Don’t Tell Me This Is the True History of the Three Kingdoms! Vol 1 Chapter 3

“So, so heavy…” The next morning, I tried wielding the weapons after they were finished but gave up quickly, “Speaking of which, why didn’t you all stop me then!”

“Maa, I thought big brother was really amazing.”

On what basis do you all think I’m amazing huh~~~

“Big brother use this first for now, there is no time to re-craft a weapon.” Yun Chang swung her broadsword about clumsily, in an obviously untrained manner.

“I keep feeling like my weapon isn’t as impressive as big sister’s, and it feels so long.” Yi De said, feeling a little timid as she looked at the long spear thAt was much taller than herself.

Though their weapons weren’t weighing 41kg or something, they probably can’t be considered light anyway.

(TL: In the original, Guan Yu’s weapon is said to have weighed 41kg. Guan Yu is one of those outrageous “ikkitousen” or “fighting a thousand as one” kind of character, and is one of the strongest in Three Kingdoms fiction.)

As for my twin swords, it’s almost as if I were wielding the Green Dragon Crescent Blade in my left hand and the Serpent Spear in my right.

Honestly, I can’t even swing them and it’s hard to walk just hanging them at my waist… Forget it, I’ll just hang them on the horse later, all I need to hold is the feather fan.

“Alright, there’s no time left. Let’s head to the gathering point and distribute the equipment and weapons. Those who really don’t have any will just have to inscribe some symbol like we said before.” Yun Chang said as she looked toward the sky.

“Un, let’s go. I sold my villa and got quite a bit of money so our military expenses should be covered for a while.”

“Oh, oh.”

In my heart, I was still very troubled as I felt that if we were to set off the route to going back would get further and further. And I was clearly not of this era, but yet this era granted me a role. I really don’t know why, and cannot understand it.

But whatever the case, I’ll go along for now. The things in the future will be left to the me in the future. The time to stop advancing is at least not now.

“Speaking of which…” I got up the horse with some difficulty and rode with them (they know how to ride horses for some reason) at the front of our contingent, “Where are we going?”

“Un? Aren’t we going to kill the Yellow Turban rebels?”

“Maa, that’s true.” I looked at the boundless wilderness, “But where are they?”

“…”

“Probably– There.” Yi De pointed to a random direction.

“Yi De, you must take responsibility for what you say.”

“Wu…” As expected, she had nothing to say to that.

I really was an idiot! Why did I not think of this? The enemy is not like the AI in games, they won’t pop out after walking through the gra.s.s patch. In this era, besides some important cities, isn’t everywhere else wilderness? Where am I going to find the enemies?

On top of that, we have several hundred freshly minted troops following behind with no morale, no training and no formation. If we keep wandering around aimlessly like this, they will revolt sooner or later.

“What do we do now?” Yun Chang asked as she stroked her hair.

“Un, at least we must not let everyone know we have no destination in mind.”

This was the only thing I could think of for now.

“So… So shameful!!”

“Yun Chang don’t be so loud! What if they hear us.”

Ah~~~ As expected this is reality, not a light novel. Really, things don’t come so easy eh~~~ In light novels, the characters seem to be equipped with martial skills, are adept with strategy, and are able to command armies so fights and battles are easy affairs. But when it comes to reality, it isn’t like that at all, even having a few hundred people stand in line is already difficult, let alone when it comes to several tens of thousands. “Why don’t we stop first and see if we can ask some pa.s.sersby.” Yi De said lazily.

“And ask what? ‘Do you know where the Yellow Turban Army is? We are going to destroy them’ is it? Don’t you feel that’s a bit too shameful~~~” I looked around again, “Speaking of which, there isn’t a single person around? Where are we now?”

Really, there’s no road signs at all.

“I seem to have pa.s.sed through here before…” Yun Chang folded her arms, supporting her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, as she sank into thought. “If I’m not wrong, then this should be the road to Zhuo commandery.”

(TL: Liu Bei lived in Zhuo county, which is part of Zhuo commandery. County is sort of like a towns.h.i.+p or a village, and commandery is like a prefecture. So it’s kind of like New York, New York.)

“Whatever whereever, let’s just go first.” Yi De seemed to be irritated.

There really wasn’t any other way, and I just hope we can make it to that whatever commandery before nightfall.

“Excuse me…”

“Un?”

