The Romance of Mathematics Part 1

The Romance of Mathematics.

by P. Hampson.

INTRODUCTION.

The lectures, essays, and other matter contained in these pages have been discovered recently in a well-worn desk which was formerly the property of a Lady Professor of Girtham College; and as they contain some original thoughts and investigations, they have been considered worthy of publication.

How they came into the possession of the present writer it is not his intention to disclose; but inasmuch as they seemed to his unscientific mind to contain some important discoveries which might be useful to the world, he determined to investigate thoroughly the contents of the mysterious desk, and make the public acquainted with its profound treasures. He found some doc.u.ments which did not refer exactly to the subject of 'Polemical Mathematics;' but knowing the truth of the Hindoo proverb, 'The words of the wise are precious, and never to be disregarded,' and feeling sure that this Lady Professor of Girtham College was ent.i.tled to that appellation, he ventured to include them in this volume, and felt confident that in so doing he would be carrying out the intention of the Auth.o.r.ess, had she expressed any wishes on the subject. In fact, as he valued the interests of the State and his own peace of mind, he dared not withhold any particle of that which he conceived would confer a lasting benefit on mankind.

Internal evidence seems to show that the earlier portion of the MS. was written during the period when the auth.o.r.ess was still _in statu pupillari_; but her learning was soon recognised by the Collegiate Authorities, and she was speedily elected to a Professors.h.i.+p. Her lectures were princ.i.p.ally devoted to the abstruse subject of Scientific Politics, and are worthy of the attention of all those whose high duty it is to regulate the affairs of the State.

The Editor has been able to gather from the varied contents of the desk some details of the Author's life, which increase the interest which her words excite; and he ventures to hope that the public will appreciate the wisdom which created such a profound impression upon those whose high privilege it was to hear the lectures for the first time in the Hall of Girtham College.

PAPER I.

SOME REMARKS OF A GIRTHAM GIRL ON FEMALE EDUCATION.

[_This essay upon Female Education was evidently written when the future Professor of Girtham College was still in the lowlier condition of students.h.i.+p, before she attained that eminence for which her talents so justly ent.i.tled her. Its unfinished condition tends to show that it was probably evolved during moments of relaxation from severer studies, without any idea of subsequent publication._]

Oh, why should I be doomed to the degradation of bearing such a foolish appellation! A Girtham Girl! I suppose we have to thank that fiend of invention who is responsible for most of the t.i.tular foibles and follies of mankind--artful Alliteration. The two _G_'s, people imagine, run so well together; and it is wonderful that they do not append some other delectable t.i.tle, such as 'The Gus.h.i.+ng Girl of Girtham,' or 'The Glaring Girl of Glittering Girtham.' O Alliteration! Alliteration! what crimes have been wrought in thy name! Little dost thou think of the mischief thou hast done, flooding the world with meaningless t.i.tles and absurd phrases. How canst thou talk of 'Lyrics of Loneliness,' 'Soliloquies of Song,' 'Pearls of the Peerage'? Why dost thou stay thine hand? We long for thee to enrich the world with 'Dreams of a Dotard,' the 'Dog Doctor's Daughters,' and other kindred works. Exercise thine art on these works of transcendent merit, but cease to style thy humble, but rebellious, servant a Girtham Girl!

But what's in a name? Let the world's tongue wag. I am a student, a hard-working, book-devouring, never-wearied student, who burns her midnight oil, and drinks the strong bohea, to keep her awake during the long hours of toil, like any Oxford or Cambridge undergraduate. I often wonder whether these mighty warriors in the lists--the cla.s.s lists, I mean--really work half so hard as we poor unfortunate 'Girls of Girtham.' Now that I am writing in strict confidence, so that not even the walls can hear the scratchings of my pen, or understand the meaning of all this scribbling, I beg to state that I have my serious doubts upon the subject; and when last I attended a soiree of the Anthropological Society, sounds issued forth from the windows of the snug college rooms, which could not be taken as evidences of profound and undisturbed study.

