Sinner Takes All_ A Memoir of Love and Porn Part 9

So I told Evan that I would be his fluffer and help him throughout the shoot if he needed it. He wasn't worried about having s.e.x in front of people because, like me, Evan is an exhibitionist.

But he did put some thought into his load. In p.o.r.n, guys get compet.i.tive about how big of a load they can shoot. What makes a great c.u.m shot, you ask? Lots of it! So Evan went to p.o.r.n star Peter North, who is renowned for having one of the best c.u.m shots in the industry, never failing to deliver a tremendous load. Evan wanted to make sure his wad was worthy too, so he rang up Peter and asked what he does to get such volume. Peter told him that he takes a combination of Chinese herbs with reis.h.i.+ mushrooms and guarana. It didn't sound good to Evan, so he decided to go au naturel.

I could tell he was nervous. I could see it in his face. I'd never seen him nervous before, so he made me a little nervous too. Everyone on set wanted to make sure Evan was comfortable and ready. Our director, a fabulously flamboyant drag queen named Chi Chi LaRue, pulled Evan aside and said, "Do you want some v.i.a.g.r.a? Most guys take some type of d.i.c.k pills."

"No way," said Evan. "I don't mess with that stuff. I'm not going to try it for the first time on my first scene. I'll be fine."

It was time for our first scene: I'm lying on a wooden table in this industrial loft in downtown L.A. in pink lingerie with this huge jeweled necklace on. Evan takes one look at me and says, "Wow. You look so beautiful." Right then, I knew everything would be OK. Here I was doing something again that I love, with the man I love. It felt special. It felt new again. I realized then how much I'd missed it, and I loved being able to share it with him.

We start out by kissing, and then he starts eating my p.u.s.s.y and he's getting into it and I'm getting into it. All is going well and we're both beginning to forget about the cameras and crew and just focus on each other. Just as we are hitting our stride, Chi Chi starts going, "Yeah. Eat that p.u.s.s.y. Suck that p.u.s.s.y. Let me see that demon hand!" (Evan has a tattoo of a demon on his left hand.) "Put that demon hand in that p.u.s.s.y. Yay!" I'm trying hard not to laugh so I didn't blow the moment, but Evan couldn't take it anymore. Evan stops eating me out and scolds Chi Chi: "Chi Chi," he said, "I love you, but you're making me nervous. Stop talking!"

So Chi Chi and the whole set gets quiet, and we continue the scene. It's moving along nicely and then we hear a stern whisper, "Chopper! Get out of there, Chopper. Chopper, come here!" Chi Chi is trying to get my little dog out of the shot because he'd just walked right into the scene. I start laughing, but Evan's not having it so we have to stop again.

As Evan promised, he had no problem keeping his d.i.c.k hard or really getting into the scene. In fact, once we started f.u.c.king, he was so into it that we had to stop a few times because he was going to c.u.m, but it was too soon for the c.u.m shot. He was so excited that we had to stop a few more times, which was really flattering to me.

"Get me some chocolate!" my rock-hard hubby asked the set a.s.sistant. I guess chocolate was a good distraction for the task at hand, and it gave him a little boost of energy . . . not that he needed it. Luckily, this scene didn't have to be shot in one long take. It was our film, our pace, our direction. We could start and stop as often as we needed to, which we did until an hour later when we finished our scene.

"Good job!" cheered Chi Chi, proud of his new p.o.r.n pet.

Evan was so relieved, he sat down and ate a whole bag of chocolate and declared, "I want to do it again!" He was proud, and I was proud of him.

The reason Chi Chi is my favorite director is because he not only gets the technical angles right--open up to camera, arch your back, point your toes, lean back, etc.--but he's also very concerned with beauty. He makes sure your fake eyelashes aren't crooked or falling off. He makes sure your body makeup is even and glowing and that your lipstick isn't all over your face or that your eyeliner hasn't smudged. He's always looking out for the girl, to make sure he's making the most glamorous and beautiful movie he can make. That's the one thing I took with me when I started Teravision: Always make it glamorous and beautiful. I wanted to leave behind a legacy and it was important for me, like it is for Chi Chi, to make a higher standard of movie than what's out there. And I think we achieved that.

With the first scene in the can, it was time for the most pivotal scene of the movie for me--my first hardcore girl-on-girl scene. You have to understand, all "firsts" in p.o.r.n are a big deal when you are a big deal. Your first girl scene, your first a.n.a.l scene, your first DP scene (though I don't do double penetration, but you get the point) is antic.i.p.ated, talked about, reviewed, scrutinized, and discussed ad nauseam. So we put a lot of time and thought into my first girl hardcore s.e.x scene (which includes penetration and not just oral s.e.x like I did in Aroused Aroused) since we knew how much attention it would get and that my fans had been waiting for me to do this for five years. For the sake of my career and for this comeback to really make a splash, it had to be exceptional.

