The Funny Philosophers Part 50

"Next Thursday will be Was.h.i.+ngton's birthday," said the Professor.

"Well?" said Toney.

"Let us have a ball," said the Professor.

"A ball!" exclaimed Toney.

"A ball!" cried Tom.

"Yes," said the Professor, "let us have a ball for the fun of the thing."

"We are the Funny Philosophers," said Toney.

"Let us have the ball," said Tom.

"But where are the ladies?" said Toney.

"There are no representatives of these sweet 'wingless angels' on board except the captain's spouse," said the Professor.

"Who has sailed in company with her weather-beaten consort for some twenty years," said Toney.

"And is as good a seaman as himself," said Tom.

"Do not be tossing the queen's English on the horns of an Irish bull,"

said the Professor. "Yet what you say is measurably true; for when the venerable Timothy is more than ordinarily sad and susceptible of melancholy impressions, he is often heard to bitterly complain of his hard lot in being compelled to serve under a 'she boss,' who, he alleges, is the better man of the two."

"I have no doubt," said Tom, "of the ability of this ancient lady to carry the s.h.i.+p safely through the dangers of the most difficult navigation."

"But," said Toney, "I hardly suppose that she would be able to steer through the intricate mazes of a fas.h.i.+onable hop without the imminent danger of running aground."

"Yet," said the Professor, "her presence on board relieves us from a perplexing dilemma."

"How so?" asked Toney.

"There can be no doubt," said the Professor, "that in sundry sea-chests she has stowed away an incalculable quant.i.ty of female attire. Now, if I can but obtain the run of her wardrobe, the preparations for the ball will be made without difficulty."

"Let us call a meeting in the cabin," said Toney.

"A most excellent suggestion!" said the Professor. "Let the meeting be immediately convened."

A meeting of the pa.s.sengers resulted in a determination to have a grand ball in honor of the birthday of the immortal Was.h.i.+ngton, and the Professor was unanimously chosen to make the arrangements. He immediately entered upon the performance of his arduous and important duties. After a negotiation, which was conducted on his part with the skill of a consummate diplomatist, he succeeded in concluding an advantageous treaty with the captain's lady, and obtained an abundant supply of female apparel. A number of the most youthful of the pa.s.sengers were then subjected to a tonsorial operation, obliterating every indication of a nascent beard from their features; after which they were arrayed in the garments obtained from the old lady's wardrobe.

"Don't they look beautiful?" said Tom Seddon.

"Just like a bevy of blus.h.i.+ng and modest maidens," said Toney.

"The susceptible Long Green Boy has fallen in love with one of them already," said Tom.

"I fear that he will again be the victim of a hopeless attachment," said Toney.

"I regret the absence of Love and Dove," said the Professor.

"What nice little ladies they would have made!" said Tom.

"Their dancing days are over," said Toney.

"Matrimony imposes important duties," said the Professor; "and the little Loves and Doves will soon claim their undivided attention."

The ball-room was a long apartment, under the forecastle, called the forward cabin. It was illuminated by a number of lamps, which "shone o'er fair women and brave men" a.s.sembled to enjoy that "scene of revelry by night."

"Look at Moses!" said Tom Seddon.

"The young man seems to be greatly terrified," said the Professor.

"He is like one under an optical illusion," said Toney.

"Moses believes he is now in the presence of more than a dozen beautiful women," said Tom.

"And has shrunk timidly in a corner to avoid the observation of the enemy," said Toney.

"He has attracted the attention of a young maiden who has fixed her bright glances on him, as if meditating mischief," said the Professor.

"She is a bold girl," said Toney.

"Strangely forgetful of the obvious rules of propriety!" said the Professor.

"Poor Moses is protesting," said Toney.

"But in vain; for she has grappled him around the waist," said Tom.

"And is carrying him by main force into the middle of the floor," said Toney.

"Was ever such vigor witnessed among virgins!" said Tom.

"Never since the extinction of the Amazonian race!" said the Professor.

"Moses and his partner lead off," said Toney.

"Clear the way!" said Tom, as each gayly attired gallant selected a partner; and soon "the fun grew fast and furious."

"Mr. Pate seems to be perfectly at home in the dance," said the Professor.

"And so does the Long Green Boy," said Toney.

"Old Grizzly is performing his part admirably," said Tom.

"He is peeping from behind a masked battery of black beard upon the charms of his agreeable partner," said Toney.