Sinner Takes All_ A Memoir of Love and Porn Part 8

"We heard you love pot, so we got you some marijuana popcorn," they said.

Strippers aren't usually that nice. You know how girls can get.

The only place I didn't feel welcome was in Las Vegas. Vegas is such a strip club town that they don't really need to bring in feature dancers, and when they do, the girls get pretty snippy about it. Such was the case one night at Little Darlings. I didn't ask for this, but the club owners gave me the entire dressing room area instead of just one room. Naturally, this p.i.s.sed off the regular dancers there. As I was getting ready for my show, I had to listen to strippers b.i.t.c.h loudly, "Tera Patrick has our dressing room. Who does she think she is?"

I'm usually nice to the girls. I always gave them free Polaroids with me and hung out and talked with them. But if these girls were going to be b.i.t.c.hy, well, two can play that game.

I fired back: "That's right, b.i.t.c.h. I have your dressing room. You know what? You get your p.u.s.s.y ripped on set and you can have your own dressing room too!"

Now that we'd become famous, there was terrible gossip about Evan and me in the adult industry trade papers and on gossip sites. They were saying things like Evan got me hooked on heroin and he was just using me to get ahead. Here is this guy who has a crazy fiancee who's been inst.i.tutionalized, is on medication, had filed for bankruptcy and who he spent all of his money on, and they are saying he's the bad guy? It really hurt me. He treated me so well and I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for his love and support.

The worst rumor was the drug thing. Evan's been sober since August 1, 1988, and I quit drinking for a while the January after I met him, thanks solely to him. I've never done heroin, cocaine, or any hard drug--just Valium when I was young or some pot here and there. But I do still drink, even though I went to AA and spent 2003-2007 sober. AA got me through a period in life where I was abusing alcohol and using it as way to cope or escape. Once I became more stable, I learned that I could control myself and handle a gla.s.s of champagne or two with a friend or at a party.

Now would be a good time to set the record straight on the other other rumors that have plagued my career. . . . rumors that have plagued my career. . . .

RUMOR VS. TRUTH:RUMOR: Evan made me get a b.o.o.b job, dye my hair blond, and get tattoos. Evan made me get a b.o.o.b job, dye my hair blond, and get tattoos.

TRUTH: h.e.l.l no. If you don't already know by now, I'm a strong-willed woman who makes my own decisions and have been violating my own body of my own free will long before Evan came along. In fact, Evan has never been fond of girls with tattoos. And as for the b.o.o.b job and dye job, I did those in 2003, which was the roughest year for me. I just wanted to treat myself to something special and make a change. So I got Lasik eye surgery so I didn't have to wear gla.s.ses anymore. I always wanted to be a blonde like my idol Marilyn Monroe, so I dyed my hair. And when I first came into the business I was 130 pounds, but when I did h.e.l.l no. If you don't already know by now, I'm a strong-willed woman who makes my own decisions and have been violating my own body of my own free will long before Evan came along. In fact, Evan has never been fond of girls with tattoos. And as for the b.o.o.b job and dye job, I did those in 2003, which was the roughest year for me. I just wanted to treat myself to something special and make a change. So I got Lasik eye surgery so I didn't have to wear gla.s.ses anymore. I always wanted to be a blonde like my idol Marilyn Monroe, so I dyed my hair. And when I first came into the business I was 130 pounds, but when I did Playboy Playboy in 2002, I lost a ton of weight and dropped down to about 107 pounds and then stayed around 110 for years and I lost some of my b.o.o.bs. I used to be a full D cup, then I went down to a small D, almost a large C, and I wanted my b.o.o.bs back, so I got them upped to a DD. It was 100-percent my choice. in 2002, I lost a ton of weight and dropped down to about 107 pounds and then stayed around 110 for years and I lost some of my b.o.o.bs. I used to be a full D cup, then I went down to a small D, almost a large C, and I wanted my b.o.o.bs back, so I got them upped to a DD. It was 100-percent my choice.

RUMOR: I'm half Jewish. I'm half Jewish.