I was comfortable with girls. I didn't mind kissing, touching, or having my p.u.s.s.y licked. But I had a fear of going down on a p.u.s.s.y. That was one thing that made me the "vanilla girl of p.o.r.n," and it was time to shed that image.

Evan knew how important it was for my career as well, and he was my manager, so I listened to his opinions with an open mind. "You have to be with a girl. For one, it'll be hot. For another, it's great for your career," he'd tell me. I agreed with him wholeheartedly and was ready to dive into new territory. Being at the top of my game, I had my pick of the litter, so to speak. I could've picked any p.u.s.s.y I wanted, and I gave it a lot of consideration.

I chose Savanna Samson. I picked her because I found her extremely attractive and she was the opposite of me. She had blond hair, hazel eyes, and was a pet.i.te 5' 5". She looked like a hot all-American cheerleader. But more important than her beauty, I chose her because I knew she was really into women and was very experienced. She was a total professional and just loved to f.u.c.k. That made me feel more comfortable, because my worst nightmare would've been to be in a cold, sterile scene with a woman who was just doing it for the paycheck and not because she really enjoyed herself. We call that "gay for pay." And as we know, one of my rules of p.o.r.n is: don't do anything you don't totally love. And I think it was exciting for Savanna, too, because I was going to lose my "v.a.g.i.n.a virginity" to her.

The other reason I chose her was because I trusted her with my man, and she had a lot of respect for me, Evan, and our marriage. And that was very important to me because it wasn't just me and Savanna getting it on in the movie, there was also a threesome with Evan, and Evan and I had never done a threesome before. I was a bit hesitant about sharing my man with another woman, because I still had a bit of a jealous streak in me at this time, so I wanted to make sure that we did it with a girl who wasn't going to try to steal him away from me. I felt safe with Savanna, and I needed that security blanket to ease my nervousness about this brand-new s.e.xual territory for me.

Before we got to the threesome, Savanna and I had our scene together. I couldn't believe I was about to have real s.e.x with a woman for the first time! I was really excited and surprised that I had gone this long without ever going there. But I was also really nervous because I didn't really know how to lick p.u.s.s.y. The stuff I'd done in magazines was pretty fake. Now it was time for Evan to give me some advice: "Do what feels good to you. Touch her the way you want to be touched. She'll help guide you, and it will become instinctual before you know it."

FROM THE SHOOTING SCRIPT OF TERA TERA TERA:LIVING ROOM FLOOR IN FRONT OF FIREPLACEs.e.x SCENE WITH TERA AND SAVANNA.

CHANGE OF SCENE.

TERA STANDING ON STAIRCASETERA: Mum, well, I'd like to get a little crazy for this next scene . . . and nothing would turn me on more than to see seven hard, luscious bodies all f.u.c.king and sucking one another. [SHOWING STILLS OF GROUP] Three big, hard beautiful c.o.c.ks and four wet sticky p.u.s.s.ies. I'd like to watch the c.o.c.ks slide in and out of those wet p.u.s.s.ies and I'd like to see tongues . . . long tongues running all over bodies . . . Hum, and big luscious lipstick lips wrapped around big hard c.o.c.k . . . all those big hard c.o.c.ks being sucked. . . . Oooh I'd love to suck a c.o.c.k after it's been in another woman's p.u.s.s.y. I love to taste that juice . . . ahhh, I like to see it go in a mouth, in a p.u.s.s.y with those hot lights beating down on all those sweaty bodies . . . making them hotter and hotter.TERA STARTS TO PLAY WITH HERSELFTERA: All those juicy c.u.m shots on all those pretty faces . . . I want to lick that c.u.m . . . I love licking c.u.m off faces . . . oohh, I wish this p.u.s.s.y was filled right now . . . feel me, feel me, taste me . . . f.u.c.k me . . .CHANGE OF SCENE Chi Chi didn't tell me this until later, but he was freaking out over this scene. There was a lot riding on it: Tera Patrick's First Hardcore Girl Scene! He told Evan that his biggest fear was that I would chicken out and make Savanna do all of the work. He thought I would just lie there and be the pillow queen that I usually was and not get into it. And for the scene to work, it was imperative that I really got into it.

