Frank Before Vicksburg Part 10

The marine disappeared, and soon returned with a request that he would walk into the cabin. The captain was seated at his table, writing; but, as the mate entered, he dropped his pen, turned in his chair, and waited for him to make known his wants.

"Captain," began Mr. French, hesitatingly, for he scarcely knew how to commence the conversation, "I--I--I--have been reading the navy regulations, and I find that I have been abused."

"Who has abused you, sir?"

"Well, you see, sir," began the mate----

"I asked you who had been abusing you, sir," interrupted the captain.

"Answer my question, and make your explanations afterward."

"Well, sir, to come to the point, you have abused me, sir."

The captain started back in surprise, and looked at the mate for several moments, as if to make sure that he was in his right mind, and then quietly asked:

"How have I abused you, sir?"

"In reprimanding me, sir. The navy regulations distinctly state that a commanding officer has no right to use harsh words to his subordinates; and I demand an apology."

"Can you furnish me with a copy of those regulations?"

"Yes, sir; Mr. Keys has them," replied the mate; and he left the cabin, and commenced searching for that individual.

We should remark that Mr. Keys was pretty well aware that he would be likely to get himself into hot water. Wis.h.i.+ng to delay the interview between himself and the captain as long as possible, he had retreated to the hold, where he appeared to be very busily engaged; but, as soon as Mr. French made known his errand, he readily produced his book, glad indeed that he was to be let off without seeing the captain. The mate carried it into the cabin. The captain read over the article several times, and then arose from his seat, and, going to one of the after-ports, appeared to be busily engaged with his own thoughts. Mr.

French stood watching him with a smile of triumph, certain that the captain had been worsted, and that he would soon receive the required apology; but, had he been a keen observer, he would have seen that the captain was convulsed with laughter, which he was vainly endeavoring to conceal. He easily saw through the trick, and it reminded him of the days when he was a mids.h.i.+pman, and had been implicated in similar jokes.

"Mr. French," said he, at length, "you may retire for a few moments. I will send for you presently. Orderly, tell Mr. Keys that I wish to see him."

CHAPTER IX.

A Practical Joke.

Mr. Keys, who began to be really afraid that the plan he had adopted for a.s.sisting his green messmate to "learn by experience" was about to rebound with redoubled force on his own head, was found by the orderly in earnest conversation with Frank, to whom he always went for advice.

"It's getting hot, Nelson," said he. "What shall I do? I'm in for my share of the rations this time, sure."

"Make a clean breast of it," replied Frank. "You will only get yourself in trouble if you do not, for the captain knows exactly how the matter stands."

The mate had already determined to make a full confession; but, nevertheless, his feelings, as he entered the cabin, were not of the most pleasant nature. His reception, however, was far different from what he had expected. The captain, as we have seen, was one of the most reasonable men in the world, if approached in the proper manner, and if he saw that an officer endeavored to do his duty, he was very patient with him; if he found that a reprimand was necessary, it was administered in the most friendly manner; but if he once took it into his head that an officer had willfully, or through negligence, omitted a portion of his duty, then, as the s.h.i.+p's company used to remark, it was "stand from under." Mr. Keys was a great favorite with the captain, as he was with all his brother officers, who admired his das.h.i.+ng style and his good-natured disposition. He was never idle, but was always hurrying about the s.h.i.+p, as if the well-being of every person on board depended upon himself, and, as a consequence, his duty was always done, and the deck of which he had charge was kept in the nicest order.

As he entered the cabin the captain greeted him with a smile. Pointing to a chair, he inquired, as he commenced turning over the leaves of the memorandum-book:

"Mr. Keys, is this some of your work?"

"Yes, sir," answered the mate.

"Well, what in the world possessed you to hoodwink Mr. French in this manner?"

"Because, sir, he has often informed me, when I have undertaken to instruct him, that he wishes to learn every thing by experience, sir. I have been a.s.sisting him."

"Do you think he has improved any with your help?"