Sometimes I glance at the examination papers set for these hard-working students, in order that they may attain the glorious degree of B.A., and astonish their sisters, cousins, and aunts by the display of these magic letters and all-resplendent hood. And again I say in strict confidence that if this same glorious hood does not adorn the back of each individual son of Alma Mater, he ought to be ashamed of himself, and not to fail to a.s.sume a certain less dignified, but expressive, three-lettered qualification. But before those Tripos Papers I bow my head in humble adoration. They sometimes take my breath away even to read the terrible excruciating things, which seem to turn one's brain round and round, and contort the muscles of one's face, and stop the pulsation of one's heart, when one tries to grasp the horrid things.

Here is a fair example of the ingenuity of the hard-hearted examiners, who resemble the inquisitors presiding over the tortures of the rack, and giving the hateful machine just one turn more by way of bestowing a parting benediction on their miserable victims:

'A uniform rod' (it is a marvellous act of mercy that the examiner invented it _uniform_; it is strange that its thickness did not vary in some complicated manner, and become a veritable birch-rod!) 'of length _2c_, rests in stable equilibrium' (stable! another act of leniency!), 'with its lower end at the vertex of a cycloid whose plane is vertical'

(why not incline it at an angle of 30?) 'and vertex downwards, and pa.s.ses through a small, smooth, fixed ring situated in the axis at a distance _b_ from the vertex. Show that if the equilibrium be slightly disturbed, the rod will perform small oscillations with its lower end on the arc of the cycloid in the time

+------------------- | a{c + 3(b - c)} 4[pi] | ----------------- , | 3g(b - 4ac)

where _2a_ is the length of the axis of the cycloid.'

A sweet pretty problem, truly! And there are hundreds of the same kind--birch-rods for every back! How the examiner must have rejoiced when he invented this diabolical rod, with its equilibrium, its oscillations, its cycloid, and other tormenting accessories. And yet, I suppose, before my days of students.h.i.+p are over, I shall be called upon to attack some such impregnable fortresses of mathematics, when I hope to be declared equal to some twentieth wrangler, if I escape the misfortune of sharing a portion of the 'wooden spoon.'

Ah, you male sycophants! You would prevent us from competing with you; you would separate yourselves on your island of knowledge, and sink the punt which would bear us over to your privileged sh.o.r.e. Of all the twaddle--forgive me, male sycophants!--that the world has ever heard, I think the greatest is that which you have talked about female education.

And the best of it is, you are so anxious about our welfare; you are so afraid that we should injure our health by overmuch mental exertion; you profess to think that our brains are not calculated to stand the strain of continued mental exercise; you think that compet.i.tion is not good for the female mind; that we are too compet.i.tive by nature--too ambitious!

Yes, we are so ambitious that we would enter the lists with those who are asked in Public Examinations to find the simple interest on 1,000 for 5 years at 6 per cent.; so ambitious that we would compete with those who are requested to disclose the first aorist middle of [Greek: tupto]. Oh, think of the mental strain involved in such questions! How it must ruin your health to find out how many times a wheel of radius 6 feet will turn round between York and London, a distance of 200 miles!

It is quite wonderful how your brains, my dear male sycophants, can stand such fearful demands upon your intelligence and industry!

But you are so kind to us, so afraid of our health! Really, we are much obliged to you. If you married one of us, or became our guardian, or left us a legacy, we should then recognise your interest in us, and be very grateful to you for your good advice. But as matters stand, we are quite capable of taking care of ourselves. We will promise not to work too hard, if you will promise not to weary us with your paternal jurisdiction.

