Yandai Xie Jie No. 10 Chapter 4

Act 04: Sham Tseng Ice [Shen Jing Bing]*

T/N: t.i.tle is being explained in the following conversation.

I'm Handsome: Ey, Shuaige! You there!

Love 123: …You're up early today

I'm Handsome: I was woken up!

Love 123: Oh?

I'm Handsome: My was.h.i.+ng machine, I just bought it, but it's broken!

Love 123: No kidding?

I'm Handsome: People in business circles all have black hearts!

Love 123: …

I'm Handsome: Ah, Shuaige, you're not included, you're very kind

Love 123: How did your was.h.i.+ng machine break? Did you contact the seller?

I'm Handsome: I did, but the line was busy!

Love 123: What's the specific problem?

I'm Handsome: It makes noises! Really loud noises!

Love 123: Ha? During drying time?

I'm Handsome: No.

Love 123: Is it during rinsing?

I'm Handsome: No.

Love 123: During spinning?

I'm Handsome: No. It doesn't make noises during those times!

Love 123: Then when?

I'm Handsome: Right after it finishes was.h.i.+ng.

Love 123: Shen Jing Bing!

I'm Handsome: What's that?

Love 123: It's the alarm that it's done was.h.i.+ng =.=

I'm Handsome: What do you mean by "Shen Jing Bing"?

Love 123: Can't you just look it up yourself?

I'm Handsome: …

[10 second later]

I'm Handsome: Ha ha ha ha, I know, it's crazy*!

[T/N: shén jīng bìng = crazy // shēn jǐng bīng = Sham Tseng Ice]

Love 123: …

I'm Handsome: Eh, but my previous was.h.i.+ng machine didn't ring!

Love 123: Because it's a newer model, it rings to remind you to remove the clothes!

I'm Handsome: But I don't want it to ring!

Love 123: Then return it!

[Five hours later]

I'm Handsome: Shuaige! Come out!

Love 123: Were you woken up again?

I'm Handsome: No, I've been up, I called the manufacturer, they said there is
nothing wrong with the product, so they won't let me return it! These people really do feed their conscience to the dog!* {Translator Input: meaning they have no kindness}

Love 123: …Shen Jing Bing!

***

"h.e.l.lo!" Liang Ze pushed open the pet shop door and came in with a smile.

Hang Hang, who was advising a customer about some cat climbing frames, nodded to him.

Seeing that Hang Hang was busy, Liang Ze did not want to bother him, so he directly went to his chinchillas.

Ikkyu and Long Long were still each in their own cage ignoring each other, occasionally just scratching lightly on the cage wall. Naturally speaking, female chinchilla tends to have bigger body than male chinchilla; every time Ikkyu made a move, Long Long would get all trembly.

Liang Ze watched for a bit and quickly noticed that something was wrong with Long Long. There was a little bald spot on his head. It was a small and round.

What was going on?

When Liang Ze stretched out his hand to touch Long Long, Long Long jumped up and ducked.

Receiving a cold shoulder, Liang Ze pursed his lips and moved his hand up to look for Small Leaf.

Small Leaf and the unnamed chinchilla–it is being called X for the time being–had been placed in the same cage.  Because chinchillas do not like to be so active during the day, the unnamed chinchilla X lazily leaned its back on Small Leaf.  The two of them were snuggling against each other, and a really heartwarming scene.

Liang Ze gazed admiringly at them, half wanting to play with them yet not wanting to disturb them.  He was in the midst of this hesitation when Small Leaf opened her eyes,  probably detecting her owner's scent. She groomed her fur for a bit and then jumped over.

Liang Ze was overjoyed as he fed her a small piece of potato chip.

The X chinchilla looked at him for a bit, and then coyly walked over. Liang Ze also gave him a small potato chip. The X chinchilla quickly and cautiously s.n.a.t.c.hed the chip, jumped back to the dangling hammock with its food, and then chomped on it while watching Liang Ze. That potato chip quickly disappeared, and the X chinchilla continued staring at Liang Ze. Liang Ze was playing with Small Leaf, yet he still watched him from the corner of his eyes as he hesitantly came closer, tentatively rubbing lightly on Liang Ze's finger.  Seeing that Liang Ze laughed, he was at ease and began to rub harder.

"Hey! He likes you!" Hang Hang, after seeing the customer off, stood next to Liang Ze quite amazed.

