A Trip to Scarborough; and, The Critic Part 7

_Ber._ Why, you can't tell but there may be some one as tenderly attached to Townly, whom you boast of as your conquest, as you can be to your husband?

_Aman._ I'm sure, I never encouraged his pretensions.

_Ber._ Psha! psha! no sensible man ever perseveres to love without encouragement. Why have you not treated him as you have Lord Foppington?

_Aman._ Because he presumed not so far. But let us drop the subject. Men, not women, are riddles. Mr. Loveless now follows some flirt for variety, whom I'm sure he does not like so well as he does me.

_Ber._ That's more than you know, madam.

_Aman._ Why, do you know the ugly thing?

_Ber._ I think I can guess at the person; but she's no such ugly thing neither.

_Aman._ Is she very handsome?

_Ber._ Truly I think so.

_Aman._ Whate'er she be, I'm sure he does not like her well enough to bestow anything more than a little outward gallantry upon her.

_Ber._ [_Aside._] Outward gallantry! I can't bear this.-- [_Aloud._] Come, come, don't you be too secure, Amanda: while you suffer Townly to imagine that you do not detest him for his designs on you, you have no right to complain that your husband is engaged elsewhere. But here comes the person we were speaking of.

_Enter_ COLONEL TOWNLY.

_Col. Town._ Ladies, as I come uninvited, I beg, if I intrude, you will use the same freedom in turning me out again.

_Aman._ I believe it is near the time Loveless said he would be at home. He talked of accepting Lord Foppington's invitation to sup at Sir Tunbelly Clumsy's.

_Col. Town._ His lords.h.i.+p has done me the honour to invite me also. If you'll let me escort you, I'll let you into a mystery as we go, in which you must play a part when we arrive.

_Aman._ But we have two hours yet to spare; the carriages are not ordered till eight, and it is not a five minutes' drive.

So, cousin, let us keep the colonel to play at piquet with us, till Mr. Loveless comes home.

_Ber._ As you please, madam; but you know I have a letter to write.

_Col. Town._ Madam, you know you may command me, though I am a very wretched gamester.

_Aman._ Oh, you play well enough to lose your money, and that's all the ladies require; and so, without any more ceremony, let us go into the next room, and call for cards and candles.

[_Exeunt._]

SCENE III.--BERINTHIA'S _Dressing-room._ _Enter_ LOVELESS.

_Love._ So, thus far all's well: I have got into her dressing-room, and it being dusk, I think n.o.body has perceived me steal into the house. I heard Berinthia tell my wife she had some particular letters to write this evening, before she went to Sir Tunbelly's, and here are the implements of correspondence.--How shall I muster up a.s.surance to show myself, when she comes? I think she has given me encouragement; and, to do my impudence justice, I have made the most of it.--I hear a door open, and some one coming. If it should be my wife, what the devil should I say? I believe she mistrusts me, and, by my life, I don't deserve her tenderness. However, I am determined to reform, though not yet. Ha! Berinthia!--So, I'll step in here, till I see what sort of humour she is in. [_Goes into the closet_.]

_Enter_ BERINTHIA.

_Ber_. Was ever so provoking a situation! To think I should sit and hear him compliment Amanda to my face! I have lost all patience with them both! I would not for something have Loveless know what temper of mind they have piqued me into; yet I can't bear to leave them together. No, I'll put my papers away, and return, to disappoint them.--[_Goes to the closet_.]--O Lord! a ghost! a ghost! a ghost!

_Re-enter_ LOVELESS.

_Love_. Peace, my angel; it's no ghost, but one worth a hundred spirits.

_Ber_. How, sir, have you had the insolence to presume to-- run in again; here's somebody coming. [LOVELESS _goes into the closet_.]

_Enter_ MAID.

_Maid_. O Lord, ma'am, what's the matter?

_Ber_. O Heavens! I'm almost frightened out of my wits! I thought verily I had seen a ghost, and 'twas nothing but a black hood pinned against the wall. You may go again; I am the fearfullest fool! [Exit MAID.]

_Re-enter_ LOVELESS.

_Love_. Is the coast clear?

_Ber_. The coast clear! Upon my word, I wonder at your a.s.surance.

_Love_. Why, then, you wonder before I have given you a proof of it. But where's my wife?

_Ber_. At cards.

_Love_. With whom?

_Ber_. With Townly.

_Love_. Then we are safe enough.

_Ber_. You are so! Some husbands would be of another mind, were he at cards with their wives.

_Love_. And they'd be in the right on't, too; but I dare trust mine.