TRUTH: I'm not Jewish, but I got a lot of it in me over the years because Evan is Jewish. I don't practice any one religion. I don't consider myself religious. But I've always been very spiritual and I do believe there is a G.o.d. Both of my parents, however, are Buddhist and I do believe in some Buddhist ideas. And as a child, when my parents were still married, I attended Sunday school at a Pentecostal church and loved to sing and read from the Bible. I'm not Jewish, but I got a lot of it in me over the years because Evan is Jewish. I don't practice any one religion. I don't consider myself religious. But I've always been very spiritual and I do believe there is a G.o.d. Both of my parents, however, are Buddhist and I do believe in some Buddhist ideas. And as a child, when my parents were still married, I attended Sunday school at a Pentecostal church and loved to sing and read from the Bible.RUMOR: I worked with Salma Hayek on a USO tour. I worked with Salma Hayek on a USO tour.

TRUTH: I did do a USO autograph signing in January 2002 at Edwards Air Force Base in Mojave, California, but not with Salma Hayek. I never met her, but she has great t.i.ts and I would love to meet her someday. That autograph signing was special for me, though. A young military daughter came up to me and said, "I wanted to meet you because when they said your name in the announcement, all of the guys in my section cheered." So I signed to her, "Maybe someday they'll cheer for you too." I did do a USO autograph signing in January 2002 at Edwards Air Force Base in Mojave, California, but not with Salma Hayek. I never met her, but she has great t.i.ts and I would love to meet her someday. That autograph signing was special for me, though. A young military daughter came up to me and said, "I wanted to meet you because when they said your name in the announcement, all of the guys in my section cheered." So I signed to her, "Maybe someday they'll cheer for you too."

RUMOR: I'm a hunter. I'm a hunter.

TRUTH: Nope. I love animals and have never killed an animal, unless fis.h.i.+ng counts. But my dad was a hunter and I would go with him on hunting trips. Nope. I love animals and have never killed an animal, unless fis.h.i.+ng counts. But my dad was a hunter and I would go with him on hunting trips.

RUMOR: Carmen Electra was mad that I used her real name as my professional name. Carmen Electra was mad that I used her real name as my professional name.

TRUTH: False. We've actually met, and she was very friendly with me! In fact, this is what she says on the matter: "The first time I heard about Tera Patrick, the p.o.r.n star, I truly thought that was her real name. When I found out Tera Patrick was inspired to use my name as her p.o.r.n name, I was flattered. Every time I see her at an awards show or event, Tera is so sweet, beautiful, intelligent, and obviously s.e.xy." False. We've actually met, and she was very friendly with me! In fact, this is what she says on the matter: "The first time I heard about Tera Patrick, the p.o.r.n star, I truly thought that was her real name. When I found out Tera Patrick was inspired to use my name as her p.o.r.n name, I was flattered. Every time I see her at an awards show or event, Tera is so sweet, beautiful, intelligent, and obviously s.e.xy."

RUMOR: I was a Ford model. I was a Ford model.

TRUTH: False. I was signed to the Morning Sun Agency in Tokyo, j.a.pan. I was scouted by Ford, which referred me to my agency. False. I was signed to the Morning Sun Agency in Tokyo, j.a.pan. I was scouted by Ford, which referred me to my agency.

RUMOR: I speak fluent Hungarian. I speak fluent Hungarian.TRUTH: No. I only speak s.e.xy. But I once had a Hungarian boyfriend and I learned a few Hungarian phrases. No. I only speak s.e.xy. But I once had a Hungarian boyfriend and I learned a few Hungarian phrases.

RUMOR: I dated and/or slept with Vin Diesel, Eminem, Gene Simmons, Michael Douglas, Charlie Sheen, Nicolas Cage, and Reggie Miller. I dated and/or slept with Vin Diesel, Eminem, Gene Simmons, Michael Douglas, Charlie Sheen, Nicolas Cage, and Reggie Miller.

