Hobson's Choice: A Lancashire Comedy in Four Acts Part 9

HOBSON. Whose family? (_Coming down_ C.)

VICKEY. Yours.

MAGGIE. I'm going to marry Willie, father. That's what all the fuss is about.

HOBSON. Marry--you--Mossop? (_Moves to her_.)

MAGGIE. You thought me past the marrying age. I'm not. That's all.

HOBSON. Didn't you hear me say I'd do the choosing when it came to a question of husbands?

MAGGIE. You said I was too old to get a husband.

HOBSON. You are. You all are.

VICKEY. Father!

HOBSON. (_crossing to_ C.) And if you're not, it makes no matter. I'll have no husbands here.

(VICKEY R., ALICE L. _of_ HOBSON.)

ALICE. But you said--

HOBSON. I've changed my mind. I've learnt some things since then.

There's a lot too much expected of a father nowadays. There'll be no weddings here.

ALICE. Oh, father!

HOBSON (_taking them down_). Go and get my dinner served and talk less.

Go on now. I'm not in right temper to be crossed.

(_He drives_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY _before him. They go out protesting loudly. But MAGGIE stands in his way as he follows and she closes the door. She looks at him from the stair_.)

MAGGIE. You and I 'ull be straight with one another, father. I'm not a fool and you're not a fool, and things may as well be put in their places as left untidy.

HOBSON. I tell you my mind's made up. You can't have Willie Mossop. Why, la.s.s, his father was a workhouse brat. A come-by-chance. (_Moves_ C.)

MAGGIE. It's news to me we're sn.o.bs in Salford. I have Willie Mossop.

I've to settle my life's course, and a good course, too, so think on.

HOBSON. I'd be the laughing-stock of the place if I allowed it. I won't have it, Maggie. It's hardly decent at your time of life.

MAGGIE. I'm thirty and I'm marrying Willie Mossop. And now I'll tell you my terms.

HOBSON. You're in a nice position to state terms, my la.s.s.

MAGGIE. You will pay my man, Will Mossop, the same wages as before.

And as for me, I've given you the better part of twenty years of work without wages. I'll work eight hours a day in future and you will pay me fifteen s.h.i.+llings by the week.

HOBSON. Do you think I'm made of bra.s.s?

MAGGIE. You'll soon be made of less than you are if you let Willie go.

And if Willie goes, I go. That's what you've got to face.

HOBSON. I might face it, Maggie. Shop hands are cheap.

MAGGIE. Cheap ones are cheap. The sort you'd have to watch all day, and you'd feel happy helping them to tie up parcels and sell laces with Tudsbury and Heeler and Minns supping their ale without you. I'm value to you, so's my man; and you can boast it at the "Moonraker's" that your daughter Maggie's made the strangest, finest match a woman's made this fifty year. And you can put your hand in your pocket and do what I propose.

HOBSON. I'll show you what I propose, Maggie. (_He lifts trap and calls_.) Will Mossop! (_He places hat on counter and unbuckles belt_.) I cannot leather you, my la.s.s. You're female, and exempt, but I can leather him. Come up, Will Mossop.

(WILL _comes up trap and closes it_.)

You've taken up with my Maggie, I hear. (_He conceals strap_.)

WILLIE. Nay, I've not. She's done the taking up.

HOBSON. Well, Willie, either way, you've fallen on misfortune. Love's led you astray, and I feel bound to put you right. (_Shows strap_.)

WILLIE. Maggie, what's this? (_Moves down_ R. _a little_.)

MAGGIE. I'm watching you, my lad.

HOBSON. Mind, Willie, you can keep your job. I don't bear malice, but we must beat the love from your body, and every morning you come here to work with love still sitting in you, you'll get a leathering. (_Getting ready to strike_.)

WILLIE. You'll not beat love in me. You're making a great mistake, Mr.

Hobson, and--

HOBSON. You'll put aside your weakness for my Maggie if you've a liking for a sound skin. You'll waste a gradely lot of bra.s.s at chemist's if I am at you for a week with this. (_He swings the strap_.)

WILLIE. I'm none wanting thy Maggie, it's her that's after me, but I'll tell you this, Mr. Hobson--(_seizing_ MAGGIE _roughly by the arm_),--if you touch me with that belt, I'll take her quick, aye, and stick to her like glue.

HOBSON. There's n.o.bbut one answer to that kind of talk, my lad. (_He strikes with belt_. MAGGIE _shrinks_.)

WILLIE. And I've n.o.bbut one answer back. Maggie, I've none kissed you yet. I s.h.i.+rked before. But, by gum, I'll kiss you now--(_he kisses her quickly, with temper, not with pa.s.sion, as quickly leaves her, to face_ HOBSON)-and take you and hold you. And if Mr. Hobson raises up that strap again, I'll do more. I'll walk straight out of shop with thee and us two 'ull set up for ourselves.

MAGGIE. Willie! I knew you had it in you, lad. (_She puts her arm round his neck. He is quite unresponsive. His hands fall limply to his sides_.)

(HOBSON _stands in amazed indecision_.)

CURTAIN.

ACT II

_A month later. The shop as Act I. It is about mid-day_. ALICE _is in_ MAGGIE'S _chair at the desk, some ledgers in front of her, and_ VICKEY _is reading behind the counter. The trap is open and_ TUBBY _stands near the desk by_ ALICE.

ALICE. I'm sure I don't know what to tell you to do, Tubby.