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The ride home was a battle for her to either remain calm or lapse into a panic attack. Her niece was likely dead. And it was her fault. Daniel had warned her about suffering coming to her if she dared to refuse his proposal. Now she had rebelled against him. All she wanted was to break free of the life of killing, loneliness, and darkness she would face for who knew how long. It was an understandable, natural thing to do. Wasn't that forgivable?
She sunk her head low into her chest as the soft sobs began. No, it was not forgivable. She could never forgive herself for what happened to dear little Ava.
CHAPTER TEN.
Claire could have slept for hours the next morning since the weight of guilt had worn her out. But she found herself awake at half past nine, after seven hours of sleeping. She had aches all over her body as though she had the flu. How she wished she had that, so she could stay in bed all day and not face the world.
But she wasn't sick and therefore had to go on with her day. After showering and dressing, she had coffee and yogurt for breakfast. She was alone in the apartment as Monica was subst.i.tuting again and Samantha was on another job interview. They were planning to go to Theresa Palermo's wake in the evening, but Claire was not sure if she should show her face there. She knew too much of Theresa's murder and going to see her in her casket would cause too much guilt.
She was watching a marathon of her favorite reality show when her phone suddenly buzzed. She put the carton of yogurt on the coffee table and picked it up. Sure enough, it was from Daniel. She could picture him cowering in a dark corner, avoiding the sunlight so it wouldn't fatigue him.
After you give your notice, come home and start packing. I've made our plans for Paris this Sat.u.r.day, right after finals.
Sat.u.r.day. She was going to be a vampire much sooner than expected. No Christmas with her family. No saying farewell. Besides, everyone would be in anguish and agony over Ava.
Then she frowned. Why hadn't anyone called her about her niece? Surely by now someone would have told her. Zachary and Kristina got up at 7:30 AM, so they certainly would have seen their baby girl dead. And then they would have called their parents and in-laws, who would have called Claire. Something was off.
A growing smirk on her face, she texted back to Daniel: Ava is still alive. I'm amazed you had the heart not to do anything to her.
Claire waited. There was no response.
As she a.n.a.lyzed what Daniel could be thinking, she realized she had likely angered him again. What could he do to her now in retaliation?
Shaking her head, Claire got herself ready for work. She put on her coat and her shoulder bag, locked up the apartment, and headed to the bus stop for the brief ride to Richmond College.
When she arrived at the English department office, she saw the chairwoman Laura Matthews standing near Nancy's desk, her hands clutching her heart, hysteria written all over her face. Seeing Claire walk in seemed to snap her out of her state of mind.
"My G.o.d, Claire, what are you doing here?" she exclaimed.
"What?" she blurted out, frightened by the chairwoman's panic. "What's going on?"
"Didn't you hear? Nancy was murdered last night!"
Claire had thought her heart could not plummet or her breathing could stop again, but both did occur. Her body still reacted as if each terror was new, and there was no way she could physically get used to it.
She was frozen for a few seconds until she started shaking her head violently. "No," she whispered. Then she began to repeat that word louder and louder until she placed her hands over her ears to prevent the screaming from hurting them. In response, the chairwoman reached over to hold her, but Claire pulled away.
"This can't be happening!" she said. "What happened?"
"Her husband was putting the garbage out and when he got back inside, she was on the bedroom floor, her throat slashed! Just like Colin Willis!"
Claire grabbed the office doorway to prevent from fainting. So, Daniel got the department secretary, someone who had always eyed him with suspicion and disdain. She wondered if he long planned to get Nancy before deciding last night was a good time. Claire's heart filled with the gnawing of regret, knowing how things went sour with Nancy before Daniel revealed who he was. Before that, they had gotten along fine, almost like mother and daughter. It was Nancy who warned her about Daniel like a mother should. She listened to her complaints about school, complaints about finding a job after graduation, but also brightened her days with her pleasant personality. Nancy was always there for her.
Then she voiced her suspicions and Claire decided to not pay attention to them. And now she was gone, done in by the very person she rightfully was never sweet to.
Claire was lost in her thoughts when she realized Laura was going on about a serial killer targeting the English department and who it could be and why. She wanted to tell the chairwoman everything about Daniel, but it was so obvious more death would come, and Ava would be next. There was no hope, no way out for Claire.
All she could say in a detached voice, "I can't come back here anymore."
Laura stopped rambling and looked at her through distant eyes. "What?"
"I can't come back here," Claire repeated. "That's it. I'm quitting. I don't feel safe here anymore. Without Nancy, nothing will be the same. Laura, I'm sorry, but I can't be here anymore!"
Laura was about to place her hand on her shoulder, perhaps out of understanding, but Claire quickly turned around, calling her good-byes over her shoulder and fled the building and the campus. She didn't want to look back. Her four years at Richmond College were done, in bloodshed.