This X chinchilla was an enigma. Um, that is right. Chinchilla only recognize one owner throughout its life, so it must be sold at a very young age, no later than four months old.  If older than that, the chinchilla will recognize the seller as its owner, and then the customer will not be able to take it home. The X chinchilla was now two years old.  No one knew for what reason or by what curse, but every chinchilla had been taken out one by one, but not even one person paid attention to him. Hang Hang had planned to take him in and care for him together with Long Long, but this X chinchilla really just did not like Hang Hang.  The reason is simple:  Hang Hang treats Long Long very well, and he is jealous =.=

Thus, the X chinchilla became the unique animal of the pet shop, ignoring everyone, going to sleep right after eating. Hang Hang fed the X chinchilla every day, but each time Hang Hang opened the cage to place the food in, he would hide away from him. He remained motionless during the day, but at night time when Hang Hang was not around all the food would be swept away. Hang Hang had considered letting him communicate with Long Long, but after just one night's attempt, Long Long fell ill — alopecia areata.

Alopecia areata in animals is just like it is in humans:  it can be triggered by suffering through anxiety. This disease is quite deadly for chinchillas. Because chinchillas are abundant hair animals, each hair follicle can hold up to 30-40 soft hair shafts, and being bald will make it look really ugly =.=

It took Hang Hang quite a long time to treat Long Long's alopecia areata, until…Ikkyu arrived.

Yesterday, he found that Long Long is bald again…

"Uh, yeah, I didn't think he liked playing with me, either," Liang Ze chuckled.

In Hang Hang's opinion, Liang Ze must hold some kind of irresistible charm for animals. Just the fact that he keeps two female chinchillas is enough to prove it. The two rarely fight, and they have special affection towards him. A chinchilla is not the same as an ordinary pet like a cat or a dog.  It is in its nature that, once it has accepted someone, it will be close to that person.  Many people have raised their chinchilla for more than seven or eight years, yet their relations.h.i.+p with their chinchilla remains at a base level. But it is different for Liang Ze.  His chinchillas have been with him for only about a year and half, yet they are already so close with him =.= Or is it because this guy is too dumb to notice the danger?

"Ey, Shuaige, I've been watching Small Leaf  and this chinchilla for quite some time now.  Why don't I see them mating?"

"Don't be ridiculous! Do you want others to watch you having s.e.x?" Hang Hang's nose almost crooked to the side.

"Me? Ha ha ha…if there's an audience, I'll get more excited!"

"…" Hang Hang really did not know what word to use to describe this guy.  Calling him a "beast" would be an insult to animals!

"What time of the day do they usually mate?" Liang Ze asked.

"Late at night."

"Oh, then how does it (the mating) start?"

"They usually start with kissing, then smell each other's genital areas to start the pursuit."

"Ha ha ha…there's even foreplay."

"…"

"Then how long is the mating?"

"Very short, like a few seconds, then they separate and groom themselves."

"Can they be satisfied with just that?" Liang Ze looked seriously at Hang Hang.

"I want to lock you up in the warehouse!"

"Uh…"

Hang Hang turned around and walked off to the cas.h.i.+er's counter. Liang Ze suddenly remembered Long Long's weird white spot. "Eh, Shuaige, your Long Long is bald!"

Hang Hang clenched his hands tightly, his joints making popping sounds.

"Is he sick? Did you take him to see the doctor? Did you apply medicine?"

"Not sick…" these words came out through Hang Hang's gritted teeth. This is like exposing his weak point to others =.=

"What is it, then?"

"He's scared of Ikkyu!"

"…"

***

There were not that many customers today.  At ten o'clock Hang Hang let Hai Hong go home early.  Liang Ze, who had been in a bad mood all day due to the was.h.i.+ng machine problem earlier that morning, did not feel like writing anymore, so he stayed to play in Hang Hang's store until ten-thirty.

The two of them cleaned up the shop together.  After locking up, Hang Hang felt a bit hungry. Liang Ze quickly finished his braised pork chop dinner and then stared intently at Hang Hang's bowl.

Hang Hang has the habit of always saving his favorite bits for last.   This is a disadvantage. Because he also loves pork chops, he deliberately saved them for last, and in the end he was faced with Liang Ze's big puppy dog eyes…awakening his kind side as he generously put the pork chops into Liang Ze's bowl. Liang Ze was very happy and immediately wiped his bowl clean without feeling guilty. Hang Hang was really in distress!

"Are you still hungry?" Hang Hang put away the keys, watching Liang Ze.

"I'm all right. Are you hungry?"

"Um, a bit."

"It's because you didn't eat much during dinner!" Liang Ze replied, righteously.

