The Ultimate Suburban Survivalist Guide Part 26

The next time your family sits down to watch TV, pay attention to how you watch it. It's not called the idiot box or b.o.o.b tube for nothing. A TV set demands we face it and not the others in our family. You may not be aware when people enter or leave the room. Children who talk over the TV are considered annoying and are shushed.

I sometimes think that future archaeologists will be convinced that Americans wors.h.i.+pped at their TVs. After all, TVs are in every house and they usually dominate the prime real estate in the room where the family gathers. TVs are the household G.o.ds of the telecommunications age. According to the Nielsen ratings agency, the average American watches over four hours of TV every day. If that person lives to 65 years old, he or she will have spent nine solid years staring at the TV.1 Few of us are that dedicated in our religious wors.h.i.+p.

And since there's more than one American per household, TVs are on a lot. Kids watch a large amount of TV. The average child in the United States spends 900 hours a year in school, and 1,023 hours a year watching TV.

The average U.S. household watched TV for eight hours and 18 minutes a day from September 2007 to September 2008.2 That's a record high since the days Nielsen Co. started measuring television in the 1950s. Heck, that's probably as much or more than most potheads spend stoned every day. So you can see why I call TV the drug of choice for Americans.

And an economic downturn makes us watch more TV. Watching TV is cheap-a lot cheaper than going out and buying more stuff.

If and when TSHTF, especially if it's the end of the world as we know it, you might end up with a lot of time on your hands. If the cable TV goes out, you and your family might have to start talking to each other. For some people, that's going to be terrifying. They don't want to talk to their families; they can barely stand each other as it is.

So you might want to use your time wisely now to consider your options. What would you do if you didn't have TV? The broader question: How will your family entertain themselves if our society undergoes serious stress and TV goes buh-bye? After all, if you've followed the recommendations in this book, you've already built up your food stockpile, made your home more secure, arranged for alternative power, and more. You're going to need something to do with your free time.

And you're going to need entertainment. In a real crisis, you don't want to end up pacing your barricaded house like a caged tiger and las.h.i.+ng out angrily at the other people trapped in the house with you.

Here are some ideas to consider:For Kids Sports. Break that b.o.o.b-tube habit now and get yourself off the couch to take the kids outside to toss a ball around. It'll keep everyone in the family healthier and give you something fun to do together. And if you want to prepare for being trapped inside the house, buy some Nerf b.a.l.l.s. They won't destroy the furniture (too much), and they're loads of fun.

Reading. I know people who don't have a single book in their homes. The only books their kids read are the ones they must read for school. I think they're going to have bored kids on their hands when the TV goes out.

Even if your kids are already avid readers, you can work on your children's reading skills, add to their library, and you can always trade with neighbors if a crisis keeps you homebound. Used bookstores and library clearance sales are great sources of reading material. Start encouraging more reading now, before the cable TV goes out. Make it a regular habit.

Artwork. It's messy, but our back porch is our kids' art studio. And if the mess of paint freaks you out, colored pencils or crayons and reams of cheap paper are the way to go.

Make Your Own Cheap-a.s.s Games Cheap-a.s.s Games is the name of a real gaming manufacturer, but it's also a description of the kind of games our grandparents used to make back in the days when no one had any money. People on a budget can still play games. Here are two examples: Game #1: Liar's Dice. The only items you need are five six-sided dice for each player and plastic cups to use as dice tumblers.

The game is simple: Five six-sided dice with traditional dot faces are generally needed per player, with dice cups used for concealment. Poker dice can also be used, but some systems for bidding become difficult or impossible to use.

Each round, the players roll their dice while keeping them concealed from the other players. One player begins bidding, picking a quant.i.ty of a face value of two through six. The quant.i.ty states the player's opinion on how many of the chosen face have been rolled in total on the table. A one (ace) is often wild and counts as the stated face of the current bid; however the game can also be played without wilds. In a five-dice, three-player game with wilds, the lowest bid is one two and the highest bid is fifteen sixes. In turn, each player has two choices; believe the previous bid is true and make a higher bid, or challenge the previous bid as being wrong. Raising the bid means either increasing the quant.i.ty, or the face value, or both, according to the specific bidding rules used. Different bidding rule sets are described below.

If the current player thinks the previous player's bid is wrong, he challenges it, and then all dice are revealed to determine whether the bid was valid. Revealing the same number or more of the relevant face than was bid is a successful bid, in which case the bidder wins. Otherwise, the challenger wins. Simply revealing one's dice generally indicates a challenge, though it is customary to verbally make the challenge, by saying I call you up, I call, You're a liar, or simply, Liar.