TRUTH: h.e.l.l to the f.u.c.king No. Except for the one s.e.xless date with Reggie Miller, the only other celebrity I f.u.c.ked was the late Alice in Chains lead singer Layne Staley. h.e.l.l to the f.u.c.king No. Except for the one s.e.xless date with Reggie Miller, the only other celebrity I f.u.c.ked was the late Alice in Chains lead singer Layne Staley.

RUMOR: I've had g.a.n.g.b.a.n.gs with a S.W.A.T. team, Navy SEALs, and an entire firehouse. I've had g.a.n.g.b.a.n.gs with a S.W.A.T. team, Navy SEALs, and an entire firehouse.

TRUTH: No g.a.n.g.b.a.n.gs. Sure, I f.u.c.ked in No g.a.n.g.b.a.n.gs. Sure, I f.u.c.ked in front front of some fire-men but I only did the one. I did once confess that I fantasized about filming a g.a.n.g.b.a.n.g, but I never did it and I think if I did, I would've regretted that big-time! of some fire-men but I only did the one. I did once confess that I fantasized about filming a g.a.n.g.b.a.n.g, but I never did it and I think if I did, I would've regretted that big-time!

*CHAPTER 20*

The Birth Of Teravision Tony Lee was right. I made a ton of money from feature dancing and it more than covered our legal bills. After battling it out in court for most of 2003, we settled with Digital. Steve Hirsch, the owner of Vivid Video, was instrumental in convincing us to settle with Digital.

Steve's interest in me helped me make the decision to settle with Digital. The deal on the table was this: I would be a Vivid Girl, and he would help us with our new company, Teravision, by guiding us and serving as the distribution company for our company's films.

But I still had this thing about settling with Digital. I didn't want it to mean I was backing down. Evan and my lawyer came to me and said, "Listen, you're operating off of emotion right now. If I learned anything from the music industry, it is that I got ripped off on my first alb.u.m. I signed a really bad deal. You just have to let it go, let the anger go, and take what they give you. You're going to work. You're going to be Tera Patrick."

I agreed to settle on Thanksgiving 2003, and boy did I have a lot to be thankful for. I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner for Evan and Sammy, and it was the beginning of a fresh new start in the industry.

I never dreamed of owning my own business until I met Evan. I just didn't think it was something that I could even do if I wanted to. But Evan made me realize how much I was capable of doing if I really wanted to. Just when I was ready to give up, he encouraged me to fight on and made me believe in myself and that I was capable of more. My goal for Teravision was to form a company that produced beautiful movies where the women always looked gorgeous and cla.s.sy and the performers in it where treated like stars. We were trying to portray women in a positive way. We were also trying to make high-quality films to elevate the business. We had our movies at high price points, and we wanted everyone else to have their movies at high price points to bring us all up.

While I was excited to own my own company and thrilled I could work again and under my name, I still had one hesitation. The big dilemma now was that I didn't really want to do more movies and f.u.c.k other men. I was in love, and I just didn't want to have s.e.x with anyone other than Evan. I couldn't do it. Call me old-fas.h.i.+oned, but I only wanted to share my body, my most intimate moments, and myself with my husband.

Evan said to me, "It's great that you won. But what have you won? It doesn't count if you don't now do something with it. Look, for your career, you need to make movies again. Your fans want you to."

"But I don't want to have s.e.x with another man," I told him.

"Well, I don't want you to either," he said.

And then he made the decision that would change everything. "How about if you have s.e.x with me me on camera?" on camera?"

"What? Really?" I was surprised. My ex-boyfriend wanted nothing to do with p.o.r.n, and here was a guy who was willing to fully jump in and be my partner in crime. For the first time in my life, I had a man who wanted to see me be the best I could be and achieve the most I possibly could.