Hang Hang really wanted to pinch his ear hard — Nonsense! There was only cabbage, some potatoes, and few garlic cloves left. How could those satisfy a good appet.i.te?

"Let's go grab something to eat," Liang Ze said as he exited to the yard.

"Yeah, let's go eat," Hang Hang chimed in. "What do you want?"

"Up to you! There's nothing I can't eat!"

"Ah, I can see that you're a typical omnivorous animal."

"Ha ha ha ha…"

"Then let's go to a nearby bar.  Around the Bell Tower there is this specially old place."

"Sure!"

When they came to the front of the pork entrails restaurant, Liang Ze's face darkened.  He was not a picky eater, but he would never consume pork entrails in this lifetime!

"You…are a pork entrails lover?" Liang Ze looked at Hang Hang with incredulity. In his experience, the kind of people who love to eat this stuff are generally peddlers, or rough-and-tough old guys, etc., and to him, Hang Hang does not look at all like that type. Hang Hang is very refined, handsome, and has a nice manner while conversing. How can he like this stuff?

"Yes, I really like it. Today, I suddenly have a craving for it." Hang Hang smiled and pushed the door open. "Do you like it?"

"Uh…" Liang Ze was about to say "no," but seeing Hang Hang's happy face, he quickly swallowed it back down.

"Uncle Lee, two pork entrails bowls!"

A man appeared from behind the window gla.s.s. "Hey! Hang Hang! Closing early today?"

"Yes, early."

"Ok, wait for just a bit!"

Liang Ze sat down.  Just the scent of the pork entrails in this place was enough to make him suffer.

"This place is very authentic!" Hang Hang was about to go on with his words, when he saw Liang Ze take out a cigarette and light up.

"You're a smoker?" He had never seen Liang Ze smoke before.

"Ah. Ha ha yes." Liang Ze laughed.

"I've never seen you smoke…"

"That's because of the animals at your store.  It wouldn't be appropriate," Liang Ze scratched his head. "Do you mind?"

"Ah, no. I don't mind."

"What did you want to say earlier?"

"You see how forgetful I am. I was going to say this restaurant looks a little rundown and not well-known.  But! I tell you, the small intestine here tastes the best." Talking about his favorite pork entrails, Hang Hang's face immediately lit up brightly.

"Yours are here!" The owner quickly brought out the two bowls of pork entrails, and placed them down on the table. "I especially give you extra large intestines."

"Thank you, Uncle!"

Hang Hang took the bowl, putting in a bit of red vinegar and cut chillis, and could not wait to dig in.

Liang Ze looked at Hang Hang, still holding the chopsticks in his hand.  He  really could not stomach such a dish.

Hang Hang already finished his bowl.  He turned his head to look up at Liang Ze and saw that the other's bowl was still the same.

"You…"

"I…"

"Not hungry?"

"This…"

"Say it."

"I don't eat this stuff…" Liang Ze looked anxious yet decided to tell the truth.

"…Why didn't you say so! Uncle Lee, please give me three buns and one red bean congee bowl! His buns are also very good."

"Ok!…" The Uncle poked his head out. "Want me to give you another bowl of pork entrails?"

"No, it's enough!" said Hang Hang as he took the bowl from in front of Liang Ze. "Once you give his buns a try, I'll bet you'll come back for another taste."

"I'm sorry…" Liang Ze rubbed his nose.

"Huh?" Hang Hang chomped on a pig's heart and stared puzzling at Liang Ze.

"I've disappointed you."

"What are you saying? If there are people who love this dish, there are also people can't stand it. It's just…a matter of personal taste."

Liang Ze was shocked for a moment. There had never been anyone who would accommodate his preferences like this.  His roguish friends never considered his dislikes. For example, that bullfrog hot pot…Liang Ze really did not like to eat it, but he had to go with the flow.

"Hot buns are coming. Today's red bean congee is very sticky!" Uncle Lee brought up the food.

"Hurry and eat it. It smells really good!" Hang Hang smiled.

"Um, OK." Liang Ze also smiled back.

Liang Ze did not know what kind of relations.h.i.+p he had with Hang Hang as of now. Shop owner and customer? Did it look like that? But he was able to find Hang Hang just for chit chat any time he wanted. Friends? They had ever clearly defined such relations.h.i.+p between them. Then…

"I'm gonna take this bun." Hang Hang picked up a bun with his chopsticks.

"Eat!"

Why did he have to think so much about it?

What was that phrase Hang Hang used earlier?

──Shen Jing Bing!

Proofread: Evie