Shakespeare Jest-Books Part 37

FOOTNOTES:

[300] Dormitory.

[301] During the Wars of the Roses. In _The First Part of Edward IV._, by Thomas Heywoud, 1600 (Shakesp. Soc. repr. p. 41), Hobs, the Tanner of Tamworth, says:--

"By my troth, I know not, when I speak treason, when I do not. There's such halting betwixt two kings, that a man cannot go upright, but he shall offend t'one of them. I would G.o.d had them both, for me."

-- _Of the vplandishe[303] priest, that preached of Charitie._ cxvii.

-- A priest in the countrey, not the wysest nor the best learned, preached to his parisheners of charitie so vehemently, that he sayed plainely, that it was impossible for anye man to be saued or to come to heauen without charitie, except onely the kynges grace, G.o.d saue hym.

FOOTNOTES:

[302] This word is in the original text printed twice by an oversight. I have struck out the duplicate.

[303] _i.e._ a person dwelling in the uplands or mountainous districts where the learning of the cities had not very deeply penetrated. Hence the word became synonymous with ignorant and uninformed. Alexander Barclay's fifth eclogue is "Of the Citizen and Uplandish Man." The poem of _Jack Upland_ is printed in the old editions of Chaucer and in Wright's _Political Poems and Songs_, 1861, ii. 16. Mr. Wright a.s.signs to it the date of 1401.

"He hath perus'd all the impressions Of Sonnets, since the fall of Lucifer, And made some scurvy quaint collections Of fustian phrases, and _uplandish_ words."

Heywood's _Fair Maid of the Exchange_, 1600.

-- _Another sayinge of the same preest._ cxviii.

-- Before the kynges Maiestyes commissioners sent[304] downe intoo the realme in visytacyon, it chaunced the forsayd preest among other to appere: to whom one of the vysytours (guessyng quickly what docter he was) sayde: Mayster parsone, howe spende you youre tyme? what rede you?

Forsoothe, syr (sayd the preest), I occupy my selfe in readyng the New Testament. That is very well done (sayd the commissioner). But sir, I pray you, who made the newe Testament? That dyd (said the preest) kynge Henry the eyghte, G.o.d haue mercye vpon hys soule![305]

FOOTNOTES:

[304] Perhaps _went_ is the true reading.

[305] "What must he (the king) do then? He must be a student. He must write G.o.d's booke himselfe, not thinking because he is a king, but he hath licence to do what he will, as these worldly flatterers are wont to say."--_Latimer's Second Sermon before King Edward VI._ 1549.

-- _Of the fryer that praysed sainct Frauncis._ cxix.

-- A fryer, preachyng to the people, extolled saynct Frauncis aboue confessors, doctours, vyrgins, martyrs, prophetes, yea, and aboue one more than prophetes, John the Baptist, and finially aboue the Seraphicall order of angels ; and stil he sayd: yet let vs goe higher.

So whan he could goe no further, exccpte he shoulde put Christe out of hys place, whiche the good man was halfe afrayed to do, hee sayd aloude: and yet we haue founde no fit place for hym. And staying a lyttell whyle, hee cryed out at laste, sayinge: Where shall we place this holy father? A frowarde felowe, standyng among the audeynce, saide: if thou canst find none other, than set hym here in my place: for I am weary.

And so went his way.

-- _Of hym that warned his wife of wa.s.shynge her face in foule puddell water._ cxx.

-- A man dwellyng in the countrey, takynge his iourney, bad hys wife in his absence playe the good husewyfe, that he at his home comyng[306]

might finde all thynges well. Swete husbande (quoth she), commaunde what ye wyll, and you shall fynde me obedyense in al thynges. Dere heart (sayd he), I wil you no more but this one thynge, whiche is easye ynough to do. What is that (quoth she)? That you wa.s.she not your face wyth this water, shewing hir a puddell in a donghill, foule blacke, and stinkynge.