Savanna was having a gla.s.s of wine before the scene to relax, and for the first time in almost a year, I really, really wanted a drink. But I had been sober and was sticking with sobriety, so I kept myself away from the vino. The setup for the scene was so relaxing and inviting anyway that I didn't need any wine. We were in front of a cozy fireplace with tons of pillows around, and once Chi Chi yelled, "Action!" I surprised myself at how comfortable and relaxed I felt.

We started out caressing each other's b.r.e.a.s.t.s. She felt so soft and smooth. That's one thing I love about women: the softness of their skin and the s.e.xy curves of their bodies. She had a gentle touch and knew just how to make me tingle. Her eyes were magnetic and, in the moment, I just fell in love with her. Savanna had a womanly body with real curves and soft flesh--unlike the hard, overly worked-out bodies on some of the younger girls. I don't like to feel muscles on a girl. I like to feel some flesh.

We began kissing and I remember loving how moist and soft her tongue felt. It was so sensual. Kissing a girl is a lot different from kissing a guy. It's more sensual and loving. We kissed slowly and gently. It wasn't what I expected in a p.o.r.n scene. I was getting very turned on and all of a sudden, Evan was right: It became instinctual and as Savanna got into doggy-style position, I went right up behind her and started licking her p.u.s.s.y. She smelled fresh and clean. My instincts took over and I buried my face and tongue in her p.u.s.s.y and threw myself into it as she moaned and writhed with pleasure. And to my surprise, I really loved it. It turned me on more than I thought it would.

Chi Chi just couldn't shut up, though. He started going, "Yes, Tera! Yes, Tera! Oh my G.o.d, Tera. Good girl, Tera!" I looked over at him at one point and he was literally pulling his hair, saying, "This is so beautiful!" Then Chi Chi winked at me, and that gave me all the confidence I needed. I wanted to not just please Savanna, but I wanted to make my favorite director happy too.

Not as happy as Evan, though. Evan had always wanted to see me with a girl. I mean, that's every guy's fantasy, right? Like any hot-blooded male, seeing two girls get it on was a huge turn on for Evan. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Evan standing right behind the camera in the monitor, rubbing his d.i.c.k with a smile on his face as Savanna and I went at it. Evan had this look on his face like, "I am going to f.u.c.k the h.e.l.l out of you later, girl!" I couldn't wait for that.

It was finally time for my first threesome with Evan and Savanna. I was so against threesomes. I just never wanted to share my man with another woman. I was so sure that no one could ever come between us, but I still didn't want to share him. So, like I said before, when it comes to threesomes, the key to a happy and healthy menage a trois is to set up some boundaries and make sure all parties adhere to them.

My boundaries were the following: Evan couldn't f.u.c.k Savanna. Evan couldn't go down on Savanna. What Evan could do was touch her, put his fingers in her, and let her give him a b.l.o.w.j.o.b. That was it. His c.o.c.k was not going into any other woman's p.u.s.s.y . . . period.

Savanna completely respected our rules and was totally cool about it. The threesome scene went great. I ate her out, she ate me out, we both gave Evan the b.l.o.w.j.o.b of his life, and all was great. Evan was so turned on that when he stood up to blow his big load on both of our faces, he overshot. And I mean he really really overshot and hit the camerawoman from clear across the room--about ten feet. Evan felt really bad. And even though he was impressed with his Olympic "pop shot," he wished it had stayed on the person it was meant for. overshot and hit the camerawoman from clear across the room--about ten feet. Evan felt really bad. And even though he was impressed with his Olympic "pop shot," he wished it had stayed on the person it was meant for.

After the shoot, Evan was on a mission to get stronger--"stronger" for p.o.r.n guys means to be able to last longer. He thought, well, practice makes perfect. So every night after our four-day shoot, we'd go back home and he'd f.u.c.k the s.h.i.+t out of me to practice lasting longer. He really worked hard at being the best p.o.r.n performer he could be. We'd be tired from a long day on set, but he was up for the challenge.

"We gotta f.u.c.k more!" he'd say.

"Evan! You're killing me! I can't even walk." But I always succ.u.mbed to his charms. I mean, I loved f.u.c.king my husband and I wanted him to be the best performer he could be too.

In front of the billboard in L.A. announcing Tera, Tera, Tera Tera, Tera, Tera It was a really exciting time. I was so happy to be making movies again and thrilled to be doing it with Evan. But what made it even more empowering was that we were doing it for our company, our dream, and our own profits. We were the ones to really win out this time, and that felt great.

