Heart and Soul Part 54

"No, we didn't," he said simply.

"If you could have seen her! She just handed Dimples back to me and walked down the crescent. She was bent over, as if she were in pain."

Declan had stopped brus.h.i.+ng his shoes.

"It will all be sorted out by Monday," he said, speaking like an automaton.

"Oh, Declan, if something needs to be sorted out why for the Lord's sake wait until Monday?" Molly Carroll asked.

"That was what was agreed."

In Dun Laoghaire, ordinary people with ordinary lives enjoyed the summer evening by the coast. They went for long, healthy walks the length of the pier. Some of them got into yachts and went out into the bay. Others settled into small restaurants.

Only Barbara and Fiona seemed out of touch with the gentle summery feel of it all.

"Tell me again," Barbara said. "You feel nothing over Shane. You love Declan, but you can't marry Declan because you don't trust your judgment? Is that it?"

"Well, that's a way of putting it."

"I've listened to you for half an hour, Fiona, and I'm on my second large brandy. I can't understand what what you're saying. I've tried to sum it up. Am I right or am I wrong?" you're saying. I've tried to sum it up. Am I right or am I wrong?"

"Basically right."

"Then you are quite totally mad," Barbara said.

"Why? I made one bad call. I might be making another. What's so hard to understand about that?"

"Well, where do I start?" Barbara said. "I could start by saying that Shane was a sniveling loser. A drug addict who hit you. Who dug deep and found the victim side of you. That's Shane. Declan is Declan. Mad about you, funny, good, kind, wise. You have never been so happy and positive since you met him. You could take on any job. He builds up your confidence. Look, why am I telling you all this, trying to sell him to you? I bet he doesn't know know any of this." any of this."

"I tried to tell him, but he said the past was over. I don't think he understood-he made me promise not to say anything more until Monday."

"Because he's normal, that's why. Who could understand your rantings and ramblings?" Barbara called for the bill. "You're going to talk to him now!" she said.

"No, he said Monday. That's what was agreed."

Barbara took Fiona's mobile phone. "Hi, Declan, Barbara here. Fiona and I are in a pub in Dun Laoghaire. Can you get here?"

Fiona looked like a guilty child.

Barbara continued, "It's important that you know she she didn't tell me. I guessed. She's still bleating on about doing nothing until Monday. Monday! G.o.d, Declan, we'll all be dead by Monday. Could you come out here quickly? I'll try to hold her down until you get here." didn't tell me. I guessed. She's still bleating on about doing nothing until Monday. Monday! G.o.d, Declan, we'll all be dead by Monday. Could you come out here quickly? I'll try to hold her down until you get here."

Barbara stood and watched as Declan and Fiona joined the groups of ordinary people walking in the evening suns.h.i.+ne. She knew that neither of them could see the sea or the little boats bobbing up and down. They weren't aware of the other people: the man selling balloons, the children eating huge ice cream cones. But they walked close together and seemed to be talking to each other. Barbara sighed.

It was going to be all right. They had just looked at each other and said nothing when they met. That was a good sign.

Oh, well, she would walk some of the way home. She had to get rid of three hundred-plus extra empty calories she'd drunk. It looked as if the kingfisher-blue dress might be needed after all.

"My legs feel a bit wobbly," Fiona said. "Could we sit down?"

Declan guided them to a stone seat. He sat there and held her hand.

"You do know what it's all about?" she said after a while.

"No, I don't, to be honest."

"But I toldyo toldyou. I explained for hours." I explained for hours."

"I didn't understand it fully"

"What did you think it was?" she demanded.

"Nerves," he said simply.

There was a silence.

"I don't have have nerves," Fiona said eventually. nerves," Fiona said eventually.

"Good. Because neither do I. I am so sure we'll have a great marriage."

"We can't marry." Her voice was very level and calm.

"Why not exactly?"

"Because I once made a very stupid choice and fell in love with the idea of getting married and roaming the world. I'm afraid I'm doing it all over again."

"But we're not not roaming the world. We're going to settle down here. We're meant to be putting a deposit on a flat this week." roaming the world. We're going to settle down here. We're meant to be putting a deposit on a flat this week."

"No, Declan. Too much has happened."

"And did it all happen since we agreed to get married?"

"In a way, yes. Shane died."

"Shane?"

"The fellow I went off with to Greece. Remember, I tried to tell you ..."

"And I said what had happened in our past wasn't important."

"But it is, is, Declan. It's what shapes us." Declan. It's what shapes us."

