A Moveable Feast Part 6

'yes.'

'it goes?'

'i hope so.'

'good. i'm glad. and everything still tastes good?'

'yes.'

'how old are you?'

'twenty-five.'

'do you want to bang her?' he looked towards the dark sister and smiled. 'she needs it.'

'you probably banged her enough today.'

she smiled at me with her lips open. 'he's wicked,' she said. 'but he's nice.'

'you can take her over to the studio.'

'don't make piggishness,' the blonde sister said.

'who spoke to you?' pascin asked her.

'n.o.body. but i said it.'

'let's be comfortable,' pascin said. 'the serious young writer and the friendly wise old painter and the two beautiful young girls with all of life before them.'

we sat there and the girls sipped at their drinks and pascin drank another fine al'eau fine al'eau and i drank the beer; but no one was comfortable except pascin. the dark girl was restless and she sat on display turning her profile and letting the light strike the concave planes of her face and showing me her b.r.e.a.s.t.s under the hold of the black sweater. her hair was cropped short and was sleek and dark as an oriental's. and i drank the beer; but no one was comfortable except pascin. the dark girl was restless and she sat on display turning her profile and letting the light strike the concave planes of her face and showing me her b.r.e.a.s.t.s under the hold of the black sweater. her hair was cropped short and was sleek and dark as an oriental's.

'you've posed all day,' pascin said to her. 'do you have to model that sweater now at the cafe?'

'it pleases me,' she said.

'you look like a javanese toy,' he said.

'not the eyes,' she said. 'it's more complicated than that.'

'you look like a poor perverted little poupee.' poupee.'

'perhaps,' she said. 'but alive. that's more than you.'

'we'll see about that.'

'good,' she said. 'i like proofs.'

'you didn't have any today?'

'oh that,' she said and turned to catch the last evening light on her face. 'you were just excited about your work. he's in love with canvases,' she said to me. 'there always some kind of dirtiness.'

'you want me to paint you and pay you and bang you to keep my head clear, and be in love with you too,' pascin said. 'you poor little doll.'

'you like me, don't you, monsieur?' she asked me.

'very much.'

'but you're too big,' she said sadly.

'everyone is the same size in bed.'

'it's not true,' her sister said. 'and i'm tired of this talk.'

'look,' pascin said. 'if you think i'm in love with canvases, i'll paint you tomorrow in water colours.'

'when do we eat?' her sister asked. 'and where?'

'will you eat with us?' the dark girl asked.

'no. i go to eat with my legitime.' legitime.' that was what they said then. now they say 'my that was what they said then. now they say 'my reguliere'. reguliere'.

'you have to go?'

'have to and want to.'

'go on, then,' pascin said. 'and don't fall in love with typewriting paper.'

'if i do, i'll write with a pencil.'

'water colours tomorrow,' he said. 'all right, my children, i will drink another and then we eat where you wish.'

'chez viking,' the dark girl said.

'me too,' her sister urged.

'all right,' pascin agreed. 'good night, jeune homme. jeune homme. sleep well.' sleep well.'

'you too.'

'they keep me awake,' he said. 'i never sleep.'

'sleep tonight.'

'after chez les vikings?' he grinned with his hat on the back of his head. he looked more like a broadway character of the nineties than the lovely painter that he was, and afterwards, when he had hanged himself, i liked to remember him as he was that night at the dome. they say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us, but it always seemed to me that in those who make jokes in life the seeds are covered with better soil and with a higher grade of manure.

12

Ezra Pound and His Bel Esprit

Ezra Pound was always a good friend and he was always doing things for people. the studio where he lived with his wife dorothy on the rue notre-dame-des-champs was as poor as gertrude stein's studio was rich. it had very good light and was heated by a stove and it had paintings by j.a.panese artists that ezra knew. they were all n.o.blemen where they came from and wore their hair cut long. their hair glistened black and swung forward when they bowed and i was very impressed by them but i did not like their paintings. i did not understand them but they did not have any mystery, and when i understood them they meant nothing to me. i was sorry about this but there was nothing i could do about it.

Dorothy's paintings i liked very much and i thought dorothy was very beautiful and built wonderfully. i also liked the head of ezra by gaudier-brzeska and i liked all of the photographs of this sculptor's work that ezra showed me and that were in ezra's book about him. ezra also liked picabia's painting but i thought then that it was worthless. i also disliked wyndham lewis's painting which ezra liked very much. he liked the works of his friends, which is beautiful as loyalty but can be disastrous as judgment.