_Ber_. Indeed! and she, I doubt not, has the same confidence in you. Yet, do you think she'd be content to come and find you here?

_Love_. Egad, as you say, that's true!--Then for fear she should come, hadn't we better go into the next room, out of her way?

_Ber_. What, in the dark?

_Love_. Ay, or with a light, which you please.

_Ber_. You are certainly very impudent.

_Love_. Nay, then--let me conduct you, my angel!

_Ber_. Hold, hold! you are mistaken in your angel, I a.s.sure you.

_Love_. I hope not; for by this hand I swear-- _Ber_. Come, come, let go my hand, or I shall hate you!-- I'll cry out, as I live!

_Love_. Impossible! you cannot be so cruel.

_Ber_. Ha! here's some one coming. Begone instantly.

_Love_. Will you promise to return, if I remain here?

_Ber_. Never trust myself in a room again with you while I live.

_Love_. But I have something particular to communicate to you.

_Ber_. Well, well, before we go to Sir Tunbelly's, I'll walk upon the lawn. If you are fond of a moonlight evening, you'll find me there.

_Love_. I'faith, they're coming here now! I take you at your word. [_Exit into the closet_.]

_Ber_. 'Tis Amanda, as I live! I hope she has not heard his voice; though I mean she should have her share of jealousy in her turn.

_Enter_ AMANDA.

_Aman_. Berinthia, why did you leave me?

_Ber_. I thought I only spoiled your party.

_Aman_. Since you have been gone, Townly has attempted to renew his importunities. I must break with him, for I cannot venture to acquaint Mr. Loveless with his conduct.

_Ber_. Oh, no! Mr. Loveless mustn't know of it by any means.

_Aman_. Oh, not for the world--I wish, Berinthia, you would undertake to speak to Townly on the subject.

_Ber_. Upon my word, it would be a very pleasant subject for me to talk upon! But, come, let us go back; and you may depend on't I'll not leave you together again, if I can help it.

[_Exeunt_.]

_Re-enter_ LOVELESS.

_Love_. So--so! a pretty piece of business I have overheard!

Townly makes love to my wife, and I am not to know it for all the world. I must inquire into this--and, by Heaven, if I find that Amanda has, in the smallest degree--yet what have I been at here!--Oh, 'sdeath! that's no rule.

That wife alone unsullied credit wins, Whose virtues can atone her husband's sins, Thus, while the man has other nymphs in view, It suits the woman to be doubly true.

[_Exit_.]

ACT V.

SCENE I.--_The Garden behind_ LOVELESS's _Lodgings_.

_Enter_ LOVELESS.

_Love_. Now, does she mean to make a fool of me, or not! I shan't wait much longer, for my wife will soon be inquiring for me to set out on our supping party. Suspense is at all times the devil, but of all modes of suspense, the watching for a loitering mistress is the worst.--But let me accuse her no longer; she approaches with one smile to o'erpay the anxieties of a year.

_Enter_ BERINTHIA.

O Berinthia, what a world of kindness are you in my debt! had you stayed five minutes longer-- _Ber_. You would have gone, I suppose?

_Love_. Egad, she's right enough. [_Aside.]

Ber_. And I a.s.sure you 'twas ten to one that I came at all. In short, I begin to think you are too dangerous a being to trifle with; and as I shall probably only make a fool of you at last, I believe we had better let matters rest as they are.

_Love_. You cannot mean it, sure?

_Ber_. What more would you have me give to a married man?

_Love_. How doubly cruel to remind me of my misfortunes!

_Ber_. A misfortune to be married to so charming a woman as Amanda?

_Love_. I grant her all her merit, but--'sdeath! now see what you have done by talking of her--she's here, by all that's unlucky, and Townly with her.--I'll observe them.

_Ber_. O Gad, we had better get out of the way; for I should feel as awkward to meet her as you.

_Love_. Ay, if I mistake not, I see Townly coming this way also. I must see a little into this matter. [_Steps aside_.]

_Ber_. Oh, if that's your intention, I am no woman if I suffer myself to be outdone in curiosity. [_Goes on the other side_.]

_Enter_ AMANDA.

_Aman_. Mr. Loveless come home, and walking on the lawn! I will not suffer him to walk so late, though perhaps it is to show his neglect of me.--Mr. Loveless, I must speak with you.--Ha!

Townly again!--How I am persecuted!

_Enter_ COLONEL TOWNLY.

_Col. Town_. Madam, you seem disturbed.

_Aman_. Sir, I have reason.

_Col. Town_. Whatever be the cause, I would to Heaven it were in my power to bear the pain, or to remove the malady.