Frederica and her Guardians Part 35

Frederica was determined she would not cry, and she stopped suddenly.

Edgar was very gentle with her, but he was very firm also, and when he forbade her or Tessie alluding to the subject in Selina's presence till he should give them leave, Frederica rose and walked out of the room, carrying her head very highland with a look on her face that made Cecilia regard her brother anxiously as the door closed upon her. Edgar smiled rea.s.suringly. He was surprised, but he was amused also, Tessie could see as she rose to follow her sister. He looked grave enough in a moment.

The case stood thus. Selina was not looking well, and the change was necessary for her, but that was not all. It was of the utmost importance that she should be strong and cheerful just now, because the time had come when her brother hoped to get the opinion of a friend of his, a celebrated oculist who resided in a German city, as to the state of her eyes, and the possibility of something being done to restore to her some measure of sight. The prospect of success was not so a.s.sured as to make it wise to say anything about his plans and wishes to his sisters. The suspense would not be good for them, and the trial of remaining behind would be all the greater to Frederica, should she be made aware that her sister might have doubt and anxiety, and perhaps pain and disappointment, to undergo alone. Her being with her sister at such a time would not be good for either of them, he thought; and should his brotherly influence fail, her guardian's authority must be exercised over Frederica.

"But Colonel Bentham's authority will not be needed. Fred will think better of it; and be reasonable."

But Cecilia was not so sure. "You give her no reasons," said she. And then she went on to repeat some instances of Frederica's wilfulness in the old days, of which their sister Caroline had told her, how she used to rule the household, and set Madame Ascot at defiance. Some of these it was not easy to believe, in view of Frederica's almost uniform gentleness and sweetness since they had known her, but they were doubtless quite true; and remembering her face and air as she walked out of the room, some trouble with her seemed not impossible.

"But all the same she must yield," said her brother.

But it was not the wilful little Fred of the old days that had walked out of the room with her head held high and haughtily. She was as angry and indignant as ever the Fred of those days could have been, so angry that she utterly forgot for the moment how dear was the love that had grown up during the last year between her and her brother, or how perfect the confidence she had had in his affection and wisdom until now. She was so angry that she would not let the tears come even when she was alone; and when Tessie ran in upon her, exclaiming indignantly about their brother's unkindness, Frederica sat with a face that changed from red to white and from white to red every moment, but she did not utter a word. As she listened to her sister, she grew less angry and more unhappy, for there was an echo of triumph mingling with Tessie's indignation, that smote painfully on Frederica's heart.

"I have been wondering for a long time when all this was to come to an end--your 'docility and humility,' your 'sweet bright gentleness,' as your friend Captain Clare calls it. Oh, yes, I have been expecting it.

It is all very well within reasonable limits, obedience and submission, and all that; but Edgar has not a particle of authority over us, and you can wind Colonel Bentham round your finger, as you used to do with Mr St. Cyr. It is just as well to make a stand about Selina as anything.

It must have come some time, and now we shall have the pleasant old days back again." And so on. Yes, she grew very unhappy as she listened.

Were the old times coming back again?--the times when she did not know where to turn to find a friend when anxiety for her little brothers and Tessie made her heart-sick. Obedience! submission! She had not been conscious of any such thing all this time. She had felt so safe, so comforted, so at home with her brother and sister. They had no authority certainly. But would it be a wise or happy thing to take even the smallest of these affairs out of their hands into her own?

If only Edgar would be reasonable about Selina! No, she could not part from her. She could bear it for herself; but what could Selina do without her?

"I cannot, cannot let her go."

Tessie's voice startled her again. She was laughing merrily.

"I declare, Fred, I could quite have fancied myself at home again. I had forgotten how _grand_ you could be;" and she threw back her head with an air, and marched to the door as her sister had done. "You quite frightened Cecilia, I could see. As for Edgar, I think he was laughing a little. He cannot be harder to overcome than Madame Ascot. This 'turning the other cheek' is all very well to talk about; but Edgar has no real authority over us, and if you are firm now, Fred, we shall have it all our own way."