Example: If a bid of six fives is challenged, the bid is successful (and the player who made it wins); if there are six or more fives, or less than six fives but enough wild aces (ones) to total six or more fives and aces (four fives and two aces, or five fives and one ace). The bid fails (the bidder is a Liar and the challenger wins) if there are fewer than six total fives and aces combined.

Game #2: The Dictionary Game. This is a game that was played in the Great Depression, and has since turned into a board game called Balderdash. All you need is at least four players, a big, unabridged dictionary, some sc.r.a.ps of paper, and pens.

Everyone sits at a table. You pa.s.s the dictionary around. When it's your turn, you look up the most obscure word you can find (a time limit helps here-five minutes, tops). You announce the word to the group and spell it, but don't tell them the defi nition.

Everyone writes down his or her best guess as to what the word means. If you picked the word from the dictionary, you write down the first definition from the dictionary.

Everyone turns in the sc.r.a.ps of paper. You shuffle them with your definition, and then read all the definitions aloud.

For example: Come up with a definition for Pickelhaube.

Players then vote on the definition they think is correct. If they guess correctly, they get a point. If no one guesses the correct answer, you get a point for every person in the game.

The correct definition for Pickelhaube, by the way, is a spiked helmet worn in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, initially by the Prussian army and later, by the German military, firefighters, and police force.

This is a game that's more fun the more people you have playing, and it's educational.

For the Family Fis.h.i.+ng. You should be practicing your fis.h.i.+ng anyway, in case you have to start supplementing your food supply with fish. And kids love it!

Orienteering. It's fun for families to find their way through the woods together, and a kid who can read a map and navigate with a compa.s.s has a leg up in a post-apocalyptic world. If you're looking for hiking trails near your home, check out http://gorp.away.com/gorp/trailfinder/index.html.

Cooking. Again, if you get the kids involved in this, you'd be amazed how much fun they'll have. Baking is a special kids' favorite, especially if they get to decorate what they make-sugar cookies, for example. Get your kids started cooking with the beans and canned goods you've got in your food stockpile. Then, when a crisis comes, your children will already be more self-sufficient.

And for adults, cooking is a great opportunity to explore some new recipes.

Board games. I should mention that I come from a very compet.i.tive family. My wife just thought I was a sometimes-sore loser until she met my parents-my father is a bad loser and worse winner, and the extended family is a rogue's gallery of poor losers. But they still love to play games. We all do-it's just that in my family, there is a lot of yelling, snarling, and gloating to spice up the fun. It's a great way to spend inexpensive time with the children.

If you have some bad sports in your family, consider non-compet.i.tive kids' games like charades or Apples-to-Apples. But the real fun is in compet.i.tive games, like Chutes & Ladders and Payday for the younger kids; and Uno, Yahtzee, Life, and Sorry for the older kids. Many of these can be picked up for cheap when stores have sales on games, usually around the Christmas holiday.

You can find perfectly good games in thrift stores. If you want to know more about a game before buying it, you can find detailed reviews, pictures, and game-session descriptions at www.boardgamegeek.com.

You can also have your kids exercise their artistic talents by making their own board games. There are about a dozen versions of the Game of Life and at least four versions of Risk that come to mind-there's no reason your kids can't create their own. You can even create your own Mad Libs for your kids to fill in, which is bound to provide some amus.e.m.e.nt.

Music. In Charles d.i.c.kens' day, if a family could afford it, every member would learn a musical instrument. Start your kids early and they may even have a marketable skill they can call on later in life. At the very least, they'll learn the benefits of practice and the payoff that comes from sticking with something, and you'll have some music to enjoy when the power is out.

Get Your Neighbors Involved. A couple years ago, feeling culturally isolated, we started poetry readings at our house; we encouraged the kids to write their own poetry and we read them cla.s.sics. We invited friends, but worried that not many people would show up. It turned out to be hugely popular. Pretty much everyone has some poetry to share. Now, we hold our Poetry Jams twice a year.

So remember those neighbors you're making alliances with for your neighborhood watch? In a dragged-out crisis, they're going to be bored silly, too. Invite them over for poetry, or music, or game nights, or something. It will strengthen neighborhood cohesion and deepen your friends.h.i.+ps, and replace those nights you now spend watching American Idol.

Learn a New Skill. Who says learning has to be boring? We should always be open to learning new skills, and it's so much easier now, when we have the Internet, money, and more travel options than might be available after a social or economic crash.