We, never argued about these things because i kept my mouth shut about things i did not like. if a man liked his friends' painting or writing, i thought it was probably like those people who like their families, and it was not polite to criticize them. sometimes you can go quite a long time before you criticize families, your own or those by marriage, but it is easier with bad painters because they do not do terrible things and make intimate harm as families can do. with bad painters all you need to do is not look at them. but even when you have learned not to look at families nor listen to them and have learned not to answer letters, families have many ways of being dangerous. ezra was kinder and more christian about people than i was. his own writing, when he would hit it right, was so perfect, and he was so sincere in his mistakes and so enamoured of his errors, and so kind to people that i always thought of him as a sort of saint. he was also irascible but so perhaps have been many saints.

ezra wanted me to teach him to box and it was while we were sparring late one afternoon in his studio that i first met wyndham lewis. ezra had not been boxing very long and i was embarra.s.sed at having him work in front of anyone he knew, and i tried to make him look as good as possible. but it was not very good because he knew how to fence and i was still working to make his left into his boxing hand and move his left foot forward always and bring his right foot up parallel with it. it was just basic moves. i was never able to teach him to throw a left hook and to teach him to shorten his right was something for the future.

wyndham lewis wore a wide black hat, like a character in the quarter, and was dressed like someone out of la boheme. la boheme. he had a face that reminded me of a frog, not a bullfrog but just any frog, and paris was too big a puddle for him. at that time we believed that any writer or painter could wear any clothes he owned and there was no official uniform for the artist; but lewis wore the uniform of a pre-war artist. it was embarra.s.sing to see him and he watched superciliously while i slipped ezra's left leads or blocked them with an open right glove. he had a face that reminded me of a frog, not a bullfrog but just any frog, and paris was too big a puddle for him. at that time we believed that any writer or painter could wear any clothes he owned and there was no official uniform for the artist; but lewis wore the uniform of a pre-war artist. it was embarra.s.sing to see him and he watched superciliously while i slipped ezra's left leads or blocked them with an open right glove.

i wanted us to stop but lewis insisted we go on, and i could see that, knowing nothing about what was going on, he was waiting, hoping to see ezra hurt. nothing happened. i never countered but kept ezra moving after me, sticking out his left hand and throwing a few right hands, and then said we were through and washed down with a pitcher of water and towelled off and put on my sweats.h.i.+rt.

we had a drink of something and i listened while ezra and lewis talked about people in london and paris. i watched lewis carefully without seeming to look at him, as you do when you are boxing, and i do not think i had ever seen a nastier-looking man. some people show evil as a great racehorse shows breeding. they have the dignity of a hard chancre. chancre. lewis did not show evil; he just looked nasty. lewis did not show evil; he just looked nasty.

walking home i tried to think what he reminded me of and there were various things. they were all medical except toe-jam and that was a slang word. i tried to break his face down and describe it but i could only get the eyes. under the black hat, when i had first seen them, the eyes had been those of an unsuccessful rapist.

'I met the nastiest man i've ever seen today,' i told my wife. 'tatie, don't tell me about him,' she said. 'please don't tell me about him. we're just going to have dinner.'

About a week afterwards i met miss stein and told her i'd met wyndham lewis and asked her if she had ever met him. 'i call him "the measuring worm",' she said. 'he comes over from london and he sees a good picture and takes a pencil out of his pocket and you watch him measuring it on the pencil with his thumb. sighting on it and measuring it and seeing exactly how it is done. then he goes back to london and does it and it doesn't come out right. he's missed what it's all about.'

so i thought of him as the measuring worm. it was a kinder and more christian term than what i had thought about him myself. later i tried to like him and to be friends with him as i did with nearly all of ezra's friends when he explained them to me.

but this was how he seemed to me on the first day i ever met him in ezra's studio.

ezra was the most generous writer i have ever known and the most disinterested.

he helped poets, painters, sculptors and prose writers that he believed in and he would help anyone whether he believed in them or not if they were in trouble. he worried about everyone and in the time when i first knew him he was most worried about t. s. eliot who, ezra told me, had to work in a bank in london and so had insufficient time and bad hours to function as a poet.

ezra founded something called bel esprit with miss natalie barney who was a rich american woman and a patroness of the arts. miss barney had been a friend of remy de gourmont who was before my time and she had a salon at her house on regular dates and a small greek temple in her garden. many american and french women with money enough had salons and i figured very early that they were excellent places for me to stay away from, but miss barney, i believe, was the only one that had a small greek temple in her garden.