"Well, then, I was poorly shaped. I hardly had had a past." a past."

"And I had Shane."

"This fellow you fancied way back? Were you upset because he died?"

"I swear I couldn't have cared less."

Declan's honest face was almost at the end of trying to understand all this.

"What has this to do with us? We don't have a difficult relations.h.i.+p. We want the same things-or I thought we did. Where's the similarity?"

"I might be making an equally stupid decision. In a few years' time I might care nothing about you. you. It's just the way I'm made. My mad personality." It's just the way I'm made. My mad personality."

"It's up to me to make you keep loving me," Declan said.

"No, if it were only that simple. I'm a damaged person, incapable of making decisions. It's better that I don't make any ever again."

"You've got to help me here, Fiona. I'm focusing. I'm concentrating, but I still don't get it."

"I'll tell you the whole story again, then," she said.

"Will you tell it slowly this time? Please, Please, Fiona?" Fiona?"

She actually smiled. "I will," she said. "And if I go too fast, slow me down."

And so everything was back on track. n.o.body had been told anything of what went on out by the sea, what was said, what was not said and what was patted down.

The wedding dress fittings were cheerful. The waistcoat was made. The hall was decorated. Brian Flynn was duly licensed to serve alcohol. The twins brought tasting menus to the Carrolls' house so that everyone could decide what they liked and what they didn't. The two mothers brought their shoes to be stretched. Ania managed to wrestle from Fiona that if she were at a theoretical theoretical wedding, and she were the wedding, and she were the theoretical theoretical bride, she would love some heavy cut-crystal tumblers or a cut-gla.s.s bowl, and Ania ran off and bought both, as there was enough cash in the fund. bride, she would love some heavy cut-crystal tumblers or a cut-gla.s.s bowl, and Ania ran off and bought both, as there was enough cash in the fund.

Declan suggested that Fiona find out where Shane's grave was.

"It's making too much of him," she said.

"You loved him for a while. He deserves some kind of good-bye," Declan said.

His mother had no idea who she was.

"There were so many girls," Shane's mother said on the phone, "and for what, in the end?" But she told Fiona where the grave was, and she and Declan went to see it. The headstone was not yet up. Just a simple cross and the number of the plot. Fiona laid flowers on it.

"I'm sorry you didn't have a better life," she said.

"May you sleep in peace," Declan said.

And oddly, she did feel better as they left the big city graveyard. Somehow peaceful.

Rosemary Walsh was very bruised and battered, but recovering.

Bobby came to see her every day. Ania had offered to wash her nightdresses, but Carl had been adamant.

"You're going to be her daughter-in-law, not her carer," he said.

"But a good daughter-in-law would be happy to care for a sick woman."

"Dad can take the nightdresses and send them to a laundry."

"It would be such a little thing," Ania said.

"To me, it would be a big thing," Carl said.

He went to see his mother once a week and helped his father organize the move.

On one of his hospital visits he brought an inventory of what they had in the big house looking out over the bay: furniture, paintings, gla.s.sware, ornaments.

"You can take about a fifth of this, Mother," he said.

Immediately she began to complain.

"Dad says he doesn't mind what he he takes but that possessions are very important to you. You collected them over the years. So just let me know and I will arrange that they be transferred." takes but that possessions are very important to you. You collected them over the years. So just let me know and I will arrange that they be transferred."

"But it's not at all certain that we really want want to move. We might rent something." to move. We might rent something."

"Dad has bought it, Mother. And you can't go back to the old house. You couldn't manage the steps either." He spoke as if her injuries were of no remote interest to him.

"Will you always hate me, Carl?" she asked.

"No, indeed, Mother. I don't hate you at all," he said in a flat voice with no tone of rea.s.surance in it.

Frank Ennis came to discuss the accident with Clara.

"Will we sue Mrs. Walsh?" he said.

"I think not, Frank. The woman could have broken every bone in her body. Her husband has serious heart failure. Hardly likely to be helpful to him."

"But she did knock it down."

"Oh, I know she did, but not deliberately."

"That's not the point. They will have plenty of insurance."

"So have we."

"But we're blameless. There was even a sign warning people. I checked."

"Leave it, Frank. We're well covered. I checked that too."

"You don't know how to save a no-claims bonus," Frank said, shaking his head.

"No, I'm glad to say I don't," Clara agreed.

"What are you wearing to the wedding?" he asked suddenly.

"A moss-green dress with a black hat with ribbons of moss green around the hat."

"Sounds lovely," he said.