Evan and I had the perfect plan. I was going to only work with Evan for a couple of years, make as many movies in that time as I felt comfortable making, and then stop making movies but have them released for years to come so I would still technically be active in the p.o.r.n industry. I just wanted to get all the p.o.r.n out of the way so I could spend time enjoying the fruits of my l.u.s.ty labors over the years, which included doing glamorous magazine shoots, writing for Genesis Genesis magazine, making personal appearances, feature dancing, and doing television appearances. I basically wanted to enjoy being a star, and didn't plan to spend the next several years on end filming movie after movie. I wanted to film a lot now, put them in the can, and let them roll out for years to come. And of course, this plan entailed f.u.c.king only my husband on-screen and doing the occasional half-a.s.sed threesome with him where I get to play all I want but he needs to keep his d.i.c.k out of the other woman. This plan worked out just fine for all of 2004 and 2005. magazine, making personal appearances, feature dancing, and doing television appearances. I basically wanted to enjoy being a star, and didn't plan to spend the next several years on end filming movie after movie. I wanted to film a lot now, put them in the can, and let them roll out for years to come. And of course, this plan entailed f.u.c.king only my husband on-screen and doing the occasional half-a.s.sed threesome with him where I get to play all I want but he needs to keep his d.i.c.k out of the other woman. This plan worked out just fine for all of 2004 and 2005.

Having my own company afforded me the opportunity to make some dreams come true for my husband and me. For me, I always wanted to do a strong, female-empowering film with an all-Asian cast so that I could really embrace my ethnic background and help out some other Asian girls in the industry in the process. I am proud of being half Thai, and I wanted to celebrate that with a s.e.xy film filled with a bevy of s.e.xy Asian babes of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds. I had never done an all-Asian movie of my own, and this was a way to give back to my community and to please my Asian fans. For my perverted, h.o.r.n.y husband who likes Asian women, this worked out too.

So in June 2004, we made both of our dreams come true when we shot Reign of Tera Reign of Tera, which would become the most popular and bestselling film of my career. Evan wrote the script, which centered on me as the madam of this Asian love palace, which was a place where men would come and be wors.h.i.+ped and f.u.c.ked by hot Asian girls. I handpicked the girls for the movie myself, including my old friend Charmane Star, as well as Lucy Thai, Lily Thai, Kianna Dior, Jade Hsu, Jayna Oso, Nyomi Marcela, Nautica Thorn, Mika Tan, Veronica Lin, and others. My dog Chopper also made his feature-film debut in Reign of Tera Reign of Tera (not in a s.e.x scene, though!). (not in a s.e.x scene, though!).

We went all out for Reign of Tera Reign of Tera. It was our first big-budget production for Teravision, and we paid attention to every little detail. I even had outfits custom made for all of the girls and even for Chopper. We had special sets built and found authentic ancient gongs to use in some scenes.

Reign of Tera featured my first orgy scene. It was yet another way to show off the new Tera. The scene featured me, Evan, and a bunch of the girls in the movie all in a bed, having s.e.x with one another. My rule was still in place, though: No f.u.c.king other girls for Evan! He could only get his d.i.c.k sucked. It was one big Asian free-for-all. I was f.u.c.king Evan. I was f.u.c.king girls. Girls were f.u.c.king one another. Girls were d.i.l.d.oing one another. One girl even had her foot in another girl's p.u.s.s.y. It was crazy s.e.x! We were all laughing and moaning and squealing with delight. This was Evan's dream come true. featured my first orgy scene. It was yet another way to show off the new Tera. The scene featured me, Evan, and a bunch of the girls in the movie all in a bed, having s.e.x with one another. My rule was still in place, though: No f.u.c.king other girls for Evan! He could only get his d.i.c.k sucked. It was one big Asian free-for-all. I was f.u.c.king Evan. I was f.u.c.king girls. Girls were f.u.c.king one another. Girls were d.i.l.d.oing one another. One girl even had her foot in another girl's p.u.s.s.y. It was crazy s.e.x! We were all laughing and moaning and squealing with delight. This was Evan's dream come true.

I felt on top of the world in that moment. It was really an empowering movie for me. I wasn't just playing the role of this strong, confident, powerful, in-charge lady boss on top in the movie, but in real life as owner of Teravision, I was actually the strong, confident, powerful, in-charge woman on top. I finally felt like I was holding all the cards for once. In the moment of shooting this film, I felt like something magical was happening, and I was right. To this day, it's the movie I'm most known for.