The entire family can learn skills. Popular Mechanics has a great list of "100 Skills Every Man Should Know." You can find it at http://www.popularmechanics.com/home_journal/how_to/4281414.html.

They're all great skills for women to know as well. Carpentry, plumbing, and gardening skills will never go out of style. And if you already know everything, teach your kids how to do stuff. It's some of the best quality time they'll ever spend with you.

There are skills that are going to become more important in any crisis, and especially if it's an energy crisis that leads to a power-down. Growing food, which I've covered a bit in this book, will be very important in any case.

And then there are sewing skills. I'm old enough to remember a grandmother (by marriage) who made her boys' s.h.i.+rts from scratch, and she made them to last. Her sons and grandsons used those s.h.i.+rts more than 20 years later. Most people nowadays, including me, can't even hem pants. That's a skill we're going to have to relearn.

The list of useful skills is very long and it doesn't have to be drudgery. Instead, it can be a craft well learned. An ongoing lifelong education for you and your kids is how people used to entertain themselves in the 1700s and 1800s. It should work in the 2000s and 2100s, as well.

More Education for Kids

As I mentioned earlier, I expect that disaster will come in chaos waves-things will be very bad for a while, but then we'll get back to the new normal, whatever that is. This would include schooling for kids. But what if the crisis is bad enough that public schooling stops or is severely restricted? In that case, you'll have to educate your kids on your own.

You're probably already helping your kids with their homework-this is just the next step.

* Concentrate on the Three Rs-Reading, wRiting, and aRithmetic.

* Know what your kids are studying now and pick up study aids and curriculum books for their current level and the next level.

* Let your kids pick out their workbooks if possible-they'll enjoy them more.

* Flash cards are a great way to teach basic facts and reinforce important points. Make your own flash cards at home.

There is a lot of information on books you can use at Homeschool Curriculum and Homeschooling Information (http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com) and Learning Things (http://www.learningthings.com).

If schools are closed or severely restricted, and you're looking for a new career in a post-peak world, consider opening up your own school for kids the same age as your kids. I'm talking about the kind of situation where the government has basically given up. That kind of vacuum is just asking for smart people to fill it, and you could be one of those people. You'd give your kids a peer group in tough times, bring in extra income (though what we'll be using for money is another question), and help out other parents who are looking to keep their child educated when things are falling apart.

And what if you pick up study aids and workbooks, and the world doesn't fall apart? You'll still end up with better-educated children and be more involved in their education.

You Can Learn Really Ancient Skills

While you are at it, you could even learn skills that would help you in the Middle Ages. I talked to Chance Lips...o...b.. an expert in primitive technology who is based in Virginia. He runs conferences where people learn to start fires without matches, how to make arrowheads and spear points, how to tan hides, and more.

"The primitive way is the best way," Chance says. Ancient peoples "spent 10,000 years perfecting their technology. We haven't been working on our technology for a fraction of that time."

Glues made from boiling down animal bones are just as good as anything we have today, Chance says. Obsidian cutting tools are as sharp as any metal knife ever made. And there are bows recovered from ancient sites that are designed just as well as compound bows used by modern man.

Chance doesn't think we'll ever see people go back to flint-making out of necessity again. He points out: "Why go back to flint-making when you have steel?" But he also says one skill from the ancient world that can help you in any rough times to come is that tribes had a strong sense of community. "People shared what they had and helped each other."

Chance recommended The Society of Primitive Technology, at www.primitive.org, for anyone interested in learning ancient skills. There are plenty of videos on YouTube that teach how to make a bow and other primitive skills. And he says that thanks to a surge in interest, conferences like the ones he runs are taking place all around the country. "Ten years ago, there were only a couple hundred people in the U.S. who could make a fire with their hands," Chance says. "Now, there are 20,000 or 30,000 who can do it."

You can find a list of survival and primitive technology schools and courses at einet.net. Point your Web browser to http://tinyurl.com/mt8txs.3 Bottom line: In a crisis that lasts more than a day or two, you may be surprised by how bored you get, especially if there's no TV. Plan ahead for activities for your kids and for the whole family. There are plenty of things you can do that are just as cheap as cable TV. Stock up on books and games and put some right in one of your survival pantries. You'll need entertainment as well as peanut b.u.t.ter and canned peaches. And make a commitment to relearning the skills we'll need in a powered-down society.

Trial Run for the End of the World Can Be Your Entertainment Now

Consider putting yourself and your family on a TEOTWAWKI weekend retreat. It's the only way you'll find the weaknesses in how prepared you really are. And heck, it can even be fun.