He said that while he wanted to do this for me, he was worried about how it would affect his son. At the time, Evan was also still trying to have a mainstream acting career. After Oz Oz was over, he went on many auditions for movies and television roles. His friends who were mainstream actors would tell him that if he did p.o.r.n, he wouldn't be able to work in mainstream. So Evan had to make a hard decision about what path he wanted his career to go down. As we know, once you take the p.o.r.n path, there is no turning back. was over, he went on many auditions for movies and television roles. His friends who were mainstream actors would tell him that if he did p.o.r.n, he wouldn't be able to work in mainstream. So Evan had to make a hard decision about what path he wanted his career to go down. As we know, once you take the p.o.r.n path, there is no turning back.

I was excited at the thought of doing movies with Evan, but in the back of my head I was a little worried at first. Is his head going to get big from this? There's a long history of guys getting into the business through their p.o.r.n-star girlfriends, and the end isn't usually pretty. This is what everybody everybody warned me about. But we decided we were stronger than that and we'd do this. Evan would become my sole male p.o.r.n costar and, after a two-year hiatus, I would return to p.o.r.n. The first film, my comeback movie, would be warned me about. But we decided we were stronger than that and we'd do this. Evan would become my sole male p.o.r.n costar and, after a two-year hiatus, I would return to p.o.r.n. The first film, my comeback movie, would be Tera Tera Tera Tera Tera Tera, which was a Teravision/Vivid production. It was also my first hardcore girl-on-girl film and my first film with Evan.

With Evan, my sometime costar But first Evan needed a p.o.r.n name. We did the usual formula of using the name of your first pet with the name of the street you grew up on. But Splasher Ocean didn't exactly work. He came up with Spyder Jonez because his nickname was "Spider" because of his huge spider tattoo on his back. I thought it was such a weird coincidence that my nickname as a child was also "Spider" because of my arachnid-looking limbs. For the last name, Jonez, Evan picked that spelling because he said he thought it sounded like a bada.s.s guy in a Blacksploitation film.

The only problem now was: How was I going to have s.e.x with my husband on camera? At home, I can be nasty with him and let myself go. There was no one in the room looking at me, judging me. At home with Evan, we're more extreme. I like to be choked and peed on. We like to get out the rope or duct tape and tie each other up. I didn't know how to do it with him on camera and make it believable, because you have to be so mechanical and safe on camera and that is so different from how we are in real life.

For the mainstream p.o.r.n companies I've worked for, you have to be careful not to cross the obscenity line. For instance, on camera, most mainstream companies don't let you have s.e.x in bondage. You can do bondage, but penetration can't be involved. Well, at home with Evan, s.e.x and bondage go hand-in-hand. On camera, you can't be tied up and penetrated. That's something else we love to do. Choking, of course, is off-limits on camera. Spanking is OK, but it needs to be consensual and you need to give permission on camera that you want to be spanked. I'll never forgot when Evan and I shot s.e.x in Dangerous Places s.e.x in Dangerous Places for Teravision, which featured a scene where he tied me up and f.u.c.ked me. As we were doing the scene, we had our lawyer on the phone giving the director, Paul Thomas, instructions on what I had to say to avoid legal action. I had to acknowledge that I was being tied up and f.u.c.ked and that I liked it and it was not against my will. for Teravision, which featured a scene where he tied me up and f.u.c.ked me. As we were doing the scene, we had our lawyer on the phone giving the director, Paul Thomas, instructions on what I had to say to avoid legal action. I had to acknowledge that I was being tied up and f.u.c.ked and that I liked it and it was not against my will.

Digital Playground had always wanted me to be a good girl and not the nasty girl I truly was. I was pure vanilla, a pillow queen who lay back and moaned. But that's not who I really was. I found myself s.e.xually through my husband; I discovered what really gives me pleasure and what works for me. I've done things with Evan in the bedroom that I've never done with another man. I let him wrap his hands around my throat, which gives me a head rush and makes an o.r.g.a.s.m even better. I never trusted any man to do that before, but I trust Evan. I never let a man pee on me, but I let Evan. It's about submission, trust, and giving yourself freely to someone, and that's a turn-on.