ezra showed me the brochure for bel esprit and miss barney had allowed him to use the small greek temple on the brochure. the idea of bel esprit was that we would all contribute a part of whatever we earned to provide a fund to get mr. eliot out of the bank so he would have money to write poetry. this seemed like a good idea to me and after we had got mr. eliot out of the bank ezra figured we would go right straight along and fix up everybody.

i mixed things up a little by always referring to eliot as major eliot, pretending to confuse him with major douglas, an economist about whose ideas ezra was very enthusiastic. but ezra understood that my heart was in the right place and that i was full of bel esprit even though it would annoy ezra when i would solicit funds from my friends to get major eliot out of the bank and someone would say what was a major doing in a bank anyway and if he had been axed by the military establishment did he not have a pension or at least some gratuity?

in such cases i would explain to my friends that this was all beside the point. either you had bel esprit or you did not have it. if you had it you would subscribe to get the major out of the bank. if you didn't it was too bad. didn't they understand the significance of the small greek temple? no? i thought so. too bad, mac. keep your money. we wouldn't touch it.

as a member of bel esprit i campaigned energetically and my happiest dreams in those days were of seeing the major stride out of the bank a free man. i cannot remember how bel esprit finally cracked up but i think it had something to do with the publication of the waste land the waste land which won the major the which won the major the dial dial award, and not long after a lady of t.i.tle backed a review for eliot called award, and not long after a lady of t.i.tle backed a review for eliot called the criterion the criterion and ezra and i did not have to worry about him any more. the small greek temple is, i believe, still in the garden. it was always a disappointment to me that we had not been able to get the major out of the bank by bel esprit alone, as in my dreams i had pictured him as coming, perhaps, to live in the small greek temple and that maybe i could go with ezra when we would drop in to crown him with laurel. i knew where there was fine laurel that i could gather, riding out on my bicycle to get it, and i thought we could crown him any time he felt lonesome or any time ezra had gone over the ma.n.u.script or the proofs of another big poem like and ezra and i did not have to worry about him any more. the small greek temple is, i believe, still in the garden. it was always a disappointment to me that we had not been able to get the major out of the bank by bel esprit alone, as in my dreams i had pictured him as coming, perhaps, to live in the small greek temple and that maybe i could go with ezra when we would drop in to crown him with laurel. i knew where there was fine laurel that i could gather, riding out on my bicycle to get it, and i thought we could crown him any time he felt lonesome or any time ezra had gone over the ma.n.u.script or the proofs of another big poem like the waste land. the waste land. the whole thing turned out badly for me morally, as so many things have, because the money that i had earmarked for getting the major out of the bank i took out to enghien and bet on jumping horses that raced under the influence of stimulants. at two meetings the stimulated horses that i was backing outraced the unstimulated or insufficiently stimulated beasts, except for one race in which our fancy had been overstimulated to such a point that before the start he threw his jockey and breaking away completed a full circuit of the steeplechase course jumping beautifully by himself the way one can sometimes jump in dreams. caught up and remounted he started the race and figured honourably, as the french racing phrase has it, but was out of the money. the whole thing turned out badly for me morally, as so many things have, because the money that i had earmarked for getting the major out of the bank i took out to enghien and bet on jumping horses that raced under the influence of stimulants. at two meetings the stimulated horses that i was backing outraced the unstimulated or insufficiently stimulated beasts, except for one race in which our fancy had been overstimulated to such a point that before the start he threw his jockey and breaking away completed a full circuit of the steeplechase course jumping beautifully by himself the way one can sometimes jump in dreams. caught up and remounted he started the race and figured honourably, as the french racing phrase has it, but was out of the money.

i would have been happier if the amount of the wager had gone to bel esprit which was no longer existent. but i comforted myself that with those wagers which had prospered i could have contributed much more to bel esprit than was my original intention.