But, male sycophants, I want a word with you. Why do you object to our taking degrees, or going in for examinations in order to qualify ourselves for our duties in life? You need not speak out loud if you would rather not. Are you not just a little afraid that we might eclipse you? And it is not pleasant to be beaten by a woman, is it? And then you profess to think that we ought to be all housewives and cooks, and knitters of stockings, and sewers-on of our husbands' b.u.t.tons; but what if we have no husbands, no b.u.t.tons to sew? And is it not a little selfish, my dear male sycophant, to wish to keep us all to yourself? to attend upon the wants of the lords of creation, who often distinguish themselves so much in the domain of science?

Now, look me straight in the face (no s.h.i.+rking, sir!). Is it not jealousy--green-eyed, false-tongued jealousy--which saps your generous instincts, and makes you talk rubbish and nonsense about strains, and brains, and ambition, and the like? And if that is not hypocritical, I do not know what is.

Well, good-day to you, male sycophant! I really have not time to indulge myself in scolding you any more. You are a good creature, no doubt; and when you have shown us what you can do, and can estimate the capacity of the female brain, and take a common-sense view of things, we will recognise your privilege to speak; and when I am the presiding genius of Girtham College, I will grant you the use of our hall for the purpose of lecturing to us on 'Women's Rights,' or, as you may prefer to ent.i.tle your discourse, 'Men's Wrongs.'

Oh, this is shameful! I really am very sorry. Here have I been wasting a good half-hour in dreaming, and slaying an imaginary enemy with envenomed words and frequent dabs of ink. If I cannot concentrate my mind more on these mathematical researches, I fear a dreadful 'plough'

will harrow my feelings at the end of my sojourn in these halls of learning.

Concentration! How many of our words and ideas and thoughts are derived from that primal fount of all arts and sciences--mathematics! Here is one which owes its origin to the mathematically trained mind of some early philological professor, who had learnt to apply his scientific knowledge to the enrichment of his native tongue. He quoted to himself the words of the Roman poet:

'Ego cur, acquirere pauca Si possum, invideor, c.u.m lingua Catonis et Enni Sermonem patrium ditaverit, et nova rerum Nomina protulerit? Licuit, semperque licebit.'

His mind conceived endless figures of circles and ellipses scattered promiscuously over the page, defying the attempts of the student to reduce them to order. What must he do before he can apply his formulae and equations, determine their areas, or describe their eccentric motion? He must reduce them to a common centre, and then he can proceed to calculate the abstruse problems in connection with the figures described. They may be the complex motions of double-star orbits, or the results of the impact of various projectiles on the tranquil surface of a pool. It matters not--the principle is the same; he must concentrate, and reduce to a common centre.

This is the great defect of those who have no accurate mathematical knowledge; they cannot concentrate their minds with the same degree of intensity upon the work which lies before them. Their thoughts fly off at a tangent, as mine do very often; but then I have not been cla.s.sed yet in the Tripos; and, O male poetical sycophant, you may be right after all when you say:

'O woman! in our hours of ease Uncertain, coy and hard to please, As variable as the noon-day shade.'

Yes, as variable as the most variable quant.i.ties _x_, _y_, _z_. I, a student of Girtham College, blush to own that my thoughts very often fly off at a tangent.

'Fly off at a tangent!' All hail to thee, most n.o.ble mathematical phrase! Here is another fine mathematical expression, plainly exemplifying the action of centrifugal force. The faster the wheel turns, the greater is the velocity of the discarded particles which fly off along the line, perpendicular to the radius of the circle. The world travels very fast now; the increased velocity of the transit of earthly bodies, the rate at which they live, the multiplicity of engagements, etc., have made the social world revolve so fast that the speed would have startled the torpid life of the last century. And what is the result? Men's thoughts fly off at a tangent; they are unable to concentrate their minds on any given subject; they are content with hasty generalisms, with short magazine articles on important subjects, which really require large volumes and patient study to elucidate them fully.

What we want to do is to increase the attractive force, in order to prevent this tangential motion--to increase the _force of gravity_.

'Well,' says the young lady who loves to revel in the 'Ghastly Secret of the Moated Dungeon,' or the 'Mysteries of Footlight Fancy,' 'you are _grave_ enough. Pray don't increase your gravity!'