So Evan and I decided that when we made our Teravision movies, I'd do some things I'd never done on camera before, such as having hardcore s.e.x with a woman, engaging in an on-screen orgy, and doing my first real a.n.a.l scene. It was time to shed my old image and reemerge as a newly s.e.xually empowered femme fatale. But first we had more important engagements to attend to: our wedding.

*CHAPTER 21*

h.e.l.ls Angels, Hookers, and Wedding Bells 1/9/04.

I tried being a normal bride-to-be, but my mental issues and torment over the Digital Playground lawsuit kept me in crazy land for most of 2003. For the typical bride, the engagement period is full of bridal showers, picking out china patterns, driving brides-maids crazy with tons of to-do lists, picking music for the wedding, doing seating charts . . . all that stuff you dream about as a little girl. But nothing in my life was typical. I spent my engagement year in a mental ward, throwing s.h.i.+t at the man who loved me, and tearing my hair out. It's a shock that we made it down the aisle at all. tried being a normal bride-to-be, but my mental issues and torment over the Digital Playground lawsuit kept me in crazy land for most of 2003. For the typical bride, the engagement period is full of bridal showers, picking out china patterns, driving brides-maids crazy with tons of to-do lists, picking music for the wedding, doing seating charts . . . all that stuff you dream about as a little girl. But nothing in my life was typical. I spent my engagement year in a mental ward, throwing s.h.i.+t at the man who loved me, and tearing my hair out. It's a shock that we made it down the aisle at all.

I was the anti-bride anyway. I never really dreamed about the big white frou-frou wedding with all the bells and whistles. I never really thought about the wedding part of getting married. I just thought about the husband part of getting married. I was more excited to promise myself to one man I could love forever and who would love me forever. Evan, on the other hand, wanted the huge New York Jewish wedding with all of our relatives and friends. He had 300 people on his invite list and thought the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens would be the perfect spot for our big white wedding. He even mentioned a horse-drawn carriage!

"Three hundred?!" I was shocked.

"Oh, no. That's three hundred people; they all get a plus-one," he said.

Six hundred people?! "No way! I'm not having that many people at my wedding!" I wanted it to be more intimate, and I never pictured myself in a white wedding dress. Black was more my style. "No way! I'm not having that many people at my wedding!" I wanted it to be more intimate, and I never pictured myself in a white wedding dress. Black was more my style.

"But I love you, baby, and I want to shout it from the rooftops!" Evan tried again.

There was no way that was going to happen, so we shelved those wedding plans and forgot about it for a while. We had enough to deal with on the business front with our deal with Vivid and our new company, Teravision. And we were gearing up to attend the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas in January. It was my first AVN since my saga with Digital, and I needed to show the p.o.r.n world that I was back.

On the second night of the convention, Evan and I went to a big group dinner at a restaurant in the Hard Rock Hotel. All night long people kept referring to Evan as my husband or to me as his wife.

"Wait, you guys aren't married?" asked some p.o.r.n chick at the dinner.

"Nope. Not yet. We're engaged," I said.

"Oh my G.o.d. You should get married here in Vegas!" she said.

Evan and I just looked at each other, smiled, and didn't think much of it.

Later that night, we went back to our hotel room at the Venetian Hotel, where the AVNs were held, and Evan had this cute, mischievous look in his eye. He pulled me close to him and said, "Well . . ."

"Well what?"

"Well, will you marry me?"

"Of course. I already told you I'd marry you. See this ring on my finger?"

"Maybe that chick had a good idea at dinner. Let's get married here in Vegas," he said.

I honestly hadn't thought of it, but I was on board. "OK, but on one condition," I told him.

"There's a condition?" He looked concerned.

"Yes. The one condition is that I want an Elvis wedding."

"Done!" And with that, Evan opened up the Yellow Pages and started calling around to wedding chapels. We settled on the Little White Wedding Chapel on the Las Vegas Strip because that's the most famous one. It's hosted such celebrity weddings as those of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, and more recently Britney Spears and that childhood friend of hers. We had our choice of the $100 Elvis, $75 Elvis, or the cheesy $50 Elvis. We chose the $100 Elvis, who wore a black suit with a gold lame jacket and black-and-white wing-tipped shoes, and were on our way to get our marriage license that night.