The next important film I made was Teradise Island: a.n.a.l Fever Teradise Island: a.n.a.l Fever. It was important because it was my first true a.n.a.l scene, and it's rare to have the career I had without ever doing a scene like this. I say first "true" a.n.a.l scene because as some of my hardcore fans will know, I did a small, low-budget film early in my career where a guy put his p.e.n.i.s in my b.u.t.t for a brief moment, but it wasn't a full-fledged a.n.a.l s.e.x scene. There's a big difference between a small little poke in the b.u.t.t and the full-on a.n.a.l pounding that I got in a.n.a.l Fever a.n.a.l Fever, so most of my fans and I consider this movie to be my true first a.n.a.l film.

Evan was thinking strategically about my career. If we were going to reinvent me as a nastier, more hardcore version of myself, then giving my fans a proper, fully realized a.n.a.l scene was definitely the next step.

We shot Teradise Island: a.n.a.l Fever Teradise Island: a.n.a.l Fever and and Teradise Island 2 Teradise Island 2 over a one-week period in Maui, Hawaii, in August 2005. I figured if I was going to do a.n.a.l, I might as well be doing it in a tropical paradise. And I was excited that I'd be doing my first filmed a.n.a.l with my husband. I wouldn't have it any other way. I loved surrendering myself to him, and I knew we'd shoot it in a really beautiful way. over a one-week period in Maui, Hawaii, in August 2005. I figured if I was going to do a.n.a.l, I might as well be doing it in a tropical paradise. And I was excited that I'd be doing my first filmed a.n.a.l with my husband. I wouldn't have it any other way. I loved surrendering myself to him, and I knew we'd shoot it in a really beautiful way.

But it wasn't an easy shoot. We shot on the beach at five in the morning and it was a bit chilly. Evan had a tough time staying hard at first because of the cold, sand was going up both of our cracks, and I was lying on these rocks for part of the scene, so it was difficult to get comfortable. But we nailed it.

Now that we were about a year into doing movies together, I was feeling a little more secure with Evan being a p.o.r.n star. I started letting go of my old hang-ups with him and let him, for the first time, lick another girl's p.u.s.s.y in this movie. It was a scene with Alexis Amore, and I wouldn't let him f.u.c.k her, but I did let him go down on her. She was a good friend of mine, and I knew I could trust that she wouldn't try to steal my husband and I was beginning to trust that Evan wasn't going to leave me. The more open Evan and I got with our rules, the better our films were.

On the set of Teradise Island Teradise Island The next day after we shot those scenes, Evan and I snuck off and had a really nice romantic lovemaking session on the beach in the middle of the night. It was great to go from our hardcore, raunchy s.e.x scenes for the movie to real, tender lovemaking in our real life. We had such a great s.e.xual balance and were both fulfilling every fantasy we ever had.

*CHAPTER 24*

Back to My Roots One night in bed Evan said to me, "You know what? You're a p.o.r.n star. And p.o.r.n stars don't only f.u.c.k their husbands on camera. It's not that I want to share my wife with anyone, but I know you love me and I know it would be just for our business. I think you should start doing other guys again on film."

I didn't know if he was the most selfless husband in the world or the craziest. What man wants his woman to do other guys? At first I was like, "No way. I just don't want to sleep with another man. I'm married to you. I only want you."

I wasn't ready to share myself. Here I was with my husband, enjoying being married. We'd just had the best s.e.x, we had the best of everything, and now he was telling me that I needed to bang other guys. In my mind there wasn't one guy I wanted to f.u.c.k in the business. Been there, done that.

I didn't want to question Evan wanting me to work with other men again, because it's different in p.o.r.n. He knows and I know that having s.e.x on camera is just work. It's just another day at the office for us. It wasn't like I was picking up some hot guy at Quizno's and saying, "Hey baby, wanna f.u.c.k?" You have a different mind-set when you work in p.o.r.n. And even though on an intellectual level I knew that, deep down I was emotionally torn over it.

But I gave it some thought and I agreed that my fans were getting bored of seeing me f.u.c.k my husband movie after movie. It was time for me return to my roots and be the full-fledged p.o.r.n star who does everyone and (almost) everything. The problem was that at the time I didn't think there were any cute guys with big d.i.c.ks who I'd be attracted to in the industry.

"Baby, you can choose any guy in the world that you want to work with," Evan reminded me.

I was worried about betraying my husband. I worried that I was going to do it and he was going to be angry with me because he was a little insecure about me doing it. As much as he was trying to talk me into it, he could be jealous sometimes too. Jealousy is natural, of course, when you're talking about your wife f.u.c.king another guy. He was like, "I don't really want to share my woman with anybody, but I trust you and I love you, and your fans will love this."

