightened, not having understood what had happened.

As soon as they entered the house, Tenar knew someone had been there while they were in the village. It smelled of burned meat and hair. The coverlet of their bed had been disarranged .

When she tried to think what to do, she knew there was a spell on her. It had been laid waiting for her. She could not stop shaking, and her mind was confused, slow, unable to decide. She could not think. She had said the word, the true name of the stone, and it had been flung at her, in her face-in the face of evil, the hideous face- She had dared speak- She could not speak- She thought, in her own language, I cannot think in Hardic. I must not. I cannot think in Hardic. I must not.

She could think, in Kargish. Not quickly. It was as if she had to ask the girl Arha, who she had been long ago, to come out of the darkness and think for her. To help her. As she had helped her last night, turning the wizard's curse back on him. Arha had not known a great deal of what Tenar and Goha knew, but she had known how to curse, and how to live in the dark, and how to be silent.

It was hard to do that, to be silent. She wanted to cry out. She wanted to talk-to go to Moss and tell her what had happened, why she must go, to say good-bye at least. She tried to say to Heather, "The goats are yours now, Heather," and she managed to say that in Hardic, so that Heather would understand, but Heather did not under-stand. She stared and laughed. "Oh, they're Lord Ogion's goats!" she said.

"Then-you-" Tenar tried to say "go on keeping them for him," but a deadly sickness came into her and she heard her voice saying shrilly, "fool, halfwit, imbecile, woman!" Heather stared and stopped laughing. Tenar covered her own mouth with her hand. She took Heather and turned her to look at the cheeses ripening in the milking shed, and pointed to them and to Heather, back and forth, until Heather nodded vaguely and laughed again because she was acting so queer.

Tenar nodded to Therru-come!-and went into the house, where the foul smell was stronger, making Therru cower.

Tenar fetched out their packs and their travel shoes. In her pack she put her spare dress and s.h.i.+fts, Therru's two old dresses and the half-made new one and the spare cloth; the spindle whorls she had carved for herself and Therru; and a little food and a clay bottle of water for the way. In Therru's pack went Therru's best baskets, the bone person and the bone animal in their gra.s.s bag, some feathers, a little maze-mat Moss had given her, and a bag of nuts and raisins.

She wanted to say, "Go water the peach tree," but dared not. She took the child out and showed her. Therru watered the tiny shoot carefully.

They swept and straightened up the house, working fast, in silence.

Tenar set a jug back on the shelf and saw on the other end of the shelf the three great books, Ogion's books.

Arha saw them and they were nothing to her, big leather boxes full of paper.

But Tenar stared at them and bit her knuckle, frowning with the effort to decide, to know what to do, and to know how to carry them. She could not carry them. But she must. They could not stay here in the desecrated house, the house where hatred had come in. They were his. Ogion's. Ged's.

Hers. The knowledge. Teach her all! She emptied their wool and yarn from the sack she had meant to carry it in and put the books in, one atop the other, and tied the neck of the bag with a leather strap with a loop to hold it by. Then she said, "We must go now, Therru." She spoke in Kargish, but the child's name was the same, it was a Kargish word, flame, flaming; and she came, asking no questions, carrying her little h.o.a.rd in the pack on her back.

They took up their walking sticks, the hazel shoot and the alder branch. They left Ogion's staff beside the door in the dark corner. They left the door of the house wide open to the wind from the sea.

An animal sense guided Tenar away from the fields and away from the hill road she had come by. She took a shortcut down the steep-falling pastures, holding Therru's hand, to the wagon road that zigzagged down to Gont Port. She knew that if she met Aspen she was lost, and thought he might be waiting for her on the way. But not, maybe, on this way.

After a mile or so of the descent she began to be able to think. What she thought first was that she had taken the right road. For the Hardic words were coming back to her, and after a while, the true words, so that she stooped and picked up a stone and held it in her hand, saying in her mind, tolk; tolk; and she put that stone in her pocket. She looked out into the vast levels of air and cloud and said in her mind, once, and she put that stone in her pocket. She looked out into the vast levels of air and cloud and said in her mind, once, Kalessin. Kalessin. And her mind cleared, as that air was clear. And her mind cleared, as that air was clear.