I was not exactly prepared for a wedding that night. I had nothing to wear and no time to go shopping. Luckily, I had packed this s.e.xy black minidress that Evan loved me in. I never thought I'd be married in a $20 cheap dress from a no-name store in Chicago, but that's exactly what I did. Evan put on his black leather pants, leather jacket, and his vintage "gangsta" hat that belonged to his Grandpa Sam, and he looked so handsome.

We started calling our friends to tell them the big news and to invite them to the wedding. My best friend Anneli Adolfsson, the Swedish photographer who had tried to hook Evan and me up years before, lived in Las Vegas so I called her up, got her a.s.s out of bed, and had her come down to be my maid of honor. We also called Alexis Amore and Mercedes, two p.o.r.n girls in the industry whom I was good friends with, to be in my wedding party as well.

Being a good ol' Brooklyn boy, finding a best man to stand up for him was very important to Evan. He wanted someone special, someone he respected, so he called up his longtime friend Brendan Manning of the h.e.l.ls Angels. He lived in New York but always came to Vegas for AVN, so he was already in town. Perfect, we thought. Brendan was like a big brother to Evan and he always looked up to him. And Brendan was like the h.e.l.ls Angels' h.e.l.ls Angel. When Brendan said yes, Evan said, "That is a seal of approval on our marriage. I feel like our marriage is blessed now."

As Evan and I made our way from our hotel room to our white stretch limo, we ran into tons of fans and friends. p.o.r.n people are everywhere during AVN week--in the elevators, in the hallways, in every bar, on the casino floor. You can't blink without seeing someone you know or someone who knows you. As we made our way past the droves of fans and p.o.r.n peeps, Evan would shout out, "We're getting married!" We were so excited to spread the word that we were telling people to show up at the chapel to see us get married. We must have had about fifty people there, including some strippers, hookers, p.o.r.n stars, and other random peeps. But we didn't care. We wanted to share our love with anyone who was happy for us.

Our first order of business was to get a marriage license. The chapel told us that we had until midnight to get our license, and we'd need a witness to go with us. Evan ran into Alexis Amore in the lobby of the Venetian, so he asked her to come with us. She was thrilled to help out. On the limo ride over, Alexis joked, "You know, I can be your bachelor party and bachelorette party all in one in the limo." We had a laugh about it. No pre-wedding threesomes for us, though!

Our second order of business was to get a wedding ring for Evan. I had taken off my engagement ring and gave it to him so he would have a ring to put on my finger. But I didn't have a ring to put on his finger. All he had were some rock-and-roll skull rings, but I didn't want to doom our marriage to death by using one of those. So, Evan borrowed a ring from his friend Jonathan Silverstein, who goes by J. Styles in the p.o.r.n world. He had recently gotten married, so he loaned Evan his ring for the night.

We pulled up in our limo to the Little White Wedding Chapel, and it looked exactly as cheesy as we'd thought it would; we loved it. There was a middle-aged heavyset woman standing in front of two unity candles looking with wide eyes at the motley crew that just walked in. Some of our friends had already arrived and others were trickling in a little past midnight. Along with Brendan, Anneli, Mercedes, and Alexis, our guests included h.e.l.ls Angels' Pee Wee; our old friend Jason Reyes, who designs our movie box covers and event flyers; Jason's wife, Raffelina; Keith Gordon, who runs Bizarre Video; Perry Margouleff, an old Brooklyn buddy of Evan's who runs a recording studio in Brooklyn; and a bunch of other p.o.r.n stars, strippers, and two really friendly hookers. One of them said to us, "We don't know you, but you seem so in love so we're so happy for you! You go girl!" She gave me a big sloppy kiss and hug, and it was one of the sweetest moments of the night.

And of course, our special guest was the Elvis Presley impersonator who sang "Can't Help Falling in Love," "Love Me Tender," and "Viva Las Vegas."

