Lady Maude's Mania Part 14

"Well, I must go," said the doctor loudly. "Good-bye all. Good-bye, my dear," he continued to Maude. Then he pinched Tryphie's cheek, shook hands with the old man and was gone.

"So clever," sighed her ladys.h.i.+p, "that we look over his rough, eccentric ways. I believe that I should not have been here now if it had not been for his skill."

"Then d.a.m.n the doctor," said Tom to himself, for he was in a very unfilial mood.

"Oh, by the way," said the gentleman spoken of, as he came hurriedly back, sending the door open so that it banged upon a chair, "Lady Maude, my dear, you are only to take that medicine when you feel low."

As he spoke he hitched on his light overcoat that he had partly donned in the hall, and then, fis.h.i.+ng in one of the pockets for his gloves, he brought out a piece of tongue.

"Oh, bless my soul!" muttered his lords.h.i.+p; and he toddled towards the window.

"What the d.i.c.kens is this?" cried the doctor, holding out his find, and putting up his double eye-gla.s.s. "Tongue, by jingo! Is this one of your tricks, my Lord Tom?"

"No," roared Tom, as he burst out laughing, and followed his father to the window, where the old gentleman was nervously gazing forth.

"I'm so sorry," said her ladys.h.i.+p, quivering with indignation. "It must have been one of the servants, or the cat."

"Well," said the doctor, solemnly, "I'll swear I didn't steal it. I might perhaps have pocketed something good, but I hadn't got this coat on."

"Pray say no more, doctor," said her ladys.h.i.+p. "Robbins, bring a plate and take this away."

"Yes, my lady," said the butler, who was waiting in the hall to show the doctor out; and he made matters worse by advancing with a stately march, taking a plate and silver fork from the sideboard, removed the piece of tongue from the doctor's fingers with the fork; and then deftly thrusting it off with his thumb on to the plate, he marched out with it, the ladies all bursting into busy conversation to cover his retreat.

Then the doctor went, and a general ascent towards the drawing-room was commenced, his lords.h.i.+p hanging back, and Tom stopping to try and avert the storm.

"Such idiotic--such disgraceful proceedings, Barmouth," exclaimed her ladys.h.i.+p, closing the dining-room door.

"There, that will do, mother," said Tom, quietly. "Lookers-on see most of the game."

"What do you mean, sir?" said her ladys.h.i.+p.

"Why this," said Tom, savagely. "There, don't faint; because if you do I shan't stop and attend you."

"If I only dared to face her like my son Tom," said his lords.h.i.+p to himself; "damme, he's as brave as a little lion, my son Tom."

"Sir, your language is most disgraceful," said her ladys.h.i.+p, haughtily.

"That's what all people think when something is said that they don't like. Now look here, mother; I don't mean to stand by any more and see the old man bullied."

"Bless him, I am proud of that boy," thought his lords.h.i.+p. "Damme, he's little, but he's a man."

"Diphoos!" cried her ladys.h.i.+p.

"I don't say it was not stupid of the gov'nor to go and take that piece of tongue, and put it in the wrong pocket."

"But, my dear boy, I--"

"Hold your tongue, gov'nor," cried Tom. "It was stupid and idiotic of him perhaps, but not one half so stupid and idiotic as some things I see done here."

"Tom, I do not know what you mean," cried her ladys.h.i.+p.

"Well, I mean this. It was idiotic to marry Di to liver-pill Goole, as they call him; and ten times more idiotic to encourage that racing cad, Captain Bellman, here; while it was madness to cut Charley Melton adrift, and try to bring things to an understanding between Maude and that hospital dummy, Wilters."

"Your language, sir, is frightful," cried her ladys.h.i.+p, whose voice was rising in spite of herself. "Hospital dummy!"

"So he is; I could drive my fist right through his tottering carcase.

He's only fit to stuff and put in a gla.s.s case as a warning to young men."

"I wish--I wish--I wish I could pat him on the back," muttered Lord Barmouth. "He's brave as a lion."

"Sir Grantley Wilters has my consent to pay his addresses to your sister," said her ladys.h.i.+p with dignity; "and as for your disgusting remarks about Captain Bellman, he comes here with my consent to see your cousin Tryphie, for whom he will be an excellent _parti_."

"_Parti_--funeral party. An excellent corpse," cried Tom in a rage, "for, damme, I'll shoot him on his wedding morning before he shall have her."

"You will have to leave home, sir, and live in chambers," said her ladys.h.i.+p. "You grow too low for society."

"What, and let you have your own way here, mother! No, hang it, that you shan't. You may stop my allowance, but I stop here; so don't look blank, dad."

"Don't speak angrily to your mamma, my dear boy," said Lord Barmouth.

"All right, gov'nor."

"As to your friend and companion, whom you brought to this house, and who pretended, like an impostor as he is, to have good expectations--"

"He never did anything of the kind," said Tom. "He always said he hadn't a rap."

"Such a person ought never to have been brought near your sweet, pure-minded sisters," continued her ladys.h.i.+p; "I found out that he was an impostor, and now I hear that he gambles and is in debt."

"Who told you that?" roared Tom.

"Never mind."

"But I insist on knowing."

"Hush, hush, my boy," said his lords.h.i.+p, twitching Tom's coat.

"Be quiet, gov'nor. Who told you that, mamma?" cried Tom.

"I heard it from good authority," said her ladys.h.i.+p as Lord Barmouth beat a retreat.

"Then good authority is a confounded liar," cried Tom, as her ladys.h.i.+p sailed out of the room, and after he had cooled down a little and looked round, he found his lords.h.i.+p had gone.

Tom went into the cloak-room, where he came upon his father sitting on a box, busily spreading a biscuit with some mysterious condiment which he dug out of a pot with a paper-knife.

"Poor old Charley," said Tom, not heeding his father's occupation, "he's the soul of honour--a regular trump. Look here, gov'nor," he cried, turning sharply on the old gentleman and making him jump.

"Don't you bully me too, my dear boy," said the old man, trembling. "I can't bear it!"