Lord Kilgobbin Part 15

'Doubtless, first cla.s.s; but we could go third cla.s.s, two of us for the same money. Do you imagine that Damon and Pythias would have been separated if it came even to travelling in a cow compartment?'

'I wish you could see that there are circ.u.mstances in life where the comic man is out of place.'

'I trust I shall never discover them; at least, so long as Fate treats me with "heavy tragedy."'

'I'm not exactly sure, either, whether they 'd like to receive you just now at Kilgobbin.'

'Inhospitable thought! My heart a.s.sures me of a most cordial welcome.'

'And I should only stay a day or two at farthest.'

'Which would suit me to perfection. I must be back here by Tuesday if I had to walk the distance.'

'Not at all improbable, so far as I know of your resources.'

'What a churlish dog it is! Now had you, Master d.i.c.k, proposed to me that we should go down and pa.s.s a week at a certain small thatched cottage on the banks of the Ban, where a Presbyterian minister with eight olive branches vegetates, discussing tough mutton and tougher theology on Sundays, and getting through the rest of the week with the parables and potatoes, I'd have said, Done!'

'It was the inopportune time I was thinking of. Who knows what confusion this event may not have thrown them into? If you like to risk the discomfort, I make no objection.'

'To so heartily expressed an invitation there can be but one answer, I yield.'

'Now look here, Joe, I'd better be frank with you: don't try it on at Kilgobbin as you do with me.'

'You are afraid of my insinuating manners, are you?'

'I am afraid of your confounded impudence, and of that notion you cannot get rid of, that your cool familiarity is a fas.h.i.+onable tone.'

'How men mistake themselves. I pledge you my word, if I was asked what was the great blemish in my manner, I'd have said it was bashfulness.'

'Well, then, it is not!'

'Are you sure, d.i.c.k, are you quite sure?'

'I am quite sure, and unfortunately for you, you'll find that the majority agree with me.'

'"A wise man should guard himself against the defects that he might have, without knowing it." That is a Persian proverb, which you will find in _Hafiz_. I believe you never read _Hafiz_!'

'No, nor you either.'

'That's true; but I can make my own _Hafiz_, and just as good as the real article. By the way, are you aware that the water-carriers at Tehran sing _Lalla Rookh_, and believe it a national poem?'

'I don't know, and I don't care.'

'I'll bring down an _Anacreon_ with me, and see if the Greek cousin can spell her way through an ode.'

'And I distinctly declare you shall do no such thing.'

'Oh dear, oh dear, what an unamiable trait is envy! By the way, was that your frock-coat I wore yesterday at the races?'

'I think you know it was; at least you remembered it when you tore the sleeve.'

'True, most true; that torn sleeve was the reason the rascal would only let me have fifteen s.h.i.+llings on it.'

'And you mean to say you p.a.w.ned my coat?'

'I left it in the temporary care of a relative, d.i.c.k; but it is a redeemable mortgage, and don't fret about it.'

'Ever the same!'

'No, d.i.c.k, that means worse and worse! Now, I am in the process of reformation. The natural selection, however, where honesty is in the series, is a slow proceeding, and the organic changes are very complicated.

As I know, however, you attach value to the effect you produce in that coat, I'll go and recover it. I shall not need Terence or Juvenal till we come back, and I'll leave them in the avuncular hands till then.'

'I wonder you're not ashamed of these miserable straits.'

'I am very much ashamed of the world that imposes them on me. I'm thoroughly ashamed of that public in lacquered leather, that sees me walking in broken boots. I'm heartily ashamed of that well-fed, well-dressed, sleek society, that never so much as asked whether the intellectual-looking man in the shabby hat, who looked so lovingly at the spiced beef in the window, had dined yet, or was he fasting for a wager?'

'There, don't carry away that newspaper; I want to read over that pleasant paragraph again!'

CHAPTER XII

THE JOURNEY TO THE COUNTRY

The two friends were deposited at the Moate station at a few minutes after midnight, and their available resources amounting to something short of two s.h.i.+llings, and the fare of a car and horse to Kilgobbin being more than three times that amount, they decided to devote their small balance to purposes of refreshment, and then set out for the castle on foot.

'It is a fine moonlight; I know all the short cuts, and I want a bit of walking besides,' said Kearney; and though Joe was of a self-indulgent temperament, and would like to have gone to bed after his supper and trusted to the chapter of accidents to reach Kilgobbin by a conveyance some time, any time, he had to yield his consent and set out on the road.

'The fellow who comes with the letter-bag will fetch over our portmanteau,'

said d.i.c.k, as they started.

'I wish you'd give him directions to take charge of me, too,' said Joe, who felt very indisposed to a long walk.

'I like _you_,' said d.i.c.k sneeringly; 'you are always telling me that you are the sort of fellow for a new colony, life in the bush, and the rest of it, and when it conies to a question of a few miles' tramp on a bright night in June, you try to skulk it in every possible way. You're a great humbug, Master Joe.'

'And you a very small humbug, and there lies the difference between us.

The combinations in your mind are so few, that, as in a game of only three cards, there is no skill in the playing; while in my nature, as in that game called tarocco, there are half-a-dozen packs mixed up together, and the address required to play them is considerable.'

'You have a very satisfactory estimate of your own abilities, Joe.'

'And why not? If a clever fellow didn't know he was clever, the opinion of the world on his superiority would probably turn his brain.'

'And what do you say if his own vanity should do it?'

'There is really no way of explaining to a fellow like you--'