Thank you, gentle critic. I will, in turn, ask you one favour. Leave for once the 'Mysteries of Footlight Fancy;' seek to know no more 'ghastly secrets,' and increase _your gravity_--your mental weight; and hence your attraction in the eyes of all who are worth attracting will be marvellously increased, by understanding a little about Newton's law of universal gravitation, and don't fly off at a tangent.

At the end of this portion of the MS. the editor of these papers discovered a photograph which, from subsequent inquiry, proved to be that of the accomplished auth.o.r.ess of the above reflections. The face is one of considerable beauty, with eyes as clear, steadfast, and open as the day. There is a degree of firmness about the mouth, but it is a sweet and pretty one notwithstanding; and a smile, half scornful, half playful, can be detected lurking about the corners of the lips, which do not seem altogether fitted for p.r.o.nouncing hard mathematical terms and abstruse scientific problems. This photograph might have been the identical one which nearly brought an enamoured youth into grave difficulties by its secretion in the folds of his blotting-paper during examination. The said enamoured youth had evidently placed it there for the sake of its inspiring qualities; and it was said that all his hopes of gaining the hand of the fair original depended upon his pa.s.sing that same examination. But the wakeful eye of a stern examiner had watched him as he turned again and again to consult the sweet face which beamed from beneath his blotting-paper; and he narrowly escaped expulsion from the Senate-house on the charge of 'cribbing.' Certainly he took a mean advantage of his fellow-sufferers, if this were the identical photograph, for it portrays a most inspiring face. Forgive us, lenient reader; one moment! There--thank you--we have done. And now we will proceed to disclose the researches and original problems which the MS.

contains.

Evidently the collegiate authorities were not slow in recognising the talents of the a.s.siduous student, and elected her without much delay to a Professors.h.i.+p of Girtham. In this capacity the learned lady delivered several lectures, of which the second MS. contains the first of the series.

PAPER II.

LECTURE ON THE THEORY OF BRAIN WAVES AND THE TRANSMIGRATION AND POTENTIALITY OF MENTAL FORCES.

Professors and Students of the University of Girtham, my Lords, Ladies, and Gentlemen,--I have the honour to bring before you this evening some original conceptions and discoveries which have been formulated by me during my researches in the boundless field of mathematical knowledge; and though you may be inclined at first to p.r.o.nounce them as somewhat hastily conceived hypotheses, I hope to be able to demonstrate the actual truth of the propositions which I shall now endeavour to enunciate. It is with some feelings of diffidence that I stand before so august an a.s.sembly as the present; and if I were not actually convinced of the accuracy of my calculations, I should never have presumed to appear before you in the character of a lecturer. But '_Magna est veritas, et praevalebit_.' I cast aside maiden timidity; I clothe myself in the professorial robe which you have bestowed upon me, and sacrifice my own feelings on the altar of Truth.

I have been engaged, as you are doubtless aware, for some years in the pursuit of mathematical research, exploring the mines of science, which have of late been worked very persistently, but often, like the black diamond mines, at a loss. Concurrently with these researches, I have speculated on the great social problems which perplex the minds of men, both individually and collectively. And I have come to the conclusion that the same laws hold good in both spheres of work; that methods of mathematical procedure are applicable to the grand social problems of the day and to the regulation of the mutual relations which exist between man and man. Take, for example, the Force of public opinion. Of what is it composed? It is the Resultant of all the forces which act upon that which is generally designated the 'Social System.' Public opinion is a compromise between the many elements which make up human society; and compromise is a purely mechanical affair, based on the principle of the Parallelogram of Forces. Sometimes disturbing forces exert their influence upon the action of Public Opinion, causing the system to swerve from its original course, and precipitating society into a course of conduct inconsistent with its former behaviour; and it is the duty of the Governing Body to eliminate as far as possible such disturbing forces, in order that society may pursue the even tenor of its way.