We spent days looking through some p.o.r.n websites to find me the right guy. I wasn't too picky, but I did want a guy who was taller than me. I decided on Tommy Gunn. Tommy Gunn is from New Jersey and he looks it, showing off the guido look to full effect. He is a real macho guy with short spiky brown hair, tanned skin, and usually some sort of facial hair like a goatee. More important, he has a rock-hard body and a pretty big d.i.c.k--eight inches to be exact. He looked good to me, and it didn't hurt that he was one of the most popular guys in the industry at the time, all of the girls liked him, he had a good reputation, and Evan trusted him.

Steve Hirsch at Vivid chose the second guy in the film: Jean Val Jean. He was a six-foot-two French guy with long, flowing, Fabio-like hair and a model-esque face. He was a little too pretty for me, but he worked great for the movie because he was tall, handsome, and made the director, Paul Thomas, happy.

Steve already had a movie in mind for me to do: Tera Patrick's Fas.h.i.+on Underground Tera Patrick's Fas.h.i.+on Underground, a feature film where I was a supermodel and the head of my own modeling agency. It was to be my next big Vivid/Teravision movie for 2006. We shot it on January 13, 2006, and I got paid a lot of money for it. It ended up winning an AVN Award for Best Cinematography.

To make it more comfortable for both of us, the director of the film, Paul Thomas, was going to let Evan direct the boy-girl scene instead of Paul doing it himself. Actually, when I think about it, having Evan direct the scene was easier for Evan, but it actually made me nervous as h.e.l.l. It was weird enough to be f.u.c.king another guy for the first time in four years, yet another thing to have my husband in the room watching, but having him behind the camera directing us on what to do was a bit unnerving.

The first position we filmed was doggy-style, and I was getting into it and trying to ignore the fact that my husband was right there. As Tommy and I were f.u.c.king, I turned around to look at him and I kissed him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Evan's face drop. He was like, "Whoa." I didn't even think that a kiss would affect him more than f.u.c.king, but when you think about it, kissing and f.u.c.king don't always go together. "Oopsie," I thought.

Then I hear Paul Thomas say to Evan, "Wow. I guess she really is into it." Evan looked a little disturbed, so for the rest of the scene, I made sure not to kiss Tommy again. Actually, I felt weird throughout the rest of the scene, like I was holding back a little.

When the scene was over and I was in my dressing room, I saw Evan walking up the stairs toward my dressing room. He announced loudly to everyone to clear the set and looked mad as h.e.l.l. I thought he was going to scream at me for something. But instead, he didn't say a word. He just took off his clothes, grabbed me forcibly, and f.u.c.ked the h.e.l.l out of me. I guess he had to mark his territory. And it creeped me out to see him that jealous and take such control.

We talked about it afterward and he was like, "You kissed him. You kissed him." Kissing is very intimate, so I agreed never to kiss another performer again. He never brought it up again. He said that he didn't want to hold me back as a performer, but kissing was off limits.

I definitely had a hard time getting through the rest of the movie. My scene with Jean Val Jean was really cold. I didn't get close to him. I wasn't really into the scene. But at the end of the day, Evan and I were on the same page about what was needed for my career and what would be best for Teravision. And Evan had had to make some hard, selfless decisions that ended up paying off big-time in terms of us growing our business . . . and our bank accounts.

I was really proud of the work I was doing with Vivid and Teravision. It felt like the drama with Digital Playground was light years behind me. I felt relieved, but I also felt a sense of vindication. I won. I was able to not just be successful on my own, but to find even greater heights of success and satisfaction by doing it my way. I could do p.o.r.n, be in love, and have it all. Sinner takes all!

*CHAPTER 25*

Three Awful Weeks Chopper's been kidnapped!" I cried into the phone to Evan as I stood shaking outside our Cadillac Escalade with the door wide open. My six-pound black-and-white fox terrier dog, Chopper, and his carrying bag were missing.

"Get here now!" I wailed.

I couldn't believe what just happened. I was running into the Westfield Fas.h.i.+on Square Mall in Sherman Oaks for just a few minutes, and I left Chopper in the car alone. Big mistake. I don't know if I forgot to lock the door of if I hit the Lock b.u.t.ton but it didn't work, but when I walked out of the mall and approached my car, my heart sunk as I saw the door wide open and my little baby nowhere to be found.