"Yes, sir; he has learned that his authority in the mess-room is not equal to that of the caterer."

"Well, I thought you had a hand in that affair," said the captain, "and now I wish to give you a piece of advice. I, myself, have often been in such sc.r.a.pes as this, and have been brought up with a round turn. This reminds me of a little incident that happened while I was a mids.h.i.+pman on the Colorado. The story has grown old by this time, but it will be considered a good one as long as the navy shall exist. There were eight of us in the mess, and while we were lying at the navy-yard we had nothing to do but to play tricks upon each other, and upon every one who came in our way. Our s.h.i.+p was commanded by a commodore who never bothered his head about us so long as we remained within bounds. As is always the case, we abused our privileges, grow's bolder by degrees, until finally the commodore taught us a lesson that we never forgot.

"One pleasant afternoon, as we were lounging about the decks, waiting for something to turn up, we saw a green-looking specimen of humanity come over the side, and, in an instant, were on the alert. He, probably, had never been on board of a man-o'-war before, for he stared with open mouth at every thing he saw. Here was a chance for us, and as soon as the officer of the deck had walked aft, out of sight, we collared the countryman, and led him back to our mess-room.

"'By gum, but you have got every thing nice here,' said he. 'I'd like this better than workin' on a farm.'

"'Ah, you ought to go up in the commodore's cabin if you want to see something nice,' said a mids.h.i.+pman, who was our leader in all sorts of mischief. 'But, look here, my friend, if you wish to remain with us, you must have on a uniform. No civilians are allowed to stay here.'

"We all took this as a hint, and commenced rigging the Yankee out in our clothes. One furnished him with a coat, another a pair of pants, another a cap, and I gave him a sword that had just been presented to me.

"'Now,' said our leader, 'do you want a good dinner--one of the very best?'

"'Sartin,' replied the countryman. 'Got any?'

"'No; but the commodore has, and it is just about his dinner time.'

"We then explained to him that he must go up to the cabin and tell the commodore that he had just been ordered to the s.h.i.+p; and, in accordance with his usual custom, the old gentleman would be certain to invite him to dinner.

"'He is very cross sometimes,' said we, 'but don't be at all afraid of him--he doesn't mean any thing. Talk to him as though he was your father.'

"'By gum, I kin do that,' said the Yankee, and off he walked, while we took up a position where we could hear and see all that pa.s.sed.

"The commodore was seated at his desk, writing, and the countryman at once walked up to him, slapped him familiarly on the shoulder, and shouted:

"'Hullo, ole hoss! how de do? Shake hands with a feller, won't ye?'

"The commodore looked up in surprise, and e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed:

"'Eh! What do you want here? Get out of this. Away you go.'

"'O no, ole hoss, not by a long shot,' replied the Yankee, coolly seating himself in the nearest chair. 'Them ar young fellers down stairs told me to come up here and git some dinner; and, by gravy, I ain't goin' till I git it; so fetch it on.'

"Of course, it was as plain as daylight to the commodore that we were at the bottom of the whole affair, for the countryman never would have had the audacity to act in such a manner, unless some one had put him up to it, and he determined to punish us in a manner that we had not thought of.

"'Look here, my man,' said he, 'do you see that soldier out there?'

pointing to a marine that was pacing back and forth before the gangway.

'Well, he has got a loaded musket, and unless you get off this s.h.i.+p instantly, he will shoot you. Now, away you go, you land-lubber, and don't stop to talk to any body.'

"We saw our victim moving off, and were convulsed with laughter at what we considered to be the best joke we had ever perpetrated. We supposed, of course, that he would return with our clothes, but you can imagine our astonishment when we saw him walk down the gang-plank and out on to the wharf. We held a hurried consultation, and then I started for the cabin, and, making my best bow, asked permission to step ash.o.r.e for a moment.

"'No, sir,' replied the commodore; 'no sh.o.r.e liberty is to be granted to-day.'