My impromptu bridal party We said our "I Do's" with tears rolling down our faces. Our vows talked about how we would accept each other for who we are as we are, and not for who we hoped the other could be. He accepted me as the p.o.r.n star that I am, and I accepted him as the perverted rock star that he is. Everything from the past year flashed before my eyes in that moment: my time on tour with him with Biohazard, my time in the mental ward, and my meltdowns over Digital. I just kept thinking what a mess I had been and in spite of all that, this man still vowed to love me. I had this newfound sense of calm. I felt overjoyed and overwhelmed by this love. A lot of people view marriage as two halves coming together as a whole. But for me it felt like me plus Evan was like one plus one equals three.

After the ceremony, we hopped in the limo and hit a chocolate shop on the way back to the Venetian to get some chocolate-covered strawberries. Evan was always so romantic like that. We arrived back at our hotel suite and he had candles lit around the room and we were finally alone. He looked me in the eyes and said, "It's finally just you and me. From the day I met you, I knew it would always be you and me forever. I want to marry you over and over."

Our wedding might have been a far cry from the huge New York wedding that Evan wanted, but it couldn't have been more romantic or perfect for us. And it only cost us $357!

*CHAPTER 22 Mr. Kookaburra and Mrs. Barramundi Mrs. Barramundi As my manager, Evan quickly figured out that there was a huge p.o.r.n market internationally. He used his knowledge of touring the world with his band, which made more money overseas than Stateside, and set out to make Teravision and Tera Patrick global brands. Before we knew it, I was appearing at p.o.r.n conventions and doing my feature dancing show all over the world.

One of the biggest conventions I ever did was the s.e.xpo in Sydney, Australia, in 2004. I appeared at the convention for a whopping fee of $20,000 (and first-cla.s.s airfare and accommodations, no less!), but where we really made bank was when they booked me to dance at a venue that normally hosts big rock bands and seats eight thousand people. I had eight nearly sold-out shows in four days there.

Before we knew how big the venue really was and that it was sold out, Evan gave me this pep talk: "Don't worry if there's only two hundred people there. You're new to the market. Don't worry." And then we show up and there were thousands of people there. Once again there wasn't a stripper pole on the stage because it wasn't a strip club, so we decided to improvise a bit and use a chair in the center of the stage as a prop. But that didn't help much. The huge stage made our tiny chair look like Stonehenge from the movie This Is Spinal Tap This Is Spinal Tap. We were cracking up over that. Evan decided to just treat it like a rock show and use the video monitors at the venue to show my performance. That did the trick.

The large crowd didn't freak me out at all. In fact, it's easier to perform for a larger audience than a more intimate one. It's easy to be great when you have thousands of people screaming for you. The intensity of the crowd really got me going, and I killed!

The line for photos and merchandise afterward was the longest line I'd ever had in my entire career. It was so long and so slow that Evan got a megaphone and was walking down the line telling people, "Due to the large volume of fans, we are selling one thing. It's a package with a DVD, a Polaroid with Tera, and an autographed eight-by-ten photo for fifty Australian dollars." He was embarra.s.sing me. He'd stand up on the table and shout out: "Cash only!"

Onstage at s.e.xpo We sold out of everything, making more than $40,000 in merchandise sales! We had Tera Patrick T-s.h.i.+rts that looked like the Harley-Davidson logo, but they said Tera Patrick and Teravision on them, along with trucker hats, posters, and glossy photos. We were taking in so much cash that Evan had to send a runner out to buy him a f.a.n.n.y pack to put the money in. People joke about "suitcase pimps"--you know, the boyfriend of the p.o.r.n star who rolls her suitcase around for her, collects (and spends) her dough, and pimps her out. Evan was my f.a.n.n.y-pack pimp on this trip!