Did she want to have it all her own way? Had Edgar no authority over them? Would her father have said that? And without him what was to be done with the brothers or with Tessie, should she grow wilful, as she used to be? And as to "the other cheek"! Had Edgar smitten her on the one cheek? Was she right in resenting what he had planned and what he had said to her? And now here was Tessie laughing and delighted at her anger and her pride. Poor Fred! The very foundations seemed to be removing. The tears she had kept back with such difficulty flowed freely; but all this time she had never uttered a word.

"I thought it was all over and at an end, my foolish anger and pride and disobedience, and now, at the very first word of opposition, I am as bad as ever. Oh! if it were anything else, I would give up, and not mind!

Hush, Tessie," she said aloud, "you do not understand. No, you are not to speak to Selina. I must think about it first. Edgar never was unkind before. Perhaps to-morrow he may change his plans."

To-morrow found Frederica not at all well; a restless night had given her a headache; and when she did not appear at breakfast, Edgar went up to see her, only half convinced that real illness was keeping her in her room. She was ill certainly, and very silent, but she was not angry any longer. Selina was with her, and Edgar knew in a moment that nothing had been said between them with regard to the coming separation. He was very gentle and kind, but Fred could not look up and meet his eye, because she had not fought out the battle with herself yet. She had got so far as to acknowledge that it was very ungrateful in her to act and speak as though Edgar had no right to interfere in their affairs, after all his kindness to them. Every hour she had felt more deeply how dearly she loved him, and how entirely she trusted him, and how terrible a thing it would be for them if their brother were to leave them to their own guidance, as she had yesterday wished him to do.

But she had not been able during the wakeful night to persuade herself that he was right with regard to Selina. She had thought of many things that she would like to say to him about her to make him change his mind; but when she saw his face in the morning, so kind and yet so firm in its expression, she doubted whether her words would avail, and so she did not look up, and scarcely uttered a word. Tessie waited eagerly to hear what might be said, but she heard nothing, and their brother took her and Selina away with him, leaving Frederica to Miss Agnace's care. So she had time to think over her trouble, and the longer she thought the more clearly she saw how foolish had been her anger, and how wrong her example to Tessie.

Still she could not yield the point in question. Edgar could not know as well as she what was best for Selina. It would be like forsaking her sister, were she to consent to his plan. It would be breaking her promise to her mother, that Selina should always be considered before herself. She could not do it.

And yet something made her feel sure that she must do as her brother wished, and feeling confidence in his love and in his wisdom, she thought if it had been anything else she would have yielded to him so gladly. But she lay and turned about restless and feverish, more unhappy than she had ever been since the days of her illness after her father went away. Miss Agnace came in and went out softly, saying little, but very gentle and kind.

"Is it something that you cannot tell to your best friend?" she said at last, as she bathed her hot brow with cool water, and smoothed the hair that lay in confusion on the pillow.

Frederica gave her a quick look. She longed to ask her about her brother's plans, but it would not be right to do so. And besides, Miss Agnace might not know, and might not tell her if she did.

"After all He has brought you through to these happy days, you are surely not forgetting to bring your trouble to Him, are you?"

It was not just the way Miss Agnace was wont to speak; but even Miss Agnace was beginning to see things differently, in the new light that was s.h.i.+ning on them, and for a minute Frederica forgot her own trouble, looking at her wistfully.

"Are you glad to be here, Miss Agnace? Are you happy here?" said she.

"Will you never go away from us any more?"

"Oh! as to going away--no, while my young lady needs me," said Miss Agnace.

"Not even if Father Jerome said you must?"

The name had not been mentioned for a long time between them. An odd look came over Miss Agnace's face.

"He will not say it," said she.

"Did he wish you to come? I am very glad you came; but was he not afraid to let you come? Was it for our sakes?" said Frederica, wis.h.i.+ng to get away from her own troubled thoughts, and speaking very much at random.

"My dear, Father Jerome loved you, though you doubted it, and he wished you well always, though perhaps he made mistakes," said Miss Agnace; "but you are to rest, and not think of anything to vex you, and I will leave you for a little while."

