Our American Cousin - LightNovelsOnl.com
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Dun Yes, they're all wight now.
Asa All wight? no, they're all black.
Dun When I say wight I mean black.
Asa Say, shall I tell that sick gal about that hair dye?
Dun No, you needn't tell that sick gal about that hair dye!
Asa Wal, I won't, if you don't want me to.
Dun [Aside.] That man is a d.a.m.ned rattlesnake.
[Goes up, sits in Georgina's lap--turns to apologize, sits in Augusta's lap--same business with Mrs. M, then goes back to Georgina.]
Asa Miss Georgina. [She comes down.] How's your appet.i.te? shall I tell that lord about the beefsteak and onions I saw you pitching into?
Geo Please don't, Mr. Trenchard, I'm so delicate.
Asa Wal, I won't, if you don't want me to.
Geo Oh, thank you.
[Backs up stage and sits in Dundreary's lap, who has taken her seat.]
Asa Miss Gusty. [Augusta comes down.] Got your boots, hain't you?
Aug Yes, Mr. Trenchard.
Asa How do they fit you? Say, shall I tell that fellow you were after me first?
Aug [Extravagantly.] Not for the world, Mr. Trenchard.
Asa [Mimicing.] Wal, I won't, if you don't want me to.
Asa [To Mrs M.] Mrs. Mountchestnut.
Dun [Coming down.] Sir, I haven't a chestnut to offer you, but if you'd like some of your native food, I'll order you a doughnut?
Asa I dough not see it.
Dun [Laughs.] That's good.
Asa Yes, very good.
Dun For you.
Asa Oh, you get out, I mean the old lady.
Dun Mrs. Mountchessington, this ill.u.s.trious exile wishes to see you.
[Mrs M. comes down.]
Asa Wal, old woman?
Mrs M Old woman, sir?
Asa Got two of them gals off your hands, haven't you?
Mrs M I'm proud to say, I have.
Asa Shall I tell them fellows you tried to stick them on me first?
Mrs M You'll please not mention the subject.
Asa Wal, I won't, if you don't want me to. [Backs up;--curtseying;--knocks back against Dundreary, who is stooping to pick up a handkerchief. They turn and bunk foreheads.] Say, Mr. Puffy. [Binny comes down.] Shall I tell Sir Edward about your getting drunk in the wine cellar?
Binny You need not--not if you don't like unto.
Asa Wal, I won't, if you don't want me to.
Binny Remember the hold hadage. ''A still tongue shows a wise ead.''
Asa X Q's me.
Binny O, I, C. [Goes up.]
Flo [Comes down, L.] Well cousin, what have you to say to us? [Mary comes down R. of Asa.]
Asa Wal, I ain't got no ring, to put in your noses, but I's got one to put on your finger. [To Mary.] And I guess the sailor man has one to put on yours, and I guess you two are as happy as clams at high water.
Flo I am sure you must be very happy.
Asa Wal, I am not so sure about my happiness.
Flo Why, you ungrateful fellow. What do want to complete it?
Asa [To Audience.] My happiness depends on you.
Flo And I am sure you will not regret your kindness shown to Our American Cousin. But don't go yet, pray--for Lord Dundreary has a word to say. [Calls Dundreary.]
Dun [Sneezes.] That's the idea.
CURTAIN