We made so much money from this trip that we decided to spend the cash on a lavish vacation in the most exclusive resort in the area: the Hayman Island Resort in the Great Barrier Reef. It's what they like to call a "six-star" resort on a private, remote island. We had to take two flights and two ferries to get there. It's very exclusive and very expensive, but we were busting at the seams with cash and needed a getaway. It was so upscale that when we'd come out of a secluded lagoon after skinny-dipping, there was a butler greeting us with, "Would you care for a towel, madame? How about water, sir?" We didn't think the Seinfelds the Seinfelds fit in here, so we started addressing each other as Mr. Kookaburra and Mrs. Barramundi. Kookaburra is a bird native to Australia that is known as "the laughing bird" for its loud call, and a barramundi is a native fish. Throughout the entire trip it was, "Good morning Mr. Kookaburra. Would you care for a stroll on the beach today?" "Why yes, Mrs. Barramundi, that sounds like a delightful idea." fit in here, so we started addressing each other as Mr. Kookaburra and Mrs. Barramundi. Kookaburra is a bird native to Australia that is known as "the laughing bird" for its loud call, and a barramundi is a native fish. Throughout the entire trip it was, "Good morning Mr. Kookaburra. Would you care for a stroll on the beach today?" "Why yes, Mrs. Barramundi, that sounds like a delightful idea."

We were having the time of our lives in the most beautiful place we'd ever been, so we decided to get married again. Evan said on our first wedding night that he wanted to marry me over and over again, and he made good on that just eight months later. And like Vegas, Evan handled all of the arrangements. He loved whipping up romantic surprises for me. He went out and got me a diamond wedding band, as I still didn't have a band from our first wedding. A vintage white Rolls-Royce drove us to the ceremony spot on a gra.s.sy area elevated above the beach with a stunning view of the water.

On the beach at Hayman Island I'll never forget Evan's vows to me. He said, "I have no doubt that we will love each other forever. Our life is moving very fast externally, but I just want you to know that, internally, I'm standing still with you, holding hands."

THE RULES OF OUR MARRIAGE:1. Agree to agree2. Let the other live out all of their fantasies on camera and off3. Treat each other's feelings with the utmost care and respect4. Never forget that our relations.h.i.+p is about love, friends.h.i.+p, fun, compa.s.sion, trust, partners.h.i.+p, and, of course, s.e.x5. When having s.e.x with other people, never forget that it's just about s.e.x6. Tera is number one to Evan and Evan is number one to Tera *

*CHAPTER 23 Bye-Bye, Vanilla Girl Of p.o.r.n Vanilla Girl Of p.o.r.n I was up worrying the whole night before our first day of shooting was up worrying the whole night before our first day of shooting Tera Tera Tera Tera Tera Tera on February 2, 2004. This was going to be Evan's first movie. I knew he'd be able to maintain an erection and I knew he'd look hot on camera, but I also knew that f.u.c.king on camera is not the same as f.u.c.king at home. The advice I gave him was this: "Just remember that you're having s.e.x with your wife, and I'm here to help you in any way I can. Listen to the director, forget about the cameras, and focus on me." on February 2, 2004. This was going to be Evan's first movie. I knew he'd be able to maintain an erection and I knew he'd look hot on camera, but I also knew that f.u.c.king on camera is not the same as f.u.c.king at home. The advice I gave him was this: "Just remember that you're having s.e.x with your wife, and I'm here to help you in any way I can. Listen to the director, forget about the cameras, and focus on me."

Every newcomer to p.o.r.n is worried that he won't be able to keep his d.i.c.k hard for the entire shoot. But Evan didn't have to worry about that. I knew that he'd been able to stay hard for hours with me at home. And even if he did get nervous on the set, I was there to be his "fluffer." There's this myth in p.o.r.n of girls called fluffers whose only job is to keep the male performer hard in between takes. Maybe it was true back in the day, but today we don't have these extra girls hanging around. It's up to the female performer if she wants to help the guy out or not. If you're nice, you'll suck him off or jerk him off or play with your p.u.s.s.y to keep him aroused. But many girls in p.o.r.n today are like, "Keep your own d.i.c.k hard. No one's keeping me wet. It's your problem." I was never one of those girls--I always helped the guy out between scenes. I'd always ask him what turned him on and then I'd do it. I was a giver.