As oft as she in his absence went by that puddell, hir mynde was meruallously moued, for what cause hir husebande so diligently warned hir of that thynge onely. Nor shee coulde not perswade hir selfe, but that there was some great thynge in it. To be brefe, it tempted hir so, that she wa.s.shed, that is, she defiled hir face. She loked in the gla.s.se, and was greatly displeased with hir self. Yea, and it was foure or fyue daies after, er shee coulde wa.s.she out the stynke and steinyng.

Whan the good manne came home, hee found his wyfe very pensife and loking angerly. What is the matter (quoth he)? Shee at laste coulde not forbeare, but blamed him for warnyng hir to wa.s.she in that water, and shewed hym what had chaunced. Why wa.s.shed you in it (quoth he)? I gaue you warnynge, that you shoulde not wa.s.she therein, to the intente this harme shoulde haue not happned.

By thys tale ye may perceyue, that the more yee forbydde some women a thynge, the greater desyre they haue to do it.

FOOTNOTES:

[306] _i.e._ coming home.

-- _Of the husbandman that caused the iudge to geue sentence agaynst him selfe._ cxxi.

-- An husbandman in Zeland came before the chiefe ruler of the countrey (whose bull had kyld the poore mans cow) and after he had leaue to speake, hee sayde: my bull leapyng ouer the dyche hath kyld your cow; what is the law? The ruler, mistrustyng no deceit, answered: thou muste paie for hir. Than with licence the poore man sayd: Sir, I failled in my tale: your bull hath kyld my cow. The ruler, beyng a little amoued, sayde: this is another matter. The poore man sayd: Verely it is all one thyng: and you haue truely iudged.

By this tale ye perceyue, that a wyse iudge wyll first know the cause well, and yet will not be hasty to geue sentence. The prouerbe biddeth thus: Iudge righteously the cause of the pore and needy.

-- _Of the Italian friar that shoulde preach before the B. of Rome and his cardinals._ cxxii.

-- A famous frier in Italye, called Robert Liciens,[307] appoincted to preache before the bishop of Rome and his cardynals beinge in the pulpit, and beholdyng the bishop and his cardinals, enter into the churche with so great pompe, noise, and rufflyng, that no king vse[d]

the lyke, and seyng the bishop borne by vi men, and beynge at great leysure set downe, and harkenyng what he would saye, he sayd nought elles but this: Phy on S. Peter! phy on S. Paule! and with rauyng he spit now on the ryght side, and nowe on the left syde: and so, without more ado, shouyng through the preace,[308] gat hym awaie, leauyng them all astonied: some thynkyng hym to bee fallen into a furie: other supposyng him to bee fallen into some heresy, Iewishe or Paganise belefe, that he so burst out intoo suche blasphemies. And whan it was consulted to laie hym in prison, a cardinall, who knewe his wytte, and loued hym, perswaded, that he shoulde fyrste be called before the bishop and certayne cardinals, to here what he would saye. And so beyng inquired, why hee burste out into so horrible blasphemies, he answered, that he had appointed a farre other argument: and in fewe woordes declared the whole summe of hys sermon. But whan I (sayde he) sawe you lyue so pompously, and in so great delites and pleasures: and on th'other side consydered, howe homely, howe peyneful, and how harde a lyfe the Apostles ledde, whose places you supplie, I gathered, that eyther they were mad, that by so sharpe a waye contended to come to heauen, or els that you holde[309] the streight way to h.e.l.l. But of you that beare the keyes of heauen, I could not perswade my self to deeme euill. Than what els could I do, but detest theyr foolyshnes whiche, whan thei might after this facion haue liued gloriously in all welth and pleasure, wold rather all their life turment them selfes with watchynges, fastynges and other peynfull labours?

FOOTNOTES:

[307] Better known as Roberto Caraccioli-Caraccioli. He was born in 1425 at Licio, in the Neapolitan territory, and was thence often called Robertus Liciensis. Watt (_Bibliotheca Britannica_, voce _Licio_) mentions only his sermons: but he published several other tracts.

[308] Usually spelt _prease_ or _prese_. The word signifies _crowd_. It occurs in this sense in Edwardes' _Damon and Pythias_, composed about 1564.

"Yet shall there no restraynt Cause me to cese, Among this prese, For to encrese Youre goodly name."

Skelton's _Garlande of Laurell_.