Just then, a man came riding over on a horse, and seemed in a rush.

I looked over and he looked exactly like the average old farmer, though he seemed very unused to riding a horse.

“Is there something you require our a.s.sistance for?” Yun Chang asked politely.

“Ah, you all must be a band of travelling merchants right. I want to ask…” He thought for a moment. “How do I get to Zhuo commandery?”

“If we’re not wrong, it’s this road.”

I pointed in front of us.

“Is that so, thank you. To be perfectly jonest,” He laughed and whistled behind him, and there were the breaths and voices of many could be heard from the nearby forest. “We are actually the Yellow Turban Army.”

“…”

“…”

“Hahaha, if you’re going to make a joke like that at least prepare your props, you don’t even have a yellow turban, how could you be the Yellow Turban army?”

I and Yun Chang were silenced at his words and only Yi De was still fully relaxed.

What Yi De said did make sense however, though not all that much.

“Eh, you’re right little lady. But no matter how we try to raise an army, we are but mere farmers. Yellow turbans are too expensive for us, even I, Cheng Yuan Zhi, who commands 50,000 strong cannot get one.”

“…” Yi De also went silent.

We looked at each other, and I could tell that my expression was the least affected.

We really met with them!! And it was even the 50,000 strong contingent!!

“Un? What’s wrong with you all?”

Shakes head.

Shakes head.

Shakes head.

“Haa… We’ll be going ahead first then?”

Nods.

Nods.

Nods.

As I watched them leave, only when I saw the rearguard did I relax.

Looks like we avoided it…

I nodded with relief at Yun Chang and Yi De and the 2 also nodded back showing they understood–

“A good chance, kill!!” Yi De yelled out.

“Everyone charge forth with me!!” Yun Chang roared as well.

The yellow turban-less Yellow Turban army were completely take unawares by the several hundred men behind who charged into their midst all of a sudden and their formation soon descended into disarray.

“…” I was completely in a daze. “Oi! Yi De! Yun Chang! I didn’t… No, it’s too far, they won’t hear me.”

I pulled on the reins but couldn’t get the horse to move. And so I stood there dumbfounded as I saw the slaughter before me.

Shouts, violence and cries filled my ears. Blood and flesh were flowing and thrown about so much that I could not differentiate between pieces of meat and humans.

I wanted to get off the horse but I knew that, faced with such a b.l.o.o.d.y sight, my legs had long gone soft.

The ending went without saying, we won, because we killed the general first (the farmer on a horse) and our losses were few. The other side’s losses were few either as they had scattered and escaped, with some surrendering to us.

(TL: It might seem unrealistic but you must understand that this is an era where losing a general is far more detrimental than in modern warfare as the general is oftentimes the sole decision maker. Moreover, these were farmers, not professional soldiers.)

(TL: In the original, Liu Bei did indeed face off against Cheng Yuan Zhi in a place near Zhuo commandery and used ambus.h.i.+ng tactics as well to win. But there were other named partic.i.p.ants, and of course, none of these comedic events took place.)

“Big brother, the 2 of us killed the enemy’s grand marshal and field marshal, and the enemy descended into total chaos.” Yi De said excitedly at the camp at night.

“Didn’t you 2 say you don’t know martial arts?” I said coldly.

“Yeah, but the other side doesn’t know either right?” Yi De’s excitement was not dampened in the least.

“So-called martial arts, doesn’t necessarily need formalised training. In my opinion martial arts is the crystallisation of one’s bravery and mine triumphed his, so I won, that’s all.” Yun Chang said as she read a string bound book. She stopped and looked at me, “What’s wrong big brother, you look terrible.”

(TL: This is actually not more far-fetched compared to the original fiction as it’s actually quite weird how the original Zhang Fei and Guan Yu could fight so well. There is no doc.u.mented history or even mention of their lives in the fiction version before they met Liu Bei. Given Liu Bei’s status as a through and through peasant/villager, it is very likely that the 2 of them were unremarkable peasants/villagers as well.)

“Maa, it’s the first time I met with that sort of situation.” I laughed helplessly, “I didn’t feel anything when I saw it on TV before but seeing it right in front of me has left me with nothing but feelings of disgust.”

“It’s my first time too.” Yi De said nonchalantly.

“Eh?”

“By the way, it is my first time as well.” Yun Chang looked at me, “… Do you think we are both mad?”