Home was an hour away on foot, but Claire had the numbness to walk the whole way. Shoulder bag hanging from her limp hand, dragging on the ground, Claire felt like she had died already. Nancy was dead. Colin Willis was dead. Theresa Palermo was dead, too. She knew who had done it and why.
Slamming the front door behind her when she got home and leaning against it, Claire heavily exhaled. She began to wonder if she should start screaming so she could let out her anguish. Samantha was not yet home, so that was a plus. But what would happen if she came home to see her roommate screaming? Samantha would be certain Claire had lost her mind.
Her phone suddenly buzzed the arrival of a text message. She dug through her bag to retrieve it, using whatever hope left in her that Samantha was telling her she was on her way home and how her interview went. But she saw the number and that fragile hope collapsed.
Guess Nancy didn't matter to you that much if you didn't think I had her in mind.
Her hand went limp and it dropped the phone onto the floor. She didn't care if she damaged it. Her cage was thickening.
She went to her room and curled into a ball on her bed. The sobs couldn't come fast enough, so she tried to force them out. Doing so tore at her throat, but that didn't matter. Her world was falling apart and there was no way out.
The real sobs finally came, and they were pouring out of her when Samantha came skipping home. She was barely inside when she began telling Claire about her interview. "Oh my G.o.d, my interview went great! I really think I'll get a follow-up! Woo-hoo! No more bartending!"
Claire let out a loud sniffle and Samantha came running into her room. Her jaw dropped at the sight of Claire weeping.
"Oh no, what happened? What's going on?"
Claire lifted her head and told her about Nancy.
"Holy s.h.i.+t, no way! Not another person dead!" Samantha climbed on the bed next to her, and held her tightly. "This is too much. First that professor, then Theresa, now Nancy? What is going on?"
"I don't know, Sam, I just don't know. My world is falling apart," she choked. "I'm scared."
"Don't be," Samantha squeezed her. "I mean, I know you can't feel any other way. But don't think you're next or anything."
Little does she know, Claire thought.
A minute pa.s.sed before Samantha asked about Daniel and if he knew.
"He does. I already spoke to him." Claire choked heavily and began coughing. Her friend patted her arm until she calmed down as much as she could. She then went to make her some tea, which Claire wasn't so sure if she could swallow.
When Samantha came back with the large cup, she sat up and told her, "I really don't want to go to Theresa's wake today."
"Understandable." Samantha handed her the cup and Claire sipped delicately at it. "I take it you won't go to Nancy's?"
"Probably not. I'm so sick of all this death."
The two sat there, talking about who could possibly be committing all the murders. It was Samantha who pointed out that that they all seemed connected to Claire, because she knew all of the victims. That made her shake a little.
"I didn't even think of it that way," Claire said. "Maybe that's all a coincidence?"
"Maybe," Samantha said. She then left Claire alone to gather herself.
But Claire felt like throwing the cup of tea against the wall. Anger was gaining momentum inside of her. When Samantha pointed out the connections of the murders, it lit a spark in her that she did not want to suppress. Depression was said to be anger suppressed, and she was no longer depressed.
But what could she do? If she lashed out, Daniel would only kill another person in her life. He may even change his mind and give her to the Brothers as a slave. She couldn't even call to confront him. He was mentally torturing her, and there was no way out. As she remembered this, she felt her anger subside, turning into depression, weighing heavily on her heart and soul. This was a form of death. When the heart and soul is suppressed, you die in a sense. Daniel was killing her in more ways than one. The sobs arose again and Claire bent from the waist to cry until her throat was raw.
The next day, Claire was in the backseat of her parents' sedan, driving over to a restaurant for lunch. She had called them the previous night, telling them about Nancy's murder, and asked them to come to Staten Island for the day. Yes, she did want their comfort, but she also had to tell them she was moving in with Daniel - something she knew would infuriate them.
As they drove to the same place where she first introduced them to Daniel - it was their favorite eatery on the Island - her parents asked her if she wanted to go back to New Jersey.
"You're clearly upset," her father was saying. "You've had a lot of people you know be killed lately, which is kind of bizarre. Maybe it would be best if you did come home."
"No, Dad," Claire said. "It's not like someone is coming after me. Besides, Monica and Samantha are not going back home either."
"So, you're going to do what your friends do?" her mother said. "That's not very smart."
"Mom, Dad, please don't turn this into an argument. I don't need to get even more upset than I already am."
Her parents stayed quiet until they arrived at the pan-Asian restaurant. As they took their seats inside and opened their menus, Claire felt a heaviness in her heart as she knew this will be the last time she will see her parents for a very long time. Too bad the visit would end poorly due to the news she about to break.
