A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 60

Will not the presence of thy friend prevail, Nor hope expel these sullen fits?

Cannot mirth wring if but a forged smile From those sad drooping looks of thine?

Rely on hope, whose hap will lead thee right To her, whom thou dost call thy heart's delight: Look cheerly, man; the time is near at hand, That Hymen, mounted on a snow-white coach, Shall tend on Sophos and his lovely bride.

SOPHOS.

'Tis impossible: her father, man, her father-- He's all for Peter Plod-all.

FORTUNATUS.

Should I but see that Plod-all offer love, This sword should pierce the peasant's breast, And chase his soul from his accursed corpse By an unwonted way unto the grisly lake.

But now th'appointed time is near, That Churms should come with his supposed love: Then sit we down under these leafy shades, And wait the time of Lelia's wish'd approach.

[_They sit down_.

SOPHOS.

Ay, here I'll wait for Lelia's wish'd approach; More wish'd to me than is a calm at sea[161]

To s.h.i.+pwreck'd souls, when great G.o.d Neptune frowns.

Though sad despair hath almost drown'd my hopes, Yet would I pa.s.s the burning vaults of Ork[162], As erst did Hercules to fetch his love, If I might meet my love upon the strond, And but enjoy her love one minute of an hour.

_Enter_ ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

But stay; what man or devil, or h.e.l.lish fiend comes here, Transformed in this ugly, uncouth shape?

FORTUNATUS.

O, peace a while; you shall see good sport anon.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Now I am clothed in this h.e.l.lish shape, If I could meet with Sophos in these woods, O, he would take me for the devil himself: I should ha' good laughing, beside the forty s.h.i.+llings Peter Plod-all has given me; and if I get no more, I'm sure of that. But soft; Now I must try my cunning, for here he sits.-- The high commander of the d.a.m.ned souls, Great Dis, the duke of devils, and prince of Limbo lake, High regent of Acheron, Styx, and Phlegeton, By strict command from Pluto, h.e.l.l's great monarch, And fair Proserpina, the queen of h.e.l.l, By full consent of all the d.a.m.ned hags, And all the fiends that keep the Stygian plains, Hath sent me here from depth of underground To summon thee to appear at Pluto's court.

FORTUNATUS.

A man or devil, or whatsoe'er thou art, I'll try if blows will drive thee down to h.e.l.l: Belike, thou art the devil's parator, The basest officer that lives in h.e.l.l; For such thy words import thee for to be.

'Tis pity you should come so far without a fee; And because I know money goes low with Sophos, I'll pay you your fees: [_He beats him_.

Take that and that, and that, upon thee.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

O good sir, I beseech you; I'll do anything.

FORTUNATUS.

Then down to h.e.l.l; for sure thou art a devil.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

O, hold your hands; I am not a devil, by my troth.

FORTUNATUS.

Zounds, dost thou cross me? I say thou art a devil.

[_Beats him again_.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

O Lord! sir, save my life, and I'll say as you say, Or anything else you'll ha' me do.

FORTUNATUS.

Then stand up, And make a preachment of thy pedigree, And how at first thou learn'dst this devilish trade: Up, I say. [_Beats him_.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

O, I will, sir: although in some places [_Stands upon a stool_.

I bear the t.i.tle of a scurvy gentleman, By birth I am a boat-wright's son of Hull, My father got me of a refus'd hag, Under the old ruins of b.o.o.by's barn; Who, as she liv'd, at length she likewise died, And for her good deeds went unto the devil: But, h.e.l.l not wont to harbour such a guest, Her fellow-fiends do daily make complaint Unto grim Pluto and his lady queen Of her unruly misbehaviour; Entreating that a pa.s.sport might be drawn For her to wander till the day of doom On earth again, to vex the minds of men, And swore she was the fittest fiend in h.e.l.l To drive men to desperation.

To this intent her pa.s.sport straight was drawn, And in a whirlwind forth of h.e.l.l she came: O'er hills she hurls, and scours along the plains; The trees flew up by th'roots, the earth did quake for fear; The houses tumble down; she plays the devil and all: At length, not finding any one so fit To effect her devilish charge as I, She comes to me, as to her only child, And me her instrument on earth she made: And by her means I learn'd that devilish trade.

SOPHOS.

O monstrous villain!

FORTUNATUS.

But tell me, what's thy course of life, And how thou s.h.i.+ft'st for maintenance in the world?

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Faith, sir, I am in a manner a promoter, Or (more fitly term'd) a promoting knave; I creep into the presence of great men, And, under colour of their friends.h.i.+ps, Effect such wonders in the world, That babes will curse me that are yet unborn.

Of the best men I raise a common fame, And honest women rob of their good name: Thus daily tumbling in comes all my thrift; That I get best, is got but by a s.h.i.+ft: But the chief course of all my life Is to set discord betwixt man and wife.

FORTUNATUS.

Out upon thee, cannibal! [_He beats him_.

Dost thou think thou shalt ever come to heaven?

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

I little hope for heav'n or heavenly bliss: But if in h.e.l.l doth any place remain Of more esteem than is another room, I hope, as guerdon for my just desert, To have it for my detestable acts.

FORTUNATUS.

Were't not thy tongue condemns thy guilty soul, I could not think that on this living earth Did breathe a villain more audacious.

Go, get thee gone, and come not in my walk; [_Beats him_.

For, if thou dost, thou com'st unto thy woe.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

The devil himself was never conjur'd so.

[_Exit_ ROBIN.

SOPHOS.

Sure, he's no man, but an incarnate devil, Whose ugly shape bewrays his monstrous mind.

FORTUNATUS.

And if he be a devil, I am sure he's gone: But Churms the lawyer will be here anon, And with him comes my sister Lelia; 'Tis he I am sure you look for.

SOPHOS.

Nay, she it is that I expect so long.

FORTUNATUS.

Then sit we down, until we hear more news, This but a prologue to our play ensues.

[_They sit down_.

_Enter_ CHURMS _and_ LELIA.

But see where Churms and Lelia comes along: He walks as stately as the great baboon.