Evan was used to getting 911 calls from me for a variety of reasons, but usually it was because I went shopping by myself without a bodyguard or a.s.sistant and ended up being trapped by fans or autograph-seekers and couldn't deal with it. But this 911 call was a real real emergency, and Evan dropped what he was doing and rushed over to the mall. It was useless looking around the parking lot because I knew Chopper was kidnapped. Someone took him. I immediately thought maybe it was an enemy of mine or maybe it was even a fan because I put Chopper in some of my movies and we did photo shoots with him. So, maybe someone knew it was my dog and took him for a ransom. Evan immediately sprang into action. As I cried and hyperventilated, he went through the security tapes with the mall guards. emergency, and Evan dropped what he was doing and rushed over to the mall. It was useless looking around the parking lot because I knew Chopper was kidnapped. Someone took him. I immediately thought maybe it was an enemy of mine or maybe it was even a fan because I put Chopper in some of my movies and we did photo shoots with him. So, maybe someone knew it was my dog and took him for a ransom. Evan immediately sprang into action. As I cried and hyperventilated, he went through the security tapes with the mall guards.

I bonded with Chopper like you bond with your firstborn. As someone who didn't have or want children at the time, my dogs were my babies; and Chopper was my first. (Mr. Big Time, a teacup Chihuahua; and Bandit, a Dutch shepherd, came next.) I took Chopper everywhere with me--to the set, to shoots, to dinner, on vacation, when I travel. He was my constant companion. I was devastated when I saw the car and him not sitting there waiting for me.

Everything stopped and Evan put everyone at Teravision--especially Robert Mora, my a.s.sistant, and Maxx Padilla, our VP--on the job of finding Chopper. Teravision production stopped, I canceled all of my work, and for three long weeks we had teams of people looking for Chopper. And for three whole weeks I didn't sleep a wink.

We even called our publicist at the time, Lizzie Grubman, and did a full-court press on it. She got me on every radio show on Sirius radio, on KTLA TV in L.A., on The Howard Stern Show The Howard Stern Show, in New York Post New York Post's Page Six, and other media outlets so I could let people know we were offering a $5,000 reward for my baby. We also put ads in every newspaper we could think of, including the Los Angeles Times Los Angeles Times, The Daily News The Daily News, the LA Weekly LA Weekly, Star Star magazine, and Spanish publications like magazine, and Spanish publications like La Opinion La Opinion.

I asked Evan to call his biker buddies, street gang members, and even guys with ties to the Mexican mafia--who, according to Evan, know everything that goes down on every street in L.A.--to comb the streets looking for Chopper. We even hired street teams of people to pound the pavement for us. We signed up for every dog-search service we could find, such as Sherlock Bones, FidoFinder .com, and Home Again.

Within the first hour of Chopper going missing, we had four-color flyers made up and started posting them from the Valley into Hollywood and all the way to Downtown L.A. and other surrounding areas. We spent thousands of dollars looking for Chopper, and lost tens of thousands in the work we missed for those three weeks.

I was beside myself. I was sleeping with Chopper's leash around my neck, crying myself to sleep, and even walking the neighborhood at night in my bathrobe with a flashlight looking for Chopper under parked cars. Evan and everyone really thought I was heading for another breakdown and would end up in the psych ward again. It was awful.

Fans were sending flowers, cards, and gifts of condolences to the offices. Evan had already begun looking for a new dog to get for me. He was convinced Chopper was dead or off with another family and never coming back. But I kept saying, "He's coming home. I just know it." They thought it was crazy.

I couldn't eat. I couldn't shower. I couldn't put makeup on. I certainly couldn't work. But around the third week of the big Chopper search, after everyone else had given up hope, I finally pulled myself together enough to make a personal appearance at a party during the Pro Bowl in Hawaii that I was booked for. The night before I left for the trip, I went on The Howard Stern Show The Howard Stern Show to make one last plea for the return of Chopper and to remind people that we would give a $5,000 reward with no questions asked. to make one last plea for the return of Chopper and to remind people that we would give a $5,000 reward with no questions asked.

I'll never forget our last day in Hawaii. I was on my phone with my sister Debby, crying about Chopper. I was calling Debby every day during this time and sometimes at two or three in the morning. And my sister got serious with me and said, "Linda, you just have to let him go. It's been three weeks. Just think of him as this little angel who came down to live with you for a short while, and let him go." I hung up the phone with her, and Evan got a call from Robert.

"We got him," Robert told Evan.

"You have Chopper?" Evan couldn't believe it.

"We don't have him yet, but we got a call and I believe it's him."

Evan was skeptical because we received many other calls from people saying they had Chopper but it never ended up being Chopper. We hopped on the next flight back to L.A., and Robert was right. It was Chopper. Two Armenian lesbians from the Valley had the dog. It was a "no questions asked" deal, so we never did get the full details of how or why Chopper was abducted. But Robert gave them the check for $5,000 and got Chopper back. The Armenians told him that they renamed the dog Prince because he pranced around like he was royalty and because he looked like a pygmy, kind of like the artist Prince.