But though Miss Agnace went, Frederica's troubled thoughts stayed with her, and she said to herself she must find courage to write to Colonel Bentham, and ask him to interfere between her and her brother. Could she ask it? would it do? oh! how helpless and miserable she felt!

Suddenly there came into her mind Miss Agnace's question: "Is it then anything you cannot carry to your best Friend?--to Him who has brought you through all to such happy days?"

Had she brought it to Him? Could she bring it? Not her anger, and her pride, and her determination to rebel--to have her own way; but her trouble--her fear for Selina being far away and unhappy. If Edgar did not know what would be best for her, surely Jesus did, and He would help them. But then it might not be in her way. They might have to be separated all the same. Frederica cried bitterly as she thought about it; but she did bring her trouble to her Friend, and the bitterness had all gone out of her tears, and out of her heart too, before she fell asleep. When she woke, her brother was looking down upon her with a very grave face. Frederica smiled, though her tears came again.

"I am going to be good," said she, and she took the hand that rested on hers, and Carried it to her lips.

"My darling! my precious little sister!" said her brother, moved by her gentleness as her anger could not move him. "It grieves me sorely to have to grieve you; but trust me, Frederica, this once."

"Ah! must you grieve us? I do trust you: I could bear it, but Selina!

I do not think I am vain, but I cannot think what she will do without me," she pleaded. "No, I am not going to be naughty, and I do trust you--"

Edgar soothed her with his touch and his voice. He was very gentle with her.

"If I were sure--"

"But, darling, if you were sure, there would be no need to trust me.

And our Elder Brother--do you think He will forget Selina and you?"

"Oh, no," said Fred, but her tears fell fast. He was very tender with her, and firm too, telling her that he depended on her to make the parting easy to her sister, saying it would only be for a little while, and in the meantime she could not be very unhappy, having many and pleasant duties, and a willing mind. And then there was Tessie, who needed her more even then Selina. And Frederica's conscience told her that Tessie had been none the better for her influence for the last two days at least.

"I will try and be good," she said, and her brother could not but wonder at her gentleness; and as he went out he said softly to himself, "'Except ye become as little children, ye shall in no wise enter into the kingdom of heaven.'"

In one sense Frederica's trouble was over now. Her anger was over, and her rebellion; and in trying to speak cheerfully of their separation, for Selina's sake, she did much to strengthen herself for the trial.

Selina was startled and grieved at the thought of going away from her sisters, but she was gentle and yielding, as she always had been, and never doubted that their brother was wise and right in the plans he had made for them.

So she said "Good-bye," cheerfully enough, and so did the others for that matter; but when she was gone, and Frederica found herself standing looking after the departing carriage, it seemed to her that the feeling of loss and loneliness was more than she could bear.

"And now we shall have our drive in the Park," said Colonel Bentham cheerfully, as though nothing particular had happened, and Selina's going away was an event of every-day occurrence. But Frederica stood very white and still.

"I am--tired--I think. If Tessie would go without me to-day," said she with difficulty, but she walked very quietly by Captain Clare's side till they came to the drawing-room door. "I think I must--rest for a little while. Will you excuse me to Colonel Bentham?"

She spoke quietly; but when she looked up and met the kind eyes that were looking down on her, she gave a little cry, and ran upstairs into her room, not at all sure that she was not rebellious and angry still.

Tessie came in soon, all ready for the drive, and found her sister crying on the bed. She was quite inclined to feel aggrieved at the delay. She went at her sister's entreaty to carry her excuses to Colonel Bentham. Her guardian seemed quite to understand, and they went out without her.

True to her determination to be good, Frederica did not long indulge her tears, and within the hour she came downstairs, and walking sedately into the drawing-room, found Captain Clare waiting for her. Her elaborate cheerfulness was quite as pathetic, he thought, as her grief had been, and so were her fears that her guardian might believe her to be ungrateful for his kindness. Captain Clare laughed at her a little.

"You speak as though you were a child to be punished for being naughty by being put in a corner," said he. "Shall we go and walk? we may meet the carriage, and you can still have your drive."