Here's what to do: When you come home from work on Friday evening, shut off your cell phones, unplug your land line, close your main water valve, and turn off your gas main or propane tank. Turn off the circuit breakers for everything but the refrigerator and seal the refrigerator with painter's tape (no cheating, kids!). If you have a backup power system, you can give that a workout and then use your fridge.

The game you'll be playing, as you can explain it to your kids, is to spend the weekend in primitive conditions. Practice using only your storage food, preparing it on a camping stove, solar oven, or open fire.

You have probably made some a.s.sumptions about how prepared you are, and those a.s.sumptions will be tested. There will be surprises along the way. Have prizes (awarded on Monday) for family members who come up with the best solutions. It's all the fun of camping and you get to sleep in your own bed.

You'll also gain the benefit of a weekend truly unplugged from the world. People pay good money for that,4 and you get it for free. Your family will have to interact and will probably grow closer, or you will be at each other's throats, and you'll learn that you still have some relations.h.i.+p obstacles to conquer.

As a bonus, all that unplugging will probably save you money.

Making Beer-Real Cheap Home Entertainment for Real Men (and Women) Making beer is #17 on Popular Mechanics' list of "100 Skills Every Man Should Know." If you're going to keep yourself entertained at home, one thing you can start now that's a lot of fun is making beer, or hard cider, or wine. Hard cider is super easy, and beer is easy. And if you are a beer drinker, and you start making your own beer now, you'll save money over what you'd pay for premium beer in the store.

You can buy home-brewing kits. They sell them on Amazon.com for $30 to $120 or more, depending on what you want to do. The kits cut some corners, reducing the time you have to spend in the brewing process. The reviews on Amazon.com are very good.

There probably is a brewing supply store in your local area. Many brewing supply stores sell starter kits for $75 or less. And you can buy books like Homebrewing for Dummies.

There are many, many variations on making your own beer. Here's one very simple way. You'll need:* Five gallons of water.

* One two-and-a-half-pound canned malt extract. Use pre-hopped extract; otherwise you're going to have to add hops, too.

* One five-pound bag sugar.

* One package of brewer's yeast (maybe two).

* One large, clean bucket or other container. Cheap-a.s.s brewers will use a large garbage can; I don't endorse that. Garbage-can plastic is light, inexpensive, and p.r.o.ne to scratches that will harbor bacteria that might ruin your beer. Experienced home brewers will use a large bottle-shaped gla.s.s container called a carboy. Gla.s.s is scratchproof but has an uncanny tendency to slip from your hands and shatter. I recommend food-grade plastic.

* One winemaker's hydrometer for measuring the sugar content of the fermenting beer.

* One plastic siphon hose, about six feet long, about three-eighths of an inch in diameter.

* One bottle capper. If you use twist-offs, you won't need a bottle capper.

* At least 70 bottles and caps to hold the beer. Alternately, you can use two-liter plastic soda pop bottles, as long as they add up to the same volume.

* A bottle filler (optional, but a good idea).

That's all the supplies and ingredients you'll need. Water purity counts for a lot, so use purified (or at least filtered) water. You can purchase hop-flavored malt extract at the supermarket or at any wine- or beer-making supply outlet. Important: You don't want malt; you want malt extract. Likewise, you want brewer's yeast, not baker's yeast.

Cleanliness is incredibly important. You must clean and sanitize all of your equipment right before you start brewing, and keep everything clean throughout the process. Bacteria and fungi are everywhere and if enough of them get into your beer, they will completely ruin it.

Clean all equipment with warm, semi-soapy water. Rinse well to remove soap residue. Then sanitize using household bleach at a quant.i.ty of one tablespoon per gallon of water. Or, you can purchase a no-rinse acid sanitizer such as StarSan, which is effective and leaves no aftertaste.

DIRECTIONS.

Step 1 * Open the can of malt extract and set it in a saucepan of hot water. This will soften up the extract.

* Heat three gallons of water to boiling. Use a stainless steel or enamel-coated metal pot for this part. Don't use aluminum; it will make the beer taste funny.

* When the malt is nice and warm, pour the syrup into the hot water and mix thoroughly. Cook and stir for 20 minutes. If you don't used pre-hopped malt extract, you'll want to add a handful of hops in a cheesecloth bag at this time and extend your cooking time by another hour.

* Dissolve the sugar in the hot water.

* During the boiling process, a good deal of foam will rise to the surface of your brew pot. This is natural. The key for you is to make sure that the pot doesn't boil over, sending the foam all over your stove. Monitor your heat levels closely and lower them if it begins to boil over.