She waited until her parents were halfway done with their meal. As she told them about her recent articles and how well things were going with her freelancing, her father brought up Daniel. The last time she had mentioned him was when Theresa Palermo was killed, and she told her parents she had broke up with him. She had not updated them since.
"He helped you with your freelancing, correct?" her mother asked. "I know you two broke up, but have you spoken to him since?"
Claire took a deep breath. "We actually got back together." Seeing the surprised expressions, she hastily continued. "Back then, we decided to give each other some time and we decided getting back together was best. And also...I'll be moving in with him later this week."
It was as though someone had pressed the pause b.u.t.ton on her parents. Her father was lifting his teacup while her mother had a her fork halfway to her mouth. They stared at her for half a minute before her mother slammed down her fork and snapped, "Are you serious? Are you really going to do that?"
"Mom, we've reached that point in our - "
"Don't give me that!" she shook her head. "Are you two planning to get married? So soon? Is that what it is?"
"Judith," her father said, though his attempt to calm down his wife were half-hearted. He looked disgusted.
"No, we're not looking to get married." When Claire's mother's eyes widened even more, she went on to explain, "We've reached that point in our relations.h.i.+p. Besides, it would be better than traveling into the city to see him."
"Claire, don't you realize how wrong this is?" her father said. "By moving in with him, chances are, Dan will not marry you."
Before she could respond, her mother interjected, "He's playing with you, messing with your mind. I knew he was a problem when you first said you were dating a college professor."
"Mom - "
"Don't Mom me!" A few patrons from other tables glanced over but her mother didn't pay attention. Her nostrils were flaring. "Don't move in with Daniel, Claire. He's only going to hurt you."
How true that was, but in a different way. Claire noticed her head was tilted down as if she was ashamed. She raised it and said, "This is my life and I'm not a child anymore."
Both of her parents let out disgusted sighs. The three of them didn't speak to each other and instead sat in loud silence, poking at their food. Finally, her father called over the waiter for the check.
When they drove her back to her apartment, her mother sat in a scowl while her father asked a few questions. "Where exactly does Daniel live? Where in Manhattan?"
"TriBeCa, in lower Manhattan. You're welcome to visit if you want."
"Not with him around. Your mother and I don't care to see Daniel again, not after this."
Claire didn't protest. She wouldn't want them to see him either. Who knows how he would be around them? She doubted he would be the nice guy he came across as when they first met him.
Then she noticed her father was looking at her through the rearview mirror, with a confused look underneath the disdain. "You don't seem that thrilled to be moving in with him."
"Because I knew you guys would get angry," she said almost in a whisper.
As they pulled up in front of the house, Claire asked if they would come in. "Please don't disown me because I am doing this!"
Her parents looked at each other, nodded, and followed her into the apartment. Samantha was home for the day, surfing the Internet at the kitchen table, and could tell Claire had told her parents the news. But she kept to herself as Claire brought her parents into her bedroom.
Her dresser and desk were from the furniture ensemble she had back in Bedminster, while her bed was given to her by the Palermos'. Her parents were not pleased that they were going to have bring back the furniture just months after dropping it off at the apartment. The idea of that made them try to talk sense into their only daughter.
"Honestly, Claire," her mother began in a calmer tone. "You've only been dating Daniel for less than six months. Are you sure you're ready for this kind of commitment?"
"Yes," she responded. "Like I keep telling you, we're ready for the next stage."
"Are you?"
"Yeah."
"Then why are you looking away from me?"
Claire flinched when she realized her eyes were slightly downcast. She raised them to look at her mother and glance at her father, who looked at her suspiciously.
"Because I know you're not happy about this and now you hate Daniel!" she said louder than she intended.
"We don't hate him," her father interjected. "We're just don't think this is a wise idea. Your mother and I were not happy about you dating an older man. Now that you're moving in with him, we both think he is playing around with you."
"You guys are just so old-fas.h.i.+oned!" She threw her hands up. "Please, let me be!"
"Maybe we are a little behind the times, but we can both tell you're not that thrilled about moving in with Daniel," her mother said. "Look at yourself. You're snapping at us, you're not even looking at us in the eye. Are you sure this was your idea or Daniel's?"
Claire could feel her fear and pain rising, but she quenched and said, "We both agreed on this after we got back together. And there's nothing you can do about it. We're happy together, and that's how its going to be."
Her parents paused before they shrugged at each other. They had no use arguing with her. It was as if they could feel the lack of insincerity in her aura, but they had no way for her to admit it. She had won, or maybe Daniel did.
Her parents left a half hour later. As she was hugging them good-bye, she invited them to come to TriBeCa to visit her and Daniel. They declined, but before Claire could protest, they wondered aloud why she wasn't letting them go.
"Honey," her father said. "You're almost crus.h.i.+ng me."