We got Chopper back on Valentine's Day 2005, two years from when Evan gave him to me, and it was the best Valentine's Day ever. It just proved that if you don't give up, the unthinkable might come true. I knew Chopper would come back to me, and he did. I squeezed him so hard and never left him alone again.

Oh, and, when we got home from getting Chopper back, Evan tried to cancel the $5,000 check, but it was too late.

*CHAPTER 26*

The Power of Tera Working with Evan as my manager, my costar, and the CEO of my company was starting to really pay off. On a personal level, it brought us even closer together. On a business level, all of the moves that he made--from lining up my feature dancing gigs to the deal with Vivid to encouraging me to expand my s.e.xual horizons on film--led to my big crossover year in 2006. This was the year Evan vowed to take me from top of the p.o.r.n world to the mainstream world.

When I entered the adult industry, it was not my goal to become a mainstream actress or star. If that's what I wanted to do, I would've gone the typical route of taking acting lessons, going in for auditions, and trying to get bit parts like every Hollywood hopeful does. But that wasn't my quest. I'll be honest, I just wanted to be famous and I liked to model and to be nude. p.o.r.n was satisfying. But once the idea of mainstream popularity started becoming more of a possibility, I was pretty excited at the non-adult-industry opportunities that started coming my way.

Evan's first mission was to get me on the cover of a major mainstream magazine. Evan set his sights on FHM FHM. It was hip and known for its s.e.xy covers and cla.s.sy spreads. He worked those FHM FHM editors for months, letting them know what I was up to and dragging me out to every editors for months, letting them know what I was up to and dragging me out to every FHM FHM party so I could network with the magazine and be seen on their red carpets. Finally, one day we got the call. They wanted to shoot me. But at first, I thought it was just another one- or two-page feature. I had no idea it would be for the cover and that I would be the only p.o.r.n star to ever grace the cover of party so I could network with the magazine and be seen on their red carpets. Finally, one day we got the call. They wanted to shoot me. But at first, I thought it was just another one- or two-page feature. I had no idea it would be for the cover and that I would be the only p.o.r.n star to ever grace the cover of FHM FHM! That was a huge huge deal. deal.

I shot the FHM FHM cover on January 30, 2006, at Quixote Studios in Studio City. What a way to kick off the year. About a month after the shoot, Evan got the call from the editor at cover on January 30, 2006, at Quixote Studios in Studio City. What a way to kick off the year. About a month after the shoot, Evan got the call from the editor at FHM FHM who told him, "Guess what? It's going to be our July cover." When Evan told me, I couldn't believe it. He said who told him, "Guess what? It's going to be our July cover." When Evan told me, I couldn't believe it. He said FHM FHM felt that the photos were just too good not to use--I'd have the cover plus an eight-page spread in the magazine. I went to bed that night with the biggest smile on my face and gave my husband the s.e.x of his life as a thank-you. The felt that the photos were just too good not to use--I'd have the cover plus an eight-page spread in the magazine. I went to bed that night with the biggest smile on my face and gave my husband the s.e.x of his life as a thank-you. The FHM FHM cover and the cover and the Playboy Playboy cover from 2002 are the two proudest moments of my career. cover from 2002 are the two proudest moments of my career.

Even though Evan and I proved that I could be successful in life after Digital Playground, landing this cover really nailed it for me. Every little bit of mainstream success I would get, I thought of it as a big "f.u.c.k-you" to Digital, and that felt good. It further proved that I could do it on my own, and that was the best feeling ever.

I couldn't believe how many people came out for my signings of the cover, which had the headline THE POWER OF TERA, at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square on June 19 and the Virgin Megastore at Hollywood and Highland in L.A. the next day. I'd done many signings at p.o.r.n conventions and adult video stores, but I had never done a mainstream store like Virgin and wasn't quite sure what to expect. My fans didn't disappoint, coming out by the hundreds. To my surprise, there were a lot of fans there who didn't know me from p.o.r.n, they just knew this cover and came out for that. The FHM FHM cover was the crossover moment of my career and really put me on the mainstream map. I ended up on their s.e.xiest Women in the World list that year (number 57, not bad for a p.o.r.n chick!). cover was the crossover moment of my career and really put me on the mainstream map. I ended up on their s.e.xiest Women in the World list that year (number 57, not bad for a p.o.r.n chick!).