His Hour Part 33

But after he was gone Tamara loathed the moments. She was overwrought and overstrung. Hara.s.sed by the wailing and expostulations of her family for what they termed her "rash act," worried by dressmakers and dozens of letters to write, troubled always with the one dominating fear, at last she collapsed and for two days lay really ill in a darkened room.

Then Gritzko returned, and there were only five days before the wedding. He had sent her flowers each morning as a lover should, and he had loaded her with presents,--all of which she received in the same crushed spirit. With the fixed idea in her brain that he was only marrying her because as a gentleman he must, none of his gifts gave her any pleasure. And he, with immense control of pa.s.sion had played his part, only his time of probation was illumined by the knowledge of coming joy. Whereas poor Tamara, as the time wore on, lost all hope, and grew daily paler and more fragile-looking.

Her father had a bad attack of the gout, and could not possibly move; but her brother Tom and her sister, Lady Newbridge, and Millicent Hardcastle were to arrive three days before the wedding.

CHAPTER XXI

The night of the bear-hunter's return there was to be a small dinner at the Ardacheff house. The Princess had arranged that there should be a party of six; so that while the four played bridge the fiances might talk to one another. She was growing almost nervous, and indeed it had required all Stephen Strong's a.s.surance that things eventually would come right to prevent her from being actually unhappy.

"Let 'em alone!" the old man said. "Take no notice! you won't regret it."

Tamara had only got up from her bed that afternoon and was very pale and feeble. She wore a white clinging dress and seemed a mere slip of a girl. The great string of beautiful pearls, Gritzko's latest gift, which had arrived that morning, was round her neck, and her sweet eyes glanced up sadly from the blue shadows which encircled them.

Gritzko was already there when the Princess and Tamara reached the first salon, and his eyes swam with pa.s.sionate concern when he saw how Tamara had been suffering. He could not restrain the feeling in his voice as he exclaimed:

"You have been ill!--my sweet lady! Oh! Tantine, why did you not send for me? How could you let her suffer?"

And a sudden wave of happiness came over Tamara when he kissed her hand. She was so weak the least thing could have made her cry.

But her happiness was short-lived, for Gritzko--afraid yet of showing what was in his heart--seemed now colder than ever; though he was exulting within himself at the thought that the moment would come soon when all this pretence should end.

Tamara, knowing nothing of these things, felt a new sinking depression.

In five days she would be his wife, and then when he had paid the honorable price--how would he treat her?--

He was looking wildly attractive tonight, his voice had a thousand tones in it when he addressed the others, he was merry and witty and gay--and almost made love to the Princess--only to his fiancee did he seem reserved.

The food appeared impossible to swallow. She almost felt at last as though she were going to faint. The hopeless anguish of the situation weighed upon her more than ever; for alas! she felt she loved him now beyond any pride, every barrier was broken down. She had no more anger or resentment for the night at the hut. All his many sins were forgiven.

Dinner was an impossible penance, and with a feverish excitement she waited for the time when they should be alone.

It seemed an eternity before coffee was finished and the four retired to their bridge. Then the two pa.s.sed out of the room and on into the blue salon.

It was extremely difficult for both of them. The Prince could scarcely control his mad longing to caress her. Only that strange turn in his character held him. Also the knowledge that once he were to grant himself an inch he could never restrain the whole of his wild pa.s.sion, and there were yet five days before she should be really his--.

Tamara looked a white, frozen shape as she almost fell into the sofa below the Falconet group. Cupid with his laughing eyes peeped down and mocked her. Gritzko did not sit beside her. He took a chair and leant on a table near.

"We had good sport," he said dryly. "Your friend can hit things. We got two bears."

"Jack must have been pleased," Tamara answered dully.

"And your family--they arrive on Monday, isn't it?" he asked. "Your brother and sister and the estimable Mrs. Hardcastle?" and he laughed as he always did at the mention of Millicent. "They will wonder, won't they, why you are marrying this savage! but they will not know."

"No!" said Tamara. "They must never know." Gritzko's face became whimsical, a disconcerting, mischievous provoking smile stole into his eyes.

"Do you know yourself?" he asked.

She looked up at him startled. It was her habit now never to meet his eyes. Indeed, the sense of humiliation under which she lived had changed all her fearless carriage of head.

"Why do you ask such questions? I might as well ask you why are you marrying me. We both know that we cannot help it," and there was a break in her voice which touched him profoundly.

"Answer for yourself please, I may have several other reasons," he said coldly, and got up and walked across the room picking up a bibelot here and there, and replacing it restlessly.

Tamara longed to ask him what these reasons were. She was stirred with a faint hope, but she had not the courage, the intensity of her feeling made her dumb.

"They--Tantine--or Sonia--have explained to you all the service, I suppose," he said at last. "It is different to yours in your country.

It means much more--"

"And is more easily broken."

"That is so, but we shall not break ours, except by death," and he raised his head proudly. "From Wednesday onward the rest of your life belongs to me."

Tamara s.h.i.+vered. If she could only overcome this numbness which had returned--if she could only let her frozen heart speak; this was surely the moment, but she could not, she remained silent and white and lifeless.

He came over to the sofa.

"Tamara," he said, and his voice vibrated with suppressed pa.s.sion.

"Will you tell me the truth? Do you hate me,--or what do you feel for me?"

She thought he meant only to torture her further; she would not answer the question.

"Is it not enough that you have conquered me by force? Why should you care to know what my feelings are? As you say, after Wednesday I shall belong to you--You can strangle me at Milaslav if you wish. My body will be yours, but my soul you shall never soil or touch, you have no part or lot in that matter, Prince."

His eyes filled with pain.

"I will even have your soul," he said. Then, as though restraining further emotion, he went on coldly. "I have arranged that after the wedding we go to my house, and do not start for the South until Sat.u.r.day. There are some things I wish to show you there. Will that be as you wish?"

"I have no wishes, it is as you please," Tamara answered monotonously.

He gave an impatient shrug, and walked up and down the room, his will kept its mastery, but it was a tremendous strain. Her words had stung him, her intense quiet and absence of emotion had produced a faint doubt. What if after all he should never be able to make her love him.

For the first time in his life a hand of ice clutched his heart. He knew in those moments of agony that she meant the whole world to him.

He glanced at her slender graceful figure so listlessly leaning against the blue cus.h.i.+ons, at her pale ethereal face, and then he turned abruptly away toward the door to the other salon.

"Come," he said, "it is of no avail to talk further, we will say goodnight." Tamara rose. The way to her room led from the opposite side.

"Goodnight then," she said, "make my adieu to Sonia and the rest. I shall go to bed," and she walked that way. The whole floor was between them, as she looked back. He stood rigid by the other door.

Then with great strides he was beside her, and had taken her in his arms.

"Ah! G.o.d!" he said, as he fiercely kissed her, and then almost flung her from him, and strode from the room.

And Tamara went on to her own, trembling with excitement.

This was pa.s.sion truly, but what if some love lurked underneath?--and when she reached her great white bed she fell upon her knees, and burying her face in her hands she prayed to G.o.d.