13

A Strange Enough Ending

The way it ended with gertrude stein was strange enough. we had become very good friends and i had done a number of practical things for her such as getting her long book started as a serial with ford and helping type the ma.n.u.script and reading her proof and we were getting to be better friends than i could ever wish to be. there is not much future in men being friends with great women although it can be pleasant enough before it gets better or worse, and there is usually even less future with truly ambitious women writers. one time when i gave the excuse for not having stopped in at 27 rue de fleurus for some time that i did not know whether miss stein would be at home, she said, 'but hemingway, you have the run of the place. don't you know that? i mean it truly. come in any time and the maidservant' - she used her name but i have forgotten it - 'will look after you and you must make yourself at home until i come.'

i did not abuse this but sometimes i would stop in and the maidservant would give me a drink and i would look at the pictures and if miss stein did not turn up i would thank the maidservant and leave a message and go away. miss stein and a companion were getting ready to go south in miss stein's car and on this day miss stein had asked me to come by in the forenoon to say goodbye. she had asked us to come and visit, hadley and i staying at an hotel, but hadley and i had other plans and other places where we wanted to go. naturally you say nothing about this, but you can still hope to go and then it is impossible. i knew a little about the system of not visiting people. i had to learn it. much later pica.s.so told me that he always promised the rich to come when they asked him because it made them so happy and then something would happen and he would be unable to appear. but that had nothing to do with miss stein and he said it about other people.

it was a lovely spring day and i walked down from the place de l'observatoire through the little luxembourg. the horse-chestnut trees were in blossom and there were many children playing on the gravelled walks with their nurses sitting on the benches, and i saw wood-pigeons in the trees and heard others that i could not see.

the maidservant opened the door before i rang and told me to come in and to wait.

miss stein would be down at any moment. it was before noon but the maidservant poured me a gla.s.s of eau-de-vie, eau-de-vie, put it in my hand and winked happily. the colourless alcohol felt good on my tongue and it was still in my mouth when i heard someone speaking to miss stein as i had never heard one person speak to another; never, anywhere, ever. put it in my hand and winked happily. the colourless alcohol felt good on my tongue and it was still in my mouth when i heard someone speaking to miss stein as i had never heard one person speak to another; never, anywhere, ever.

then miss stein's voice came pleading and begging, saying, 'don't, p.u.s.s.y. don't.

don't, please don't. i'll do anything, p.u.s.s.y, but please don't do it. please don't. please don't, p.u.s.s.y.'

I swallowed the drink and put the gla.s.s down on the table and started for the door.

The maidservant shook her finger at me and whispered, 'don't go. She'll be right down.'

'I have to go,' i said and tried not to hear any more as i left but it was still going on and the only way i could not hear it was to be gone. it was bad to hear and the answers were worse.

In the courtyard i said to the maidservant, 'please say i came to the courtyard and met you. That i could not wait because a friend is sick. Say bon voyage bon voyage for me. i will write.' for me. i will write.' 'c'est entendu, 'c'est entendu, monsieur. What a shame you cannot wait.' 'yes,' i said. 'what a shame.' monsieur. What a shame you cannot wait.' 'yes,' i said. 'what a shame.'

That was the way it finished for me, stupidly enough, although i still did the small jobs, made the necessary appearances, brought people that were asked for and waited dismissal with most of the other men friends when that epoch came and the new friends moved in. it was sad to see new worthless pictures hung in with the great pictures but it made no difference any more. not to me it didn't. she quarrelled with nearly all of us that were fond of her except juan gris and she couldn't quarrel with him because he was dead. i am not sure that he would have cared because he was past caring and it showed in his paintings.

Finally she even quarrelled with the new friends but none of us followed it any more. she got to look like a roman emperor and that was fine if you liked your women to look like roman emperors. but pica.s.so had painted her, and i could remember her when she looked like a woman from friuli.

In the end everyone, or not quite everyone, made friends again in order not to be stuffy or righteous. i did too. but i could never make friends again truly, neither in my heart nor in my head. when you cannot make friends any more in your head is the worst. but it was more complicated than that.

14

The Man Who Was Marked for Death

The afternoon i met Ernest Walsh, the poet, in ezra's studio, he was with two girls in long mink coats and there was a long, s.h.i.+ny, hired car from claridge's outside in the street with a uniformed chauffeur. the girls were blondes and they had crossed on the same s.h.i.+p with walsh. the s.h.i.+p had arrived the day before and he had brought them with him to visit ezra.

ernest walsh was dark, intense, faultlessly irish, poetic and clearly marked for death as a character is marked for death in a motion picture. he was talking to ezra and i talked with the girls, who asked me if i had read mr walsh's poems. i had not and one of them brought out a green-covered copy of harriet monroe's poetry, a. poetry, a.

Magazine of verse Magazine of verse and showed me poems by walsh in it. and showed me poems by walsh in it.