Great Jehoshaphat and Gully Dirt! Part 34

"Great Jehoshaphat and gully dirt! Let's get him! Come on, y'all! Let's get him down to my store and hold him there till we can send for the sheriff!"

Doctor Elton caught Papa's elbow. "Wait a minute, Jodie!

Let's sorta stroll out slow-so we don't start a commotion. Let's make out like we're all dying to look at the automobile. Then, the minute he steps to the ground, grab him!"

"Yeah, we'll do it that way," Papa agreed.

Doctor Elton, moving along right behind Papa, began chewing his cigar faster than ever. "If we can ever plow our way through this jam of folks, we'll-G.o.d!

Too late! Here he comes busting in the church! He's got a gun, Jodie!"

The front door had swung open, and there stood Mister Ward-waving a pistol above his head!

"Merr-rr-r Chris- Chris'mus! Merr-rr-r Chris'mus, ever'-body!"

Papa, the doctor, and Uncle Dan rushed on toward him, while everybody standing in the front of the church just sort of melted back against the walls-tramping one another's feet as they scrambled out of the way.

Doctor Elton croaked out, "Why, h.e.l.lo there, Ward," and slapped him on the back like he was glad to see him. Papa grabbed his arm, Uncle Dan, his coat!

Before I could see what would happen next, Mister Shepherd pulled me back from the aisle and had me scrooch down under a bench. Here, I couldn't see a thing but shoes and britches legs and Captain Jones's walking stick. I couldn't even hear what Papa and the other men were telling Mister Ward. But I could sure hear Mister Ward talking-loud, and like his mouth was full of baked 'taters.

"Y'all s'prised to see me, ain't you? What y'all grabbin' me for? I ain't done nothin'! Charged with kidnappin'? h.e.l.l, I just took the young'un for a automobile ride. Weren't my fault she jumped out. Anyhow, y'all found her. I come to get Ophelia and my young'uns. I ain't havin' my baby boy in no Chris'mus doin's with them d.a.m.n Baileys. Naw, Doc, don't touch my gun! Where's Wes Bailey? I brung him a message from Addie Mae. Wes thinks I don't know where she's at! Doc, Wes is here, ain't he? Somebody tell Wes to come see my automobile! I bought the first automobile in Drake Eye Springs! What'd you say, Doc? h.e.l.l, yeah, you can ride on it! I left the motor runnin'."

I raised up, peeping, to see if I could see Mister Wes. I saw him, trying his best to get to Mister Ward. But he couldn't break away from Miss Lida Belle and Mister Goode, who had him hemmed up in the corner. He was twisting and turning, but they wouldn't let go!

Mister Ward's loud, blubbering talk got louder.

"Wes, I see you now! Cuss your hide, come out and look at my automobile! I'm aimin' for you to take one good, long look at it-'fore I shoot you! Soon's I tell you what Addie Mae says, I'll kill you! Naw, Doc! Lemme have my pistol back! I gotta use it!

I'm startin' up the Williams-Parker feud again! I ain't Jake Williams's great nephew for nothin'! Great nephew! Sounds plum good! My Uncle Jake, he stopped the feudin' one Chris'mus Eve.

I'm a-startin' it back tonight! You men are just dyin' to see my automobile? Sh.o.r.e, I got plenty time to show y'all! Come on!

h.e.l.l, yeah, I'll let all y'all ride it!"

The church door slammed.

Everybody started milling around, talking all at once and making such a babble I couldn't tell who was saying what.

"Hush and sit still, Ophelia! Sit still!" That was Miss d.i.n.k.

"No, Wes! I don't care if you are the Justice of the Peace!

He'll kill you! You heard him say it, didn't you?" That couldn't be anybody except Miss Lida Belle.

"I gotta go!"

Mister Goode hollered, "Wes, you'd better stay right here in this church! They can handle him! I'll go phone the sheriff myself!"

Mister Shepherd grabbed up Captain Jones's walking stick and started rapping the pew above my head with it. He almost hit me!

"Let's be calm," he called out. He kept rapping till everybody got quiet. "Take your hymnals, please, and we'll sing another Christmas song. Then Miss Vic and the young folks can proceed with pa.s.sing out the gifts. Miss Bess, please start playing the organ. I suggest we sing 'Angels We Have Heard On High.' It's a fine, fine old French hymn! You'll find it on page seventeen."

Bess started playing the organ. I didn't know whether to stand up to sing or not. n.o.body could hear me if I kept sitting on the floor.

"Mister Shepherd, can I get-"

"Oh, sugar, I'd forgotten you! You can crawl out now.

Everything's all right. They'll take Ward to be locked up. Let's sing loud!"

We sang loud, but everything seemed all wrong.

Right in the middle of our song-at the part saying "Come adore on bended knee"-Doctor Elton came back inside, his cigar gone, his mouth drooping down at the corners. He was coughing.

"We let the fool outsmart us!" he whispered to Mister Shepherd. "He'd left his motor going. He made out like he wanted to raise the hood and show it to us. 'Stead of that, he jerked loose, jumped on the seat, and tore off down the road!"

"I hate to hear that!"

"Jodie and them are trying to head him off, but-" Doctor Elton started coughing again. "They're trying to head him off before he gets to the bridge, but they'll never make it. Saddle horses just aren't a match for these automobiles! I'd 've tried to help, but me and my mares have-" The doctor took another coughing spell. "We've simply had it for today."

I pulled on the teacher's coat sleeve. "Mister Shepherd, is Mister Ward gonna come back and steal me again?"

"Of course not! Come on, let's keep singing! Loud, Little Tree! Sing loud!"

In dreams that night I grew to be a great tree, tall and s.h.i.+ning, with ten arms instead of two, each a strong branch bent down by gifts of gold and precious things. I stood on the banks of Rocky Head Creek, not far from the bridge.

One low-hanging limb, heavy with blue silk ties, had been propped up with walking sticks, while at my roots lay Papa's good Sunday-go-to-meeting hat. It, too, was big, as big as a barrel.

In the middle of it a fat, fat goose had made her nest. And there she sat, hatching out popcorn b.a.l.l.s and pennies by the hatful.

Mister Ward came whizzing across the bridge, his new automobile loaded with guns and axes. He stopped to chop me down!

But Ginger came frisking along just then and barked so loud it scared him and his automobile away.

Old Mister Hawk came walking along the far bank of the creek, leading his mule to get water. She saw me and blinked her eyes and gave her tail a swish. Before I could say anything, though, Mister Hawk took her away without even looking up. All he said was, "Let's go, Nellie."

Then, three kings on bay horses came galloping by, their calico robes rippling in the wind, their laughter ringing through the woods.

"Pick some presents!" I called.

All whirled around and came back, and they gathered fine gifts from my boughs-enough to fill their saddlebags.

"Where are you going in such a rush?"

"To see the Holy Babe!" they cried.

"Why not take me?" I asked.

"Yeah! Let's take the whole tree!"

So, with merry shouts, they pulled me up and carried me away to the Holy Babe in the hay box.

Chapter 10

Every Preaching Sunday morning, right after services were finished and we were ready to leave the church grounds, Papa said two things, one to the mules, the other to Mama.