An Ideal Husband Part 23

LORD GORING. It seems to me that I am a little in the way here.

MABEL CHILTERN. It is very good for you to be in the way, and to know what people say of you behind your back.

LORD GORING. I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.

LORD CAVERSHAM. After that, my dear, I really must bid you good morning.

MABEL CHILTERN. Oh! I hope you are not going to leave me all alone with Lord Goring? Especially at such an early hour in the day.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I am afraid I can't take him with me to Downing Street.

It is not the Prime Minster's day for seeing the unemployed.

[_Shakes hands with_ MABEL CHILTERN, _takes up his hat and stick_, _and goes out_, _with a parting glare of indignation at_ LORD GORING.]

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Takes up roses and begins to arrange them in a bowl on the table_.] People who don't keep their appointments in the Park are horrid.

LORD GORING. Detestable.

MABEL CHILTERN. I am glad you admit it. But I wish you wouldn't look so pleased about it.

LORD GORING. I can't help it. I always look pleased when I am with you.

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Sadly_.] Then I suppose it is my duty to remain with you?

LORD GORING. Of course it is.

MABEL CHILTERN. Well, my duty is a thing I never do, on principle. It always depresses me. So I am afraid I must leave you.

LORD GORING. Please don't, Miss Mabel. I have something very particular to say to you.

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Rapturously_.] Oh! is it a proposal?

LORD GORING. [_Somewhat taken aback_.] Well, yes, it is-I am bound to say it is.

MABEL CHILTERN. [_With a sigh of pleasure_.] I am so glad. That makes the second to-day.

LORD GORING. [_Indignantly_.] The second to-day? What conceited a.s.s has been impertinent enough to dare to propose to you before I had proposed to you?

MABEL CHILTERN. Tommy Trafford, of course. It is one of Tommy's days for proposing. He always proposes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, during the Season.

LORD GORING. You didn't accept him, I hope?

MABEL CHILTERN. I make it a rule never to accept Tommy. That is why he goes on proposing. Of course, as you didn't turn up this morning, I very nearly said yes. It would have been an excellent lesson both for him and for you if I had. It would have taught you both better manners.

LORD GORING. Oh! bother Tommy Trafford. Tommy is a silly little a.s.s. I love you.

MABEL CHILTERN. I know. And I think you might have mentioned it before.

I am sure I have given you heaps of opportunities.

LORD GORING. Mabel, do be serious. Please be serious.

MABEL CHILTERN. Ah! that is the sort of thing a man always says to a girl before he has been married to her. He never says it afterwards.

LORD GORING. [_Taking hold of her hand_.] Mabel, I have told you that I love you. Can't you love me a little in return?

MABEL CHILTERN. You silly Arthur! If you knew anything about ...

anything, which you don't, you would know that I adore you. Every one in London knows it except you. It is a public scandal the way I adore you.

I have been going about for the last six months telling the whole of society that I adore you. I wonder you consent to have anything to say to me. I have no character left at all. At least, I feel so happy that I am quite sure I have no character left at all.

LORD GORING. [_Catches her in his arms and kisses her_. _Then there is a pause of bliss_.] Dear! Do you know I was awfully afraid of being refused!

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Looking up at him_.] But you never have been refused yet by anybody, have you, Arthur? I can't imagine any one refusing you.

LORD GORING. [_After kissing her again_.] Of course I'm not nearly good enough for you, Mabel.

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Nestling close to him_.] I am so glad, darling. I was afraid you were.

LORD GORING. [_After some hesitation_.] And I'm ... I'm a little over thirty.

MABEL CHILTERN. Dear, you look weeks younger than that.

LORD GORING. [_Enthusiastically_.] How sweet of you to say so! ...

And it is only fair to tell you frankly that I am fearfully extravagant.

MABEL CHILTERN. But so am I, Arthur. So we're sure to agree. And now I must go and see Gertrude.

LORD GORING. Must you really? [_Kisses her_.]

MABEL CHILTERN. Yes.

LORD GORING. Then do tell her I want to talk to her particularly. I have been waiting here all the morning to see either her or Robert.

MABEL CHILTERN. Do you mean to say you didn't come here expressly to propose to me?

LORD GORING. [_Triumphantly_.] No; that was a flash of genius.

MABEL CHILTERN. Your first.

LORD GORING. [_With determination_.] My last.

MABEL CHILTERN. I am delighted to hear it. Now don't stir. I'll be back in five minutes. And don't fall into any temptations while I am away.

LORD GORING. Dear Mabel, while you are away, there are none. It makes me horribly dependent on you.

[_Enter_ LADY CHILTERN.]

LADY CHILTERN. Good morning, dear! How pretty you are looking!