I only regained my senses when I heard her finish, and realised that I was looking at them like I saw some weirdoes and hurriedly turned away and denied what she said.

“Big brother, don’t you know? Being able to survive in present times is a privilege.” Yi De said in a serious tone, unlike her usual carefree one, “If we want to live on, then we have to act like madmen at the right times.”

“… But!!” I slammed my fist down on the rocks. I really don’t know how I should view the things that have happened and my emotions which had been swirling about had already broke the limits of what I could hold back. “They are living in poverty, and if they weren’t, they wouldn’t be rebelling no? And not only are we not saving them, we are destroying them, is that really the right thing to do? Aren’t they just ordinary farmers who saw no other way out to live?”

“…” Yun Chang was silent for a while, “But they are no longer farmers. They are traitors now.”

“They have killed, pillaged, and done many things which are not what farmers should be doing, and have forgotten who they are and what they fought for. They, are no longer farmers.”

“But… But… A-re?”

My eyes were already wet, and I did not know if it was from the fear of the battle before, sympathy for those people, my helplessness at meeting up with event after event, or my inability to do anything but watch as bodies pile up on the battlefield… Maybe a bit of everything.

“Big brother is really kind huh.” A soft voice came from close to my ear.

“Yun, Yun Chang?”

Yun Chang hugged me from the front and had a faint smile on her face. Her long red hair seemed even more radiant than usual from the light of the fire.

“But it is because you are like that, that I feel you are fit to be our big brother.”

“Yi De?”

Yi De was hugging me from behind and rested her head on my shoulders, smiling widely. That little face was somehow very rea.s.suring.

I felt different kinds of warmth from my back and chest that slowly spread out through my body.

Deep down, I had always known, that I had no escape from this. I know too that I can only adapt to the things before me. As for whether I would lose my way, I cannot be sure.

But that is fine, at least I have these 2 girls beside me.

“… Thank you.” I wrapped one arm about Yun Chang, and sroked Yi De’s head with the other, as I smiled with tears in my eyes. “I’m happy to have the 2 of you beside me.”

“Hu~~~~” In the morning the next day, I took a deep breath, “Speaking of which, where are we going today?”

“…”

“…”

“You haven’t thought about it!?” Though I too had no right to berate them about it. “Hai~~~ Forget it, just don’t let everyone know. After the previous battle, everyone’s morale is high and quite a number of Yellow Turban troops have joined us. If they know we have no destination in mind, won’t they commit mutiny?”

(TL: If you ever played a game like Sengoku Rance, you will know that a key game mechanic is having enemy troops join you after defeating them or winning the battle. This actually does happen, and goes all the way up to generals as well.)

“So… So shameful!”

“Yun Chang! Softer!”

“Excuse me, can I ask you,” Just then, someone spoke from behind and I turned around to see 2 people. One was wearing a tunic and the other was wearing satin. “The 2 of us are lost, and after speaking with each other, we found that we are both coincidentally heading to Zhuo commandery. We saw your merchant troupe and came to ask for directions to Zhuo commandery.”

Why do we look like a merchant troupe?

I pointed ahead silently… This scene felt exactly the same as the one yesterday huh~~~

“Ah, thanks.”

“Much appreciated.”

“… Ah, may I ask who the 2 of you are…” Yun Chang added in, and then the 2 answered simultaneously–

“Ah I am Zou Jing and have brought my forces on orders from the administrator of You state Liu Yan to support Zhuo commandery. It’s a little shameful to admit, but I have gotten separated from my troops.”

(TL: Zou Jing is actually the guy who used 500 men to repel Cheng Zhi Yuan’s 50,000 which was eventually defeated by Liu Bei.)

“I am Zhang Bao, the General of the Land, and I have come to serve as the warlord for the forces sent on orders from the General of Heaven to conquer Zhuo commandery. I managed to make it this far but I haven’t met with them at all, and decided to go ahead to Zhuo commandery but then I got lost.”

(TL: General of Land is a self-proclaimed t.i.tle of Zhang Bao, who is one of the leaders of the Yellow Turbans. General of Heaven is a self-proclaimed t.i.tle of Zhang Jue, the overall leader of the Yellow Turbans.)

(TL: In short, these 2 lost idiots are on opposing sides of the war.)

… Now then, am I supposed to smile and say ‘Is that so?’